3/18/09

Your comments yesterday killed me – people are just incredibly rude, aren’t they? I can’t imagine what people who are so rude must be thinking when they ask questions about things that are NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Aimee hit the nail on the head in her comment yesterday: I hate it when people are inquisitive … Continue reading “3/18/09”

Your comments yesterday killed me – people are just incredibly rude, aren’t they? I can’t imagine what people who are so rude must be thinking when they ask questions about things that are NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

Aimee hit the nail on the head in her comment yesterday:

I hate it when people are inquisitive to the point of being rude/cruel. I tend to err more on the side of not asking questions if I’m afraid the answer is something the person won’t want to talk about – probably to the point though where I seem like I’m uninterested. I read a quote in a book that was really fitting, “she probed beyond what was kind.”

This is absolutely me – my desire not to be rude or hurtful leads me to not ask questions, and probably makes it appear that I don’t care about what’s going on, when I either don’t know how to ask the question the right way, or am just afraid that my desire to know the answer will come across as plain rude.

The funny thing is that I’m pretty open to answering questions that are asked of me – I don’t know that I’ve ever been offended by someone who is genuinely curious and asked a straightforward question.

I suggest the following comeback when you’re faced with a rudely invasive question. This is what you do: you look confused for a moment, maybe even ask them to repeat their rude question, and then say “Oh. I’m so sorry, I don’t speak Rude Insensitive Asshole.” and then be on your way.

DO IT. Then come back and tell me all about it.

Actually, I thought that was a good comeback ’til I read Elayne’s comment, specifically:

May I suggest?
Stranger: What’s wrong with your foot?
Shirley: I’m struggling to keep it from kicking your rude, nosy ass.

(The rest of her comment, too, for that matter.)

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Monday afternoon, I had a follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon. The last time I saw him, two months after my lower body lift, he told me to come back in eight months. I originally had an appointment scheduled for the beginning of the month, but it happened to be the day Nance and Rick were arriving. Although I knew I’d have plenty of time to make my appointment and get home before they got here, I wasn’t looking forward to the appointment, so I called and rescheduled.

I especially wasn’t looking forward to the appointment this time, but I figured I’d just go to it and get it over with.

The main reason I wasn’t looking forward to the appointment was because it’s way on the other side of Huntsville and I hate the drive (especially the part that involves merging onto the Parkway, ugh), and the other reason I wasn’t looking forward it was because it was at 3:15 in the afternoon. Everyone on earth knows it’s best to schedule your doctor appointments for early in the day or right after lunch, but that’s what they had available, so that’s what I took.

I intended to stop on my way to the other side of Huntsville to get dog food, pick something up at Target (okay, UNDERWEAR if you must know), and buy some aida cloth and thread at Michael’s, but I left the house 15 minutes later than I’d meant to. So I swung by Michael’s, picked up the aida cloth and thread, and then booked it to my appointment.

I like to be on time, y’know.

So I sat in the waiting room for a few minutes and then they called me back to the exam room. The nurse/ assistant/ whatever told me to strip down, put on a pair of lovely paper underwear, and that they were going to get my “after” pictures since I’m almost a year out of surgery. I stripped down to my bra and socks (SEXY!), put on the paper underwear (DOUBLE SEXY!), covered up with the nice plush robe hanging on the back of the door, and sat on the exam table and waited for the nurse to come back. I waited. And I waited and waited. After a while, I grabbed my book which I had THANKFULLY thought to bring with me, and I sat and read. And read and read.

An HOUR after she’d brought me back to the exam room, the nurse came and told me to follow her to have my pictures taken. I did, and it took just a minute to get the pictures (from all angles, I’m sure they were QUITE flattering; I didn’t ask to see them), and then back into the exam room I went.

For another half hour.

I’ll admit, I was annoyed at first, and I even thought about claiming that I needed to leave because I had another appointment (this is the tactic I tried when the surgeon who did my weight loss surgery left me cooling my heels in the exam room for over an hour for a followup visit; if you’ll recall, he responded to my audacity by yanking out my gallbladder. I really do not like that guy. I do like my plastic surgeon, though.), but I just sighed and kept on reading my book.

The worst part was that I could hear him going into alllllll the exam rooms around mine. He’d go in, greeting the patient as he walked in, then he’d come back out and I’d hear him come out and I’d be Oh, okay, I’m sure I’m next!, but no. Off he’d go to another exam room. Somehow, there were like 300 exam rooms other than mine, and he went into every single one AROUND mine, but never came into mine. I wanted to fling the door open at one point and yell “No! You already WENT in there! Just get your ass in here and peer at my scar and tell me everything’s fine!”

At 4:45, the surgeon came in accompanied by – fuck if I know what her job was. Nurse? Medical assistant? I don’t know, but honestly I also don’t care. Female physician’s companion, let’s say. Anyway, he was in the room for – AND I AM BEING GENEROUS WITH THIS GUESSTIMATION – three minutes. Looked at my scar, asked if I was happy, told me to come back if there were any issues, but I didn’t need to have anymore follow-up visits, and bade me good day.

So I don’t need to go back again ’til I’m ready for the consult for my upper body (boobs and chins) done, and I don’t know when that’ll be. Originally I thought I’d have it done early this year so I’d be all healed up by the time planting season came around. And then I decided I’d have it done this Fall so I’d have the winter to heal. But honestly, with [reverb] THE ECONOMY [/reverb] going the way it is, I’ve put the plastic surgery on the back burner for now. It seems wrong-minded to spend that much money on something that’s really just about vanity (I’m so vain! I bet I think this blog is about me, don’t I? Don’t I? Don’t IIIIIIIIIIIIIII?), when the world economy could collapse at any moment and we could be killing and eating cats to stay alive this time next year.

(Mister Boogers will be the first one to go. We could feed off that hetred for months.)

For the record, it was my decision to wait on the plastic surgery, not Fred’s – though he didn’t fight me on it, either.

“Well, if it helps any, I love you the same whether you ever have the plastic surgery or not,” he said helpfully.

I don’t know what on earth ever made him think that my desire for plastic surgery has anything at all to do with the level of love he might feel for me, silly man, but bless his big bald pointed head for giving it the ol’ college try.

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So after I left the plastic surgeon’s office, I decided to go to the Target and PetSmart on that side of Huntsville (that way I could just hop onto the highway to get most of the way home afterward), and when I got out of the car to go into Petsmart, I smelled it.

The Bradford Pear trees are in bloom. And I know I’ve mentioned it 33 times before, but holy GOD do those things reek.

I’ve said in the past that they smell like bodies rotting, but actually I think they smell like something infected. Like I imagine a gangrenous foot would smell.

It’s too bad they stink up the world in the spring, because they really are pretty trees and they have a nice shape and all (though they tend to fall apart once they get past a certain height), but the smell is just horrific.

Not surprisingly, I don’t believe I’ve seen Bradford Pear Trees anywhere in Smallville. I guess they’re too pansy-ass to survive in the country.

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2009-03-18 (1)
When it’s snack time, Sugarbutt and Kara get a little overexcited and sometimes a little too close to each other…

2009-03-18 (2)
Which always leads to hissing and a smack or two.

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Previously
2008: Sadie’s like the older, tolerant sister who puts up with the brat.
2007: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: No doubt she wishes I’d leave her the hell alone and just let her SLEEP, GODDAMNIT.
2004: I’m known for my dumbassery, though.
2003: Get your cart OVER TO THE SIDE SO I CAN GET PAST YOUR STUPID ASS.
2002: Good riddance to boring characters, I say.
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.

3/17/09

I’m a great-aunt! My nephew (Chris, the 21 year-old son of my oldest brother, not Brian, who’s the 17 year-old son of my sister) and his girlfriend had a baby yesterday; his name is Jordan. This makes my brother a grandfather, which makes me giggle because it seems so ludicrous. Isn’t he, like, 30? Aren’t … Continue reading “3/17/09”

I’m a great-aunt! My nephew (Chris, the 21 year-old son of my oldest brother, not Brian, who’s the 17 year-old son of my sister) and his girlfriend had a baby yesterday; his name is Jordan.

This makes my brother a grandfather, which makes me giggle because it seems so ludicrous. Isn’t he, like, 30? Aren’t I in my mid-20s? How can he possibly be old enough to have a grandchild?

I’ve actually only seen Chris a few times in his life – I first saw him when he was only about a month old (I was 19). Tracy and his then-wife came to Maine to visit for Christmas, and it was really the first time I’d spent any real time around a baby. I LOVED him, he was the cutest little thing, and when Tracy and his wife left, I tried to convince them to leave Chris behind, but they wouldn’t go for it.

So unreasonable.

(It’s probably no coincidence that I was pregnant with the spud less than a month later.)

A few years later, when Chris was around 2, he and his mother came to stay with my parents while Tracy was… Well, I don’t remember where he was. In officer’s school or something? Something military-related, I can tell you that. He was, well, he was two years old: sweet and rambunctious and always saying stuff that made us laugh.

After that, I didn’t see him again until a few years ago (four years ago, perhaps?), and he’d turned into a super-quiet (seriously, I don’t think I heard him say more than three words), observant teenager. You think they grow fast when they’re your own, but let me tell you – when you don’t see them very much, they seem to grow in an instant.

Now he’s a father. How amazing is that?

(Shaddup. I love the hell out of that commercial.)

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Those of you who asked for a picture of Fred’s bald head are going to be left wanting, I’m afraid. Fred would no sooner let me take a picture of him when he thinks he looks horrible than Mister Boogers would spread sunshine and happiness wherever he glared.

Just imagine a great big bald head with Fred’s face on it, and you’ll get the picture.

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It’s good to know that I’m not alone in my hatred of having the cashier comment when you’re buying something. Do you ever notice that they don’t comment on the salad or carrots you’re buying, but the stuff that’s not good for you? Fred says it always makes him want to bellow “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

Some of the comments that made me laugh:

I hate it when checkers comment on what I’m buying, except the time we bought bread and ice cream and he asked if we were making ice cream sandwiches.

I just don’t get the lack of filter on these kid’s mouths. Biting your tongue is or WAS a big part of working with the public. Last year I was on a line minding my own business when a cashier pulled me over to open a new line. He must have acted without authority because the front end person came over to tell him to shut down. He turned to me and started to tell me how lucky I was he was helping me. I was frigging PISSED and I started to rip into him “YOU called ME over here-I was on line minding my own business!” I must have looked all menapausal scary because he apologized immediately. But really I’m going to sound old but did you EVER address an adult the way they talk to us? A good slap might teach them something.

My husband eats a bag of chips in one sitting so I have to buy lots if I expect to get any over the next 2 weeks or so. Also I just happened to be doing a very big grocery shop and my cupboards were bare. The cashier, not a teen, says “oh you must have a teenager at home.” I’m like “No. Just a big husband.” Then instead of shutting her trap right then she says “Wow, is this food for a whole month!?” To which I reply seethingly “I don’t really know. I shop sporadically.” What I really wanted to say was “No. My husband and I are a couple of fat lazy couch potatos! Now shut your pie hole and finish ringing me up!” This is why I usually use the self check-out.

Precisely why, no matter how many groceries I have, I always use the self check-out. Deep down, I’d love to have the guts to say ‘Mind your own f**king business!’

As for chatty cashiers…after placing an order at Taco Bell for what must have seemed like an ungodly amount of food for two people (my husband and me), the cashier said, “Whooo!! Is that to go??” Um, no. That’s for here. As in, the two fat-ass pigs in front of you are going to eat it ALL, bitch!”

Fred and I were talking about it last night, and of course he has this need to be REASONABLE (god I hate that!) and he said “Well, you know, the cashiers are just trying to make conversation…” and I suppose I get that, but how about a comment about the weather instead? I don’t need a complete stranger commenting on the food I’m buying.

Next time I go in to the grocery store, I’m going to buy a container of laxative suppositories (the BIG one), lube, the big pack of toilet paper and a big-ass bag of candy, and then I’m going to DARE the cashier to say something.

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Thanks for the bread comments and suggestions, as well. The recipe I attempted using was this one – and let me stress that I’m sure it was user error on my part (since I’ve never made a loaf of bread by hand in my LIFE) that was the problem, not the recipe.

I used all-purpose flour, since that’s what the recipe called for, but I do keep bread flour on hand, so maybe I should try that?

Actually what I’m probably going to try next is the Amish white bread Aimee linked to.

I did try using the mixer, but when I kept adding flour and it kept being way too sticky, I gave up. I think if I had it to do over again, I would have seen if it would rise, and then I’d have punched it down and tossed it in the oven to see what happened. Even if it came out a big heavy doughy lump of crap, I could have fed it to the pigs and chickens – tossing the dough in the trash was such a waste.

I should really be chronicling this whole breadmaking thing in pictures, shouldn’t I? Bitchypoo’s Adventures in Breadmaking!

I’m sure it’d be just as exciting as it sounds.

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2009-03-17
Newt McNewtles wishes you all a Happy St. Patrick’s Day! (“She’s not going to make corned beef, is she? I hate that stuff. It’s gross. EWWWW.”)

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Previously
2008: Guess who flew to Pennsylvania so she could eat cupcakes with Nance and Rick, snuggle the cutest dog on Earth, and reunite with Maddy?
2007: No entry.
2006: everyone’s Irish today, right?
2005: Guess it must run in the family.
2004: The cats are on my fucking NERVES.
2003: You KNOW you’re fascinated!
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: The Big Butt Fairy visits us every year though. Just like clockwork.

3/16/09

I was driving to the grocery store yesterday when my cell phone rang. “Hey,” said Fred. “I was cutting my hair*, and the guard fell off, and now I have a big bald spot on the top of my head. Can you buy me some eyeliner or something?” After some discussion, it turned out that … Continue reading “3/16/09”

I was driving to the grocery store yesterday when my cell phone rang.

“Hey,” said Fred. “I was cutting my hair*, and the guard fell off, and now I have a big bald spot on the top of my head. Can you buy me some eyeliner or something?”

After some discussion, it turned out that what he really wanted was mascara (“The stuff with the brush”) to color in the bald spot, Fred’s version of spray-on hair. I had my doubts as to how well that would work, but I bought him some cheap dark-brown mascara.

When I got home, he showed me his bald spot, and I had STRONG doubts that he was going to be able to cover it with mascara, but he gave it the ol’ college try and sure enough, that wasn’t going to fool anyone.

“On the up side, the only way anyone would see it is if you deliberately tried to show them, or they were taller than you,” I said. Fred glared at me and went off to shave his head.

Then he whined about how he looked so stupid and how he has a weirdly shaped head and how he needed a ball cap. We ended up going to the dollar store to buy him a cap that fit, and then continued on to Tractor Supply to buy a few more, since he apparently plans to wear caps all the time until his hair grows back to the 1/2″ length he prefers.

“How about I cut my hair in solidarity?” I offered.

“You’d shave your head?” he said.

“Well. No. I’d have you use the clippers and the longest guard to cut my hair.”

“That’s not solidarity. Solidarity would be shaving your head,” he objected.

“And if your head was shaved due to circumstances beyond your control like ILLNESS or an attack by a wild animal, then I’d be willing to shave my head. I think letting you cut my hair to 1″ all over is PLENTY of solidarity.”

But really, I have no intention of letting him cut my hair to 1″ long. If he had a 3″ guard, I might be willing, but 1″? I don’t think so. I think it’s enough that I made the offer and shouldn’t have to follow through on it, right? Right?

If he goes bald due to illness or a wild animal attack, though, I’ve got his back.

*He’s been growing out his hair for the past few months, and finally decided that having to actually comb his hair when he gets out of the shower was more effort than he wanted to expend in the hair section of his life, so he decided to go back to using his electric razor to cut it to 1/2″ long.

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I attempted to make a loaf of bread by hand on Saturday. It didn’t go so well. When I’d added twice as much flour as the recipe called for (DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?) and the dough was still super-sticky, Fred came in to see what I was doing.

Fuming, is what I was doing.

“I want to drive to (state where recipe-providing person lives) and kick (person) in the throat!” I bellowed.

“Bessie,” he said in that ultra-reasonable tone that makes me want to kick him in the throat and scratch his eyes out. “Why -”

“FUCK YOU!” I bellowed.

He laughed.

“We have a perfectly good -”

“FUCK YOU!” I bellowed.

“And we hardly ever eat -”

“FUCK YOU!” I bellowed.

“So don’t make the bread?” he suggested.

I turned and lobbed the sticky lump of dough into the trash can.

“You should have put that in the pig bucket,” Fred said.

“Oh, shut up and get out of my way. I need a scone.”

At least the scones – the recipe for which I got here, and then adapted (ie, used Ghiardelli chocolate chips instead of dried cherries) for my own nefarious uses (ie, shoving in my face) – came out really damn good.

Too good, really.

But truthfully, why do I keep trying to make bread? What’s the point? We DO have a perfectly good bread machine that makes okay bread. Which is beside the point, because we don’t hardly ever eat bread! It takes us like three weeks to go through a loaf of bread!

(I still might give that no-knead bread a try, though. Shaddup.)

I finished off the weekend by making a batch of Cooking Light Chocolate Chip cookies (my sister’s birthday is this week, so I made a batch of cookies for Brian. He’s a growing boy and he likes cookies!) and then a double batch of Piggerdoodles. We ran out of pig cookies Saturday night and they each only got one and a half cookies and O THE HUMANITY HOW COULD WE LET THEM STARVE LIKE THAT????? I finally realized that the easiest way to keep Fred and I out of the cookies is to toss the egg into the recipe shell and all. There’s not much I hate more than biting down on a piece of eggshell, so I am never ever tempted to eat one of the cookies meant for the pigs. And the pigs don’t mind the egg shells at all, so I call that win-win.

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When I was getting groceries yesterday, what with Tuesday being St. Patrick’s Day, I bought a corned beef brisket and all the stuff that goes with it for a New England Boiled Dinner (cabbage, turnips, potatoes, carrots). The cashier was one of those who comments on everything you’re buying.

“Oh, going to do some baking!” as she rang up the chocolate chips I was buying, and “Getting ready for Easter!” as I was buying some Easter candy and so on. When she got to the brisket, she said “Ready for St. Patrick’s Day, I see!” and I smiled and nodded or shrugged or whatever the hell I was doing. The bagger, a teenage girl, was apparently no big fan of corned beef. She made a face and picked up the bag by her thumb and forefinger and held it as far from her body as she could before she turned and placed it in the bag, apparently concerned that she might get some corned beefiness upon her person.

“I don’t like that stuff,” she informed me when she saw me watching her. “It’s so gross. Yuck.” I was surprised she didn’t illustrate her point by gagging and possibly throwing up a little.

In an alternate reality I was bellowing “Well NO ONE INVITED YOU TO DINNER, PRINCESS!” and smacking her upside the head.

In this reality, I just smiled and swiped my debit card.

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2009-03-16 (2)
Stinkerbelle, high on catnip.

2009-03-16
Check out the catnip-crazy eyes on Tommy – and the claws!

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Previously
2008: No entry.
2007: No entry.
2006: It’s like I’ve never met myself before or something. “Yeah, I’ll let the spud take the car to school, and I’ll be stuck at home, thus NATURALLY I will feel compelled to do housework!”
2005: Old pictures.
2004: (Bwahaha! That’d be the shortest study in the history of mankind, eh?)
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: Takes all kinds, I guess.
2000: A life of excitement, thrills and chills, lemme tell ya!

3/13/09

Hey, guys! Help a student out? It’ll just take a few minutes of your time, and you could win an Amazon gift card! My name is Lanna Lee Maheux-Quinn, and I am a Sociology and Mathematics student from the University of Southern Maine. I am conducting an anonymous survey about happiness and subjective well-being with … Continue reading “3/13/09”

Hey, guys! Help a student out? It’ll just take a few minutes of your time, and you could win an Amazon gift card!

My name is Lanna Lee Maheux-Quinn, and I am a Sociology and Mathematics student from the University of Southern Maine. I am conducting an anonymous survey about happiness and subjective well-being with adults 18 years or older.

Would you help me spread the word? The survey is located here: http://www.gotthink.com/survey/

This anonymous, online survey is voluntary and will take 5-10 minutes to complete. It will be open until Thursday, March 26th, 2009.

There are no known benefits to participating in this survey; nor are there any known risks for participating in this survey.

As a special incentive, those who complete this survey have an opportunity to participate in a sweepstakes for one of two $25 Amazon.com gift certificates. Those who wish to participate, when they complete the survey will be given an option to go to a separate survey that will collect their email address. Winners will be informed via email when the data collection is completed, on Thursday, March 26th, 2009.

I have chosen to ask you to help with getting the word out because I know that your blog is visited daily by a variety of people. By using my online connections, I hope to get a more diverse set of respondents than I would if I were only to use my friends and family.

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So Fred was going to go to work yesterday morning, and I heard him get out of bed and move around a little after 5:00, then I went back to sleep. Some time later, he came into my room and sat on the edge of the bed.

Turned out he’d had the worst night ever, the night before. He was freezing and he couldn’t get to sleep, and when he finally got up and took his temperature, it turned out that he had a temperature of 101.

He called in sick (or rather, I guess you’d call it emailing in sick) and made an appointment with his doctor. I went with him and cooled my heels in the waiting room while the nurse practitioner looked him over and stuck a long q-tip up his nose.

He has the flu.

She gave him a prescription for Relenza and told him I should call my doctor to get a prescription for the same as a preventative. When he told me that, I told him my medical records were still at the same office where he goes (long story short: my doctor has opened her own practice; I consider her my doctor, but haven’t needed to visit the doctor since she left the practice with Fred’s doctor, so Fred’s doctor still has my records.), so we went back in and got a prescription for me.

If I’d known it was going to cost $57 for my prescription, I would have just taken my chances. Gah.

Fred spent a good part of yesterday snoozing on the couch while I caught up on TV* (and Tommy tromped all over him repeatedly). He’s staying home today, too, and hopefully by the time the weekend is over, he’ll feel a lot better.

Spanky is doing perfectly fine – but to be honest, he was acting perfectly fine before we took him to the vet, too. We give him the wet food we got from the vet once in the morning and once in the evening, and he likes it. We give it to him on a plate in the small bathroom in the computer room so we can keep an eye on him – so that none of the other cats can elbow him out of the way and hog up the food – and he eats what we give him, and he’s happy about it.

He’s such a happy cat, nothing really bothers him (except that he knows when I’ve picked up a can of compressed air from, I swear to god, three rooms away. DOES NOT LIKE the can of air.) I know I’ve said it before, but our orange kitties – Sugarbutt, Newt, and Spanky – are absolutely the happiest cats we have. They’re so laid-back and sweet.

I sure do love my orange kittehs.

*How is it that I watched every episode of Big Love last season and never realized that Selma Green is a woman? I thought she and Hollis were brothers!

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Warning: It’s a super-sized Comment! Answering! Extravaganza! this week – and I know some of them are questions you were asking of Nance and I, but since we never got around to making a video, I’m going to go ahead and answer them myself.

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I’ve been sending messages over the ocean to tell Spanky he has to live for ever.

If happiness helps to prolong one’s life – and I think that the happier you are, the longer you tend to live – then Spanky surely will live forever because he is one HAPPY kitteh.

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I do love to see a photo of a cat on a worktop…..it makes me feel better about my house 😉

Oh, we never allow our cats on the counters or the table. Never! That was a one-time thing. Really!!! Ignore that cat bed on the dining room table…

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About the vole — a stray cat arrived at our farm (probably dropped) and she was truly a killer kitty. Nearly every morning she’d present a dead vole at my backdoor, minus head. She had an addiction to biting off the heads, though I never saw her devour the remainder of the vole. I’d see her patrolling the perimeter of the property early every morning, watching the ground for voles.

For a time, she stayed in the barn and would also kill mice. OF COURSE, I ended up taking Bitty Kitty into the house with my other cats. DH was upset, since he said she was his rodent/vole death squad. He didn’t want mice in the barn, since they might get into horse feed (though most of it was kept in metal barrels).

Is it wrong that I adore the idea of a kitty death squad? It was actually the first time we stepped onto the front porch and found pieces of a vole waiting for us that we knew Maxi and Newt had truly adopted us.

(I’m curious now why they eat the voles and moles and birds instead of offering them to us…? Hmm. I’ll say that I do prefer it that way, though!)

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I think Suggie just better ship those Reese’s peanut butter eggs to me RIGHT NOW and no blood will be shed! I love those things. I always purchase 1 bag of spice jelly beans and 1 package of the pb eggs around Easter. So far, the jelly beans have been purchased and eaten – yum.

My favorite part of this time of the year is the Reese’s peanut butter eggs. I actually had a hard time finding them this year, which made me cranky.

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And Suggie has knives. Lots of knives.

And he knows how to use ’em!

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Sugarbutt blends in perfectly with your cabinets and kitchen decor. He is a beautiful countertop decoration!

Truly, I always recommend matching your cats to your decor. Suggie matches the cabinets well; Spanky’s pretty green eyes go well in the living room; Newt’s buff orange goes nicely with the peach walls in the laundry room, and Mister Boogers goes well with whatever room he enters. Hetred goes with everything!

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what do you do with the egg shells?

Whenever I use eggs, I collect the egg shells ’til I have a bowlful, then I let them dry in the oven, crush them, and feed them back to the chickens. The calcium in the shells helps to give the shells on the eggs they lay harder. The harder the shell, the better! (We also give them crushed oyster shell for the same reason.)

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I was reading your blog while watching American Idol and I read “and a couple of months before we met in prison”. That shocked me…until I read the words again…”in person”.

I wouldn’t have held it against you if you had met in prison, but I might have been a “little” scared.

It would certainly have been a more interesting story!

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I really hate that you have spring already. Can I tell you to fuck off? North Bay lost almost 2 feet of it’s snow… and… I’m up by Thunder Bay now, we’re getting 40cms of snow.

Bet you miss living here, eh? Like, a lot??

Of course you can tell me to fuck off. You have my deepest sympathy with the snow and the cold. The older I get and the longer I live in the South, the more certain I am that there’s just no way on earth I could ever move back to Maine. The cold would KILL me. I can barely stand the three and a half minutes of cold weather we get here every year!

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What does “pipped and died in the egg” mean?

The hatching process consists of the three stages – first the chick “pips”, which means that they poke their beak through the shell in one spot. Then, they “zip”, which means they poke all the way around the shell so they can pop the top off the egg. Lastly, they hatch by pushing the top off the egg and squirming their way out.

(Nance would probably tell you that the fourth stage of hatching consists of the chicks collapsing as though they’re dead.)

You can see pictures of the zipping and hatching part of the process here. (Next time we hatch eggs, I’ll see if I can’t remember to get a picture of each stage!)

In this case, the chick pipped – poked the hole through the egg shell – but died before it got any further along in the process.

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Your 2001 entry is one of the funniest ever!

Fred and I both use the line “It smells kinda… chemical!” all these years later and then laugh like goons.

This is the first time I am so sad to see kittens leave. I know it’s totally necessary and the right thing to do. If you kept them all you’d have to stop fostering. Does letting them go get easier with time? Or does it depend on how much each kitten tugged at your heartstrings like Samba did with mine? I’m sure they will both find great homes.

It really depends on the kittens – some kittens are easier to leave at the pet store than others, but it’s certainly never easy. When I put a kitten in a cage and they don’t immediately go hide in the litter box, I feel better about leaving them there. On the other hand, when they do go immediately hide in the litter box, I feel horrible.

What really sucks is that you can’t explain to them that this is for the best, that someone will hopefully adopt them quickly and love them forever and ever. If there was a way to make them understand that, I think it might make leaving them there a little easier.

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I think Stinkerbelle looks angry because the dark lines on her forehead make her look like she is frowning.

I think Stinkerbelle looks angry because she’s a mean and hateful brat. She was laying on the bed in the guest bedroom the other day and I was petting her and she seemed to be enjoying it, then suddenly FOR NO APPARENT REASON she smacked at me AND IT HURT.

Brat.

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I saw this and thought of you!

Obviously nine cats is NOT enough. I need to make a shirt with a picture of each of our cats on it, that says “Currently at ten. GOD KNOWS how many cats we’ll have next year!”

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Mr. Boogers, why do you hates me?

Boogie say “It not personal, stupid. I hets everyone.”

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Oh yeah, didn’t you wind up getting the SideSwipe blade thingie for the KitchenAid Mixer? I don’t recall hearing how that worked out for you. I am really interested in getting one myself… provided it works worth a damn. I am just concerned that too much of the batter/dough would stick to it and be ridiculously difficult to salvage.

I did get the SideSwipe blade, and I like it a lot. Dough does stick to it, but I don’t find it any more difficult to scrape off the SideSwipe than the regular flat blade. My only gripe is that one of the little fins tore recently, and I ended up having to pull it off so it wouldn’t end up in the cookies I was making. Even with one little fin missing, it still did a good job of mixing. So I’m saying I recommend it!

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We still have not received the testimonial of the ScamWow.

Would you believe that after I HAD to have the freakin’ ShamWow(s), I still haven’t used a single damn one of them?

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My question is about Jane; are y’all still friends and if so, can you please tell her to start writing again, mmmkay. (I kid; just wondered why she isn’t as prevalent on yours and Nance’s sites – y’all seemed like you were tight at one time.)

Yeah, I still consider Jane a friend, although we don’t email as often because she has a stupid JOB and she wants to do a GOOD job and she fails to understand that her whole reason for existing is to entertain me. Damn her.

(I would never tell Jane to start writing again ’cause she’d snatch me baldheaded and rightly so. She’ll write when she wants to/ has time to, and we can just consider it a lovely surprise when she does.)

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What was the breed of large dog that you had in the house that didn’t work out?

Jake was a Great Pyrenees, just like George and Gracie are. I think Jake would be a fabulous watchdog for the chicken yard, he was just the right dog at the wrong time. If we’d found him two years later, he’d be out in the back forty guarding the chickens right now.

(Though I’ll admit that I’m glad we have two dogs out there instead of one. I like knowing that G&G have each other to play and snuggle with.)

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What happened to SCOOPHANDS? Couldn’t they have caught the roosters? Mighty nice shootin’, though, Fred!

SCOOP HANDS would have been plenty helpful when we were trying to catch those goddamn roosters – I don’t know why it never occurred to me to grab them, but you can bet I’ll keep them in mind for next time!

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Robyn, I would love to hear/see you read aloud one of your “best of” entries, particularly one where you go on a cussing rampage. Your voice sounds so sweet and kind that I think it would be hilarious to hear you say “Fuck” 837 times.

I’ll have to keep that in mind for the future – I don’t know that I’d be comfortable reading an entry on video, but I’m sure I could make a wav or mp3 file of whatever entry y’all want to hear!

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I should really pick up my cross stitching again. I have one that I finished over a year ago, but I have to do the topstitching still. It’s my first one, so I am a little unsure of how to do this. Any advice???

I have no real advice – I think you just kind of have to dive in and do the best you can. Readers? Any long-time cross-stitchers have advice?

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I’ve done that exact same cross stitch of the cow but I’m currently “working” on a baby announcement of when my youngest son was born–I started it 5 years ago:)

I tend to cross-stitch and cross-stitch and cross-stitch and then all of a sudden I just STOP and don’t cross-stitch for weeks or months. Once upon a time I was making a picture for my sister’s birthday, this one:

and then for some reason I put it down and didn’t touch it – or ANY cross-stitching – for SEVEN years. When I finally finished it, it had a damn stain on it that wouldn’t come out, and I ended up selling it on eBay. (Yes, the person who bought it knew that it had a stain on it!)

Speaking of cross-stitching, when I was looking for the picture above, I found this that I cross-stitched for Fred back in 2002.

I think he hung it up in his office, but I don’t know for sure. I also made one for him that said “I need what it don’t be”; Fred once got an email from someone who was trying to ask him something about a program Fred had designed, and in frustration, the person (English was not this person’s first language) said “I need what it don’t be”, and Fred and I were so captivated by the phrase that I had to cross-stitch it.

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And: “my Georgie and my Gracie” – also Dogs! amongst the “things that make me smile.” Oh no, they are not pets, they are work dogs. And when they quit laying eggs, then Fred will process them.

🙂

Please take the above as an affectionate little tease. I know the dogs have their place and do a good job. The pics of them protecting the chickens from the hawk were wonderful.

I have no affection for those dogs. None! At all! No, really!

(Ha!)

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Oh, I love that hampshire looking pig. Actually I love them both! They are adorable. I noticed their tails aren’t docked, I wonder if you don’t have to worry about that when they are outside. They have so much other stuff to do, besides chew on each other tails.

That’s a good question – if I recall correctly, none of the pigs at the farm where we got these two had docked tails, so I imagine that when they have room to roam and dirt and grass to root through, they don’t go after each others’ tails.

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So, do you notice any difference in personality with these pigs as opposed to the other ones you’ve had? Friendlier? They look cuddly… like, I’d want to go give them a great big pig hug!

They’re not really friendly, per se, but they aren’t afraid of us at ALL. They learned very quickly that when they see us it means there are snacks on the way, so they come right over to the gate and wait for us. (They learned more quickly than the other pigs we had, for sure, so maybe they’re smarter. Or just hungrier!) If we take too long to get over to the gate, they squeal and grunt and all but call us motherfuckers. They are spoiled ROTTEN, but they’re so cute about it that I can’t help but laugh at them.

You would want to go give them a great big pig hug right up until you got a whiff of the pig stank, trust me. Although maybe that’s not really fair – it isn’t so much the pigs that stink as the pig yard. They tend to use the corner of the pig yard closest to the chicken coop as their toilet, so as you approach the pig yard, it stinks to high heaven. Thank GOD the house isn’t downwind from the pig yard!

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Are you going to break down and finally name your piggies Cocoa and Oreo? They are, after all, your cutest. pigs. yet.

Sure, why not? I don’t know that we’ll ever call them by their names, but I see no reason we can’t declare their names to officially be Cocoa and Oreo!

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I was wondering how the dogs were doing with the hawks. Do the hawks make noise that attract the dogs’ attention or do the dogs just have a sense for when there are hawks around?

I honestly don’t know how it is that the dogs know there are hawks up there, whether the hawks make noise that I just don’t hear, or if the dogs just happen to glance up and see them there. Whatever the case, I think George and Gracie are doing a really good job of keeping the chickens safe. The funny thing is that apparently Pyrs don’t really hit their stride as far as bonding to and guarding their flock until they’re about 18 months of age, so I look forward to seeing them get serious about their job this winter.

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We went to the Fiery Foods show this weekend. (The guy from Man vs. Food was there!!) Anyhow, there was someone giving samples of Lethal Injection hot sauce, which has bhut jolokia peppers in it. I was too scared to try it, especially after watching my boyfriend and his best friend suffer for 10 minutes. My boyfriend said he’d never tasted anything so hot in his life — he eats habanero peppers like they’re fruit!

I honestly don’t get why anyone would desire to eat something that causes them actual physical pain. WHY? It makes no sense to me! The day I popped a roasted jalapeno pepper in my mouth and then complained about my mouth burning for an hour afterward, Fred thought I was crazy. Hot food loving people are The Crazy.

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BTW – Because of you and Fred I’m starting a vegetable garden. I’ve been breaking my back clearing an area in the backyard for it. Ya’ll are also the reason we think it’s perfectly OK and normal to have “only” 4 cats. See what you are doing to the world?! 🙂

I wonder how many cats have been adopted because people could use the “At least we don’t have as many as Robyn and Fred” justification? 🙂 (That would be 2 of ours)

Y’all, ‘fess up. How many of you have said “We can get another cat – we still won’t have as many as Fred and Robyn!” to justify getting another cat?

I know Michelle used to comfort herself with the thought that she had fewer cats than we did annnnnd… how many cats DO you have now, Michelle? 🙂

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Bottom line–instinct and experience makes good bread, so keep at it and one day you’ll just “get it.”

That’s what I figured, it’s just going to be a matter of doing it ’til I figure out what I’m doing. I told Nance last week that my next goal is to do a decent loaf of bread without using the bread machine (yes, I have weird goals) and then I want to try my hand at pie crusts!

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Yum! Pecans! Not sure if you like peanut brittle….but I saw this episode of Peter Perfect (which is actually kind of cute) and he was helping a woman get her business back on track….the business? Pecan brittle! And apparently everyone they met on the streets thought it was much better than peanut brittle. Might be something to try.

Oddly enough, Fred and I discussed the idea of pecan brittle. I’ve checked out a few recipes, and it doesn’t look too terribly difficult. We have so many pecans, why not give it a try, right?

(I toasted a pan of pecans earlier this week, then when they were cool I put them in a bowl on the counter, and every time I go by the bowl, I grab a couple. They are SO DAMN GOOD.)

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Did the chickens come out in the snow much?

The chickens didn’t really know what to make of the snow – most of them stayed in the coop (which they tend to do when it’s cold out), and the ones that came outside didn’t pay much attention to the snow at all. I’d like to see their reaction if we got three or four feet of the stuff, though!

(Which is not to say that I want three or four feet of snow, just that I’m curious what the chickens would do!)

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OMG – that is seriously the first time I have heard your voice Robyn. You sound just like a CNN journalist. Or maybe a guest on Martha Stewart. Actually you sound just like a Mum (Mom) on any American sitcom I have ever seen! Sorry – Australian here. I lurve your accent. BTW – goats cheese is unnatural and wrong. It tastes just like the smell of goats. Bleugh. But each to their own. I am biased because I grew up on a farm on which the livestock included goats. I can’t stand the smell of them.

and

And I know I’ve said it before, but your voice is always so different from how I voice you in my head, as I’m reading you. Love the slices of life that you show us, it’s very interesting and fun.

Everyone always says that I sound differently than they expect. Which begs the question, of course – what did you expect I’d sound like?

I know some people expect a Southern accent and some people expect a Maine accent, but I really kind of grew up all over (my father was in the Air Force ’til I was 12, and I was born in Maine, my sister was born on a base in Canada, we lived in Indiana, Michigan, Guam, and very Northern Maine. We settled in Maine (about 40 minutes north of Portland) when I was 12. My father’s from Alabama and my mother’s from Maine. My father does have a southern accent, but my mother doesn’t really have a Maine accent (after meeting my parents for the first time, Fred said “Your mother doesn’t really have an accent most of the time, ’til she says something like ‘CAH’!”). When I worked taking orders at LL B3an one winter, a caller told me I sounded like I was from the Midwest.

But tell the truth – y’all expected me to sound like Marge Simpson’s sisters, didn’t you?

If you have a burning desire to hear my voice – and Fred’s – you can actually go to last year’s entry, scroll down, and listen to us reading the newspaper article about Flappy McGee laying her monster egg. There’s even a blooper reel!

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Vodka makes a good cleaner on tile, bathtubs, kitchen surfaces and the like. Also makes a good room deodorizer spray mixed with your favorite essential oil.

That sounds like something I need to make – I have a little bottle of lemon essential oil, and it’s impossible to find lemon-scented deodorizer spray in the stores. I think I’m going to try making my own; it would certainly put the vodka to good use, otherwise the bottle of vodka would just sit in the cupboard for years and years!

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OK, so I was buying seed potatoes and onions at southern states today so I thought I’d ask: What are y’all growing, food-wise, this year? TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR GARDEN! 🙂

Fred can add to this list, but I believe our garden this year is going to include the following: tomatoes (sungold, Golden Jubilee Heirloom Orange, Brandywine, Better Boys), peppers (habaneros, jalapenos, bell peppers, bhut jolokia peppers), yellow, scalloped, and zucchini squash, eggplant, cabbage, romaine lettuce, corn, okra, green beans, potatoes, cucumbers, melons (haven’t decided what kind just yet), acorn and spaghetti squash. I’m talking about doing a couple of raised beds behind the back yard where I can grow carrots and onions this year, and possibly a small herb bed. In addition to the garden, we’ve got 10 apple trees, 11 peach trees, 5 plum trees, 2 pear trees, 4 cherry trees, 2 fig trees, and some muscadine grape vines. (I don’t expect all the trees will bear fruit this year, but I’m hoping at least several of them do!)

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Miz Poo and Tommy were playing with catnip toys, and Tommy got a little too close to Miz Poo. So she boxed his ears. You can imagine how pleased he was at being schooled by a portly Poo.

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Previously
2008: What you don’t know is that there are moments of pure glamour interspersed with all the drudgery.
2007: No entry.
2006: That is an amazing and scintillating fact, right there.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: Y’know, sometimes I wonder how I make it through the world, clueless as I am.
2002: Her portly butt probably cut off the circulation to something important.
2001: I should have her arrested.
2000: Work was just heavenly today.

3/12/09

Robyn’s recipe for toasted pecans: put pecans on a baking sheet, spread out. Put in preheated 300º oven. Remind yourself not to forget about the pecans. Immediately forget about the pecans. Some time later (possibly 20, but I honestly have no idea), while you’re doing something else in the kitchen think to yourself “Huh. What’s … Continue reading “3/12/09”

Robyn’s recipe for toasted pecans: put pecans on a baking sheet, spread out. Put in preheated 300º oven. Remind yourself not to forget about the pecans.

Immediately forget about the pecans.

Some time later (possibly 20, but I honestly have no idea), while you’re doing something else in the kitchen think to yourself “Huh. What’s that smell? It kind of smells like… oh, shit!” Open the oven, take out the dark brown pecans.

Let them cool.

They are fucking fabulous.

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Y’all are some mouse-hating weirdos. How can you hate things that are SO CUTE? (That’s rhetorical.)

For the record, I’ve lived in this house for two years now and we’ve never had a single mouse wander into the house. I mean, it would have to be a particularly suicidal mouse to wander into the Den o’ Killers. Of course, it’s entirely possible that mice HAVE wandered into the house only to be immediately eaten, but while I don’t particularly endeavor to have a mouse in the house, I probably wouldn’t scream and clutch my pearls, either.

Well, wait. That’s not true. I’m sure I WOULD scream and clutch my pearls when one of the cats pounced upon the mouse and bit its head off. I’d much rather deal with a live rodent than a dead one with a missing head.

That’s just me, though.

Generally speaking, if one of the cats has caught something and I think it can be saved, I save it – whether it’s a mouse, a squirrel, or a bird. If it’s past the point of no return, I chalk it up to the cirrrrrrrrrrcle of life. Joe Bob caught a mourning dove yesterday and ate it in the back yard, but by the time I saw him chomping away, the dove was past the point of being helped.

Damnit. I kinda like doves, too. Stupid Joe Bob.

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Speaking of signs of Spring and things that make people shudder, the influx of wasps has begun. Luckily, at the end of Wasp Season last year, I purchased a bug vacuum off eBay.

This bug vacuum not only sucks bugs into it, it also has a “high voltage grid” inside, so it sucks the wasp inside and then electrocutes it.

The wasps that are coming inside are small ones, ones that I would consider to be baby wasps. So far I’ve had to kill about ten of them (and Wasp Season hasn’t really even begun in earnest), and to tell the truth I feel sorry for the poor baby things.

And then I realize that baby wasps grow up to be adult wasps, and I electrocute the shit out of those fuckers.

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We’ve had a bluebird hanging around lately – I’m hoping he’s looking for a ladyfriend and will make a home in one of the bird houses, ’cause I think we need some baby blue birds ’round here.

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We call this “Somethin’ done killed the dawg!”

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We took Spanky to the vet yesterday morning. For the past little while, I’ve been noticing diarrhea in the litter box. Of course, there was no way to know who was leaving it, and we talked about setting up the webcam to see if we couldn’t figure it out. When Nance was here, she happened to walk into the laundry room at just the right time, and reported that Spanky was the diarrhea bandit.

Add to that that he’s been vomiting a little more often lately (he’s always had a sensitive stomach) and Fred thought he’d lost a little weight, and it was clearly time to take him to the vet.

A physical exam turned up nothing obvious, so they had to do bloodwork on him.

As it turns out, he’s having issues with his kidneys – his BUN and creatinine levels are elevated, necessitating some medicine and a change in diet for the next month at least. It won’t hurt him to have a bite or two of the other cats’ food, but we’re going to start giving him some special canned food in the morning and evening (and we’ll have to watch over him while he eats, because Mister Boogers is an ass and more than interested in Spanky’s special food). We gave him some of the food last night, and he’s giving it two paws up, so that’s good.

He’s 12 1/2 years old, so no doubt it’s time for him to start having issues, anyway. He’s hardly ever given us any trouble except for a urinary tract infection several years ago.

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He’s a good skittyboo.

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Previously
2008: “You realize,” I said to Fred as I watched Tommy diligently lick the top of Miss Stank’s head, “Even if we wanted to, we could never get a divorce.”
2007: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: I’m a total freak.
2003: She’s home!
2002: Of course, my sympathy for him will only last until he poos in the hallway instead of the litter box again.
2001: I am the dumbest dumbass in the whole wide world, I really am.
2000: Sometimes, they lay on the floor and perform for us.

3-11-09

Yesterday morning, I got up when it was still dark out* and took my shower, scooped the litter boxes, and started a load of laundry. I put collars on all the cats who require them, and then I opened the back door. As usual, Tommy and Sugarbutt shoved past me to go out the door, … Continue reading “3-11-09”

Yesterday morning, I got up when it was still dark out* and took my shower, scooped the litter boxes, and started a load of laundry. I put collars on all the cats who require them, and then I opened the back door. As usual, Tommy and Sugarbutt shoved past me to go out the door, and when I glanced out into the back yard, Newt had frozen by the back steps with something small and dead in his mouth.

“You BETTER not think you’re bringing that in here!” I said to him, and he eyed Tommy and Sugarbutt, who were approaching him with great interest, and he growled and ran across the yard, climbed over the fence, and ran under the blue chicken coop with his dead thing.

(Newt and Maxi both like to carry their kills under the blue chicken coop to eat them. I can only imagine what it looks like under there these days.)

Later, I was sitting at my computer when I happened to glance into the back yard and saw a gathering of cats near the fence on the garden side of the back yard. As I watched, Kara darted forward and snatched up something the size of a small kitten.

I ran to the back door, shoved my feet in my shoes, and ran into the back yard.

“No!” I yelled. “Drop it!” Then I began chasing Kara, who had no intention of dropping the vole she had. I chased her around the clump of daffodils, and when she acted as though she was thinking about running into the house, I decided a better course of action would be to close the back door, so I ran over and did that.

When I went back toward Kara, she dropped the vole momentarily, and I hoped that the damn thing would run through the fence and disappear, but it ran a few slow steps, and then she grabbed it again. I was finally able to pick her up, and I carried her – vole still in her mouth – to the fence, where I shook her and firmly said “DROP IT.”

She did, and the vole ran (slowly) through the fence and into the side yard. I watched, hoping it would pick up speed and disappear behind the garage, but it just kind of moseyed slowly along. I went through the gate, hoping to kind of herd it away from the side yard (I didn’t really want to see Maxi or Newt snatch it up and carry it under the Death Coop), and it slowly moseyed over to a nearby tree and got itself trapped in a hollow in the trunk.

And then my assimilation into country life became complete. Because two years ago when I first moved here, I would have squealed and run around in circles at the idea of touching a damn vole, no matter how cute they are. This time, I sighed and gave up, reached down, and picked the goddamn thing up by the tail. Then I carried it behind the workshop and put it down in a pile of leaves and watched it slowly mosey into the wooded area beyond the ditch.

*I know a lot of people hate the time change in the Spring, but I don’t, because it means that it stays light out ’til almost 7:00 in the evening, and instead of eating dinner, putting up the chickens and then refusing to leave the house again until the next morning, Fred is occasionally willing to go places instead of worrying about being home in time to lock the chickens in their coop. Why, Monday evening we met someone in Nearville who wanted to buy eggs for hatching, and then we had dinner, and Fred didn’t have to fret even once. (Nance calls it “Fredding.” HA.)

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Speaking of voles and mice and such, on Sunday afternoon Fred decided to hook up the mower to the tractor and cut the weeds in the back forty. When he was hooking up the mower, first one and then another mouse came skittering out of the inside of the mower. He decided to take the cover off the mower and make sure there wasn’t a nest in there or anything, and he came inside to tell me, so I could come watch.

When he got the cover off, he found a nest inside the mower, and in the nest was a small mouse – and there were a couple of bigger mice in there as well.

They certainly were cute.

Fred took the nest out of the mower and put it in a corner of the shed, and I found another (empty) nest by some fencing in another corner.

I guess if mice can’t nest in a garden shed, where can they?

And did I mention that they’re awfully cute?

2009-03-11 (1)

2009-03-11 (2)

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2009-03-11 (3)
“I has my Reese’s peanut butter eggs, I has my eggshells, and I has my John Deere cup. What more does a Suggie need?”

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Previously
2008: “The chickens are here!” he said.
2007: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: OR MAYBE I JUST NEED A NEW COMPUTER.
2003: So, there. That’s my day so far.
2002: I’m a total calendar-having fool.
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.

3/10/09

Today marks 13 years since Fred and I met online for the very first time. It was a few more weeks before we talked on the phone, and a couple of months before we met in person. Last night we were laying in bed talking about the amazing fact that we’ve been together(ish) for 13 … Continue reading “3/10/09”

Today marks 13 years since Fred and I met online for the very first time. It was a few more weeks before we talked on the phone, and a couple of months before we met in person.

Last night we were laying in bed talking about the amazing fact that we’ve been together(ish) for 13 years (I know, we talk about the most fascinating stuff!), and Fred pointed out that we met when we were in our 20s.

I was 28 when I met Fred. I felt SO OLD then, but 28 sounds impossibly young to me now.

Hell. My CHILD is PRACTICALLY 28! (In 8 years. Don’t be nitpicky.) We met in our 20s and now we’re in our 40s. That kinda freaks me out.

Anyway.

Happy meeting-versary, baby!

(He’s celebrating by having some sort of flu-like illness and announcing his temperature to me every 15 minutes (it’s now just over 100). He knows how to party it up!)

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By the way, Fred agrees with those of you who said that this picture of me:

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is a really good one. I didn’t think it was that great, but apparently I’m outvoted.

That Nance, she’s got a knack for photography!

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After Nance and Rick left on Saturday, Fred and I decided to go to the flea market. We were driving down the highway when I looked at the back of an 18-wheeler we were about to pass, and immediately told Fred to slow the hell down so I could take a picture.

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Hey, at least he’s polite about it, right?

(And no, I didn’t.)

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2009-03-10 (2)

Spring has sprung!

Like an idiot, I left the house yesterday morning wearing jeans, a sweatshirt, and heavy boots. I knew that it was going to be warm later in the day, but I didn’t know it was going to be quite so warm, or that I was going to be gone for four hours. By the time I made my run to Sam’s, Kohl’s, TJ Maxx, the bank, and the grocery store, I was sweltering and had to run the air conditioning in my car on high so I wouldn’t melt.

(I suspect that those of you in colder climates are reallllllly feeling sorry for me about now, aren’t you?)

Sunday I finally got my ass in gear and did what I’ve been putting off, got my pruning shears and my little yellow wagon, and went around the house pruning bushes. They’ve started blooming, and I know that I should have done it about a month ago, but I didn’t and they needed badly to be pruned, so if they die from a little vigorous pruning, they can be replaced DO YOU HEAR ME, BUSHES???

I pruned the winter honeysuckle bushes on both sides of the house (winter honeysuckle in bloom is some incredible-smelling stuff, if you’re curious), the camellia bush, the rose of sharon bushes off the kitchen, and the butterfly bushes. The butterfly bushes I basically cut down so that they’re sticks coming up out of the ground – I used to do that with my butterfly bush at the other house, and it was pretty happy, hopefully these will be as well. The only bushes I had problems with are the spirea bushes on either side of the house. I have no fucking clue how to prune those, because they’re not like other bushes and I wasn’t quite sure what the hell I was trying to accomplish, so I hacked away a little, and then gave up. Maybe I’ll mess with ’em more next year.

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2009-03-10 (4)
Yes, the camellia bush is leaning. It’s leaning toward the sun, what can you do? I think it looks better than it did (though of course there’s no “before” picture.)

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2009-03-10 (5)
Tommy in motion. Check out those weeds! We grow a fine crop of weeds here at Crooked Acres.

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Previously
2008: We had a little weirdness on Friday in the form of a super-mega-mutant egg.
2007: No entry.
2006: Today’s the 10th anniversary of the day Fred and I met.
2005: I met Fred nine years ago today.
2004: Eight years ago today, I entered the IRC Undernet channel #!Fredsplace and met the geek who owned and ran the channel, who would eventually become the love of my life. (Complete with mush!)
2003: Sick Poo.
2002: No entry.
2001: Five years ago today, I was on IRC and I wandered into the Undernet channel #!Fredsplace, and I met the love of my life. (More mush!)
2000: Four years ago today, I wandered into the IRC Undernet channel #!Fredsplace, thus setting into motion a chain of events which would echo down through the years.

3/9/09

So Nance and Rick left Saturday morning. That’s right, they got here late Wednesday and left early Saturday. Not NEARLY enough time, if you ask me. And Nance and I never did get around to making a video, either. Like I said – not long enough! Thursday we hung around the house in the morning … Continue reading “3/9/09”

So Nance and Rick left Saturday morning. That’s right, they got here late Wednesday and left early Saturday. Not NEARLY enough time, if you ask me.

And Nance and I never did get around to making a video, either. Like I said – not long enough!

Thursday we hung around the house in the morning (and could have made our video then, I suppose, but we are slackers and had better things to do. Like talk about the state of the nation. (Ha!)) and then went out to lunch at Logan’s Roadhouse. Then because I needed to pick up the paperwork for Rumba and Samba (who went to the pet store on Friday, see the last few pictures I took of Samba, here), we drove up to the shelter I volunteer for, and visited with the kittehs.

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This is Ladybug. She looks a LOT like Nance and Rick’s cat Julie.

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I don’t recall this one’s name, but he “sings” when he purrs. It’s very neat.

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(Pics courtesy of Nance. I don’t think I took a single picture while they were here!)

By the time we got home, Fred was home from work. Nance knows how Fred is about being the one to show off the animals, so they’d kindly stayed away from the dogs and chickens and pigs so he could do so. George and Gracie were all “Woohoo! New best friends for us!” and the pigs were all “Where is the food, pls?” and the chickens were all “Whatevs.” You know, the usual.

We had Terry’s Pizza for dinner, and it was pretty damn good. We spent a good part of the evening playing Catchphrase (yes, we really do live it up!) and since Fred can hardly keep his eyes open past 8:00 these days, we were in bed by 10.

Fred took Friday off, and I don’t know what he spent Friday morning doing, but for the most part we all sat around for a few hours, each on our separate computers (we are dorks) and then I took the kittens to the pet store, and when I got home Nance and Rick were ready to go.

And Fred was all “We’re going somewhere?” It turned out that when we’d all been talking about going up into Tennessee the night before, while Nance and Rick and I thought we were making plans, Fred thought we were just talking.

So we went to Tennessee, stopping at several stores along the way. Nance and I went into a Factory Connection somewhere in Tennessee and got some really good deals. I got a hooded fleece jacket for $3.50 and a hooded sweater for $5. (Not that I was in particular desperate need of either, but a bargain like that, you really can’t pass up.)

We went to our favorite store in all of Tennessee, the Bodenham General Store, and then went down the road to another store that was jam-packed with stuff. So jam-packed, in fact, that Fred knocked over and broke a bowl. The woman who owns the store wouldn’t even hear of him paying for it, so in desperation we walked around the store looking for something to buy. We ended up buying a big-ass thermometer with a rooster on it that Fred put on the big coop (in case the chickens need to know the temperature, obviously), and I picked out a very old Coca Cola crate. One day, I’m going to get my ass in gear and sew a cat bed to go into the crate.

(Nance is laughing at me right now, I guarantee it.)

We got home mid-afternoon and hung out for a while, then headed to Decatur to have BBQ for dinner at Big Bob Gibson’s. (We always drag them to Big Bob Gibson’s when they visit and if they hate it, they’re too nice to say so. Big Bob Gibson’s is some really damn good BBQ, but I find it odd that they don’t have hushpuppies there.)

Nance and I were honestly planning, when we got home from dinner, to make a video, but Fred was all spazzy about playing games and “OMG! It’s almost 7, the night is almost over!”, so we just gave up the video idea and played a round of Taboo (which just isn’t as much fun as Catchphrase, because it’s kinda stressful), then played a few rounds of Catchphrase.

And early Saturday morning, they were up and gone, and the visit was over. It was like they were hardly even here and then they were gone! I could have used one more day, but I guess it’s a good thing they left Saturday, so they could take a leisurely drive home and not worry about having to get up early the next day for work.

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2009-03-09 (1)

While Nance mocked my adorable new boots over on her site and pointed out that I’m a great big dork who tucked her jeans into her boots, what she failed to mention was the REASON I was tucking my jeans into my boots. I tucked my jeans into my boots because I was wearing ankle socks, and the tops of the boots were rubbing my legs and causing great irritation and pain. The next day I wore long socks and didn’t need to tuck my jeans in to protect my legs, but did she mention that? Noooooooo. Brat.

They’re adorable boots, are they not?

I had a credit at Zappos, and after I went out to the back forty in my crappy $8 Walmart boots last week and went slip-sliding all over the damn place (because $8 Walmart boots do not provide a great deal of traction, FYI), I decided I needed to invest in some decent boots. So after much hemming and hawing, I ordered a pair of the Gypsy Cowgirl Coll boots, and since shipping was free, they didn’t cost me a thing.

I love Zappos.

And so far, the boots are working out very well for me and they’re cute to boot (har!), so I call that win-win.

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Beginning on Friday and continuing through the weekend, the Crooked Acres chicken population jumped by 34 baby chickens. This time around, having read something on a message board, when Fred took the eggs off the turner on Wednesday, he put the eggs in egg cartons in the incubator. Usually he sets them on their side on the floor of the incubator.

At first it looked like we weren’t going to get a very high hatch rate, but slowly more and more eggs hatched, and by Sunday afternoon we only had two eggs that hadn’t hatched, and there was clear activity coming from those two eggs. Sunday evening, the last two eggs hatched.

Of the 35 eggs that Fred determined were fertile after 10 days in the incubator, all but one hatched (that one pipped and then died in the egg). That’s a phenomenal hatch rate.

Having such a high hatch rate means that now we have over 100 chickens. Number 101 happened to be an egg laid by a silkie (god only knows who the father is). S/he’s a smallish bird, but not terribly smaller than the other babies. Almost all the babies, except for the silkie cross and Sassy’s egg, turned out to be either yellow or reddish.

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Silkie cross, freshly hatched.

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Silkie cross, dry and fluffy.

They are, as baby chickens tend to be, unbearably cute.

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A few of the baby chickens were having problems getting hatched, so Fred took the initiative to give Mother Nature a hand (you are NOT supposed to do this, by the way, you’re supposed to let what’s going to happen, happen. If you “help out” a chicken having a hard time getting out of the shell, you very well might end up with a chicken with Issues, and might have to end up putting it down). So far, they’re all doing well, though I won’t really relax until it’s been a few days.

2009-03-09 (8)
Lucky the chicken (the first one Fred “helped”).

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2009-03-09 (9)
Stinkerbelle always looks so angry, doesn’t she?

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Previously
2008: No entry.
2007: No entry.
2006: So when I reached down to pet his head, IT WASN’T HIS HEAD I GOT. ::shudder::
2005: Killing the messenger.
2004: Howling and hissing and growling and yowling ensued.
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: Gather ’round, younguns, and hear the heartbreaking tale of farts and betrayal…
2000: You still love me, though, right? Um, right?

3/6/09

From reader Wendie: My local animal shelter is competing in a contest to win a million dollar shelter makeover (I checked and your kitty rescue is not in the contest at all and there are no Alabama shelters anywhere near the top) and the internet part of the contest is over in just 11 days. … Continue reading “3/6/09”

From reader Wendie:

My local animal shelter is competing in a contest to win a million dollar shelter makeover (I checked and your kitty rescue is not in the contest at all and there are no Alabama shelters anywhere near the top) and the internet part of the contest is over in just 11 days. We’re in 10th place right now and as long as we stay in the Top 20, we’ll win at least $5000 and a chance to win anywhere from $10,000 to the million dollar makeover. We’ve been dropping fast in the ranks these past few days and since this contest has been going on since September, we’re very worried that all of our hard work isn’t going to pay off. We take in around 175 animals a month (75% cats) and only have 12 dog kennels and 30 cat cages so we badly badly need this makeover. We have a $100,000 budget and live in a rural farm area (the nearest “city” is 8000 people) and are competing against shelters with a five MILLION dollar budget in huge metropolitan areas. Anyway, with 11 days left in the contest, I was wondering if there was any chance you would ask your readers to sign up in support of my little shelter. ZooToo is a pet website (think Facebook meets Dogster/Catster) and for everyone we get to sign up, that’s 50 points and then if they upload pictures, comment on animal news stories, vote for cutest pet in pet wars, write journal entries, upload videos, etc etc it’s even more points.

More info about our shelter can be found here (if you’re the researchy type).

Our shelter ZooToo page can be found here.

MY ZooToo page can be found here.

Click this to automatically support HSBC

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2009-04-06
The Momma would like you to know that she has no intention of updating today because she’s a big slacking slacker and she’s got other stuff to do.

Also, she would like you to know that Samba and Rumba are going to the pet store today, so someone should skip right over there and adopt them ASAP.

Now go away.

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Previously
2008: They feel cartilage-y, like human ears. Go figure.
2007: Did I mention my hormones are all out of whack?
2006: “And they’ll have to call it Wipe the Ass!”
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: Want some cats?
2002: I had no idea what to say – “Well, of COURSE you’re only going to date someone you think is cute!”? Then I’m anti-ugly.
2001: Except for that crying at the drop of a hat thing, she’s just fine.
2000: Do y’all ever do that, have moments where the startling realization that you’re a complete dumbass smacks you in the face?

3/5/09

So yes, those of you who guessed, guessed correctly. Nance and Rick have come to visit! I spent most of yesterday doing last-minute cleaning, and when I was cleaning the bathroom, I noticed there was a bit of mildew on the bottom of the shower curtains. So I took them down, tossed them in the … Continue reading “3/5/09”

So yes, those of you who guessed, guessed correctly. Nance and Rick have come to visit!

I spent most of yesterday doing last-minute cleaning, and when I was cleaning the bathroom, I noticed there was a bit of mildew on the bottom of the shower curtains. So I took them down, tossed them in the washer, and then when they were done washing, I put them in the dryer.

Now, I put my shower curtains in the dryer for about ten minutes on air dry every time I wash them (which is every couple of months) just to get them mostly dry, and it’s always been fine. The problem this time is that I forgot to turn the heat selector to “no heat”, and so ten minutes later when I went to take them out of the dryer, one of the curtains had melted to the heat element of the dryer.

Which meant I had to spend twenty minutes scraping melted plastic off the heat element. Thank GOD the plastic scraped off just fine, because I wasn’t looking forward to the phone call with Fred wherein I explained to him that I’d broken the dryer and we needed a new one.

I ran to Wal-Mart, hoping that they’d have decent shower curtains, and to my surprise, they did!

(On a side note, I had the previous shower curtains for almost two years, and they were cheap $10 curtains that I ran through the washer every few months. That was a pretty good investment, I’d say!)

(On another side note, I have to have two shower curtains for the shower ’cause it’s a wrap-around rod, and a single shower curtain isn’t wide enough.)

When Fred got home, he decided that it was time to send a few rooster to Freezer Camp. I hadn’t realized it, but we had way too many roosters for the number of hens we have. He’d been talking about dispatching a few roosters to the great chicken coop in the sky for a few days, but it wasn’t until I opened the coop yesterday to check for eggs and saw a young Buff Orpington with half the feathers on her back missing that I realized just how bad the girls were getting it.

Fred went out to the chicken yard to catch some roosters, and I started making chicken pot pie for dinner (it’s the cirrrrrrrrrrrrrcle of life), then he asked me to come out and give him a hand with the catching of the roosters. He’d caught one, but was having issues with catching the other two. The good part about having the chickens in the back forty is that they have room to roam. The bad part is that it’s a big field and when a rooster doesn’t want to get caught, he’s got plenty of room to run from you.

DAMNIT.

Ultimately (I won’t give you the blow-by-blow), I convinced him to go get his fishing net, sure that I could just swoop it down over the rooster and the rooster would be caught and all would be well. It didn’t happen like that (chickens are mighty fucking fast when they want to be), so Fred got to work with his .22 (that’s a rifle-looking gun, if you’re as clueless as I am – when Fred said he was going to get the .22, I expected him to come out with a handgun.) Truthfully, he’s handier with a rifle than either of us thought he would be, and soon enough he had his two roosters to process, and I came back inside to get going on dinner.

After spending half an hour chasing roosters around the back forty, I was way behind on making dinner, so I just got the chicken pot pie filling to the point where it was ready to go into the pie plate, then froze it (we’ll have it for dinner one night next week) and we had cereal for dinner.

Intermittently through the day, I harassed Nance about where she and Rick were, and right around 9:00 they pulled into the driveway. We sat around and talked for a while, and then we went to bed.

This morning, Nance and I gossiped some more and I don’t know what the plans are for the day, but I do believe at some point there’ll be some video podcasts made.

Which begs the question from me to y’all – any questions you want answered, topics you’d like addressed? You know how we adore being idiots, so let me hear it!

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2009-03-05
I don’t know how he does it, but Spanky gets water all over his face every time he drinks. Hopefully he manages to get SOME of it in his mouth.

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Previously
2008: Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted? A. Miz Poo!
2007: “Yeah, it’s really fleein’ the interview,” Fred said.
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: You suppose they’d mind if I went over after dark and pressed my face up against the window to see what’s going on?
2003: Maybe I should go for the dreadlocks look…
2002: Any resemblance to persons living or dead are completely coincidental. I don’t fart.
2001: every Mulvaney shat gold upon command three times a day.
2000: Here at casa bitchypoo, we believe in extremely lazy Sundays.