Last night Fred was taking a bath, the spud was upstairs in front of her computer, and I was in front of my computer looking for something, or reading or randomly surfing. Whatever it was I was doing, I’m sure it was fascinating. Someone knocked on the door, and I groaned and waited to see if the spud was expecting someone and would come running down the stairs. She didn’t, and then I heard a voice from outside call to her, so I went to the window to see what the hell was going on. A man I didn’t recognize was looking up at the window of the guest bedroom where the spud’s computer is, waving and calling to her.
Naturally, as soon as I looked out the window, he saw me. I should have just ignored him and gone about my business, but instead I went and opened the door.
It was one of those guys trying to sell magazines so he could go on a cruise or some shit like that, and let me take a moment to say that I certainly do feel the plight of today’s young gentleman who wants to go on a cruise and can think of no better way (ie, getting a job) to raise the money, but I really fucking resent it when people come knocking on my door to sell me shit, and I’ve taken a very firm stand on it. In the past I might have bought something just to get rid of them (probably what they’re hoping for), but I haven’t done that in years.
Anyway, this guy was babbling at me, and I stood in the doorway, one arm propped up on the door with the intention of doing the “Not interested, thanks, bye” slam, but then this other guy came loping across the lawn.
“Oh, this is my supervisor,” the first guy said. “Today’s my first day, and he’s my supervisor.”
The guy came at me with his hand held out to shake mine, and then his gaze dropped.
To my stomach.
Jesus Christ Almighty.
“Oh!” he said, with a big smile. “You’re pregnant!”
“No,” I said, with a tight smile. “I’m not.”
“Oh!” he said, looking slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Apparently I REALLY LOOK FUCKING PREGNANT THIS WEEK.” (No, I didn’t really say that second part. I don’t pull out the “f” word until I’ve known you for at least ten minutes.)
Then he went off into his spiel about how they were selling magazines, BUT! Before I went saying I didn’t NEED any magazines, I should listen to him, because it wasn’t about selling magazines, it was about BELIEVING in him.
And I said “I prefer to believe in people I know, not complete strangers who come knocking on my door, eye up my apparently huge gut, and call me FAT. Buh-bye!”
(No, I didn’t.)
I said, “Thanks, but I’m really not interested” and handed him back his pamphlet. He gave me an incredibly wounded look, like “But I thought we were friends! You were going to name the baby after me!”, but simply said “Okay, have a good evening”, and then looked like he might be revving up for the hard sell, but I shut the door before he could get to it.
Then I went upstairs and paraded around so Fred could insist that I did NOT look pregnant, shut up Bessie, then I stripped down and climbed into the bathtub with him, and we did what we’d been waiting to do all day.
We talked about tiling the bathroom, of course.
Sorry folks, but it’s going to be a short one today – I’m dropping Fantine and the bebbes off at the vet, then spending the day at the Smallville house doing many things that I need to get done (door painting, closet painting, switching out switches and plugs), and just have no time for something longer.
On the up side, since the floor guy will be working on the floors next week, I’ll have the whole week off (and believe you me, I’m looking forward to it!), and there should be updates in a timely manner alllll next week.
‘Til then, y’all have a good weekend!
Self-portrait #10:
Previously
2006: A SHELL ON A STICK.
2005: Every movie and every show we watch, he’s in there deconstructing it.
2004: Memes.
2003: A day in the life of Spot J. And3rson.
2002: No entry.
2001: Blech.
2000: I now officially have too damn many books to read.
Awww, Miz Poo loves her mama.
Best picture yet!
What the hell? What’s up with people that think its okay to say that kind of shit? I’m sorry that people have asked you if you’re pregnant or even told you that you are… That’s horrible.
To make you feel better (if only just slightly), I was standing in the kitchen the other day when I got home from work, very relaxed and my gut was just HANGIN’ out there… my mom looks at me and say “My GOD, are you pregnant or something?” knowing damn well I’m not. I looked at her in disgust and said, “Fuck you. You didn’t have to say something like that.” She said, “Well,I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?” and I said “Yes you did.” She did it for the sole purpose of being mean to me.
You look beautiful Robyn.
Awww, look at Miz Poo!
I love talking about bathroom tiles too!
Awwww A mom and her Poo! So cute!
What?!? No mention of the Scrubs musical, the best half hour of television EVER?!
I used to wear a swing coat that everyone thought I looked pregnant in. Cab drivers, store clerks, strangers on the street, you name it. My friends told me it was because my hands were dainty and I didn’t have thick calves, so just seeing something larger in the middle made them think that. I don’t CARE what the reason was, it’s just plain RUDE.
I had a really bad experience with one of those magazine guys – he came knocking on my door, I politely listened to his spiel and when told him that I couldn’t afford magazines, and he started screaming at me, “You LIED to me! You OWN this house right? Then you should have MONEY to buy MY MAGAZINES! We live in AMERICA!” (I’m dead serious- he said all of that.) I shut the door in his face, and then he started ringning the doorbell incesantly! I grabbed my child and hid out in the back room until he went away. It was one of the scariest experiences I’ve ever had.
Aww, Miz Poo needs a good virtual wudgie wudgie from me!
I’m sorry people are thinking you’re pregnant, rude bastards! I still had to laugh at the following though, because it cracked me up!
I said, “Thanks, but I’m really not interested” and handed him back his pamphlet. He gave me an incredibly wounded look, like “But I thought we were friends! You were going to name the baby after me!”, but simply said “Okay, have a good evening”, and then looked like he might be revving up for the hard sell, but I shut the door before he could get to it.
Anyway, have yourself a great weekend!
Those magazine guys are totally scammers … good on you for getting rid of them asap. Hopefully they won’t show up at the Smallville house.
Great photo!
And …. the other day at work I could have sworn one of my co-workers is pregnant. Seriously, she is very tiny, and all of a sudden there was a poochy tummy sticking out over the waistband of her pants. But I am smart enough not to say anything, and later she confessed to me that she is seriously depressed – she and her husband have just split up and she’s been almost unable to get up off the couch and to stop eating junk food. Thank god I hadn’t said the “P” word. Not that I would have, anyway. But still.
Hey Robyn – you guys should get a sign for you door that says, “We do not accept solicitations.” It does deter a lot of folks. For those who chose to ignore it, you can always point to the sign and say, “I’m sorry, I have a firm policy of only doing business with people who know how the hell to read.” You can also put it on your voice mail: “This number does not accept solicitations, so please remove us from your call list immediately.”
You seriously do not look pregnant! How rude! My problem was I felt I did not look pregnant enough when I was pregnant. Some people have no class at all. You look terrific and I wish I could be as slim as you are!
We don’t talk about bathroom tile… we talk about doing “laundry”
Miz Poo loves her mama!
I think I might know why people think you’re pregnant, and it might not be as bad as you think. When you were heavier, you were heavier all over. You didn’t look pregnant, just fat. Now you have a thin face, thin arms and thin legs, so if your stomach looks pooched out even a little bit, it might make you look pregnant. How many times do we hear that some movie star looks pregnant, and they’re not? It doesn’t take much on a thin person. That’s why even though you’ve lost tons of weight, NOW is when you’re being called pregnant. Does that make sense, or help? Hope I didn’t say something wrong. You certainly don’t look pregnant in any of the photos I’ve seen of you.
I had the same experience with a young boy,said he was working his way through college. I gave him 25 dollars for some magazines that I never got,when I called the company he said he worked for they said they never heard of him. I love that photo of you and poo. You both have the same Mona Lisa smile.
That is one adorable picture! And you sure have pretty eyes!
Miz Poo LURVES her mamma, yes she does!
That’s such a sweet picture of you and Miz Poo
I don’t know what to tell you about the pregnancy comments recently. You handle them a lot better than I would though.
Talk about poor people skills…he’ll never manage a successful sales career. Honey vs vinegar? We’re all flies.
Funny photo-caption naming “contest” (not really a contest), a baby sitting on a cat. Will love to see what any of y’all can come up with:
http://hubpages.com/hub/Baby_and_Cat
Okay, so how do you change out switches and plugs? I thought I needed professional help for that and low and behold Lil Robyn does it. Maybe you guys need a DIY blog. I would find it very useful.
Mom, you don’t look pregnant.
You look pretty smashingly gorgeous ^.^
You should’ve just smacked him with the pamphlet and started cussing at him or something.
Aww, you and Miz Poo are darling!
My pseudo pregnancy experience happened at my grandma’s funeral, of all places! Some nitwit distant cousin came up to my mom and bellowed, “Congratulations!” My mom was very puzzled and asked, “For what?”
Nitwit replies, “Congrats on becoming a grandma!” as she puts her hand on my belly. Eww eww eww! When I told Nitwit that I wasn’t pregnant, she didn’t believe me and went on and on – after all, I was wearing a baggy shirt! Then she tried to touch my stomach again. I still get the creepy crawlies just thinking about it. Finally I got up the nerve to sarcastically tell her, “I guess I’m just fat and need to go on a diet!” Nitwit gives me a blank look, no apology, and scampers away.
I don’t know WTF is wrong with people sometimes, I can’t imagine ever, ever asking that question.
Love the Poo pic.
Orange tabby is in the news!
http://cbs4.com/watercooler/local_story_018110530.html
Donna: We haven’t watched it yet! We’re going to watch it tonight, and I can’t wait.
Laurie: I think we’re going to do that very thing!
Lo: That’s Fred’s opinion, too, and I think you’re both right.
Lori: That’ll make a good entry (or part of an entry) next week, thanks for asking!
Dani: Thank you, sweetie.
Patty: Awww, that poor baby!
That is the sweetest picture.
Oh God, those people drive me CRAZY. I had one here during the summer and he would NOT take no for answer. He was flirting with me (in an obvious fake way) and acting like we were best friends. I finally gave in and ordered some cheap magazine, just so he would leave me the hell alone. Five months later, the first magazine arrived and it was something totally different than what I had ordered. I will never order from them again. I don’t care how much they want to go on a cruise. So do I!
You were smart to say No. I wasn’t last year and it is a scam, they take your money and you never get the subscription.
Google their company name (if they gave it) and you will see lots of bad stuff.
Most of the time the “kids” don’t even know what is up. The company is scamming them too.
Oh and love the pic of you and the Poo. You can tell she lurves her Mommy very much in that pic!
http://www.travelingsalescrews.info/magazine%20scams%20and%20rip%20offs.html
Hey, I know you and Fred are considering chickens/ducks, and thought you’d both enjoy reading this blog:
Rurality
http://www.rurality.blogspot.com/
The couple live in Blount county, not that far south of you all. Check it out; I’ve read her blog for some time, especially when I lived in the country.