Category: Life

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Speaking of American Idol, I had NO CLUE that was Kelly Clarkson singing Breakaway. She’s come a long way, baby.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So I was watching TV yesterday (I think), and this advertisement for a new show came on, and instead of fast-forwarding through it, I stopped and watched it, because I saw Ron Eldard and every time I see him, I have to drawl “Go get Earl.” (I’m sure that Michael Rooker would be thrilled to know that despite the dozens and dozens of roles he’d had, he’ll always be Earl to me.) Anyway, Ron Eldard is going to be in this new show called Blind Justice, and it has possibly the worst fucking premise I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Here, here’s a quote from TV Tome, to spell it out for you: Most officers injured in the line of duty opt for desk jobs or early retirement. Not Dunbar. He’s rehabilitated both body and attitude and fought his way back to active duty. His fresh start at a new precinct is threatened by the simple truth that no one really wants him to work there. His new partner, Karen Bettencourt, sure as hell doesn’t trust him to cover her back. They’re all in for the shock of their lives, because being blind makes Dunbar a better cop than he ever has been. Is it just me, or does that sound really bad? (Now watch, it’s going to end up being the breakout hit of the season, right?) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Reading Carrie’s entry, specifically the part about Gabe wanting so badly to sit up, reminded me of a story about the spud. Now before I go on, let me remind you that I was a YOUNG mother – I was 20 when I had the spud – and very, very clueless. When the spud was ten months old, she and her father and I flew to California to visit his family. We had a good visit, and one night near the end of the visit, a family friend babysat the spud so that the rest of us could go out to dinner at a japanese restaurant. (Suma’s, I think it was called. Somewhere in the Long Beach area? I have no idea whether it still exists.) So anyway, we went out to dinner and when we got home, the babysitter was sitting on the living room floor, and the spud was sitting up right in front of her. And we gasped and we said “Wait, she can sit UP, by HERSELF? How the hell did you get her to do that?” And the babysitter looked at us and said “Um, I put her down so that her butt was on the floor and her legs were out in front of her. You DO realize that she’s TEN MONTHS OLD, don’t you?” Because it had simply never occurred to us that she could sit up by herself, we had never encouraged her to do so, or even sat her on her butt to see if she could. I guess we thought that when she wanted to sit up by herself, she’d pipe up and say “Why, mother. Would you sit me up on my bottom? Because this laying on the floor shit is for the birds.” Thank god for that babysitter, because no doubt we’d still be laying the spud on the floor on her stomach and never thinking to wonder if she wanted to sit up. Did I mention we were young and clueless? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Oh, how Miz Poo lurves the heater… ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

almost a year now. Once the monitor was in place, I noticed that the top part of the monitor was a little more difficult to read, but I solved that little problem by just making it so whatever I wanted to read was in the lower half of my monitor. Also, if I was looking at pictures, I needed to drag them down to the lower part of my monitor so that I could see them; leaving them in the upper part of the monitor made them too damn dark and I couldn’t see a fucking thing. Yesterday I downloaded the latest version of Firefox (I’d been using My IE; I switched from Firefox to My IE a while ago for a reason I can no longer recall) and was having problems with it, because it’s against the law for me to install something on my computer and not have a problem with it. So Fred sat down at my computer and fiddle-farted around with this, that, and the other while I sat in the recliner in the corner of the computer room and read whilst warming my feet in front of the space heater. He fixed the problem and I sat down at my desk again, and the monitor had been… adjusted. Instead of sitting at a slant, the monitor was perfectly straight up-and-down. “My monitor looks… different!” I said. “Yeah, I adjusted it because I couldn’t see a fucking thing,” Fred said. And I opened up a page, and guess what? I could see it perfectly clearly from top to bottom. All this time, and all I needed to do was adjust my monitor a little bit. Who the fuck knew?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ He also turned off the num lock on the right side of my keyboard, though, and I hate that. I use that little number pad thingy almost exclusively for entering numbers, and when it’s turned off, it confuses the holy hell out of me. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ My visit to the gynecologist is over for another year, thank god. My cervix sends its regards. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Actually, I think I’m going to start looking for another gynecologist. I don’t dislike my current gynecologist, but she also doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies, either. I don’t have to worry about seeing a gynecologist for another year, but it doesn’t hurt to look around now, you know? If you’re in the Huntsville area and have a gynecologist that you absolutely love – or hell, even just like a lot – send me his or her name, would you? If nothing else, I’ll ask my primary care physician for a referral. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I just realized it’s the 20th. Everything I signed at the gynecologist’s office, I dated the 21st. I wonder if that nullifies the “If insurance doesn’t pay for this, I’m aware that I’m responsible” form? Probably not, huh? Also, I stole two good pens from the cup o’ pens by the checkout desk. They were both Bic Clic pens. I love those damn things, have I mentioned? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Meme, stolen from Becky. What color is most reflective of you? Yellow! It’s bright and happy, just like ME. How did you get the idea for your journal name? Fred came up with it, actually, and as soon as he said it I knew it was perfect. What time were you born? 5-something in the morning, I think. What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? Anything But Mine, by Kenny Chesney. I also wish I could download and play One Thing, by Finger Eleven, but they don’t have any songs on iTunes. Hmph. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? Princess Di’s death made me cry. Shaddup, she was a bit part of my childhood; I loved her, and even had her hairstyle for a while. What color underwear are you wearing? It’s white with pink flowers. Do you want a baby? I’ve got a baby; I don’t want another one, no. (Sorry, Bon-Bon!) What does your dad do for a living? He’s a Quality Assurance Specialist. What does your mom do for a living? Something in a doctor’s office that has to do with filing and dealing with insurance. What is your pet’s name? Which one? We’ve got Spot, Spanky, Miz Poo, and Mister Boogers. What color are your bedsheets? Dark blue. I’ve got two sets in the exact same color. What are the last 3 digits of your phone number? 520 (not necessarily in that order!). What was the last concert you attended? Uh… maybe Patty Loveless or Toad the Wet Sprocket. It’s been a long while. Who was with you? My mother went to Patty Loveless with me, and my sister went to Toad the Wet Sprocket. No wait, maybe it was Candlestick (Deb was with me that time, too). Or possibly it was that Lorrie Morgan Christmas concert? Gah, I don’t know. It’s been too long! What was the last movie you saw? Garden State. Who do you dislike most at this moment? No one, actually! What food are you craving right now? Sushi! Did you dream last night? I’m sure I did – I do most nights – but I don’t remember what it was about. What was the last tv show you watched? American Idol! What is your fave piece of jewelry? My engagement ring, though I don’t usually wear it. I’m jewelry-free most of the time. What is to the left of you? My camera. What was the last thing you ate? A scrambled egg, a piece of whole wheat toast (dry), and a clementine. Also, a nice big cup of Diet Coke, which that horrid woman at the dentist told me I need to give up because it’s not good for my teeth. What, it’s not good enough that I don’t smoke or drink, and exercise six days a week? Now I have to give up the ONE GOOD GODDAMN THING IN MY LIFE? (Foodishly speaking, that is) Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Fred, of course. Write a song lyric that’s in your head? In the midst of the music I tell her I love her And we both laugh, cause we know it isn’t true Oh, but Mary, there’s a summer drawing to an end tonight And there’s so much that I long to do to you But in the morning I’m leaving, making my way back to Cleveland So tonight I hope that I will do just fine And I don’t see how you could ever be Anything but mine Who last imed you? Uh… Nance? Jane? It’s been months since anyone imed me. Where is your signifigant other right now? At work. Do you have a crush? Not at the moment, no. What is his name? n/a What shampoo do you use? Back to Basics Apple Ginseng. When was the last time you cut your hair? I had it cut and colored last Tuesday. Are you on any meds? Yes, but nothing exciting. Seasonale, Toprol XL, and Synthroid. Do you have a mental disease? Not that I’m aware of. What a rude fucking question! What shirt are you wearing? A gold t-shirt with a square neckline. What time is it? 10:55 am. What color is your razor? Blue. What is your fave frozen treat? Dove bars! Are you sexy? Oh, shut up. ::giggle:: Whats your favorite shopping store? Target! Are you thirsty? No, I just finished a big cup o’ Diet Coke. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? If this one were to unexpectedly not work out? Hell no, I wouldn’t go for a third. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “They call me Fang.” All the cats in one room, of their own volition. How often does that happen? Hardly ever. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So Fred bought this book off Amazon, called The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers. The book tells ways to use classic mythic structure in writing for books and screenplays. Fred’s been reading and loving it, in a big way. (I don’t read books about writing, because they bore the ever-loving hell out of me. On Writing excepted, of course. Trust me – I know what I like to read, and books about writing ain’t it.) Ever since he began reading (and loving!) the book, Fred has turned into a huge pain in the ass. Every movie and every show we watch, he’s in there deconstructing it. We watched Without a Paddle over the weekend. The movie started and Fred smugly said “Here we see the three in their ‘ordinary lives’.” Ten minutes later he smugly said “The death of their friend is the ‘call to adventure’!” Another few minutes, he smugly said “Seth Green is the reluctant hero. Watch, he’s going to say no, and then be convinced!” “Baby,” I said to him finally. “Would you shut the fuck up, please?” He was quiet for a while, and then he intoned “Burt Reynolds is THE MENTOR, who not only teaches them things, but gives them a gift!” I gave him a look, and he pretended to be sorry. “Sorry,” he lied. “Here, they’re facing the ‘supreme ordeal’,” he said after a while. “And Seth Green popping up out of the ground is his symbolic ‘resurrection’!” “Shut. The. Fuck. Up,” I growled. “This is where they take something back to their ordinary lives that changes them!” he crowed. “I hate you,” I said. The next night, we watched Jonny Zero. “Oh, look. He’s the reluctant hero resisting, then accepting, the call to adventure!” Fred said as the show started. “You are RUINING this for me!” I snarled. “Okay, I’ll shut up,” he said, smirking. “Look,” he said, unable to resist. “His resurrection! He’s rising from his bad life as a new hero!” Finally, I had to pull out the I’m-not-kidding look. “You are ruining every fucking thing we watch!” I yelled. “Stop it! I don’t give a fuck about the mythic structure behind everything we watch! If you don’t knock it off, I’m going to refuse to watch anything else with you!” He seemed to finally understand and promised not to do it anymore. But for good measure, I’ve promised that the next time he does it, I’m going to shove that fucking book right up his ass, and he can yammer on to the doctor who has to remove it about reluctant heroes and elixirs as long as he wants.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This time tomorrow, my appointment with the gynecologist will be over, this time tomorrow, my appointment with the gynecologist will be over, this time tomorrow, my appointment with the gynecologist will be over, this time tomorrow, my appointment with the gynecologist will be over… Can you tell that I can’t wait to get this appointment with the gynecologist done and over with? This is the reason I always make my appointments for as early in the morning as possible. Yeah, I’ll have to get up at 6 so I can exercise and take a shower before I go to my appointment, but by 9:30 it’ll be done and over with. Also, if your appointment is early, chances are good that the doctor won’t be running behind. Words of wisdom, from me to you. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

this site, where you can get the ringtone in mp3, wav, midi, and RTTTL format. I downloaded the wav, and then spent a long, long time trying to figure out how to get the damn ringtone from my computer to my phone. I signed up for T-Zones unlimited (and made a note to cancel it in three weeks, because $4.95 a month is too damn much to pay for something I probably won’t use again), I set up an email account, I set up the email account through T-Mobile, and then I emailed the wav to myself. The wav arrived, but when I tried to save it, my phone looked at me, sneered and said “Are you kidding me?” I uploaded the ringtone to my website and used the browser on my phone to download it. When it was downloaded, I selected “open”, and my phone raised one eyebrow at me and said “Dude. Are you kidding me?” After an hour and a half of this sort of thing, Fred wandered into the room. “You know,” he said, “I think you actually need an mp3, not a wav.” This, despite the fact that he’d told me earlier that I needed a wav. “Ugh!” I said. “I give up!” Except that I didn’t give up, because I WANTED THAT FUCKING RINGTONE ON MY PHONE. So I downloaded the mp3, uploaded it to my site, and used the browser on my phone to download the ringtone. And this time it worked! I am the coolest of the cool. When my cellphone rings, it rings just like the CTU internal phone calls! Yeah, I know. I need a life. (I also set up the mp3 in Eudora so that it plays when I get email. Shuh-weet!)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So I had a dentist appointment this morning at 11. I walked into the office and started signing in on the sign-in sheet. Suddenly, I heard it. Boop-boop-BUH-doop. “Hey!” I said to the receptionist. “What kind of phones do you have?” “Uh…” she glanced to the side. “Something something something.” Boop-boop-BUH-doop. “That is so awesome!” I said. “It is?” she said. Boop-boop-BUH-doop. “Yeah, that’s the same ring that they have on 24! I love that ring!” I said like the dork I am. “Um,” she smiled uncertainly and glanced to the side again. Boop-boop-BUH-doop. “Our phones aren’t ringing,” she said. Which is when I realized that I was hearing my cell phone. Talk about embarrassing. “Oh,” I said in a small voice, and slunk off to the waiting room. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ It’s been something like four years since I’ve been to the dentist. YES, I know that’s bad. Don’t yell at me. Anyway, Fred switched dentists sometime last year and really likes his new dentist. Lately, Fred’s been saying “God, you need to go to the dentist and get a new bite guard, because you were grinding your teeth so hard last night I thought you were going to break a tooth!” He’s been saying it almost every day, and finally I sent in the paperwork to his dentist – they require that you send in the paperwork so they can verify your insurance and all that good stuff before they make an appointment for you. Monday, the spud and I were leaving the grocery store when someone from the dentist’s office called, told me she was going to call in a prescription and where did I want them to call it in? “A prescription for what?” I asked. “Oh, for the preventative antibiotic,” she said. “For your heart murmur.” “Oh, right.” “You don’t usually have premeds?” she asked worriedly. “I was just diagnosed with the heart murmur a few months ago,” I said. (This is the Tricuspid Regurgitation I’m talking about, by the way. In case you were confused.) “Oh, okay. Well, I’m going to call in a prescription for amoxicillin. You’ll need to take four one hour before your appointment. I’ll call in 12, just in case you need them in the future.” “Okay, great!” I said, and hung up the phone. I think I don’t have to tell you that visions of great fortune were dancing through my head. Because I was going to have eight extra amoxicillin pills, and believe you me, those babies were going STRAIGHT to the black market. Heh. Just kidding! Know how much 12 amoxicillin pills cost? Three dollars. What a bargain, those antibiotics. Anyway, this morning I took my antibiotics and with a heart full of dread I headed out to see the dentist. I swear, when I am reincarnated, I’m going to become a dentist/ opthamologist/ gynecologist so that anyone who wants to get the horrible stuff over and done with will only have to make one trip. Hit ’em with the gum scraping, blast of air in the eyeball and pap smear all at once and get it over with. I’ll change my last name to Pain (you can call me Doctor Pain), and wherever I go, people will cringe in fear. “Louella, what’s the matter?” a husband will say to his wife while they’re dining out on the finest Sonic has to offer. Louella will point a shaky finger at me and whisper “Doctor Pain!” Anyway. The building that houses my new dentist’s office is really cool. The ceilings are high, there are lots of windows, and each examining room is situated so that you sit in the chair, and there’s a TV to the right and a window directly ahead. I don’t know what the view is like in other rooms, but I had a view of a nice green lawn, a couple of small trees, and birds frolicking about. So the chick who showed me back to the examining room went over my history, discussed my teeth-grinding, and poked at various teeth with her Sharp Instrument of Dental Torture. She went away for a little while, and then came back to do a full set of mouth X-rays. I hate the full mouth x-rays, because when they do my front teeth and stick that long thing in my mouth (shut up, perverts) it always makes me want to gag. The X-rays done, the woman (I never did catch her name) handed me the TV remote and told me she’d be back in a while. I flipped through the channels for a few minutes, left it on the country music station, and watched the birds frolic. Ten minutes or so later, the woman came back, followed by the dentist. Who looked at my teeth for all of about thirty seconds before he declared them perfect and healthy and ran off again. The woman introduced me to Wendy, the dental hygienist, who made herself comfy and began scraping my teeth with the FUCKING dental hook thing. Jesus god in heaven I hate that fucking hook thing. “Hmm,” she said a few minutes in. “Your gums are bleeding.” “Hmm,” I said. “Could it at all be because you’re jamming a metal hook thing into my gums?” (No, not really.) We had quite a discussion about teeth grinding and the long-term effects of teeth grinding, how I’d ground my teeth flat, and if I didn’t have a night guard, I’d keep grinding down my teeth until I needed a full mouth replacement, and so forth. (By “discussion”, I mean she said all that stuff, and I said “Hmm” and made faces to react to what she’d said. For instance, she said “..might need a full mouth replacement!” and I made a face of horrification.) So the cleaning was over NOT NEARLY FAST ENOUGH, and they sent in Carrie, whose job was to tell me about the night guard and how it was done and what it was going to cost (answer: an arm, a leg, and possibly my left breast as well). Since my entire reason for coming to the dentist was to get a mouth guard (and also, you’re supposed to go to the dentist every six months and I have slacked in a horrible way; I’m lucky all my teeth didn’t fall out!) I smiled, nodded, and said “Let’s do it!” So next week I go back for the first of three visits. At the end, I’ll have an acrylic mouth guard that will stop the horrible squeaking sounds that disturb Fred so much. Oh yeah, and it’ll stop that pesky wearing-away-of-enamel. (And before you suggest it, please know that I’ve tried mouth guards that you can buy over the counter and online, and none of them have worked for me. Yes, I tried that one. That one, too. I need a professional one that will fit my teeth correctly and won’t fall out in the middle of the night, or slip halfway down my throat and make me gag.) Also, I have inflamed gums, and the dental hygienist showed me how to brush my teeth to get the bacteria out of the pocket of space between my gums and teeth (ugh). I have to go back in three months, and if my gums have not improved, I have to start gum therapy. My gums haven’t decided how they feel about that yet, but they don’t really like to talk about themselves so they’re going to be tough nuts to crack. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Oh, how I laughed when I first saw this picture… I like the pictures of the cats where they look cute, but I LOVE the pictures where they look freaky or goofy. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

This is actually a bank to put your change in, but I’m not sure how much change would actually fit in it. $1.50 at Reny’s! The head lifts off this guy; the expression on his face cracked me up. This was $1.50, too! This one made me laugh, too. Also $1.50! Does the cat look familiar? It should, a reader sent me the cat a few months ago. When I walked into Reny’s and saw this lamp (it’s not really a lamp, it’s one of those things you put a tea light in the top of) I had to buy it. Five dollars! We also hit this great store in Auburn called Marden’s. If you live in Maine, no doubt you’ve heard the “I shoulda bought it when I saw it… at Marden’s!” jingle. I hadn’t been to Marden’s in years and years, but it’s pretty much the same. My mother bought the spud two denim skirts, for FIVE DOLLARS EACH. They’re nice skirts, too. Anything you could possibly want is at Marden’s. There were a ton of books marked down to amazing prices (I didn’t get any, though, because I didn’t see any I wanted). Joe Kita’s book Another Shot? They had probably 50 copies – hardcover – for something like 23 cents each. I would have bought a bunch to give away, but I didn’t want to be hauling a thousand books home. I had limited space in my suitcase, you know. If you’re new to the area and looking to outfit your kitchen, you can’t beat Marden’s.

This is all I bought at Marden’s, though. $6.99! And look, that’s Meredith from The Bachelorette! Yeah, I’m sure there’s nothing this software can do that Paint Shop Pro can’t, but I’m an impulse buyer, and I couldn’t stop myself. We went to The Christmas Tree Shop in Portland – yet another discount store with a ton of bargains. I looked at a lot of lotion, but wisely refrained from buying any, because I have a ton at home that I have yet to use. In the end, I only bought one thing from The Christmas Tree Shop, but it was awfully cute. It’s unbearably adorable – and only $4! – but when I brought it home and put cat food in one side and water in the other, it quickly became clear that it wasn’t going to work out as cat food dishes. They’re just not big enough. I need to find another use for them, because like I said, very cute. Also, yellow! Far and away my favorite store in Maine is a Hallmark store, strangely enough. It’s the Hallmark at Cook’s Corner, right next to the Bath & Body Works, if you’re interested. Every time I visit the store, I buy stuff I love, and end up wanting to go back. We have an egg cat collection – I’ve mentioned it before – with a different egg cat to represent each cat. That is, we have a black and white egg cat to represent Spot and Tubby, a black one to represent Mr. Fancypants, a Torti to represent Miz Poo, and so on. We didn’t have a gray one, so I bought the one above to represent Mister Boogers. And then I had to get this one, too, because Mister Boogers is more of a Blue Russian gray than a regular gray. Then I had to get this one to represent Miz Poo, because I didn’t think we had one for her. When I got home, I realized that we did. Oops! And then I lost my mind and started branching out into the non-cat eggs. A squirrel to represent the little bastard who teases our cats. A crab, because it was cute and they didn’t have any lobsters. They also had eggs carved out into birds and I really wanted a cardinal, but the only cardinal they had was one of the big ones, and I wanted a small one. Ah well, maybe next time. Also, they had a lot of candles on sale. Vanilla Caramel? Heavenly. And the votives were half off. Votives for 80 cents? Gimme some of that! I bought every last Vanilla Caramel votive they had – something like 10 or 11, I think. Awesome, awesome. I bought a ton of cross-stitch ornament kits that I will cross-stitch through the year and give away next Christmas. These were on sale at JoAnn Fabrics for something like 30 cents each. I also got a bunch of ornament kits from my awesome sister for Christmas! We went to the Village Candles store in Topsham and all their Christmas stuff was marked way down. I don’t really need all that much Christmas stuff, but five dollars for this Santa! I couldn’t resist. Similar to the other Santa… yet different! That one’s holding a tree, this one’s holding a present. For the record, I don’t collect Santa stuff (my mother does), but when I see a cute Santa or snowman, I’ve gotta have it. My mother gave me this Cookie Jar. Not that I make many cookies, even around Christmas, but it’s awfully cute, no? Also, miniature snowmen salt & pepper shakers for my salt & pepper collection. Adorable, no? When we were in Hawaii this past summer, the day that the spud and I were leaving, we accompanied my sister to this small store where they were selling suitcases. She got a great suitcase for something like $40, and not long after that, the spud and I left for the airport. All the way to the airport, I kept saying to my mother “Oh, I should have gotten one of those suitcases, too! I love that suitcase she got! If I could do it over again, I’d get the same suitcase, only in gold. Man, am I kicking myself!” Well, I didn’t intend for her to do this, but my mother immediately went back to the store and bought the suitcase for me, and also got a smaller one – in blue – for the spud to give us for Christmas. I absolutely love it! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Remember back in December when I was like “Hey, here are pictures of the Christmas cards I got this year!” and ten thousand of you were all “Hey, I don’t see mine!”? Well, that would probably be because when I got back from Maine I checked the PO Box and found that there were 40 cards waiting for me. And some of the cards were sent out as early as December 10th, which means they took more than two weeks to get from somewhere in the US to me. I guess Christmas cards aren’t really a priority for the US mail system, eh? Anyway, I took pictures of them all, and you can see them here, here, and here. The first and second picture are particularly blurry, sorry about that. I’ll leave those pictures up ’til the end of the month, then I’m going to delete them in the interest of saving space. I said it before, but I’ll say it again: Thanks, you guys, for all the wonderful cards you sent. I enjoyed getting them, opening them, and reading them. I loved seeing pictures of you and your families and (of course!) your cats and dogs. Shopping for cards, addressing them, and sending them out is what I enjoy most about the holiday season.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I got a box o’ love from Nance last night, and it absolutely cracked me up. I won’t show pictures of every single thing she gave me, but I do have to hit the highlights. If this isn’t something that looks like it’ll come to life and kill you in your sleep, I don’t know what is. Those are some creepy, CREEPY eyes. This is a great big ceramic shell candy dish. You know, I was just saying to Fred the other day “What the hell? We have NOTHING to put our candy in!”, and voila! Now we do. She included some candy for the candy dish, because she is Nance and she rocks. I don’t know what cracks me up more – the big grin, or the fact that the cat is holding something that is either a toothbrush, or a nailbrush. He’s happy about it, whatever it is! That picture was done by the Painter of Light himself, Thomas Kinkade! It’s not just a calendar, no. It’s also an address book AND there’s a notepad in the back. Does it get any handier than that? I think not. This means I can get rid of the separate address book, calendar, and notebook that are currently taking up way too much room in my purse, because I have an all-in-one! A Gary Patterson calendar – the full-sized one! Yes, I have a Gary Patterson calendar on the fridge, but that’s a small, magnetic one. The pictures in this one are completely different from the other one. Miz Poo, however, does not approve. Thanks, Nance. You rock! Also rocking is Jane, who sent me presents, too. Somehow she knew that I’d just tossed my old hummingbird feeder because it was gross and beyond cleaning. Who doesn’t need cat butt gum? And for the record, it supposedly tastes like peppermint, but Fred suggested that maybe it REALLY tastes like cat butt, and I’m really too scared to give it a try in case it does. Cracks me up, though. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I’ve seen this meme everywhere, and even though we’re well into 2005, I wanted to do it anyway. I edited it, though, so I only have to answer the questions I want to. Heh. What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before? Flew 12 hours to Hawaii. Oh, the hell. I never want to spend that much time on an airplane ever again. Did you keep your new year�s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t think I made any for 2004. Uh, nope. I did a search and nothing came up for 2004. My only resolution for 2005 is not to buy any books, and concentrate on reading the ones I had. I just got money for my birthday, though, so I may have to make an exception to the resolution. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my brother’s girlfriend is due in April, and finding out about that knocked us all for a loop. Did anyone close to you die? My grandmother; I miss her far more than I expected to. Also, it’s been almost a year since Tubby died. What countries did you visit? Nowhere outside the US, unless you consider Hawaii a different country. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? I didn’t lack a thing in 2004. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 3rd, the day my grandmother died. January 28th, the day Tubby died. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finally coming to a decision and starting to follow through on it (she said cryptically). What was your biggest failure? Waiting so long to make said decision. But sometimes it takes time to wrap your head around what’s really right for you. What was the best thing you bought? The Dyson! I am still madly in love with it. Where did most of your money go? To savings (we’ve got a kid going to college in a few years, you know!), and to books. We do lurve the books. Oh, and we bought a couple of computers, too. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seinfeld coming out on DVD! Shut up, I like Seinfeld. I just hope the rest of the seasons come out on DVD, too. What song will always remind you of 2004? American Idiot, by Green Day. Fred “discovered” it, and I was reminded anew how much I really like Green Day’s music. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? About the same. b) thinner or fatter? About the same! c) richer or poorer? Richer. What do you wish you’d done more of? Exercising, reading, writing, organizing. What do you wish you’d done less of? Letting the assholes get to me. How will you be spending Christmas? We spent Christmas day pretty quietly – Fred went for a hike, I made mandarin muffins, the spud and I ate muffins, and then we pretty much just puttered around the house for the rest of the day. Did you fall in love in 2004? I fell in love a thousand times over with the cats at the pet store. How many one-night stands? Oh, please. What was your favorite TV program? Survivor, Desperate Housewives, Amazing Race, Lost. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No, it’s a waste of time. And it gives the person you’re hating control over your life. What was the best book you read? The Tie that Binds, and Where You Once Belonged, by Kent Haruf. Every word that man writes is a gem. Also, The Dark Tower, by Stephen King. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Warren Brothers! What did you want and get? The Dyson. What did you want and not get? I wanted a new car, but ended up suggesting that we get Fred a new car in 2004 and wait a year to get me a new car. Making that suggestion, despite how very badly I wanted a new car, made me feel like I might finally be a grown-up. What was your favorite film of this year? Cold Mountain. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 36, and Fred picked up takeout from our favorite chinese restaurant, and we had cake. I like the low-key birthdays, you know? How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? “Comfy”. If it’s not comfy, why wear it? What kept you sane? Fred, the spud, the kitties (of course, they threatened my sanity as often as they saved it, too!) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. Never say never. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ He’s such a serious-looking little thing. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

Elizabeth Murray’s page and looked at her pictures, but didn’t see that particular one. I looked at art.com and that picture didn’t come up under her name, though Fifi in Monet’s Garden did. So to make a long story short, I have no idea who the artist is. I can tell you where to get the picture, though. Fred bought the picture for me from Paragon Gifts; every time I get their catalog, I’ve been drooling over that picture. You can get it already framed, here. You can get it with just the mat at allposters, here. And Portal Cards has varying sizes – go here, click on “search” (at the top) and search on “Cat in garden”. As for the other pictures, you can find the cat in the tub at Portal Cards also (just search on “Tub Cat”) and the wet cat, too (search on, surprisingly enough, “Wet Cat”). Allposters also has Tub Cat and Wet Cat. Who loves their readers more than me? That’s right, NO ONE.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So I slept in this morning because I didn’t have any appointments or errands to run. I rolled out of bed around 8:30, did a little laundry, and got dressed to work out. I wandered downstairs, sat in front of my computer for a little while, and was just about to stand up and go exercise when the tornado sirens started going off. I glanced out the back window to see a very dark sky, and turned on the television set to see if I was about to die. The really bad weather was apparently going into towns nearby, but wasn’t headed directly for Madison, so I left the TV going while I got some journal reading done. After a while, when the dark sky seemed to have pretty much gone away, I decided to get my butt in gear and get the 30 minutes on the elliptical out of the way. As I stood up to turn the TV off, the weather guy said “We just got an email from someone who wants us to put Regis & Kelly back on the air!”, then went into a long (and defensive) explanation about how they’re trying to help, that if a tornado was coming toward the email writer, he’d certainly want to know about it. It made me laugh, because how many times have Fred and I bitched and whined about the fact that the local weather guys have cut in on one of our shows (almost always Survivor) to tell us about the bad weather and then staying on for a good half hour, thus messing up the show for us? About a million times, that’s how many! I had this vision of a cranky old guy sitting in front of his TV yelling “Shut the fuck up! I don’t care, there’s no tornadic activity headed toward me! Put Regis and Kelly back on! Mary, where’s the WebTV controller? I’m going to email that weather-spouting bastard!” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ While I’m on the elliptical, I like to watch movies – I know I’ve mentioned that before – and yesterday I finished watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I’d never seen it before, and after I read Mo’s review of it, I added it to my Netflix queue. I enjoyed the movie, and most importantly it took my mind off what I was doing, and that’s the kind of movie you want to be watching while you’re on your brand-spanking-new ass-kicking elliptical trainer, believe you me. (More about the elliptical in a minute) Anyway, I enjoyed the movie because Audrey Hepburn is just mesmerizing and has the most beautiful eyes. George Peppard was a hottie in his day (he was pretty good-looking in his later years, too, for that matter), but Andy Mickey Rooney’s character just made me cringe. Because, ugh. Now, when I read Mo’s review and read the bit about the cat, I was all “Oh, silly Mo. It’s just a movie! You can’t get that upset about a movie!”, but you know what? When Holly opened the cab door and pushed that cat into the FUCKING RAIN and the cab drove off with that POOR FUCKING CAT sitting there in the rain looking confused, I really wanted to haul off and smack Holly really really hard. That poor fucking cat! One minute he’s cozy and dry and the next he’s shoved out into the cold rain because Holly has to make her point. Poor Cat! I have to say that that was one mighty well-trained cat, though. If I ever wanted any of my cats to sit calmly in the rain, I’m sure they’d suggest that I go straight to hell. Anyway, it was a good movie; I recommend it. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So remember how, back in December, I went on an exercise strike because the elliptical was squeaking and I couldn’t stand it? Well, we now have a new elliptical. It’s a LifeFitness X9i, and compared to what we had before (a NordicTrack something-or-other) it’s incredible. Going from the NordicTrack to the LifeFitness was like going from a broken-down secondhand rusted-out car (you know, the kind you have to add half a quart of oil to before you go anywhere) to a brand-new Cadillac. (I’d assume, anyway – I’ve never driven a Cadillac.) This machine is NICE. It’s quiet, it’s sturdy, it has a ton of programs, or you can create your OWN program. The stride is comfortable, there’s plenty of places to put your water and the TV remote, and it has TWENTY intensity levels. And it kicks my ass. I’m sure that part of that is because I took time off from exercising, but probably part of it is because it’s a better machine than the one we had. At this point it’s only been a week since I started back exercising and I’m only doing a simple program where I stay at the same resistance through the entire workout, but I’ve improved some in that today was the first time I didn’t need to stop and rest my legs halfway through the workout. I think I’m going to give it a few more days before I actually do one of the interval programs. So anyway, two thumbs up to the elliptical trainer. It’s quiet, I have no trouble watching the TV (or hearing it), and it’s sturdy as hell. It was expensive, but at this point I think it was definitely worth it. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Is it just me, or is Mister Boogers not really into smacking at that toy? It’s like he’s humoring Fred. “Yeah, okay, Dad. I’ll smack at the toy. WhatEVer.” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

(Pardon the crappy pictures) Anyway, I found frames for all three pictures – black frames, in case you’re wondering – and ended up buying a few other things because of COURSE I can’t go into Target and buy just what I went in for. I left Target and went to Sam’s, where I stocked up on water, gum, toothbrushes, shaving gel. You know, the usual exciting stuff. Fred had asked me to look at Sam’s and see if they carry big containers of the beef jerky I got at Wal-Mart the other day. Kate got me started on it while I was in Maine, and I got Fred started on it – he likes it even more than I do, if that’s possible. Sam’s had all kinds of beef jerky, but none of them were beef nuggets of course, so when I left Sam’s I decided to head up the street to Wal-Mart and see if I could get more packages there. I hate Wal-Mart. Target has spoiled me, because now when I walk into Wal-Mart and see pallets of stuff laying everywhere it just annoys me. This Wal-Mart is right down the street from Target, and whereas Target was slightly busy this morning, Wal-Mart was wall-to-wall packed with people. I walked along the checkout lanes looking for the desired beef jerky, in original flavor, but could find only one pack. I was getting more and more annoyed because there were thousands and thousands of packets of the teriyaki flavored nuggets, but the original flavor was nowhere to be seen. Finally I decided to make one last check of the lanes, and when I approached lane 15, I hit the mother lode. There was an entire box of the original flavor, and I grabbed as many bags as I could hold. I stood in line behind people who were moving as slow as molasses (YES, GODDAMNIT! I HAVE CONFIRMED THAT YOU CAN, IN FACT, BEGIN WRITING THE FUCKING CHECK BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY HEAR WHAT THE TOTAL IS, YOU IN-MY-WAY MOTHERFUCKER!) and a cashier who was moving even slower. Due to the fact that I hadn’t eaten breakfast I was far more impatient and ready to snap than I usually am and I just wanted to push everyone right the hell out of my way and throw money at the cashier and run out, clutching my beef jerky to my chest, but I refrained because I hate those impatient-acting, sighing, tapping, muttering assholes. Even if, secretly, I AM one of those assholes, it wasn’t necessary to prove it to everyone else around me. I finally left Wal-Mart THANK GOD and then had to go to the post office to drop off a million zillion trillion packages. And then, because I had been so outwardly calm and shown no evidence of the murderous rage I was feeling at Wal-Mart, I decided to reward myself with a king-size Diet Coke from Burger King. Those pussies at McDonald’s might have caved in to pressure and taken away their super-sized drinks and fries, but Burger King still has ’em, so HA! Nectah of the gods. And now I’m starving to death, so I’m going to go eat. Buh-bye!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Oh, but wait. Did I show you the picture I got for my birthday from Fred? I don’t think I did. I’ve been wanting this picture for ages and ages, and so I finally just asked for it. And got it! It’s in a different frame, though. I love, love, LOVE this picture. It’s hanging on my bedroom wall where I can see it from the bed, and I love to just lay in bed and look at it. Does my husband rock, or what? (That’s a rhetorical question. I think we all know he rocks the casbah.) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

so far, bet I can if I really work at it…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Man. It’s only 12:30, and thus far today I’ve: exercised, taken a shower, done laundry, had my hair colored and cut, dropped off packages at the post office, gone to get a new driver’s license, rented a couple of movies, and picked up a bunch of school supplies at Staples for the spud. I need a nap. Nothing against the woman who does my hair, but I always hate having my hair done, because it takes an hour and a half, or thereabouts, and I get bored and fidgety. At least I had a decent ‘do for the driver’s license picture. Getting my driver’s license was the least painful part of the morning, because it took literally less than five minutes. I guess 11:20 on a Tuesday morning is not the busiest time at the license place. I was in and out of there in no time. Our neighbor, the realtor who sold us this house, was in there as well, and spent the entire time he was transacting his business on his cell phone. Rude bastard. (Here in Madison, the Department of Motor Vehicles has a small offshoot in the local grocery store, so I don’t actually have to shlep all the way into Huntsville THANK GOD.) Tomorrow, I have an eye appointment because I’m about out of contacts, which means it’s time to go see the doctor and get a new year’s worth of contacts. I hate going to see the eye doctor. After my appointment, I have to hit Target and Sam’s, which means it’s going to be a busy morning for me. And at some point I need to pick up all the empty boxes laying around the house (seriously, there’s a pile of three boxes in the corner of the computer room, a couple by the garage door, and one by the front door) and figure out a new home for them. I also need to vacuum the downstairs and balance the checkbook. I think I need another vacation. It’s all good, though, because at least THIS is not the week where I have my appointment with the gynecologist. That’s next week, and if I’m not looking forward to seeing the eye doctor, I’m REALLY not looking forward to seeing the gynecologist. I’m already dreading it, even though I know it will be fast and relatively painless, but I always dread it for ages and ages beforehand. It’s probably a good thing that birth control pills aren’t over-the-counter, because if I didn’t have to go back and see her to get a prescription for another year, I doubt I’d EVER go see her. At least it’s 71 degrees out right now. But I could use a little sun, too. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So, the spud started driver’s ed yesterday. When she got home, she told me that the driver’s ed teacher is licensed to give driving tests. Which means that once driver’s ed is up, he can give the kids their test to determine whether they’re ready for their license, which will be mighty convenient since we won’t have to shlep into Huntsville for her to take the test. (Can you tell that shlepping into Huntsville isn’t really my favorite thing?) This is both convenient and scary – because it means that the spud could have her license in just a few short months, which means she will then be able to DRIVE down the ROAD with other vehicles on the road as well. Scary. But convenient for those times when we’ve run out of, say, milk. I can just give her money and send her to the store! And she can go buy her own school supplies! And she can go pick up her own school schedule next August! Still a little scary, but I’m sure I’ll get over it the first time I say “Spud, go to McDonald’s and get me a Diet Coke!” and she DOES. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Last night we watched the first two episodes of 24 we’d taped Sunday night. Toward the end of last season – which we watched on DVD because we hadn’t yet realized the magic of Jack Bauer when it was on TV last year – we noticed that Jack was saying “Okay, fine” ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and Tony was saying “Yeah, sure.” Swear to god, in at least one episode, they were saying nothing BUT “Okay, fine” and “Yeah, sure.” Fred and I decided that the writers had a bet that they could get Jack and Tony to say their respective lines like twenty times each. Chloe: “Jack, I need your permission to floople the doop.” Jack: “Okay, fine.” Chloe: “Tony, Michelle’s on the phone. Do you want me to put her through?” Tony: “Yeah, sure.” Chloe: “Are you sure?” Tony: “Yeah, sure.” Chloe: “Tony’s on the phone, Jack. And terrorists are going to be attacking CTU within the hour. I’m going to run my annoying yet appealingly quirky self into the lady’s room and confront someone and tell them I don’t care what they think about me and whether they believe me, because I’m telling the truth.” Jack: “Okay, fine.” You get the idea. So last night I went through a phase where every time Jack came on the screen and someone asked or told him something, I’d guess that he was going to say “Okay, fine.” But he never said it, not even once. Hmph. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Did I mention that I did a lot of shopping while I was in Maine? I ended up buying a ton of calendars – one more than I actually have space for. When I see calendars on sale for 50% off, I have a hard, hard time resisting. I’m only human, you know! So for now I have two calendars by my desk and one hanging on the refrigerator. I think I’m going to have to put one in the giveaway box, though it’s a Get Fuzzy calendar, and I do love the Get Fuzzy. Obviously I need a bigger house with more calendar-hanging wall space! Anyway, one of the calendars is by National Geographic, and it’s called “Moons“. The pictures are gorgeous, and sitting at my desk I find myself gazing appreciatively at the “January” picture. The other calendar is called Why Cats Do That, and each month has a picture of a cat doing something, and an explanation of why they do it. January’s picture is of a cat grooming, and the explanation (“Because it keeps them clean. DUH. Also, it tones their muscles.”) underneath. And lastly, on the refrigerator hangs the Gary Patterson calendar I get every year because a) I love the pictures, and b) it comes with a magnetic strip for ease of hanging AND a pen with a magnet on the back. And now I believe I’ve yammered on about calendars quite long enough. Plus, I’m hungry as hell. See you tomorrow! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Spanky would like his snack now, please. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>

New logo for the new month, this one by reader Beth, made back in October. Oh, little kitties just crack me up. Thanks, Beth!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So, Sonic lovers, how do you pronounce “route”, as in “I’ll have a Route 44 Diet Coke, please.”? Do you pronounce it “root” or do you pronounce it “rowt”? Because I pronounce it “root”, and the people at the Sonic around the corner act like I’m an idiot, carefully repeating my order back to me “That’s a ROWT 44 Diet Coke?” like I might get the hint. Oh, hell. I think this calls for a poll, don’t you?

“Root” or “Rowt”? Do you pronounce “route” (as in, “Route 44 Diet Coke”) “root” or “rowt”? “Root”, of course! “Rowt”! Duh. I don’t visit Sonic. I have more class than that. I have no opinion. I just want to vote. Current Results

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Julie at Subversive Cross Stitch is donating 100% of all sales through today to AmeriCares to assist in the tsunami relief effort. She’s got some hilarious stuff over there – go buy, quick! I’ll tell you what – if you want one of the cross-stitch pictures, but either can’t cross-stitch or don’t want to be bothered, buy the kit, send it to me, and I’ll do it for you and send it back. Fair enough? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So yes, the spud and I are back from Maine. In fact, we got back Thursday afternoon to a clean house and kitties thrilled to have us home. The house was clean because Fred called a cleaning service to come clean the house from top to bottom the day before we got home. They did a good job, and it’s always nice to come home to a clean house. (It was actually my idea to have them come clean. It was his follow-through that made it happen, though. He rocks, you know.) Of course, four days later the entire house needs to be vacuumed again. I’d use my earnings from the lottery I won when I was in Maine, but I forgot to play the damn lottery, so there are no winnings for me. Damnit. We did some serious-ass shopping while I was in Maine. We went shopping all but one or two days, and I got some really awesome stuff on sale. I didn’t, you will be amazed to hear, buy any books. Oh, wait – that’s a lie. I did buy one book, but it was on sale and I was already buying a calendar, and – MOST IMPORTANTLY – it was before January 1st, so I was okay. How many people really believe I’ll go the entire year buying no books except for those put out by my favorite authors? Hell, I’m not sure I believe it myself. I bought a ton of stuff on sale (the sales were awesome. Did I mention?) and ended up not only going to one of those places where they pack boxes for you to have the breakable stuff packed and shipped home, but I also filled up an entire suitcase with the unbreakable stuff. This only worked because the spud and I each got a suitcase from my parents for Christmas. Suitcases from Hawaii, by the way. I need to snap a picture of them to show y’all how cute they are. Not only did we shop a lot, we ate out at least one meal a day, every day. I got to visit my favorite restaurants – Vinny T’s twice, the Muddy Rudder, an Italian from The Kitty Korner. I had orange Hostess cupcakes and a couple of whoopie pies – all the food I look forward to when planning a trip to Maine. We threw a baby shower for my brother’s girlfriend at the Muddy Rudder, and there was an amazing amount of presents for her to open. I love checking out all the baby stuff and loved buying a bunch of stuff for them, but I for sure wasn’t having the yearning to have another kid. That might change this summer when I get to meet my newest niece or nephew and hold him/ her, but I doubt it – I don’t think another kid is in the cards for us. My brother’s girlfriend is adorable and was completely taken by surprise by the shower, and even more taken by surprise by the fact that my brother was there. My other brother – Tracy – and his wife, Kate, and their kids were already in Maine when I got there, but our visits only overlapped by a day and a half. I was sad to see them go, but glad to get the basement bedroom back, because it’s hell trying to sleep in a single bed when you’re used to a queen. Kate looked absolutely amazing; she had weight loss surgery back at the end of March and has lost more than 110 pounds. It was so weird to see her in person, because I’ve been seeing the pictures, but seeing her in person was a whole different thing, and I had a hard time looking directly at her at first, because my brain just couldn’t comprehend the amazing difference. So I’d stare at her, look away while my brain thought about it, stare at her some more, look away, and so on. Luckily I got over that pretty quickly; it’s amazing to see a difference like that. She’s a tiny thing now – I was afraid I was going to break her when I hugged her. Also, she turned me on to Jack Link’s Beefsteak Nuggets. That stuff is like crack – I finally went to Wal-Mart this morning and bought some of it because I’ve been craving it. I’m not usually a beef jerky fan, but this stuff is really good. Chock-full of protein, too! Also, Typhoid Kate (hee!) gave me her cold. My parents kept insisting that I stuff as many Vitamin C tablets down my throat as I could, and use the ZiCam spray every day, and I have to say that I actually think it worked. I had a cold for about a week – it still hasn’t completely gone away – but it wasn’t severe enough to stop me from shopping, eating out, or going to the movies. (To be honest, I don’t think a brain tumor could stop me from shopping, etc. I’d be yelling “Yeah, I gotta get out of here, there’s a sale at my favorite Hallmark store. Let’s go, Doc, dig that fucker out!”) Let’s see… Oh, like I said, we went to the movies. We saw Meet the Fockers (sucked), National Treasure (awesome), and Ocean’s 12 (not bad – I just like to see all the pretty faces). I’m surprised we only saw three movies this time, but there wasn’t a big selection of movies we wanted to see, either. I spent New Year’s Eve with Liz. We went to dinner at The Outback, which wasn’t bad. The coconut shrimp was awesome, the honey-mustard dressing on my salad was the best I’ve ever had, but the rest of the food? Eh. I had the ribs and chicken, and probably would have been happier at LoneStar. After dinner, we saw Bob Marley* at the Merrill Auditorium, which is only a few blocks from Liz’s apartment. *Bob Marley the comedian, not Bob Marley the reggae guy. When Liz asked if I’d be interested in seeing Bob Marley, I said “Yeah, sure!”, all the while thinking “I had no idea Liz liked Reggae!” It took about two days for the information that she was referring to the comedian to break through the fog encasing my brain. The guy who opened for Bob Marley – whose name I can’t remember – was funny once or twice, but he relied way too much on making fun of gays and the mentally handicapped for my taste. Bob Marley himself was funny at times, but the crowd was going absolutely nuts over stuff that I only thought was mildly humorous. I sure do sound like a snob, don’t I? I guess part of the problem was that I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying, because it was absolutely sweltering in that auditorium, and the stairs were really steep, and I was scared shitless that someone was going to come along and trip over my feet and go flying. I’m sure that if I’d been comfortable he would have been totally hilarious. Or not – he’s another comedian who relied in a large part on making fun of the mentally handicapped. What the hell is up with that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of the big comedians doing jokes like that. You’d never see Jerry Seinfeld staggering around the stage and expecting us to find it funny, would you? (Yeah, sue me. I think Jerry Seinfeld is funny as hell.) Anyway, I dropped Liz off at her apartment after the show and headed home. Except I decided to drive up Forest Avenue to look for a gas station, so I could stop and get a bottle of water. I found a gas station, but it didn’t look all that open, so I kept going, and got all confused because Forest Avenue ends, and there were traffic lights flashing in all directions and I couldn’t figure out when the fuck it was my turn to go, so I pulled a U-turn and went back to the gas station I’d passed, to find that it was actually open. I bought a bottle of water and headed back from whence I’d come, intending to get on 95 or 295 or whatever the hell it is, only I passed the turn without realizing. So I turned around and passed the turn again, turned around, and passed the turn yet again. Swear to god, y’all, I hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol. Add to that the fact that every single time I so much as thought about hitting the brakes, my purse went flying onto the floor, and you might understand why at 11:50 pm on the last night of the year I was bellowing “WHEN THE FUCK AM I GOING TO FIND MYSELF OUT OF THIS HELL, O LORD?” But I eventually got it figured out and was on the highway and halfway home when I glanced at the clock and noticed that I was ten minutes into the new year without having realized it. I haven’t been up past midnight on New Year’s Eve for probably ten years, now. There was very little traffic on the road, and I made it home safe and sound with no further problems. So, I guess that about hits the highlights. I spent lots of time with my sister and mother, did a ton of shopping, eating, reading, and movie-watching. Did some frantic looking for cheap t-shirts for the spud to get for her friends – on Wednesday, we found that Cool as a Moose in Freeport was moving locations, and was selling their t-shirts for $5 each. I bought several, along with a couple for the spud, but didn’t know that she was on the lookout for shirts for her friends, so didn’t get any for her. The lady working at the location where they were selling the $5 t-shirts said they’d be there until Friday. When the spud told us Wednesday night that she wanted to get t-shirts for her friends, we decided we’d go back to Freeport the next day. We did, but they’d closed the old location and were moving everything out. When we tried the new location on Monday, they were closed for inventory. When we went BACK on Wednesday, they said there’d be no more $5 shirts, but that they’d bring the shirts up from the basement eventually and sell them for $9.99. We looked at some more stores in the area, and finally I said “Why don’t we just go back and get some of the $9.99 t-shirts they already have out, and I’ll pay half?” The spud was amenable to that, because we’d been to all the discount stores in the area – Marden’s, Reny’s, Grand City – and found nothing even approaching a $5 t-shirt. The day we left, we had plenty of time to kill in the airport (my father wanted us to leave the house at 8:00. For a flight that left at 10:55. It takes 45 minutes to get to the airport. I don’t think leaving three hours early is really the way to go. We left the house at 8:30, and still had an hour and a half to kill before the flight left.) and went into the gift shop. I bet you know where I’m going with this, don’t you? Yeah. Maine t-shirts for $4.49. I guess next time we’re going to hit the damn gift shop before we do anything! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ We flew Independence Air this time, and I recommend it. What I do NOT recommend, however, is choosing to sit in the front row. Because you THINK you’re going to have more leg room, but you really don’t. And naturally I’d chosen the front-row seats on every single flight. It sucked, is what I’m saying. The flight attendants were funny and nice (although I have to say that I have yet to have a flight attendant on any airline who doesn’t rock – you have to have a sense of humor in that job, I tell you) and the snacks weren’t bad. They even offered hot towels at the end of the flight, and mints, too! If you have a chance to fly Independence, I say you go for it before they file bankruptcy. I don’t recommend you ever fly into the Portland airport, though. My god, it’s about half the size it needs to be, about five other flights landed at the same time ours did, and only one luggage carousel was working, and every asshole in the vicinity thought the best idea would be to stand belly-up to the carousel so that no one else could get to their luggage. They had a carousel packed with luggage, and just kept tossing it on there. Suck, suck, suck. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thanks, y’all, for the birthday wishes yesterday. I had a very low-key day. We went out Friday for Mexican and had my birthday cake, so yesterday I just opened my presents (books, and new slippers from LL Bean. Whee!), tried to catch up on my journal reading, and took a midday nap. It was a good day, topped off by a dinner of garlic slow-cooked chicken. YumMY. Saturday I got not one, but two bouquets of flowers. A dozen roses from Fred, and an arrangement of flowers from Liz. I do love fresh flowers, and just seeing the vases of flowers sitting in the living room makes me smile. My mother, while I was in Maine, said “I hate your wish list! There’s nothing but books on there!” I said “Nuh UH! There are movies and CDs on it, too! Cold Mountain is on there!” She said, “Oh, really?” And when I got home from Maine I found an Amazon box waiting for me. Inside were my birthday presents from my parents – Cold Mountain, the Cold Mountain soundtrack, and Return to Cold Mountain. Gee, do you get the impression that I might’ve liked that movie and the music from it? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~]]>