Category: Life

Self Magazine on Sunday when I ran across the Body Confidence Awards for 2004. Guess who got a Body Confidence Award? Robyn at the now defunct Tampatantrum, for the Blogger Boobie-Thon. Too cool! It would be kind of neat to do something like that to raise money for the non-kill shelter I volunteer for, wouldn’t it? I don’t particularly want to see y’all’s boobies, though, nice as I’m sure they are. I’ll have to think on that… Also receiving a Body Confidence Award was the awesome Catherine Dent from (the awesome) The Shield, who heard that a top stylist referred to her body as “a challenge” and refused to work with said stylist ever again.

* * * Have you ever read anything by Ayn Rand? Should I? Will I like it, or will it bore me? If you’ve read anything (or everything) by her and you know we have the same taste in reading material, give me an opinion down there in the comments, wouldya? (And for the record, I DO like more than Zany Chick stuff. But it’s got to be interesting. If it’s not interesting I won’t bother to give it more than a chapter or two.) My brother Randy gave me a copy of something by Ayn Rand (I don’t remember which book) when I was in high school but I either lost it or didn’t like the first few pages. When he asked if I’d read it, I gave him a big fake smile and said “Yeah, it was good!” and then ran away before he could ask for details. Also, Kafka. Should I read something by him? I told my senior English teacher that my favorite book was The Metamorphosis, WHICH I HAD NEVER READ. I was all about trying to impress my teachers with the books I was reading. It usually worked, too. Heh. Give me your Kafka opinions in the comments as well, if you please. * * * Good fucking god. That Randi chick on My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance is just getting all over my nerves. Get OVER yourself, princess. Interesting fact: the actor who plays Steve is actually married in real life. If I were his wife, I’d be pretty pissed at all the crap Princess Randi is saying. * * * Petstore kitty pics from yesterday are here. * * * The spud wanted to download Yaho0 Messeng3r yesterday, so I stood over her and supervised while she downloaded and installed it. Then I came back downstairs, installed it myself, and taught her the simple stuff – how to message someone, add them to your friends list, stuff like that. Then I signed on after dinner and chatted with the spud until I logged off to go watch TV with Fred at 7:00. Fred kept saying “What on earth can you possibly be TALKING about?” Nothing too exciting, but it was still kind of fun. spud: Hahah spud: type spud:lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll spud: mum? mom: Yeah? spud: oh. thought u got off or somthing. spud: do you know much about the salem witch trials? mom: Not really mom: Are you studying them in school? spud: no. we are going to start on the mla paper and i can’t decide on a topic. spud: fun. fun. fun. in the sun. doodoodooodooo mom: The Salem witch trials sounds like an interesting topic mom: Do you have any other ideas? spud: yeah that is what i want to do but i need to make sure that i can get at least 7 sources or so from it. spud: Pope leo x See? Nothing earth-shattering, but I think she enjoyed it, and she still types slowly enough that I can go do other things in between responses. I also gave her the rules – no messaging with anyone she doesn’t know, no giving out her last name, address, phone number. If someone messages her, she is to say “I’m not allowed to chat with people I don’t know”, and if they persist, to come get me and I’ll show her how to add people to the ignore list. I swear, we’re going to make this kid so paranoid about anything to do with chatting online. Better paranoid than hitchhiking across the country to meet some perv though, eh? * * * Hey! Remember when I mentioned the carpet guys who came to replace the carpet upstairs that Tubby had peed on and pretty much ruined? And how they pulled up the carpet and sprayed some kind of magic something-or-other that immediately killed the stink? And how I didn’t know the name of it? Well, the carpet guys came back last week to deal with the piece of carpet in the computer room that has caused us trouble for the last year or so. While they were here, Fred said “By any chance could we buy some of that stuff from you?” The guy said “Let me see if I have some in the van I can sell you”, and when he came back inside, he had a gallon jug which was half full of the stuff. He sold it to us for what it cost him to buy (LOVE the carpet dude!), and now we have more than we’ll hopefully need anytime soon. Know why I couldn’t find a link for it online? Because I was spelling it wrong, of course. It’s called Axi-dent. The stuff we have is in a big jug and doesn’t look exactly like the stuff in that link, but surely it’s got to be the same stuff. And it ROCKS. * * * Miz Poo sure does love to be outside in the sun. Also, she loves to lay on the side table, under the warm, warm lamp. She does NOT, however, like it when Daddy gets too close with the camera. ]]>

Which Happy Bunny Are You?

You are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You’re adorable, but a little out there. It’s alright, you might not have it all, but there are worse. (Thanks to reader Kris who sent me the link!) * * * This cat looks an awful lot like Fancypants, doesn’t he? He’s here, too. (Thanks to Nance who sent me those links and cracked me up) * * * You know, I am neither pro- nor anti – Howard Dean, and I just don’t get the brouhaha over his speech in Iowa. To me, he didn’t look like he was “losing it” at all – he looked like he was trying to hype up his supporters and getting pretty excited in the process. Kind of nice to see some emotion from a presidential candidate, though after that there’s no way on god’s green earth the man will get himself elected (although, I’m told that there was no way he was going to be elected before the YARGH speech either, so there ya go). That said, the man has some seriously craaaaazy eyes. It might be interesting to have him in charge of running the country just to see how long before he snaps and declares war on South Dakota. * * * I got a box of birthday presents from the lovely and wonderful Nancypants on Saturday. What did I find in the big box o’ birthday love? Why, the best presents possible, of course! A cozy fleece blanket featuring my favorite shade o’ yellow! And a framed picture of MY BAYBEE! Also, there was a cat ink stamp and a pad of ink. I would show you the efforts of my using the stamp, but I am fumble-fingered to the extreme and managed to make a bit of a mess of it. I’m no Kathy or Stefani when it comes to being talented with the stamps, believe you me! (Nance also tossed some therma-care heat wraps in the box, with the suggestion that I stick them on my ass if I get cold. Hee!) Nance rocks! As does Dale. Rock, I say! I had the blanket wrapped around me when I was sitting in front of the computer this morning, and a tiny little edge of the blanket was resting on the desk. It took about 10 seconds for Miz Poo to sense that there was unused blanket somewhere in the house, hunt it down, and sit her ass down on it. When I got up to go make breakfast, I left the blanket on the chair, and when I came back a minute later, Miz Poo had claimed both the blanket and the chair for herself. I sense that there is a battle of epic proportions in my future, a show-down between Miz Poo and I as to just WHO the blanket belongs to. (And I suspect that I won’t be the winner of that battle, sadly.) * * * While I’m thanking people, I’d like to thank reader Sofia in Sweden, who sent me a Magnetic Poetry Kit for Cat Lovers – can you believe I didn’t already have one of those?! Please email me so that I can thank you properly, Sofia! Thanks also to Anelie, who sent me the soundtrack to Xanadu (shaddup, y’all, I love that movie!)! * * * Hee! That Erin sure does crack me up.]]>

Why, why, whyyyyyyyyyyyyy? ::sob:: (Also, heh!) I, for one, did NOT see this one coming from a mile away. (If you don’t want to click those links, or they’re long gone by the time you read this entry, those links both have to do with the breakup of Jennifer Lopez and the large-noggined Ben Affleck) Oh, and while I’m thinking of The Affleck, Kate mentioned in my comments the other day that she thinks Scott Peterson and Ben Affleck were separated at birth. I can see the resemblance, although Ben’s big, bloated, scary head (seriously, seeing that head come toward you has got to be a scary thing) is twice the size of Scott Peterson’s. For the record, I don’t dislike The Affleck at ALL. I’m just frightened by his noggin. You know, the older I get, the more everyone seems to resemble someone else. Last night we were watching an episode from the second season of The Shield, and I thought Boy, that Connie sure does look like she could be Jennifer Jason Leigh‘s sister! I’ve always noticed that I have a very strong resemblance to Ashley Judd. (In my dreams, that is)

* * * Fred and I went out last Sunday in search of a shelf unit to fit the kitchen closet. There’s a lot of stuff I keep stored in that closet, and there’s only one shelf, which doesn’t hold all the crap I keep crammed in there. So we went to Lowe’s – within a mile of our house there is not only a Lowe’s, but also a Home Depot – and checked out the shelf units. We found one that would fit in the closet and was less than $20. Fred had to track down a Lowe’s employee to find out that they were out of stock, but “the truck” would be delivering more on Monday or Tuesday. “Do you want to go to Home Depot?” Fred asked as we trudged back out to the car. “I hate Home Depot, but if you want to look…” “Let’s just look!” I said. And we drove over to Home Depot and went inside, and that’s when I discovered why Fred hated Home Depot so much. Because while Home Depot has many of the same items as Lowe’s, something about the way the store is arranged is much less inviting. They also didn’t have anything like the shelf unit we’d liked at Lowe’s, and so we went away empty-handed. Damn Home Depot. “Home Depot is like the Wal-Mart, and Lowe’s is like the Target,” I said. I think I’ve mentioned how much I’ve come to hate Wal-Mart in the last few years, haven’t I? And how much I love Target? On Monday, I had to go out and buy new sheets for my bed. In a non-sex-related act of he-man-ism, Fred managed to rip the fitted sheet and since I had only one set of sheets for the bed and sleeping on a semi-ripped sheet was bugging me, AND since I had a 20% off coupon at Bed, Bath and Beyond, I took the spud and headed out to buy new sheets. After a great deal of looking around, I located the sheets I wanted – I cannot, for the record, stand really soft sheets. I MUST have crisp, cool sheets to sleep on. Once upon a time I bought a set of those t-shirt sheets because that damn OPRAH made them sound so amazing, and I lasted all of ten minutes on the sheets before I got up to take them off the bed and put the old ones back on. Anyway, I found the sheets I wanted – a solid smoky-blue color – bought a couple of extra pillow cases, grabbed a 6-muffin tin, and then decided to look at throw pillows. The throw pillows on our couch are getting rather threadbare, due to the fact that that damn TUBBY likes to sleep on them and get them all covered with cat fur, and then I have to vacuum them, which makes him want to sleep on them all that much more, and so forth into infinity. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the pillows. So I searched in vain for throw pillows, wandering all over Bed, Bath and Beyond, and when I found the correct section, I couldn’t find a single throw pillow that I liked, and I was puzzled. I thought this place had a bunch of throw pillows that I liked last time, I thought to myself. And then I realized I was thinking of Linens ‘n Things. Apparently I’m determined to compare everything in the world to Wal-Mart or Target, because I immediately thought Bed, Bath and Beyond is the Wal-Mart and Linens ‘n Things is the Target! Yep. I need a life. What’s new? * * * At this moment, what is your favorite… 1. …song? Girlfriend, by Bob Guiney. I know, shut up, I can’t HELP IT. I mean, YOU listen to the line Could you make a phone call to Jesus to clean up my soul and resist the charms of The Bob, just try it! 2. …food? Lobster, always and forever. But we’re having General Tso’s chicken for dinner tonight, which is running a close second at the moment. 3. …tv show? Survivor!!!!!! ONLY A LITTLE MORE THAN A WEEK! WHOO! 4. …scent? Sand & Sable perfume – it smells like summertime to me. Summertime at the beach. 5. …quote? “Fuck those fuckers.” – unknown * * * (All pictures taken by Fred) The Bean yawns. And yawns. Also, he yawns. I call this one “The Bean. Addled.” More addle-ation. The BEST picture EVER. Click on it if you want the full-sized version for yourself. ]]>

Odd Thomas late last night – and liked it a great deal – but I was so blindsided by the twist at the end that I burst into tears. Hmph. Gotta love that Dean Koontz. Next up is Bad to the Bone (from the Casey Jones series by Katy Munger), followed by Autobiography of a Fat Bride, followed by the next in the Casey Jones series, followed by The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club, followed by the next in the Casey Jones series. When Fred suggested that I read Odd Thomas, I had just finished reading Blood. “I can’t read that next,” I told him. “I have to read a book from the Casey Jones series next, because my plan is to read one series book, then one non-series book, then a series book, and so on.” “Okay, RAINMAN, ” he snarked. He’s one to talk.

* * * On The Bachelorette last night, what the hell was up with that Rick guy? I don’t know that I’ve ever heard a man refer to himself as a metrosexual, first of all. Second of all, what kind of yahoo doesn’t like BASIL? I mean, basil. BASIL. That’s got to be about the least offensive herb out there, second only to parsley. How can you possibly not like basil? Freak. Run, Meredith, run! I know he’s a cross between Greg and Peter Brady combined and adorable as hell, but you don’t need the headache. I’m starting to really like Ian, despite his strong resemblance to Phillip Spaulding. What was up with Paula hating that blond girl on American Idol last night and telling her that she was “affected”? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Paula do that before, she’s supposed to be the nice one! A week and a half to All-Star Survivor! I was talking on the phone to Liz last night, and I pointed out that the cool thing with the All-Star cast is that there won’t be that learning curve while we try to figure out who’s who and whether we like them or not. We can start right away with the Jerri hatred and the Alicia love. Woot! * * * When I was in Maine, my mother, the kids, and I stopped at Sears one day so that she could look at treadmills. She wanted one to put in her basement to use on the days it was too cold or slushy or rainy out, and so the kids and I had a high time trying out all the exercise equipment. Brian fooling around on the Gazelle and I think the spud was on an elliptical trainer. Anyway, while we were there I took advantage of the moment to try out the elliptical trainers and decided that I really liked the NordicTrack elliptical trainer. Fred and I had been talking for a while about getting an elliptical trainer, but wanted to wait until I had actually tried one out. When we got home from Maine, I mentioned to Fred that I liked the NordicTrack, and to my surprise – usually when I suggest that we need a new piece of exercise equipment, he tells me we have no room in the garage (which is true) – he said he’d stop at Sears at some point and check them out. Long story short (too late!), the NordicTrack elliptical trainer was back-ordered and so Fred ordered one and it arrived yesterday, so he went and picked it up. When he brought it home, he decided to put it together immediately. And then he spent three hours putting it together. At one point I had dinner cooking on the stove and was trying to help him. “Tell me what the instructions say to do next,” he said. I picked up the book and looked at it, and honestly, it could have been written in another language completely. It made no sense to me at all. “It makes no sense to me at all,” I said. “It’s like it’s written in Greek!” Fred took the book from me. “I’ve GOT it,” he said. “I’ll do it, go back inside.” Note to the husbands out there: You don’t actually have to say the words “You’re a dumbass” to get the idea across, and thus when your wife is mad at you later and you so very innocently say “Are you mad about something?” and she says “YOU CALLED ME A DUMBASS!” and you say “I did NOT call you a dumbass!”, you are wrong and she is right and you’d best commence to begging for forgiveness, you fucker. So the elliptical trainer is put together, but we need batteries for the display thingy (as the spud would say), so I haven’t really used it for exercise yet, though I’ve been out in the garage a few times trying it out. What I really like about it is that it’s quiet enough that I’ll be able to watch a movie or a TV show while I’m on it, and actually HEAR it (the stationary bike is too loud to hear what’s going on if a TV or movie is playing). I’m thinking I’ll start taping the Ellen Degeneres Show every night, because that is one funny-ass woman. * * * Since we bought the kick-ass new camera last month and we have a backup still-pretty-good camera, I decided that we’d give our old camera – the one that writes pictures to floppy disks – to the spud. I bought a pack of floppy disks, showed the spud how to copy all her pictures to her hard-drive, and gave her the recharger to recharge the battery to the camera. She’s been a picture-taking fool ever since, and she’s taken some pretty good ones. What does she take pictures of? Silly readers. I think you KNOW. Spanky might be a little dumb, but he’s certainly HAPPY. Tubby does his thing… …while Miz Poo considers kicking his ass. ]]>

learned from her mistakes, and good for her. Now isn’t there anything we can do to force Joey Buttafuoco back into obscurity? I should add that I was MIGHTY sick of hearing about the whole Amy Fisher thing back when it was happening. I mean, they made THREE MOVIES about the whole thing. To my chagrin, I actually bought the version starring Drew Barrymore for $5 at Wal-Mart. If I ever watched it, I’ve blocked it from my memory, though.

* * * I realized yesterday that if I don’t want people staring at my chest, it’s probably best not to wear t-shirts or sweatshirts with something written across the chest. Simultaneously, I realized that people weren’t staring at my chest yesterday because I have such spectacular boobs, but rather because I had “HAPPY” written across my chest in huge white letters. What a blow to the ego. * * * I’m so damn glad American Idol is back. I sure did miss that show. That redheaded kid who did the Dean Martin impression and then sang for real was just amazing. And adorable. I’m looking forward to seeing more of him. I liked Scooter Gal, but she needs to tone it DOWN just a tad. I also liked the Daddy’s girl, the blond with the bluesy voice whose name I cannot recall. When Survivor starts in a week and a half (!), I’m going to be in hog heaven. We watched the first episode of My Big Fat Obnoxious Fianc� Monday night. NOT a big fan of that Randi chick – get OVER yourself, princess! – but then I would bet it’s probably edited so that any halfway negative thing she said about him was left in, and any halfway nice thing she said about him was edited out. But that girl takes herself WAY too seriously. For crying out loud, he’s obnoxious, but he’s also kind of funny. Ah well, we shall see how it goes. I’m betting that even if her entire family doesn’t stay for the wedding, she’ll end up with the money or at least part of it. The guy – Steve – looks an awful lot like Matthew Perry, at least to me. * * * Kat, who apparently has a camera installed somewhere in my house, suggested in my comments yesterday that I use blogrolling to organize the GFY page. At the very moment she posted that comment, I WAS ON THE BLOGROLLING PAGE. How freaky is that? Only I was on the blogrolling page to check it out for myself – it hadn’t occurred to me to use it for the GFY page. What an awesome idea! That Kat, she rocks. So I’m signed up for blogrolling and I’ve started adding links, but here’s my question that hopefully one of you can help me with. I want to add the 1-click blogrolling to my link bar, but when I try to drag it up there, it shows the circle-with-a-line you-can’t-do-this symbol. I’m running Internet Expl0rer version 6.0. Help? Anyone? Can you help a clueless sister out? * * * This picture of the Bean absolutely cracks me UP. He wasn’t actually yawning – he was licking his lips. (Another fabulous picture taken by Fred.) The Bean loves his Daddy, but he has a special place in his heart for the Momma. Especially when she’s laying on the couch and providing acres and acres of flabulous softness upon which he can lay his little head.]]>

Hello and welcome, readers who are finding their way here via iwilldare.com. The information you’re looking for – the information jodi was referring to – is available in the comments. “The Outlaw” was NOT my husband, Fred, but rather a man named Timothy Hensley who was married and pretended not to be – I’m pretty sure Jodi will corroborate this. Like I said, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on “comments” until you see the comment about who Timothy Hensley is. Also, please stop searching my site for things such as “Fred married” and “The Outlaw”, because there’s no such information available on this site. Thanks!

* * * Pet store kitty pics are hither. * * * Rumor has it that Timothy Hensley is a lying c*nt. (Word censored not because I’m afraid of it, but because I don’t want to be inundated with porn seekers. Any more than I already am, that is.) * * * So I got a birthday check from Fred’s parents – they always send money for our birthdays, and it’s always much appreciated – and that along with the money I got from my parents for my birthday AND the money I’ve been halfheartedly saving for a few months meant that I could buy something I’ve really been wanting. A Kitchenaid mixer! I mean, I know that I don’t really use the mixer all that much, but I’ve been absolutely drooling over the Kitchenaid mixers ever since we went through a spell of watching Em3ril a lot a few years ago. So I went on Amazon and ordered the mixer, and I couldn’t quite decide which shade of yellow to order. (You knew it was going to be yellow, right? Some day I’m going to have a kitchen with plenty of cupboard space and various yellow appliances) Lemon seemed too bright: Sunflower seemed too gold: I decided on Majestic Yellow, which seemed like a nice, clear shade of yellow, but not eye-poppingly bright the way the Lemon seemed to be. I placed the order with Amazon, opted for the free shipping, and sat back to wait. Every now and then, I’d look at the color I’d chosen and decide again that I’d made the right choice. Visions of the cookies and cakes and muffins and mashed potatoes I’d make with the mixer danced through my head, and I could barely stand the excitement. Last Friday, it finally came. But as I was bloated and full and sleepy from having pizza for dinner, I wisely decided to wait until the next morning to wrestle the mixer from the box. I’m weird about stuff I really, really want. I’ll really, really want it for a long time, I’ll save up the money to buy it, or put it on my wish list until I have enough money to buy it, I’ll be extremely excited once I’ve ordered it, or have enough money to go to the store to buy it, and then once it’s in the house and it’s mine all mine, I don’t want anything to do with it. I leave it on the counter and circle it for a few days, think about opening it, until finally at some point I just open it. So Saturday morning I took it out of the box and looked at it. “Huh,” I said. “This is not quite what I was expecting.” Fred came out of the computer room to look at it. “Huh,” he said. “It’s kind of like the yellow version of avocado green.” And he was right, it was. It was yellow, but not the clear, light yellow I’d expected. It was more of a gold-yellow, and in fact the color of a shag rug you’d find in a house that was stuck in the ’70s. I tried to convince myself that I liked it. I made a special spot for it on the counter. I said “Isn’t it great??” to Fred (his reply: “Uh, sure. If you say so.”). I imagined using it to make cakes and cookies and muffins. But when it came down to it, I just didn’t like it. And considering how expensive it was, it was ridiculous, I decided, to keep it if I didn’t absolutely love it. So I’m exchanging it for the lemon one. It might be too bright, but at least it’ll make me happy when it catches my eye. * * * I finally got off my ass (or rather, sat down ON my ass) and began organizing the GFY page. Ho-LY shit, is that going to be a serious undertaking. I mean, go look at the current page. And then think about the fact that I have to alphabetize all of that by journal/ blog name. Ugh. I’m shooting to have it organized and up in the new spot by February 15th. Let’s see if I actually make that goal. Oh, and that reminds me – does anyone know if Krista, formerly of Holy Shenanigans, is around and blogging elsewhere these days? I miss her! * * * While I’m asking for help, I know y’all can help me with this. There’s a video I’ve seen twice on VH-1 (because I am ooooooooold). In the video, there’s a guy and a girl, and they’re apparently breaking up (she may be packing her bags, I don’t remember), and she leaves in a cab, and he pauses and then starts running after her cab. The cab gets into some sort of accident and he’s standing there and what appears to be her spirit gets out of the wreck and walks over to him and kisses and hugs him, and all is right in his world, and then the camera pans over a newspaper, and we see that he was killed in an accident on a bridge. My question to you: What’s the song, and what’s the group? Both times I saw the video, I thought Oh, I like that song, what is it? and waited to find out, and no sooner had the name of both the song and the group went in one brain cell and out another. What makes me even more stupid is that BOTH TIMES I found out the name of the group, I thought Oh, I like all the songs by them that I’ve heard. I should put their cd on my wish list. Won’t you help an early-onset Alzheimer’s-having sister? * * * “Hey, Momma, want to share some of that ice cream with me?” “How ’bout if I come really close? Interested in sharing now?”]]>

call ME on my birthday? And also, where are MY damn ponies? HMPH.

* * * Friday Five on Monday. 1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails? I don’t have a signature line. Sometimes if I email someone and think they might not know who I am, I’ll put my url under my name, but I rarely do that anymore. 2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven’t graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be? I didn’t have a quote, but I’m sure it would have been something deep and meaninglessful. 3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say? I think that “Robyn” would do, but I’m sure that’s already taken in the state o’ Alabama. I actually used to have “Mommie” on my license plate, and when I moved to Rhode Island, the guy who took my money every day at the parking garage (I worked in Providence for a few months – and I don’t recommend the Newport-to-Providence commute) called me “Mommie.” 4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say? Nope, never have. I wouldn’t mind getting a pen with “Go Fuck Yourself” engraved upon it, though. That would rock. 5. What would you like your epitaph to be? “What the fuck?” * * * Stolen from Cetta. What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with? Edwin. Also the middle name of the first person I married (since they’re the same person and all) What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color? My raggedy-ass Hanes Her Way Seamless Hi-cuts in a washed-out tannish-pink color. Seriously, these things should probably go in the trash, but they’re SO comfortable, and Hanes Her Way has stopped making the seamless hi-cuts. Bastards! What is the song you want played at your funeral? “Walkin’ on Sunshine.” Please, let’s not go with “Tears in Heaven.” Oh, how about “All By Myself”, like Nicole Kidman in To Die For – that was delightfully cheesy. What would your last meal be before getting executed? Lobstah, of course. A couple of them. Accompanied by an ice-cold Diet Coke and followed by a whoopie pie. Beatles or Stones? Beatles. Not a fan of the Stones. Not a HUGE fan of the Beatles, but I like a song or three. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be? I don’t know that I could ever make that decision. The person whose problems you would never want to hear again? No one comes to mind, really. I don’t guess I care to hear any more about AJ from the Backstreet B0ys, who cheated on his fiancee and broke her heart. Yeah, whatever, grovel and beg and get her back, or move on, AJ, you cheating motherfucker. What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex? Smile. I love Fred’s smile. (Shaddup) If you could have any super power what would it be? To fly. Or to be invisible. Both! I want both! Favorite hangover cure? I don’t have one – I’ve had maybe two hangovers in my life. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk? Depends on the drink, but I’d guess two or three would do it. Favorite Outkast lyric? From the weave to the fake eyes/ to the fake nails, down to the toes/ Ha ha ha ha! We luv deez hoez/ Ha ha ha ha! We luv deez hoez (Heh – I’m kidding. I googled Outkast song lyrics and chose a song at random. I bet it’s got a fun-kay beat. But can you dance to it?) Hair color you most like someone you’re dating to have? I’ve always liked blonds, but never dated one. If you had to be blind or deaf? Deaf, I think. But my preferance is really “Neither, please.” Do you have any psychiatric problems? Is bitchiness a psychiatric problem? Least favorite month? February is always kind of cold and gray. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Favorite person in the whole world? Is it goofy to pick Fred? When’s the last time you went on a date? Uh. When I was 19? I keep trying to convince Fred that we should have one date-night a week, but he won’t go for it. Bastard. Do you like violent movies or dirty movies? How about a combination of the two? Fall or spring? I’m picking Spring, but only because Summer follows Spring, and I prefer hot weather over cold. I do love Fall an awful lot, though. Person you most wish you hadn’t made out with? Brad Pitt. Really, we couldn’t even look at each other the next day. If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with? I’ve always said Sharon Stone, because she seems like she’s got a sense of humor, but she’s getting awfully long in the tooth (Haha! Jesus, I’m kidding. Take a deep breath, freaks.). I don’t know – Frances McDormand has been looking pretty hot lately, in Laurel Canyon and Something’s Gotta Give. Seriously, I can’t imagine ever wanting to have sex with a woman; that just doesn’t do it for me. It don’t mean a thing if it don’t have that schwing, as Sharon Stone once said. Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle? Coast of Maine in the summer, coast of Florida in the winter sounds good. Who is the person you can count on most? Fred, of course. If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors? Michael Chiklis. Yeah, baybee. What books have you pretended you’ve read? When I was in high school, I carried The Gulag Archipelago around with me in an attempt to impress my history teacher. I think it worked. but I never actually got more than a few pages in. These days, I don’t much give a shit what people think about what I read, and I tend toward chick-lit (the name really doesn’t do the genre justice, by the way, and if you’re looking for some decent Chick Lit, I’d look in the direction of books published by Red Dress Ink. Yes, it’s owned by Harlequin, but the books are consistently well-written and interesting. Downtown Press is a label devoted to Chick Lit, but (with obvious exceptions) I find their books second-rate when compared to the Red Dress Ink books. THIS IS OF COURSE MY OPINION AND MINE ALONE). What’s a word you would use to describe your life? Contented, with the occasional dash of stress to keep me on my toes. What did you dream last night? About being the only non-All-Star on All-Star Survivor. Because Mark Burnett liked me THAT much. It is probably both sad and pathetic that I have at least one dream a month that I’m on Survivor. Favorite bands? I could never narrow it down to one or twenty. Depends on my mood. At the moment, I could go for some Pearl Jam, with a bit of Candlebox, Gin Blossoms, a soupcon of Matchbox 20, and a healthy dash of Del Amitri. Also, Edwin McCain and Jude Cole. * * * A good angle for Tubby. He looks positively svelte! ]]>

this made me laugh really hard yesterday. Hee!

* * * I put too much perfume on this morning and now I’m sitting here with the stank rays shooting off me in every direction. I won’t be spending much time in public today – a run to the grocery store and then maybe the post office later – and thank god for that. I hate to be one of those women you can smell coming from three aisles away. I’m wearing Pleasures today, by the way. I bought a purse-sized solid version of it (it looks like a little lipstick!) when I was in Maine. I didn’t realize how concentrated it was, though, thus the stank rays. I smell good, though. Strong, but good. * * * If you didn’t read Fred’s entry from yesterday, you must go check it out now. There are some incredibly awesome pictures of the Bean. Let me point out that I’m the one who came up with the idea of pretending to yawn so that the Bean would get all yawn-y. That cat just cracks me up. * * * The spud came into the computer room the other night wanting help with a homework assignment. When Fred asked her what the assignment was, the spud seemed to enter another dimension, one where only about every third word was coming through. The child made NO sense at all. “And the thing and the teacher and the Greek gods and then the today?” she said. Fred struggled with her for a few more minutes and then turned to me. “Do you have any clue what she needs?” he asked, and I allowed as to how I was clueless. Finally, she came back downstairs with the sheet of paper detailing the assignment. “God LORD,” Fred said. “Why didn’t you just SAY that?” Please tell me that they start making more sense when they get older. * * * I was apparently under a cloud of Dumbassery this morning. I opened the back door to let the cats wander around in the yard because there were two squirrels hanging around the bird feeders, and Miz Poo, Spot, and the Bean were losing their little kitty minds. After I opened the back door, I went out into the shed and grabbed a garbage can to block the hole in the fence that Spanky went through the other day. And then I wandered off to eat breakfast. I got up every few minutes to check on them, and they were mostly wandering around by the bird feeders and paying the fence no mind. I got caught up in a conversation with Fred, finished eating my breakfast, and then went back to the door to check on them again. Spot and Spanky were sitting on the patio, but Miz Poo and the Bean were nowhere to be found. I went back into the house to see if they had gotten cold and were hanging out in the living room, but they were not in sight. I went back outside and walked around the yard, even stopping to look under the shed. Nothing. I went back in the house, checked every nook and cranny, hoping they’d been scared into the house by a particularly noisy truck or car driving by on the other side of the fence. Nada. I finally got a clue and shooed Spot and Spanky back into the house (Tubby was already in the house, hanging out at the top of the stairs) and shut the door so that they didn’t go missing as well. I grabbed a rattly toy and went back out into the yard, calling alternately for Miz Poo and the Bean (“Little kitty! Little kitty, come play!”), and looked under the shed again. Still nothing. I came back in the house, double-checked all the usual hiding places, and even checked the places they couldn’t possibly be, like under the sink and in the cabinets. I had just picked up the phone and turned it on, about to dial Fred’s phone number and cry at him about how I’d lost our favorite cats (he told me this morning that he thinks the Bean is his Miz Poo – that is, he feels about the Bean the way I feel about Miz Poo), when I heard a howling at the door. I opened it, and the Bean shot through the door, howling and chirruping the entire way. But still no Miz Poo. I checked all her hiding places for a third time and came up empty. I picked up the phone and called Fred. “I’ve lost Miz Poo!” I told him, and stepped out into the back yard. “What? Really?” he said. And then I saw a Poo-shaped cat on the other side of the fence – the BUSY ROAD side of the fence, and about ten feet down, behind the neighbor’s back yard. I ran over to the fence and called her name, and she chirped and meowed frantically at me. I walked along the fence, calling her name, and pulled the garbage can away from the gap in the fence Spanky had gone through the other day. She couldn’t even get her HEAD through the gap, let alone her body. I continued walking along the fence, calling her and looking to be sure she was following me. She did, stopping every few seconds to cringe and flatten against the ground when a car or truck drove by. Finally, we reached the other end of the yard, the part of the fence where the guy hit it with the car last September. When the fence guy came and replaced that part of the fence the following Monday, he left a gap between the bottom of the fence (or, I guess I should say, when the guy cartwheeled his car through the fence, he gouged a lot of the lawn that had been at the level of the bottom of the fence, thus causing a gap under the fence). I didn’t think Miz Poo would fit through the gap – and I didn’t know what I was going to do if she didn’t, but now that I think about that, that’s a stupid thing to worry about, because she got OUT there, didn’t she? There had to be a way for her to get back – but in that way that cats have of somehow collapsing in on themselves, she slipped through the gap, and then stopped and stared up at me, howling her fool head off. I’m such a big baby that I started getting all teary-eyed from the relief. I just KNOW that Miz Poo would never have considered going under that gap in the fence if that troublemaking bastardly Bean hadn’t done it first. Bastard. * * * My roses, a week later. Holding up well, and looking mighty gorgeous. From now on, these are my favorite flowers, Fred. And I understand Valentine’s Day is right around the corner… This is the tidal river which is next to The Muddy Rudder. This picture would have been a whole lot better if the sun had been out. I think this picture was around ’75, though I could be off by a year or three. Check out the fakey smile on my face. Even then I was perfecting the “Take the picture damnit” look. I can’t guarantee it, but I believe Randy got in trouble for – as my father claimed – blinking faster than usual so he’d be caught in a blink in the picture. He looks like he just got yelled at, doesn’t he? (That’s him on the left in the back row) And – hee! – look at Debbie, not even looking at the camera at ALL. Miz Poo on the “night vision” setting. ]]>

check it out – it’s all cat pictures, and some pretty damn good ones.

* * * Loved, loved, LOVED The Bachelorette last night. Not only do I like Meredith, but some of those guys – whoo! At the moment, my favorite is Rick, who very well could have grown up as a member of the Brady Bunch. A strong resemblance to Peter Brady, that one. And from the previews for the rest of the season, it looks like it’s going to be a gooooooood one. * * * It was warm out yesterday afternoon – around 60, I believe, whoo! – so I had the spud open the back door so the cats could explore the back yard. Thus far, the Bean hasn’t gone out into the actual yard all that much, since the feel of grass on his feet is a sensation he doesn’t care for. Yesterday, though, he ran around all over the lawn like his stumpy little tail was on fire. I went to the door to check on him at one point – I’m more than a little afraid that he’ll climb the fence, and I really and truly don’t want that to happen, because he’s just a dumb little dumbass, and he’ll either run out into the road and get his stupid ass run over, or he’ll go make an ass out of himself in one of the neighbors’ back yard, because he just has no fear – and he had started to climb the tree. “Stop that!” I yelled, running toward him and clapping my hands. “Get down from there!” I had visions of his stupid ass either climbing to the top of the tree and being unable to figure out how to get back down, or climbing up the tree and launching himself over the fence and into the busy road that runs along the other side of the fence. But he saw me and heard me yelling, and in a rare instance of good-kitty-ness, he got down and sniffed around the bottom of the tree. I came back inside to finish preparing dinner, vowing to keep an eye on that troublesome Bean. A few minutes later, I looked out the door and saw the Bean, Tubby, and Spanky sniffing around a gap in the fence. I thought it was a gap that was too small for any of them other than the Bean to get through (and I didn’t think the Bean would go that close to the fence due to the noisy traffic on the other side), but as I watched, Spanky slipped through the gap. “Hey!” I yelled, running across the yard. “Get back here!” The Bean and Tubby, scared to see The Momma running and yelling in their direction, ran away from the fence and through the open back door. Spanky’s head popped back through the gap. “Get your ass over here!” I yelled, and he slipped back through the gap and ran into the house. So I guess the back door will stay closed – despite the lovely weather – until someone gets that gap covered. Poor kitties. * * * Remember how back before Christmas break, the spud got asked out by a boy named Kelt0n? Well, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. It appears that Kelt0n’s mother was fine with the idea of Kelt0n going out on a date with the spud, but his father didn’t think it was a good idea. I have no idea why his father didn’t think it’s a good idea – whether it’s because he thinks they’re too young, or he didn’t like the looks of the spud (“That girl looks like trouble, son!”), or because the spud is white and Kelt0n is black. Maybe Kelt0n got scared about going out with a girl and is lying about what his dad said. Who the hell knows? The spud doesn’t seem to be all that heart-broken over it; I have a suspicion that she was more excited about being asked to go out on a date than who the date was actually with. Ah well. This is just the beginning, I fear. I think that next time some boy asks the spud out on a date, I’ll just hunt him down with my rifle and shoot him like the dog all fifteen year-old boys are. (Except yours, of course.) * * * I went upstairs yesterday afternoon to vacuum the upstairs with my handy-dandy so-damn-cool Dyson vacuum, and as I approached the master bedroom, I saw Tubby laying on the end of the bed, and not two inches away from Tubby was a trail of barf down the side of the comforter, leading to a pile of barf on the floor. In front of the pile of barf was the Bean, who took advantage of the occasion to have himself a little snack. And, no. I didn’t stop him. * * * Here’s another shot of my dad when he was very very young. And this is what he looks like these days. This is what the parking lot at the mall looked like a few days before I left Maine. Crappy and slushy and wet and cold, but we shopped anyway! There’s a river that runs by the end of the street my parents live on. This picture would have come out a whole hell of a lot better if the sun had been shining, methinks. * * * Does it wuv it’s daddy? Why, yes. Yes, it does. ]]>

Deborah Knott books, by Margaret Maron. The Casey Jones series, by Katy Munger, and the Miss Julia books, by Ann B. Ross. Oh, and the Shakespeare’s books by Charlaine Harris. Oh, and looky – another not-yet-published book to add to my wishlist: the next in the Sookie Stackhouse series comes out in May. Lordy. So many books, so little time.

* * * Goodness me, poor Bryan Lamb, dickless wonder. How difficult it must be to go through life with a microscopic penis. I guess the only way to deal with such emotional pain is to steal from others and then when confronted with it, bluster and threaten. I guess he has not only a microscopic penis, but lacks the balls to do the right thing. Asshole. * * * When I was in Maine, my father burned all the pictures he’d taken in November and December to a cd for me. When I got home I was looking through them, and realized that all the pictures he took while visiting my brother Tracy and his wife Kate where on the cd. At one point during the visit, they drove into Washington, DC, and there are about a million pictures of first my mother in front of a monument and then my father. I have no idea why that amuses me so much – maybe because they should have done what people always do when Fred is around and asked a stranger to take a picture of BOTH of them? Or, hey – Tracy and Kate were WITH them during the visit to DC, why not ask one of them to snap a picture? With my parents, who knows what the reasoning is. * * * Did I mention that I figured out how to use my father’s scanner while I was in Maine? I scanned a couple of my parents’ wedding pictures. I LOVE these pictures so much; they were so damn YOUNG. My mother’s slowly been clearing out my grandmother’s house (my uncle still lives there, but he told her “Just make sure you leave me the stove and the refrigerator. You can have anything else you want.”), and while I was in Maine, she stopped by my grandmother’s house and took a wedding picture of both my parents (which I haven’t scanned) and a copy of my mother in her wedding dress (above), and gave them to me. I’m going to frame them side-by-side and hang them in the hallway, I think. We have a wedding picture of Fred’s parents I’d love to frame and hang up, but I’m guessing that that would be a tad too weird, since they’re divorced and remarried to other people. I’m not sure if wedding pictures of them to their second spouses even exist; I haven’t seen any, if they do. * * * Last non-cat picture of the day, I promise. The library in downtown Lisb0n Falls, where I spent many an hour as a teenager. Every time I see a book by Rona Jaffe, I think of this place. * * * Spot, hanging out on the table next to the couch. (Taken using the “Night vision” setting”) Closer… Cloooooooser… And right after this picture, he jumped down and ran away. Poor Spot, his Momma’s so damn mean to him. ]]>