Category: Life

knew it, the way I know the sky is blue and Winter follows Fall. So many years of our lives were intertwined, and it seems that in every memory I have, for so many years, you were there. Years ago at the beach in the middle of summer, laying on the blanket, watching the kids play in the surf. I laid my cheek against you; you were cool and you soothed me. You were always what I needed. I thought you always would be. When it became clear to us that it was ending, that it had to end because we had no choice, I thought my heart would break. No. My heart did break. It shattered. I wondered how I would go on without you there beside me. I couldn’t stand it, to know that you were in the world and I could never again be with you. To know that you might go on to make another as happy as you spent so many years making me; I thought I would go crazy. I would lay awake at night crying, wondering where you were and what you were doing and with whom. It’s been so long now since I’ve felt you against my lips. It feels like yesterday sometimes, and at other times it feels like forever. I don’t know how this happened, but somehow I moved on. One day I woke up and told myself that I was not going to pine away for you forever. That it was time to pick up my life and put the pieces back together. And I did. I met someone else, and at first all I thought was “This is not my Beloved.” I knew that it could never work out – how could a relationship be formed when I still spent so much time with my mind on you? One tentative try became two. Two became four. For a long, long time I doubted this relationship, because I thought that it was only a fling to get me over you. But the oddest thing began happening. I began to go for a time without thinking of you, without feeling that pang in my heart, without thinking of you, out there in this world without me. At first it was only a short time – minutes. Over time, minutes became hours and days and then months. And I am in love. I have a True Love. A True Love who is not you. My True Love and I fit together in ways that you and I somehow never could. You and I simply were not right for each other, despite the times we tried and tried and tried again. There was a time I thought we’d always be together, but I was wrong. For a long time, the thought of you made me cry because you were in this world and I could not have you. And then the thought of you made me sad. Now? Now the thought of you makes me smile. We had so many wonderful times together, and I hope your memories of those times make you smile too, those times before the games began, before I tried to change you. What I thought was true love with you, I now realize was only a pale imitation. I hope with all my heart that you now have someone who loves you as much as I love my True Love. And I hope that when you think of me, it’s with a smile. On this day of giving thanks, what I am thankful for is that you were in my life. I am thankful that we were able to finally let each other go, and that my heart, which I thought would never heal, now loves more strongly than ever before. I am thankful for you, for all the time we had together. And I am thankful for my True Love and the future we have together. With love, Robyn November 27, 2000.]]>

SURVIVOR SPOILER OH MY GOD WHAT A FLAMING FUCKING ASSHOLE. I AM WITHOUT WORDS. I HATE JON AND HOPE HE DIES A PAINFUL DEATH BEFORE THE HOUR IS OVER. THAT IS ALL.]]>

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: SURVIVOR IS ON TONIGHT, NOT TOMORROW NIGHT AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S GOING TO BE REALLY REALLY GOOD.

* * * So what with all the venting I’ve been doing about the fact that the fucking stores have had Christmas displays up since the day after Valentine’s Day and the radio stations are playing Christmas songs and FUCK THAT, I haven’t mentioned the fact that I’ve gotten about half my Christmas shopping done. Of course, half of THAT was gift cards I ordered online, but that’s not important. Yesterday marked one month until Christmas day, and I have about half my Christmas shopping done. This is a banner year indeed, folks – this NEVER happens. And later today? I’m going to the mall with the spud. On the day before Thanksgiving. To do some more Christmas shopping and to pick up some Christmas cards, for which I will begin taking names and addresses on Friday. Somebody stop me! So when I asked my sister what she wanted for Christmas, she told me and when I said “Like this one?” and provided a link, she said “Actually I hate that. I prefer one like this.” and provided a link. So I went to Spiegel.com and placed an order, and one of the things I ordered was a mini chopper, this one to be exact. The order arrived yesterday and instead of receiving a mini chopper, I received a hideous valance. Now, can one chop with a valance? I think NOT. So I immediately returned the valance along with a strongly worded letter indicating that since this was their screw-up, I expect to receive the correct item via express mail, tout de suite. And I didn’t use the word “motherfuckers” even once! * * * Okay, it’s the afternoon now, and I’m back from the petstore, Target, and mall. We were only gone about two hours and I got a couple more people taken care of. Dare I say Christmas is going to be less of a pain in the ass than usual this year? THAT’S the Christmas spirit. It continues to completely amaze me how oblivious people are to the world around them. If they’re walking down the aisle at the Hallmark store and see something that interests them, well hell! They stop, blocking as much of the fucking aisle as humanly possible, and they stare at said fascinating item with their mouth hanging open, neither knowing nor caring that someone might try to get around their GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ASS. I love people, oh yes I do. * * * Speaking of bastardly people, I admit that it horrifies me that as of this very moment TubbyThatBastard has received 141 votes as being your favorite. The Bean is far, far behind him with 83 votes, and Miz Poo has a paltry 70. MORE PEOPLE CLICKED ON THE “NONE OF THE ABOVE, I JUST WANTED TO VOTE” BUTTON THAN VOTED FOR SPOT. Poor Spot. Anyway, in honor of you Tubby-loving bastards, I’ve put up a new movie of the week. Click on the link over there to the right. I won’t tell you what it’s about, but this should give you a hint: Bastard. I should just have a raffle and send his Tubby ass to the winner. Or the highest bidder. Or the person who promises to beat him on a daily basis. One or the other. * * * “Only 14 people love me. MR FANCYPANTS DOESN’T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE AND HE GOT MORE VOTES THAN ME GODDAMNIT. But I’m not bitter. At least I got more votes than Spot.” A year ago: If you think you can have too many smiley-face stickers, you are sadly mistaken. Two: The phrase “anthrax in my pants” is FUCKING FUNNY when it’s spoken by a sixty-three year old woman. Four: Kitten update]]>

Friday Five on Tuesday: 1. List five things you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year. Have the entire house clean for one brief, shining moment. Get all my bulbs planted. Get caught up on my magazine reading. Get company files all straightened out. Get a new cell phone (the old one’s crapping out). 2. List five people you’ve lost contact with that you’d like to hear from again. All friends from high school: Tammie Bonenfant, Butch Collins, Carolyn (whose last name name escapes me), Richard (Rick) White, Richard (Rick) Carr. I’d love to know where they are these days and what’s happened in their lives. 3. List five things you’d like to learn how to do. After seeing Rachael’s cool tatted bookmarks, I’d love to learn to tat. Also, crocheting and knitting. That’s all that comes to mind at the moment. 4. List five things you’d do if you won the lottery (no limit). Anonymously send money orders for huge amounts to a bunch of online friends. Buy a cottage on the coast of Maine. Buy a big-ass house for my sister – hell, I’d buy big-ass houses for everyone in my family. Donate a huge amount of money to the local no-kill cat shelter I volunteer for. Hire someone to cook and clean. Whoo! 5. List five things you do that help you relax. Read. Take a long, hot bath. Watch When Harry Met Sally. Sit on the couch and channel-surf. Web (journal) surf.

* * * Come on, y’all. Allison only has another $20 to raise to reach her fundraising goal for the Jingle Bell Run/ Walk. Won’t you help a sista out? * * * Yesterday Nance and I were chatting on MSN Messeng3r, and we began talking about the fact that each of our cats seems to have his or her own little fan club. I’ll go for a while thinking y’all prefer one of them and then get a slew of emails asking me to put up pictures of another. So I think it’s time for a poll!

And3rson Kitties

Who’s your favorite And3rson kitty? Spot Spanky TubbyThatBastard Miz Poo Stan the Bean Mr. Fancypants I love them all! I hate them all! None of the above. I just want to vote. Current Results

Fred said we should get rid of the cat who gets the least amount of votes, but of course we won’t. (Unless it’s TubbyThatBastard) * * * I think our kitchen is cursed. Saturday morning, the Bean jumped from the table to the countertop next to the sink. Since the countertop was freshly clean, it was a tad slippery, and so the Bean slid a few feet, knocking a glass jar of all-natural peanut butter onto the floor, where it shattered and went absolutely everywhere. When I left to take Liz to the airport Sunday, I hugged Fred and as I did so, I saw a big splatter of peanut butter on one of the cupboard doors, about two feet above his head. Sunday afternoon as I was trying to get some Udo’s Choice capsules out of the bottle, it slipped out of my hand and shattered on the floor, sending shards of brown glass and oil-filled capsules all over the place. Monday afternoon I handed a plate and bowl to the spud and asked her to put them in the sink. Ten seconds later, I heard the sound of shattering dishes, and walked into the library to see that both the plate and bowl had been dropped. I asked the spud to hand me the broom out of the closet, and to put Stanley The Nosy Bean in the bathroom so that he wouldn’t cut himself or try to eat a shard of broken dish. I began sweeping up the pieces, and the spud attempted to help by KICKING the larger pieces toward me until I smacked her upside the head and told her to stop. Except for the smacking part, which was only wishful thinking. I can hardly wait to see what gets broken TODAY. * * * The station I usually listen to, STAR 99.1, has been playing fucking CHRISTMAS SONGS since at least last Friday. Why, people, why? Why can they not wait until the DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING? I’m boycotting the station until after Thursday, but I sure do miss my easy listening favorites. * * * We were watching Yes, Dear last night (shaddup). We really like that show and all of the actors on the show, especially Anthony Clark, who plays Greg. At least once during every show, he does something (such as scream and run around like a little girl) that is very Fred-like. Imagine our surprise when the show came back from commercials last night and Greg appeared on the screen. Apparently Greg shops at Kohl’s, too. * * * Miz Poo considers whether to go kick the Bean’s ass, or continue grooming herself (she settled the dilemma by finishing her grooming job and THEN going to kick his ass). A year ago: But I had not the inclination to re-do the floors, so I left them streaky, camera crew and national show be damned. Four: So, I got a kitten. (Miz Poo!) (Comments closed due to spammers)]]>

rurrrr, rurrrr, rurrrr.” “Oh,” I said. “The growling sound they make when they play fight?” “No,” she said. “The sound they make when they’re just laying there.” “Purring? You don’t like the sound of them purring?” “Yeah.” Freak. Stanley was so bothered by the fact that we kept the guest bedroom door shut at all times that every time the door would open, he’d haul ass in there and hide under the bed. One morning, Liz didn’t want to have to hunt him down, so she left the door open while she showered. The next morning, she discovered that some of her clothes had been peed upon. It appears that TubbyThatBastard found an opportunity to sneak in there and show his displeasure, and he seized said opportunity. I was fucking MORTIFIED. I mean to have him PEE on the clothes of a houseguest, well, I wanted to kill that little fucker. ARGH. At least Liz thought it was funny, or pretended to.

* * * Pet store kitty pics are here. * * * Yesterday it was sunny and close to 80. This morning, it’s rainy and 35. I was wanting it to cool off a LITTLE, but not THIS much. Brrrr. I’m glad I made Fred get the fireplace pilot lit, so that all I have to do is go into the living room and flip the switch to get the heat going. I am in the midst of a raging case of PMS. Strangely, knowing that my mood (which makes me want to write very very bad poetry (“my world is gray and i am blue and the cat, she purrs. give me chocolate.”) and throw myself down on the bed and throw a temper tantrum) is due to PMS doesn’t make it go away. I know I’ll be over it in a day or two, but it sure is hellish while it’s here, goddamnit. And the cold fucking weather doesn’t help at ALL. ARGH. * * * So those lily bulbs I was supposed to plant back at the beginning of the month? Still not planted. Still in the box they arrived in. Which is located next to the boxes of daffodil bulbs. But that’s not the point. The point is that when the lily bulbs arrived, I took the box and set it on the desk next to the garage door. Later that evening Stanley began sniffing around the box, and I swear to y’all, it was as if he was sniffing around a big box of catnip. He immediately started acting high as a kite, and it was funny as hell. (NOTE: I AM AWARE THAT LILY BULBS ARE POISONOUS TO CATS. THE BOX IS A SEALED BOX AND THE BEAN COULD NOT GET TO THE ACTUAL BULBS TO EAT THEM AND THUS POISON HIMSELF.) I finally put the box of bulbs out in the garage so that Stanley would stop reeling around like he was on the tail-end of a three-day drunk, and thought no more about it. Except that this morning when I opened the door between the garage and the house, Stanley ran like hell out into the garage as he usually does. Instead of trying to chase him down, I just left the door open so he could come back inside whenever he wanted. Ten minutes later I went out to get something out of the big freezer, and what did I see? That’s right, Stanley lolling about on the garage floor next to the box of lily bulbs, his eyes madly twirling. So anyway, my question is thusly: have you ever heard of a cat getting high off lily bulbs? Just curious whether this is a wide-spread phenomenon or a Stanley-only kinda thing. * * * I’ll be taking the spud to get her learner’s permit this Friday. You can imagine how very much I’m looking forward to this. * * * Da Bean. A year ago: Ah, pms. Ain’t life grand. Two: Huh. I didn’t get online until after 12:30 (central time!) today, and the world didn’t stop and mourn me or anything. I don’t know if I like that. Three: Robyn’s Theory of Feet Four: If you look closely at the picture, you’ll note that it’s very close to the color of bile.]]>

* * * So we didn’t go to Nashville Thursday because Liz was still jet-lagged, so we hung around the house, watched some crappy movies, went out to lunch, came home, and watched more movies. It was fun, actually, just hanging out. Yesterday morning we did go to Nashville, and you KNOW I took a ton of pictures for your perusal. Because I love you! First we went to the Nashville Zoo. There were, oddly, not as many animals as we’d expected, but it was pretty cool anyway. The Bamboo Path. This was cool, because the bamboo was probably 20 feet high. White bengal tiger. Here, kittykittykitty! These two were grooming each other. It was so cool I wanted to climb over the barrier and pet them. Eagle. Ring-tailed lemurs. SO cool! Some kind of big lizards. If you look closely, you can see that the one on top has a small lizard hanging out on it’s tail. LOVE the Meerkats! “Did I hear something?” Otters. After the zoo, we went to the Tennessee Titans’ stadium, where we drove around… Until we saw the Pro Shop, where we stopped and went inside. The lady working at the Pro Shop let us into the stadium so we could see the field. It was cool – Liz was pretty excited about it. And then we had lunch at the Hard Rock and walked up Broadway, looking in various stores, before leaving to drive home. At 4:15. On a Friday afternoon. Yeah, it was pretty hellish, trying to get out of Nashville. A year ago: Fuck him, too. Two: the skinny teenage cashier got a real workout hauling that 30-pound box of litter across the scanner, believe you me Three: I see enough nasty stuff in my life. I don’t need to see it on MTV. Four: People, if I were a cartoon, I would have had a huge question mark drawn over my head at that moment.]]>

Nashville Zoo, which I’m pretty excited about. The drive up to Nashville yesterday was pretty horrible, because it was rainy and windy and there were a bazillion 18-wheelers on the road. Also, I was driving through Nashville during rush hour, which was funfunfun. I made it to the airport in plenty of time – 45 minutes early, even – and Liz’s plane landed on time. During the time I was in the airport, the weather went from crappy and rainy to brilliantly sunny, and it was a much nicer drive on the way home. I had to force myself to hold my speed down to 80 (the speed limit being 70), which as Fred would tell you is quite unusual. Usually, he bitches about the fact that I drive the exact speed limit (not something I generally intend to do; it just kind of happens). We got home and dropped off Liz’s bags, and then went to Captain D’s for lunch, since Liz was hankering for some hushpuppies. After, we stopped at the movie store, and when we got home Liz went upstairs to take a nap. She’d taken a Xanax to get through the anxiety of the flight and hadn’t slept well at all the night before. “Don’t let me sleep too long!” she said. That was at 2:30. At 7:00, she finally got up, looking a lot more awake and alert. We spent the evening watching TV, and once Fred went to bed we watched one of the movies we’d rented – Legally Blonde 2 – and went to bed around midnight. And now you’re up-to-date.

* * * Last night, Fred and I were laying in bed talking. Fred was taken with a certain name, which I cannot disclose to you, except to reveal that it was french. For story-telling purposes, let’s say the name is Jean-Paul Gaultier. “JeanPaulGaultier!” Fred whispered, saying the name as quickly as he could. “JeanPaulGaultier!” I giggled. “That could be your mantra!” “Yeah. Heh.” We went on to another topic and eventually silence fell again. “JeanPaulGaultier!” he whispered again. “JeanPaulGaultier!” “Heh.” “That could be, like, my mantra,” he said, as if the idea had just come to him. “I JUST SAID THAT!” * * * Something on the table? Sit on it! ]]>

Looking particularly Bean-y. Looking particularly dead. Near a pile of catnip. Not particularly interested in it, but he wants to see what the fuss is all about. Sleeping Bean. Thirsty Bean. Purple sky last night. I found this in the parking lot yesterday. It was laying near the door of my Jeep, and I knew it was just meant for me. (Although the trailers for Cat in the Hat are kind of creeping me out and making me not want to see it) I was messing with my hair, and putting it like this amused me so much that I made Fred take my picture. See, this picture horrifies both Jane – because I’m clearly not using expensive up-scale hair products (AND I’m using a rubber band in my hair, which is a BIG no-no, because rubber bands cause your hair to break) – AND Nance, because I’m wearing not a lick of makeup. Clearly we need to have BitchyCon 2004 just so they can make me over! ]]>

Average Joe last night. I could kick myself! Argh!

* * * Good lord, what a day. It’s not even 1:00, and I’m ready for a nap! I got up as soon as Fred left this morning so that I could get started cleaning the upstairs. The biggest job – though the smallest room – was the spud’s bathroom. She’s in charge of cleaning her bathroom every Saturday and she does an okay job, but she seems to think that the cleaner she sprays on the tub and shower should do all the work and that she shouldn’t need to provide any elbow grease. As a result, her tub tends to be somewhat grimy. She does an excellent job of cleaning the toilet each week, but doesn’t clean the underside of the toilet, or behind the toilet, and there was a ton of dust back there. It took me two applications of Clorox Bathroom Cleaner with Teflon and lots of scrubbing, but now the bathtub is shiny and clean. I also got all the dust behind the toilet (which has probably been accumulating since about this time last year when I was cleaning the house a few days before Thanksgiving) and dusted the baseboards while I was at it. After that some vacuuming and some dusting, and now the upstairs is fit for human habitation once again. Yay! (Of course, now I don’t have to do any real cleaning for a long, lonnnnnnnng time!) Oh, and speaking of cleaning, that reminds me – someone recently asked in my comments how I clean the hardwood floors downstairs to keep them so shiny and clean. Of course, my immediate response is “Are you on drugs???”, but at the moment they are shiny and clean since I just cleaned them yesterday, so I’ll answer the question. After trying all manners of things, all kinds of cleaners formulated especially for hardwood floors but leaves streaks, you know what works the best? Ammonia and hot water. I bet that vinegar and water would work well, too – maybe next time I clean the floors (no doubt sometime in 2004) I’ll give that a try and report back. After cleaning, I ran to the grocery store. I had bought everything on the list except one – ginger ale – and I stood in the soda aisle for a good five minutes, trying like hell to remember what brand of ginger ale Liz drinks. When I just couldn’t remember, I decided to check out, go home, find the note I’d made regarding what kind of ginger ale Liz drinks, and then head for Kroger to pick up a couple of bottles of Light Done Right Blue Cheese dressing for Fred (Publix carries every flavor of Kraft Light Done Right EXCEPT Blue Cheese). And as a side note, see what wonderful hosts we are? If you come visit, we make sure to have your favorite soda in stock so you’ll have something to drink! Once I got to Kroger, I found the salad dressing and a few other things, and finally sucked it up and applied for a Kroger Plus card. As a rule, I think it’s shitty that you have to apply for a card so that you can get the savings – at Publix, you get the same price no matter who you are – but I couldn’t stand the thought of paying 90 cents more for a bottle of dressing just because I didn’t have the fucking card. Also, I saved $2 on a 5-pound bag of clementines and $1 off a 6-pack of water. I checked out using the U-Scan-It aisle, where you (I bet you can’t guess!) scan stuff yourself. I was doing well, had scanned the bottles of salad dressing, when I made the mistake of scanning the 6-pack of water and instead of bagging it, I put it back in my cart. “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAG! PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAG!” the automated voice bellowed at me. “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAG!” Apparently there’s some sort of sensor on the thing that sits under the bags and if you don’t put your item on the bag, the system notices and thinks you’re – well, I’m not sure what the problem is, exactly. I guess they want to have all your items in bags and not in the cart so they can see that you’ve scanned everything. The cashier in charge of keeping an eye on that aisle finally came over and fixed the problem, but not before everyone in the store turned to stare at the freak who was causing the automated voice to have a temper tantrum. * * * Okay, help me out, y’all. What the hell are those things called that pop up on the top of your tongue and kind of look like a tastebud has popped? Because I swear to god that for the last week I’ve had one every single day. They last for about a day and then go away, but pop up in another spot. I have one in the middle of my tongue right now and it’s DRIVING ME FUCKING NUTS. If you have any idea what the damn things are caused (I’ve only ever gotten them on the top of my tongue), let me know in the comments so I can do a search and see if there’s some important vitamin or mineral I’m missing in my daily diet that’s causing the damn things. * * * There’s a tornado warning going on right now and I have channel 19 on (one touched down in South Huntsville, it appears). Dan Satterfield – the weather guy – just asked someone to stop his wife from leaving the studio. I don’t know why that amuses me so much. For the record, Saturday was 14 years since an F4 tornado touched down and did some serious damage in South Huntsville. * * * Okay, that’s it for today. I’m in the middle of making a double batch of red beans and rice (we’re going to freeze half the batch and have the other half for dinner Thursday) and I need to go slice turkey kielbasa while I’m watching Dr. Phil. I don’t expect that I’m going to have the chance to update for the rest of the week, but if I can, I will. I may put up a cat-picture entry tomorrow before I leave for the airport. So basically, I’ll see you when I see you. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! 🙂 * * * I sure do love that cat. A year ago: I think that everyone there had a little cartoon question mark over their head, ’cause I sure as shit did. Three: Thanks, y’all, for your emails regarding hamster sex.]]>

* * * I spent another hour and a half this morning cleaning the downstairs, including mopping the floors which I do far too infrequently. Like Fred said when I was scrubbing the baseboards, maybe we should have company a little more often!

* * * I did take a little time off from scrubbing the baseboards to go with Fred, who wanted to show me an amazing view from the top of Rainbow Mountain. I followed him over, walked about 1/10th of a mile to check out the view, snapped a few pictures, and was home within half an hour of leaving. Naturally, the picture doesn’t do the view justice. The sky was looking pretty cool, too. * * * When I got back from feeding the pet store kitties this morning, I heard a loud sound in the back yard. When I went to investigate – because I am, in fact, the nosiest person in the entire world – I saw this: Hallelujah! Of course, it’s too wet to let the kitties out and there are a few gaps in the back part of the fence that was caused by the accident that we need to fix – I don’t think the older cats could squeeze through them, but the Bean certainly could – but I suspect that it will only be a matter of a few days before the cats are out cavorting in the grass. Yay! * * * Pet store kitties pics are here. * * * Okay, aside from the cleaning and the fence, there’s just nothing going on around here. I’m going to slap up a few cat pictures and call it an entry. Because I can! Ha! He just looks so pleased, doesn’t he? And here we see the Bean showing us how he’d look if he were dead. As a bonus, we get to see his pink belly! ]]>