Okay, those of you who live in the US, it’s Election Day. Didja vote? Didja vote? Didja vote? Are you gonna vote? You’re gonna vote, right? You know there’s an election today? Didja vote?
Feel free to steal this picture (get it here at Flickr) and use it wherever the hell you want. Link back to this page (or don’t, I don’t care that much, really.)
I have a special offer for those of you who live in the US. Every person who votes gets their VERY OWN Crooked Acres cat! Want Mister Boogers? Miz Poo? Sugarbutt? Kara? The list goes on? Want one? You gotta vote!
(This is not a valid offer and you can’t come claim one of my cats. Except Joe Bob.)
(I kid.)
(Or do I?)
Here’s some Election Day fun! (These polls are absolutely anonymous, so don’t worry that The Man will come bust down your door and carry you away!)
Who are YOU voting for?
Who do you think I’m voting for?
Here at Crooked Acres, we have our own elections going on.
Senatorial Candidates
Repurrblican Candidate (incumbent) Stanley J. Boogerton.
“I has been your Senator for a long, long time, and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Ah hets being a Senator, but I’m so durn good at it that I cannot bring myself to find another job. Vote for me, fuckers. Don’t make me get mad and bite Suggie on the neck. We’s good friends and all, but I WILL BITE HIM ON THE NECK IF I HAVE TO.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democat Candidate Sugar J. Buttocks.
“I promise a half-eaten field mouse in every paw, a snuggle every night at bedtime, and if Joe Bob comes around and bothers you, I will HAPPILY kick his ass six ways to Sunday!”
Candidates for Sheriff
Incumbent Maxi “Outside Mama” J. Anders0n.
“I have been the ass-kickingest sheriff this farm has ever seen, and I don’t intend to let some little upstart sashay in here and take over my territory! While she prefers to hide her head in the sand upstairs and pick on the little kittens who come wandering out of their room MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS, I only pick on the little kittens who get all up in my shit. I am tough but fair and I don’t pick on the underprivileged homeless kittens!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kara “Upstairs Mama” J. Anders0n
“Contrary to what my opponent states, I do NOT spend all my time upstairs with my head in the sand. I occasionally retreat to the big blue bed to consider my options and how my skills as THE BEST ASS-KICKER IN EXISTENCE can be utilized in ways that will benefit Crooked Acres. I will keep unwanted elements out of the back yard, I will keep my eye on the known “bad” elements of Crooked Acres, I will break up fights between cats who do not get along (HELLO SUGARBUTT AND JOE BOB and TOM CULLEN AND JOE BOB and EVERYONE AND JOE BOB) and if someone looks suspicious I will make sure they know I have my eye on them! The Incumbent might prefer to think she’s a claws-on sheriff, but she spends all her time hiding under the stairs fending off attacks from Crooked Acres residents who CLEARLY know that she’s NOT the cat for the job of sheriff!”
Presidential Candidates
Repurrblican Candidate Lester J. Spankenstein
Looking Presidential.
Laughing to show that he has a zany and madcap side.
(Pardon the lack of PhotoShop skillz.)“The one thing you need to know about me is that Snackin’! Time! is very important to me. Snackin’! Time! should be as important to all Crooked Acres residents, but my opponent – despite his size – claims that Snackin’! Time! is not foremost in his concerns. Well let me tell you something – if there’s no Snackin’! Time!, what have we as a country fought for? What’s the POINT of a life without Snackin’! Time!? As the more experienced candidate, I will tell you that Snackin’! Time! is what will keep this country strong and I will fight to keep the Snackin’! Time! troops fighting for our rights to Snack! if it takes 100 years of warfare!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democat Candidate Thomas J. Cullen
Looking Presidential.
Showing his madcap and zany side.
(Ditto on the lack of Photoshop skillz. Maybe I’ll work on that between now and the next election.)“While my opponent worries about things like Snackin’! Time!, it is, of course, more important to we Crooked Acresans that Change(ing The Litter Box) is the only way to go. How can we face our problems head-on when we carry around the stink of old litter? It’s time for CHANGE(ing the Litter Box) you can relieve in. I am not the status quo, I am young and am I here to invigorate the great citizens of Crooked Acres. CHANGE(ing the Litter Box) has been a long time coming and only YOU can ensure that CHANGE(ing the Litter Box) will happen!”
“Wait. Which candidate supports the legalization of catnip? Someone told me, but I was high on the ‘nip and now I don’t remember.”
Previously
2007: Good thing they’re not our cats, huh?
2006: No entry.
2005: Well, well, well. Look who’s a big tough talker, but when the can of whoopass is opened and a little orange kitten gets to smackin’, Mr. Badass cowers like a great big girly-man.
2004: Apparently I had nothing to write about last year, either, ’cause it’s all meme and comment-answering.
2003: No entry.
2002: Now, THAT is a church name!
2001: No entry.
2000: No entry.
1999: She thought “gauze” was plural, so obviously the singular would be “gau”!