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7/31/06

by @ Monday, July 31st, 2006. Filed under Life

OneFatBitchypoo, if you’re interested.

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Yeah, still working on those Maine recap entries. Good god in heaven, I take a LOT of damn pictures. Hopefully they’ll be up starting later this week. We’ll see. I heard from my doctor’s office about an hour ago. Apparently the hepatitis tests came back clean. In other words, I don’t have hepatitis. But something’s obviously going on, with the elevated bilirubin, so they’re referring me to a GI. I have an appointment for Wednesday, late morning, in Huntsville. My doctor’s office is faxing over my test results for the nurses to look at, to see whether they need to get me in sooner. That gives me a warm and cozy feeling, that they’d think Wednesday might not be soon enough. Dr. Fred And3rson thinks, after much Googling about, that I have either pernicious or hemolytic anemia. He’s leaning toward the latter, since I’m cold all the damn time. Wikipedia, on the other hand, offers up a bunch of lovely, scary suggestions ranging from tumors to cirrhosis (and wouldn’t it be the ultimate in irony if I, who drinks once in a blue moon, had cirrhosis of the liver?). Y’all get your livers ready. I might need a piece of it. (No, I’m not serious. I’m sure Dr. Fred is quite right and all I’ll need is a B12 shot once a month or so.) Anyway, tomorrow I have an early morning appointment with the physical therapist (think I can convince her to put me in the whirlpool tub, then give me a back massage and call it good enough? Probably not.), a late morning appointment at my doctor’s office to have an ultrasound of my enlarged thyroid, and then Wednesday I have the appointment with the GI. Also, the spud starts school on Friday (yes, is that not the MOST ridiculous thing? To be starting school on August 4th? RIDICULOUS! UTTERLY!) and at some point during the week I need to get E’gar in for an oil change and tire rotation and balance, and I need to run out to the farm stand I like the most to buy tomatoes to have on our hamburgers tomorrow night, and ugh. I am completely wiped out. I swear to god when I saw the doctor last week, I was feeling fine, and then she uttered the words “You have hepatitis*” and the next morning I could NOT get my ass out of bed for love or money. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s all in my head, that I’m NOT really that damn tired, that just because I have hepatitis (or, as it turns out, don’t), I can still get up every morning and walk. But I haven’t walked since last Wednesday, and I would kick my ass for that, except I am just too damn tired. I’m ready for the fatigue to go away, and the yellow eyes (though the yellow skin could kind of stay for a while, because I really do look kinda tan, don’t I?) and for my life to get back to normal. Have I mentioned that I sent out three resumes this morning, applying for part-time positions? Right now, I’m kind of all over the place and I’m driving myself crazy. Probably driving Fred crazy, too, but he hides it well. He just writes false and slanderous things about me. (Alright, YES, I stole a couple of handy wipes from the doctor’s office. I like to have a couple in my purse, just in case, all right? I stole a pen, too, but not before I asked the front desk lady if it was okay. And she said “Sure, take as many as you want!” So they don’t care if I steal shit from them. They get it for free anyway!) *Is it wrong that when she told me I had hepatitis, I kind of hoped that one of the symptoms of hepatitis might end up being gas, so I could call it hepaTOOTis? I know. I need a life. But I’ve been secretly calling it hepatootis to myself. And now you know the full extent of my dorkiness.
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Know how I’m always cold, except when Fred’s at work, because when Fred leaves for work, I turn the air conditioning OFF, and it gets up to 80 in the house and I LOVE it? Except that annoyingly enough, Fred has to come HOME, and when he calls to tell me that he’s coming home, I turn the air conditioning back on, because if I don’t he’ll turn it on himself, and then he’ll turn it down to 70, and JESUS CHRIST I DON’T WANT THAT. As it is, he lolls about in his shorts (while I’m wearing sweatpants, slippers, a t-shirt and sweatshirt) and bitches about how hot he is. While my fingers turn blue. So the other night I was shivering on the couch under two blankets (and the aforementioned sweatshirt, t-shirt, sweatpants and slippers, and don’t THINK I wasn’t seriously considering putting a wool hat on my head as well) and he suggested that I try using the heating pad to add some warmth to my ice-cold hands. And he called the spud on her cell phone (she was up in her bedroom with a couple of friends who were spending the night) and asked her where, oh spud, where might the heating pad that I TOLD you to put back where it belongs, WHERE might it be? And she “like”d and “whatever”d and brought the heating pad down, and Fred plugged it in, and I used it for the rest of the evening, and it helped, but not as much as I had hoped. Then Fred had the best! idea! ever! See, he has an electric blanket in his room that he only uses in the winter, and only long enough to warm up his bed before bedtime. In the summer he doesn’t use it (see above re: the lolling about whining about how hot he is) and folds it up and puts it in a corner of his bedroom. So he brought it downstairs for me the next night and we plugged it in, and I’ll tell you what – the man deserves a medal for THAT idea. Because it is sheer perfection. I can turn it on and crank it up on high and remain toasty warm for the entire evening. I actually ended up ordering a twin-size electric blanket on eBay, because Fred’s is queen or king size, and I don’t need one that big for hanging out on the couch. But for now, it’s working just fine. Give that man a medal!
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“What? WHAAAAT?” “Is it time for a snacky-snack? Please?” “I’m fading away to nothin’, Dad. I think it’s time for a snacky-snack.” All of today’s uploaded pictures are here.
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Previously 2005: No entry. 2004: Hawaii recap. 2003: No entry. 2002: Around the neighborhood. 2001: “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” I yelled. 2000: All hail Dumbass Bitchypoo.]]>

7/28/06

by @ Friday, July 28th, 2006. Filed under Life

Say left a comment, saying: I don’t know why. But Fred looks superimposed there on that picture. And it is starting to freak me out a bit. Like, if I stare at it. I actually thought that very same thing. He looks like he’s photoshopped into the picture for some reason. He’s not, but he looks like it! (Also, Say referred to me in an email as a “skinny wormy yellow thyroid-enlarged arthritic creature”, and I laughed so loud that the cats all ran for cover. I love Say!) More comments: What is the treatment for hep A and arthritis anyways? I don’t think there is a treatment for Hepatitis A (I don’t think they gave Fred anything for it when he had it), it’s just a matter of hanging on ’til the symptoms are gone. I’m not having any problems with vomiting, diarrhea, or nausea – which are big problems with hepatitis, according to the stuff I’ve found online – so maybe I’m having a mild case of it! As far as arthritis, my doctor wanted to give me Celebrex, but I don’t know if that’s going to work out for me. I still need to call my surgeon’s office and check to see whether he says I can take it or not. Are you happier now that you’ve gained control over your weight, and you’re exercising regularly? You sure look happy! I’d say that I’m more the same level of happy as I was before, I’m just more willing to have my picture taken, more often! Everytime I even think of getting a pedicure, my feet start jumping and I get the heebie-jeebies cuz I’m SO ticklish. Does anyone else have that problem? When I was having my pedicure, I thought I was going to have a problem with being ticklish, but except for one little incident (when he was running the… thing that takes dead skin off your feet, I can’t remember what it’s called… over the bottom of my foot, and my foot started jumping involuntarily) it was a lot less ticklish than I expected. I have been meaning to ask, how are Miz Poo’s lips? Not great, actually. She had the steroid shot before I left for Maine, and her lip never got to the point where it was unswollen. I need to take her back to the vet and see if there’s anything else we can do. I also need to take Sugarbutt back to the vet, because I caught him scooting his ass along the rug yesterday and want to make sure it’s not a worm or anal sac issue. I always get to have all the fun, don’t I? what’s the blue stuff on the other side of the fence? also, what if Tommy gets so big he can tip over the birdbath when he jumps on it? Because that would be bad. That’s in regards to this picture: The people who live next to us have a trampoline, and the blue things sticking up are the things around the outside of the trampoline that hold the mesh up around the sides of the trampoline so the kids won’t fall off. What you don’t see in the neighbors’ back yard: they now have a deck so that when I was walking around in MY back yard in my nightgown a couple of weeks ago, I looked over to see the woman’s mother (I think) sitting on the deck drinking her coffee and staring at me. I CANNOT WAIT TO MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE. I don’t think Tommy will get so big he tips over the birdbath, because the birdbath is pretty sturdy – it’s concrete – and I actually don’t remember Tommy jumping up on it anyway. In fact, I think I’ve only ever seen Mister Boogers and Sugarbutt up there, and they’re both smaller than Tommy, and will likely stay that way. If Tommy DOES decide to start jumping up there (note to self: clean out the damn birdbath today; it’s looking nasty) and it starts tipping over, hopefully he’ll be able to jump clear of the birdbath rather than being crippled by it. Because I don’t want to have to buy one of those special carts so he can drag his hind end around.

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How about some tiger pics? This guy is the father to a lot of the baby goats at Tigers for Tomorrow. He needs a visit from the vet, we were told, so there’ll be no more baby goats. He’s also a pushy bastard who kept fighting off the other goats so he could eat all the feed we were offering. Another goat; this one a little nervous about approaching, since Daddy Goat was such a pig about taking all the feed for himself. The wolves. He was bitching at her, saying “Go get me some pie, woman!”, and she was all “Yes, dear”, while she secretly plotted to take over. Benny. He’s the special baby of Sue (the woman who runs TFT with her husband, Wilbur). Bella, another wolf. I think she was raised in a dorm room and is very friendly. SO gorgeous. “You can’t see me!” Rubbing his face on the fence. Just like a house cat! It was pretty hot while we were there; in the high 90s. Invisible tiger, stalking. Mr. Lion eyes our guide hungrily. “I bet she’d be good with a little Tabasco…” I love this picture. You can’t really tell from this picture, but these two cougars are in the same cage. This girl purred and chirruped for us. It was severely cute. Coatamundi. Not as cute and cuddly as they look, I’m told. This is either Cowboy, Indian, or Tinkerbelle, I don’t know which. They’re all year-old tiger cubs, and they are VERY rambunctious. I don’t know what was going on here, but it’s a funny picture! “Hey, what’s going on? Are we gonna PLAY? Gonna spray water at us, huh?” Luna is my absolute favorite tiger. She’s in a temporary enclosure at the moment ’til a bigger one can be built. Luna rubs her head on the fence. Pretty Luna. Mojo the grouchy spotted leopard. Our guide knelt down with her back to Mojo (acting like bait), and it was amazing how fast Mojo moved. Cleaning herself JUST LIKE A HOUSECAT. Good ol’ boy. We only got one tiger cub this time around, Calamity. She’s got loads of personality to spare, our Calamity! “Mmmm, Cookie Monster!” The spud feeds Calamity. Have you ever seen a happier cat? :slurp:slurp:slurp: A little taste of human. Not sure whose ass to kick first – Cookie Monster’s, or that damn leash. Kicking ass and getting a back massage. Heaven! Calamity in profile. Fred didn’t need that thumb anyway. Ready to pounce. Note that not a one of us is looking at the camera. As I told Fred when we were on our way home Tuesday night, we’re going to have to visit Tigers for Tomorrow regularly, so we can see how our babies are doing!
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Previously 2005: Maine recap. 2004: Hawaii recap. 2003: Maine recap. 2002: No entry. 2001: No entry. 2000: The cats are suddenly deciding to take closed doors as a personal affront. ]]>

7/27/06

by @ Thursday, July 27th, 2006. Filed under Life

(We’ll try to get a less dark & blurry picture tonight, but you get the idea of my overwhelming yellowness.)

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Okay, it’s getting late, so I’ll call this an entry. Tomorrow, tiger pics. I promise!
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Previously 2005: “I dropped my purse!” I lied. 2004: I’m a slug in a family of energizer bunnies. 2003: No entry. 2002: My primitive mind can’t grasp these concepts. 2001: No entry. 2000: I’m just not feeling very chatty today.]]>

7/26/06

by @ Wednesday, July 26th, 2006. Filed under Life

1. I may have Hepatitis. In fact, due to the massive amounts of bilirubin in my urine sample, she seems to KNOW that I have Hepatitis, we just don’t know which one yet. The fact that I was in Florida a few weeks ago eating raw oysters seems to me a pretty good indication that it’s Hepatitis A (Hepatitis A is the one that isn’t chronic, and thus the one I’m hoping for), but we won’t know for sure until the blood results get back. What made me go to the doctor’s office? The fact that the whites of my eyes have turned yellow. In fact, they looked yellow before I left for Maine one night, but then the next morning they didn’t look yellow, so it was a matter of waiting and seeing. When I was in Maine, Debbie noticed my eyes looked yellow, but suggested that it could be due to dye in the vitamin supplements I take (hey, the multivitamin is orange flavored; kinda makes sense, right?). Last night I looked at my eyes and they were very clearly yellow, so I decided to make an appointment this morning, and Fred hounded me into actually making the appointment. She kept asking me if I was itchy, and I had to tell her that I was itchy, but since I have eczema I wasn’t any itchier than usual, at least as far as I knew. For you newer readers, you might not know that Fred had Hep A a few years ago, and at the time he craved very, very, very bland foods. In fact, I think he ate a lot of cream of mushroom soup with saltines. What am I craving like mad right now? Vegetables. Raw vegetables, with ranch dressing to dip them in. Which is going to be a big part of my lunch this afternoon, I’ll tell you that. Here’s a pic of the yellow Fred, compared to the non-yellow me. Perhaps we need to take another comparison picture, though I’ll say that I don’t think my skin is yellow. I did notice that I look like I have a nice tan on my shoulders the other day, but thought that was probably because of the lovely dusky pink shirt I was wearing. I’ll take a pic of the two of us and y’all can decide, though. For now I need to rest (I’ve been feeling fine until yesterday, when I was so wiped out that I ended up napping for a good part of the afternoon), drink plenty of liquids, and avoid Tylenol. I should hear Friday or Monday what kind of Hepatitis it is, and y’all know I’ll let you know when I know. I don’t know – they don’t look that yellow to me at the moment. 2. I have arthritis in my back. I complained about the fact that my back hurts around my shoulder blades, and she suggested that I go for physical therapy (she said that due to the rapid weight loss, my body might be off-balance. Considering the fact that many times while I was in Maine I’d just be standing in one place, and then suddenly half fall over, I think she might be right.). She just wanted to do an x-ray to rule out arthritis (they did the x-ray there at the office and it came back that I DO have arthritis – between the vertebrae, she said). As soon as she said “Rule out arthritis”, I knew what the result was going to be. 3. I have a patch of ringworm on my left arm, no doubt caught from those ringwormy tiger cubs (yes, we treated ourselves with hand sanitizer both before and after our visits with the cubs) OR from one of the cats at the pet store. Who the hell knows? Anyway, while I was in Maine a raised spot on my left arm itched like hell, so I scratched it like mad, and then it turned into the usual round scabby spot. So far I only see the one spot, but who the hell knows what’ll happen in the end? 4. My thyroid appears to be enlarged and I need to have an ultrasound next Tuesday. She doesn’t think it’s anything problematic, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. After spending almost two hours at the doctor’s office (thankyajeezus that I took a book with me) I did come away with a bit of good news, though – they’ll be removing that annoying skin tag from the back of my neck on August 9th.

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Tomorrow I’ll be putting up pictures of what Fred, the spud, and I did yesterday, but if you want a preview, you can go over to his site and check it out. (This entry will be cross-posted at OneFatBitchypoo later on, for the record.)]]>

7/22/06

by @ Saturday, July 22nd, 2006. Filed under Life

* * * Sorry, you guys, that I haven’t updated at all, really, since I’ve been here. I had such graaaaaand plans to do so, brought my laptop, spent two days figuring out how to hook up with my father’s wireless network (gave up a couple of times, but with the help of my brother and Fred, figured it out), brought the card reader with me… and just haven’t felt like writing. Urgh. I shopped my ass off (or thought I did, but it still appears to be there!), had my first pedicure, and have decided to make manicures and pedicures a regular part of my routine, to Nance‘s everlasting horror and Jane‘s cheers. (Yes, Nance, I COULD do my own mani/ pedi, except I couldn’t really. I’m a clumsy oaf who lacks the physical skills. You think I’m exaggerating, but I SO am not.) I had good intentions of exercising most mornings while I was here, started off pretty strong on Saturday morning when I woke up at 6 and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I got my ass out of bed and walked for four and a half miles. And that was the last time I did that, because I suddenly did NOT want to get my ass out of bed during any of the mornings after. So, don’t expect an entry anytime soon. There won’t be one Monday, because I’ll be leaving Portland in the afternoon and arriving home at bedtime. There might not be one on Tuesday, because I need to get laundry done, the house straightened out, and shit done. There will probably be an entry Wednesday, but if not there’ll definitely be one on Thursday. I need a vacation to recover from my vacation! Anyway, everything’s going okay for the time being. I’ll be seeing all my siblings and niece and nephews tonight; the spud leaves for home tomorrow afternoon (we’re flying home separately because I couldn’t get our flights synced up without paying $600 extra, and she has to be home Monday during the day to pick up her school schedule and pay school fees). I’m flying home Monday, and hopefully life will go back to normal in short order. I’m looking forward to getting home, I’ll tell you that much! See y’all on the flip side. ]]>

7/13/06

by @ Thursday, July 13th, 2006. Filed under Life

Accomplished. (My weight loss site is here.)

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Pet store kitty pics from Monday are here.
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Yesterday, I ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, getting last-minute things accomplished. I had a hair appointment at 11:00 and before that I did a couple of loads of laundry and actually started packing. I decided to take two suitcases with me, because I always have extra crap to bring home and I could have fit everything in one suitcase, but would have had no extra room left over, and since I’m allowed to take two suitcases, I figured I might as well do so. I usually only start packing the night before my flight leaves, and only if it’s leaving early, so to have started packing a day in advance is a HUGE deal for me. I hope it means I didn’t forget anything, but who the hell knows? After my hair appointment I had to go to the optometrist because when I was there three weeks ago, I got a new kind of contact lens, one that was supposed to be better and supposedly lets more oxygen into your eyeball, except that when I wore them, the opposite sort of thing seemed to be happening. That is, about halfway through the day the contacts would start fogging up, and nothing – eyedrops (yes, I use the ones specially formulated for contacts), saline solution, swearing loudly – would un-fog them. Luckily I had a couple pairs of Acuvue2 lenses left over, so I tossed the Optix and went back to the Acuvue2s. Which left me with the problem that I had four boxes of Optix because I try to get 6 months or a year’s worth of contacts at one time so I don’t have to keep going back to get more. And I couldn’t find my freakin’ receipt, and I just KNEW they wouldn’t take the Optix lenses back without a receipt. Two weeks went by, and when I went to pay bills, I found the receipt stuck in with the to-be-paid bills, DESPITE the fact that I had looked in that exact same location at least twenty times and never once saw the damn thing. So yesterday I took the four boxes of Optix lenses into the optometrist’s office and told the lady working at the desk of my problems, and asked if I could exchange them for Acuvue2 lenses. Not only was she happy to help me out, not only did she not even glance at my receipt, but she told me that the Optix were a bit more expensive than the Acuvue2s, so I walked in with four boxes of lenses and out with five, and didn’t have to pay anything. Woot! I went from there to Dick’s Sporting Goods with the idea of finding some of those hand warmers that where you open the package and the little whatchamacallit inside warms up immediately. ‘Cause I know we’ll be going to at least three movies while I’m in Maine, and despite the fact that I brought a corduroy shirt to the movies when Fred and I saw Superman Returns, I still froze half to death*. So I thought hand warmers would be a good idea, and what better place to find them than a sporting goods store? I thought they’d probably be either in the Camping section or the Hunting section, and though I looked carefully through those sections, I found nothing that appeared to be what I was looking for. I found two employees who were standing and idly chatting about something or another, and I waited politely for them to complete their NON-WORK-RELATED conversation, and I cleared my throat and they each glanced over at me… and kept on talking. I waited a couple of minutes, then grumbled “FUCK THIS” and stomped out of the store. Then I called Fred and demanded that he stop by Dick’s on his way home and get me some hand warmers, since I was SURE they wouldn’t just ignore HIM. Fuckers. I went over to the pet store and bought a squirrel feeder and some squirrel food – since we’ve moved the bird feeders closer to the house and not so close to the tree, I suspect that the squirrel won’t be spending as much time on and under the feeders, and we wouldn’t want the little porker to STARVE, would we? – and then finally headed home. Where I spent the afternoon installing iTunes on the laptop, because I intend to do some walking while I’m in Maine, and I need to have access to my Keith and the Girl podcasts to listen to, and then I made sure that my memory card reader would work with the laptop, and then I did some more packing and switched all my crap over to my “traveling” purse (ie, a Healthy Back Bag in size large, to hold all my crap on the plane) and did some more laundry, and the next thing I knew, it was time for Fred to come home from work and for me to exercise on the elliptical (which I’ve started doing to make up for the exercise I’m not getting since I stopped hiking with Fred) and it was dinnertime, then TV time, and time for bed. And 5:20 came mighty damn early this morning, believe you me. Now I need to go scrub down the litter boxes, put fresh litter in them, clean the bathroom, change the sheets, vacuum and dust the entire house, and possibly wash the kitchen, dining room, and hallway floors, if I decide they need it. Not to mention watering the plants, putting fresh food in the hummingbird feeder, watering my Petunias (on the front steps), cleaning and putting fresh water in the bird bath, making sure the bird feeders are full, and…. crap. What the hell else was I going to do? I think I need a nap. *Yes, I’ll be having my iron level checked when I get back from Maine.
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I have exactly two songs ping-ponging around in my brain, and they are DRIVING ME NUTS. The first is from that fine, fine show The Golden Girls. There was an episode where they wrote a song about Miami, which they entered into a contest to win something I don’t remember, and for some reason that freakin’ song has implanted itself in my brain, and I find myself singing it at the oddest times. I have to say what I feel Miami has so much appeal A great place to get a seafood meal MIAMI Miami, Miami you’ve got style. Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile. When you live in this town, each day is sublime. The coldest of winters, are warm and divine Miami, Miami, you’ve got style Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile There’s ball clubs and night clubs, all with in reach Dance the Samba till morning, then lie on the beach Each view is a postcard, each day a great time! Cream of the crop it’s the top of the line! Miami, Miami you’ve got style Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile. MIAMI, you’ve got style! (Especially the Miami, Miami, you’ve got style part of the song.) The other song, I know where it came from. Last week when I was in the pet store, I bought the cats a can of Kookamunga Catnip treats, and they have the distinction of being the only treats we’ve ever bought that all six cats like. Anyway, the can sits on my dresser, and every time I go by it, I catch a glimpse of the name, and my brain immediately starts singing: Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree, Merry, merry king of the bush is he, Laugh, Kookaburra, Laugh, Kookaburra, Gay your life must be. Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree Eating all the gumdrops he can see Stop, Kookaburra, Stop, Kookaburra Leave some there for me. It’s driving me NUTS.
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Sorry, no cat pics today. The camera and memory card reader are both packed away (one in my purse and the other with the laptop). But here’s a flash from the past – one of my favorite pictures of Mia and her babies from over a year ago. Dsc01896
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I’m off to Maine in a few hours, so I’ll see you when I see you!
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Previously 2005: Hey. What’s worse than not being able to stop yourself from crying? WHEN A MOTHERFUCKER KEEPS LOOKING AT YOU TO SEE IF YOU’RE CRYING. 2004: She looked simultaneously confused and disgusted. “When do I eat CHICKEN eggs?” She wrinkled her nose. 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: Sh’yeah. I’m sure Brad’s reallllly worried. 2000: Could that paragraph have been any more rambly and pointless? ]]>

7/12/06

by @ Wednesday, July 12th, 2006. Filed under Life

* * * From my comments: I have! I have kissed, petted, cuddled both a baby and adult tiger. It is the MOST awesome thing. Did you get to hear them “purr” or really it is actually more of a rumble. They never did purr for us. The funny thing is that Fred has said, repeatedly, that he’d love to be in a cage with an adult tiger, and he can’t believe that I would NEVER enter a cage with one. I guess I just have a better sense of self-preservation than he does.

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I wondered if you have watched Psych, the new detective comedy on USA. No, we haven’t checked it out, but I might set up the DVR to tape an episode or two so I can see if I like it.
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Has your center of gravity changed each time you lost another fifty pounds? Not that I’ve noticed, but I’ve never been the most graceful of people. I did notice that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I tend to stumble across the room because I have NO balance in the middle of the night. But that was true before I had the surgery!
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I think that for the wondrous once in a lifetime tiger experience, you deserve a lifetime free pass from Fred. Anything “bad” you do, you can now say “But I took you to see the tigers!” and automatically get a reprieve. What do you think?? I think he’d just respond with “Yes, but if I hadn’t asked about spending time with the cubs, we never would have!”, and then he’d demand that I do something for him, the bastard.
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Have you read “A Walk in the Woods” by Bill Bryson? Before you attempt Mt. Katahdin you should read it. Yeah, I read it a couple of years ago. In fact, I think it was after I read it that I started talking about how much fun it would be to do the Appalachian Trail. I’ve changed my mind about that, especially since I’ve come to realize I don’t enjoy hiking all that much, but I do think it would be kind of fun to do various sections of the Appalachian Trail.
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There’s a black and white cat that lives in the neighborhood who likes to, every few days, come into our back yard and try to hang out. I think he wants to be friends with our cats, but our cats respond to his presence by freaking the hell out, especially Mister Boogers. I was just sitting here at my desk when I heard something hit the cat door, and I looked over to see Sugarbutt with his tail all puffed out. I thought maybe a bird had hit the cat door – it’s happened before – and then a second later Mister Boogers came flying through the cat door and attacked Sugarbutt. I looked out the window and saw the black and white cat under the tree, and went out to chase him off. How does it make sense, I ask you, for Mister Boogers to see a strange cat and respond by attacking one of his brothers? A few months ago he saw the black and white cat through the window and attacked Tommy. He’s such a weird cat.
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Meme, stolen from Bonkrood.
  • What is something that makes you ANGRY?
    See above about cats slurping on their asses ten inches from my face.

  • What is your favorite ALCOHOLIC drink?
    I don’t have one. I used to like strawberry dacquiris, but I think they have too much sugar in them for me to drink these days.

  • What is your BIRTHDATE?
    January 9th.

  • Do you have any BIRTHMARKS?
    I have a freckle on the palm of my hand and near the end of my nose (on the underside). Do those count?

  • What are you CAREER aspirations?
    I have none, though I’ve thought of taking an Excel and Word course and signing up with a temp agency. That plastic surgery’s not going to pay for itself, y’know.

  • Have you ever seen a CORPSE?
    Yes. My brother’s best friend when I was about 15, my great-aunt when I was 19 or 20, and Fred’s grandmother a few years ago.

  • What is your favorite DESSERT?
    Right now I can’t much eat dessert, though I’ll happily take a single bite of just about anything.

  • When its your time, how would you like to DIE?
    Either quietly in my sleep, or in a way that makes a lot of people do a double take. “She died… HOW?”

  • What is the highest level of EDUCATION you have completed?
    I’ve got about two years’ worth of college courses under my belt.

  • If you were an EVIL character, what would your name be?
    Bitchypoo!

  • Have you ever set FIRE to anything?
    Yeah, I used to like to set fire to pieces of paper and watch them burn. I had the makings of a pyro when I was a teen, but then I got over it.

  • What’s your best FLIRTY line?
    “Wanna do it?” Heh! Just kidding! I don’t have one.

  • What food turns you into a complete GLUTTON?
    Shrimp and lobster. ::drool::

  • What is the best GIFT you have ever gotten?
    Too many choices! I’ll skip this question.

  • What is your definition of HAPPINESS?
    To quote Denis Leary: Happiness comes in small doses folks. It’s a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That’s it, ok! You come, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list! “I’m just not happy.” Shut the fuck up, alright?

  • Who do you HATE more: Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson?
    Paris Hilton annoys the shit out of me, but I’m not too terribly fond of Jessica Simpson, either.

  • Who do you think is the biggest village IDIOT?
    Too many choices!

  • State an INTERESTING fact about yourself.
    I can wiggle my ears.

  • What is the worst JOB you have ever had?
    I was a carhop at The Hi Hat III in Lisbon, Maine. My boss was a jackass. Hi, Dave Patterson! I’m talking about you!

  • What is your favorite piece of JEWELRY?
    My wedding band and engagement ring.

  • KARAOKE: love it or hate it?
    Like the concept, but I’ve never been and I can’t sing worth a shit.

  • How do you feel about having KIDS?
    Just the one will do me, thanks.

  • Who is the great LOVE of your life?
    Fred!

  • What would you like to LEARN how to do?
    Play a musical instrument, maybe. Not badly enough to get off my ass and do it, mind you, but I like to think about it.

  • What is your favorite childhood MEMORY?
    Playing on the beach in Guam.

  • If you had MINIONS, what would you order them to do first?
    Clean the house!

  • How many daily NAPS do you need?
    I rarely nap during the day, but yesterday I took a 10-minute nap and it was AWESOME.

  • Ever accidentally exposed your own or someone else’s NIPPLE?
    Uh. NO. How do you “accidentally” expose someone else’s nipple?

  • Do you think OUIJA boards are really controlled by the devil?
    No.

  • Describe something ODD about you.
    Everything about me is odd.

  • What are you really PICKY about?
    I don’t like having sticky hands. It drives me NUTS.

  • Have you ever been to PRISON?
    I actually applied for a job as a prison guard once. I didn’t make it past the interview portion, and I’m kinda glad. I would have been a horrible guard. “Whatcha doin’ with that plastic knife, Spike? Oh, sharpening it so you can clean your fingernails? Alrighty, then!”

  • Name something you can do really QUICKLY.
    Unload the dishwasher, ’cause I HATE IT so much.

  • Who do you QUARREL with the most?
    Fred, of course. Not really quarrel, but argue. We get over it quickly, though.

  • If someone held you for RANSOM, how much do you think you are worth?
    There ain’t enough money in the world, baby.

  • What is your current RELATIONSHIP status?
    Happily married and about to celebrate our 8th anniversary in October.

  • Which of the SEVEN deadly SINS most applies to you?
    Sloth!

  • Which would you rather not have in your home: a SPIDER or a SNAKE?
    I don’t think either would bother me, as long as neither was poisonous. I’m sure at any given time there are about 100 spiders in various places in the house. As long as they keep their webs neat and clean, I let the spiders stay.

  • What experience felt like complete TORTURE?
    The drive to Tigers for Tomorrow, because it took so LONG to get there.

  • What is the first THOUGHT you have waking up?
    “It’s 5:20 ALREADY?”

  • What is the color of the UNDERWEAR you are wearing right now?
    Pink.

  • What is your most UNFLATTERING feature?
    My flappy upper arms.

  • Who do you think is the best VILLAIN of all time?
    No one comes to mind.

  • What makes you feel VULNERABLE?
    Not having Fred and the spud in the house where I know they’re safe.

  • Which would you rather have: unlimited WEALTH or unlimited WISDOM?
    Unlimited wealth. I don’t think people with unlimited wisdom are all that happy.

  • If you could rule the WORLD, would you?
    Hell yes, and you would ALL dance to my tune. Dance, puppets, dance!

  • Who is your favorite X-MEN character?
    Wolverine, I guess. That’s Hugh Jackman, right?

  • Have you ever had an X-RAY?
    Yep. Several, in fact.

  • What do you YEARN for?
    Everyone I care for to be happy and well-adjusted.

  • Who do you think looks more like a YETI?
    I… do not know.

  • What is your ZODIAC sign?
    Capricorn.

  • What has been the ZENITH of your life?
    Getting my very first piece-o-shit computer and getting online. Well. Maybe the zenith is yet to come.

  • * * *
    Tommy and the Boog show off their pretty sides. Miz Poo comes to investigate. “Is that… fresh water?” ::slurp::slurp::slurp:: “Wonder if I could make it from here?” (He decided against even trying) All of today’s uploaded pictures are here.
    * * *
    Previously 2005: They’ll be fine, they’ll be fine, they’ll be fine, they’ll be fine… 2004: And I’m not even a George Michael fan. Though “Faith” rocks the casbah. 2003: No entry. 2002: Fred: “It’s dick in your mouth good!” 2001: No entry. 2000: You know, life would just be so much simpler if I were already queen of the world and in charge of punishments and such.]]>

    7/11/06

    by @ Tuesday, July 11th, 2006. Filed under Life

    reading: Icebound. This is the book about that female doctor at the South Pole who found that she had breast cancer and had to treat it herself for months, because the weather in the winter at the South Pole is so bad that they couldn’t land a plane to evacuate her. I’m finding it a far more compelling read than I expected – the information about life at the South Pole is fascinating. Finished recently: Twelve Sharp, by Janet Evanovich. I just love me some Ranger, Morelli, and – oh yeah! – Stephanie Plum. Sure, the books are formulaic – you know there’s going to be hot Morelli sex, Stephanie’s going to be felt up by Ranger, someone’s going to try to kill, and it all turns out in the end – but it’s a formula I happen to enjoy. Also finished recently: A Density of Souls, by Christopher Rice. I hated it. Ugh. It bored the life right out of me.

    * * *
    From my comments: Were the cubs soft? Did they like to be “petted” like cats do or were they busy playing? You know how when kittens are very small, they have that cottony-soft fur? That’s what the cubs felt like, that kind of soft. I wondered if they’d smell like kittens (to me, kittens smell like raw peanuts), but they had their own (not unpleasant) smell. Did I mention that I kissed them both on top of their little heads? I KISSED TIGERS. How many people can say that? They didn’t mind being petted, but they were more interested in playing and looking for their Mama. Fred rubbed one of them at the base of his tail to see if he’d get the Elevator Butt reaction and didn’t. Later, I rubbed the other one at the base of her tail and she raised her butt a little bit, but not like our cats do.
    * * *
    Anyway, did they mention where most of these animals come from? Are they from circuses or are they from people who think they can raise them and then realize they were very wrong? They’re from all over the place, actually. Some were privately owned by people who realized they were in over their heads, some were rescued from circuses. One tiger was used for photo opportunities as a cub (in a circus, I believe), but when he got too big for that, they just tossed him in a cage where he was mostly ignored until he was rescued. The most recent rescue – of 6 cougars and 2 tigers – took place when a sanctuary in Florida failed to obtain and maintain proper licensing, and were ordered by the state to find new homes for the animals. I have to say, the animals who end up at Tigers for Tomorrow are extremely lucky. They’re well cared-for, and loved by people who have made rescuing exotic animals their life’s work.
    * * *
    I’ve lived in Alabama my entire life but had never heard of Tigers for Tomorrow until now. That’s ’cause they just moved to Alabama from Florida. They were spending so much time repairing damage from hurricanes that they decided to move to a less hurricane-prone area. They merged with Bluegrass Farms Wildlife Sanctuary in Attalla, which has 140 acres in a valley surrounded by mountains.
    * * *
    How did the And3rson kitties react when you arrived home from your tiger escapade? Did they smell the tiger cubs scent on you? I honestly thought they were going to stampede us and sniff us all over, but except for a few moments of intense sniffing, they didn’t seem too perturbed by what they smelled on us. Actually, they seem more concerned on Monday mornings when I get home from the pet store and have been snuggling kittens!
    * * *
    Can you update us on what podcasts you’re listening to these days? Thanks! At this point, I’m listening exclusively to Keith and the Girl podcasts every morning. They always make me laugh out loud at least once every podcast, and I really look forward to listening to them every day.
    * * *
    Robyn, what was the heaviest weight Tubby ever weighed in at? Just curious cause I have a fat kitty who weighs 17lbs! The most he ever weighed was 24.5 pounds. Can I claim that it was mostly muscle, though? ‘Cause he was a surprisingly muscular cat under all that fat. He was the only cat I’ve ever seen who actually had a double chin, though.
    * * *
    Robyn, We got the Soft Paws and LOVE them. However, I am consistently having to replace one or two a day on our little tykes. Was it like that for you? I think they are chewing them off, little stinkers. Just wondered. Thanks! We kind of go through periods where we have to replace one or two caps a day on Tommy and Sugarbutt, then we’ll go several days without having to replace a single one. The only suggestion I can think to make, is to make sure you’re using enough glue. I know the instructions say to only fill the cap about 2/3 (or half? I don’t remember.) full of glue, but I fill them most of the way up. And be careful not to get the glue on your fingers ’cause that SUCKS. I got glue on my finger, and then cat fur on the glue, and walked around for two days with a blob of black cat fur stuck to my finger and I thought I was going to die from the sheer annoyance factor.
    * * *
    With all your cats, have you ever had problems with them “spraying” things to mark their territory? You know the thing that male cats do when they back up to something, lift their tail and spray their urine all over the item. If so, what did you do about it. I am thanking god right now that I’ve never had a problem with a male cat spraying to mark his territory. If anyone has suggestions for this reader, feel free to leave a comment!
    * * *
    I guess it’s time to take my wedding band and engagement ring off. The only time they fit well is after I’ve walked 4(.16!) miles in the morning, because my hands swell up. Then my rings fit just perfectly; the rest of the time they slide around and threaten to slide off my finger. They’re not anything fancy, my engagement ring and wedding band, just simple jewelry, but I love them. Just looking over at them on my finger when I’m typing something makes me smile. I hadn’t worn them in at least a few years, because with the yo-yo dieting, they never really fit well for long, so I gave up and put them in my dresser drawer. After I had the surgery, every once in a while I’d take them out of the drawer and try them on. And literally, one week they were too tight, and the next they were just a tad loose. I think I’ve been wearing them again for about a month. Time to put them back in the drawer for the time being, or find a chain I can put them on and wear them around my neck until the time comes that my weight has stabilized and I can have them resized. To have them slide off my finger when I wasn’t paying attention and lose them would break my heart.
    * * *
    I just went out back to scrub down the bird bath (half water, half bleach, let it sit for ten minutes, scrub it out with a scrubby pad, rinse well), and while I was out there, I decided to move the bird bath and the bird feeders. Except that I no longer have the physical heft necessary to get the damn bird feeder pole into the ground. I soaked the ground where I wanted it to go, and I stabbed the pole into the ground, and then I stood on the end of the pole (there are two prongs that go into the ground), and the damn thing went two inches into the ground and would go no further. Maybe when Fred gets home he can get out the sledgehammer and pound the damn thing into the ground. For now, it gives the cats something to freak out about. They’re running around, low to the ground, sniffing wildly at where the bird feeders used to be, thinking “Something is different… but WHAT?” That is, when they’re not hanging out on the bird bath slurping down the fresh water.
    * * *
    All of today’s uploaded pictures are here.
    * * *
    Previously 2005: But really, is there anything less threatening than giving someone the FINGER? 2004: No entry. 2003: Ever have one of those days, or is it just me? 2002: He can’t close a drawer all the way to save his life. 2001: What next, I ask you? 2000: Surely y’all know me better by now?]]>

    7/10/06

    by @ Monday, July 10th, 2006. Filed under Life, Picture Entries

    Tigers for Tomorrow in Attalla (not that I knew where THAT was) that rescued exotic animals, specializing in exotic cats. I knew right away that I HAD to take Fred to this place, and when I got home I looked up their web page and found that you can schedule tours of the place during the week, but they’re open to the public on Saturdays from 9 to 4. My intention was to keep secret from Fred where we were going, to ask him to just trust me, and tell him that it was something he’d absolutely love. When he got home, I told him I wanted to take him somewhere on Saturday, and he looked skeptically at me, but agreed that he’d go. Then he hassled me until I showed him the article. He was VERY excited at the idea. So Saturday came, and we left the house around 8. Google Maps had said that it was a trip that would take about two hours, but we made pretty good time and pulled into the parking lot at about 9:45. Since Fred had been mainlining coffee the entire way there, we stopped at the port-a-potty so each of us could pee, and while I was peeing, I could hear him talking to someone. When I walked out, his eyes were absolutely twirling with excitement and he was thisclose to hyperventilating. “She said that we could pay $200 and PLAY WITH ONE OF THE TIGER CUBS!” It’s very unusual for Tigers for Tomorrow to have tiger cubs on the premises. They’d recently done a rescue and ended up with four tiger cubs, who are currently about eight weeks old. On the drive to Tigers for Tomorrow, we’d both said that it was too bad we couldn’t actually touch a tiger, but we also both wanted to keep all our limbs intact and unmauled. We all but ran to the entrance tent, and Fred paid the $20 entrance fee ($10 for each of us), then said to the volunteers that he’d heard you could have an “encounter” with the tiger cubs. Not only did the $200 buy us an encounter with the cubs, it bought us an almost two-hour tour with a volunteer, who knew just about everything there was to know about all the animals. Wolves are one of the exotic animals they rescue. The guide told us that the male of this duo is extremely dominant and sometimes it sounds like he’s killing her, but he’s just asserting his dominance. “I’m not coming out, and YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” An unfriendly black leopard. The guide told us that she has black skin, black fur, and black spots. Very cool. Tiger. The guide did her best to explain the difference between Bengal and Siberian tigers, but I’ll be damned if I could see any obvious difference. I had no idea, but tigers ADORE playing in water. When the guide went and got the hose, the tiger got extremely excited. Young tigers. I can’t remember how old they are – three months? Six? – but they were very playful and fun to watch. Coatimundi. They’re adorable and look like they need to be snuggled, but the guide told us that they will rip you UP with those claws. “Aww, c’mon. Don’tcha wanna snuggle?” Another wolf. As you can see, he was quite excited to see us. Cougar. There were a male and female cougar in the same cage. Tigers for Tomorrow is a non-breeding facility, so they usually neuter the males, since it’s a less invasive procedure than spaying a female would be. In this couple, the male is neutered and the female isn’t spayed, so she goes into heat, goes looking for some love, and the male is like “What? What do you want? Get me a beer and let me watch the game!” and she has a temper tantrum. Not catlike at all, huh? Mr. Lion didn’t feel like being sociable. This tiger – Blake – got himself a new pool. We were there when they let him back into his cage, and I think it took about six seconds for him to get into the water and just stay there. And then… time to play with the babies! I love the look on his little face. They’ve imprinted on the lady who runs Tigers for Tomorrow as their Mama, so they’d hear her voice and try to get her to come to them. “Where my Mama go?” “Mama!” I never knew this until today, but tigers have white spots on the backs of their ears, and they keep them all their lives. They’re used when they’re little so their mothers can identify them. Fred’s was more playful than mine. Mine just wanted his Mama to come back. “Mama, I killed Eeyore!” Poor dead Eeyore. She nuzzled my ear and licked my cheek. I thought I was going to die from the utter thrill. Check out those paws! On our way out of Tigers for Tomorrow, we stopped by the petting zoo. When these tortoises (turtles? I know not the difference.) saw us, they started moving in our direction. I said to Fred, “It’s a stampede!” and he said “Yeah, and it’s going to take five years for them to get to us. Run!” Does this face crack you up as much as it cracks me up? “Kiss me, darling.” That was, without a doubt, one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had in my LIFE. If you’re in Alabama and you want to love on some baby tigers, you’d better move fast. They’re only letting the cub encounters go on for a few more weeks, and then the cubs will be too big (and could maul you!) for contact with the public. I have to say that I was extremely impressed with Tigers for Tomorrow. The place did NOT smell zoo-y at all, and the guide explained to us that state guidelines say that they only have to clean out the enclosures once a week; but who wants to let a cat live in its own waste for a week? They clean out the enclosures every single day. The animals all looked very healthy and happy, and while of course in a perfect world they’d all get to roam free in the countries they were born in, that’s obviously not an option. They get the best care possible, and if you have any money to spare, I know they could always use a donation. If you want to see any of the above pictures in the full-size version, go to the Flickr set, click on the picture, and then click on the “all sizes” link at the top. Also, Fred put up his own entries about the experience, broken into two parts, because he likes to drag EVERYTHING out. That begins here.

    * * *
    Previously 2005: No entry. 2004: No entry. 2003: How to kick a sock’s ass. If it had an ass. 2002: “What’s your name?” he asked. 2001: No entry. 2000: Leave it to me to have sex dreams about the gay guy, huh?]]>

    7/8/06

    by @ Saturday, July 8th, 2006. Filed under Life

    More about that on Monday.]]>

    [Bitchypoo is peeing-her-pants excited to be powered by WordPress.]