call ME on my birthday? And also, where are MY damn ponies?
* * *
Friday Five on Monday.
1. What does it say in the signature line of your emails?
I don’t have a signature line. Sometimes if I email someone and think they might not know who I am, I’ll put my url under my name, but I rarely do that anymore.
2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? What was it? If you haven’t graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be?
I didn’t have a quote, but I’m sure it would have been something deep and meaning
3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say?
I think that “Robyn” would do, but I’m sure that’s already taken in the state o’ Alabama. I actually used to have “Mommie” on my license plate, and when I moved to Rhode Island, the guy who took my money every day at the parking garage (I worked in Providence for a few months – and I don’t recommend the Newport-to-Providence commute) called me “Mommie.”
4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? What did the inscription say?
Nope, never have. I wouldn’t mind getting a pen with “Go Fuck Yourself” engraved upon it, though. That would rock.
5. What would you like your epitaph to be?
“What the fuck?”
* * *
Stolen from Cetta
What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
Edwin. Also the middle name of the first person I married (since they’re the same person and all)
What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
My raggedy-ass Hanes Her Way Seamless Hi-cuts in a washed-out tannish-pink color. Seriously, these things should probably go in the trash, but they’re SO comfortable, and Hanes Her Way has stopped making the seamless hi-cuts. Bastards!
What is the song you want played at your funeral?
“Walkin’ on Sunshine.” Please, let’s not go with “Tears in Heaven.” Oh, how about “All By Myself”, like Nicole Kidman in To Die For
– that was delightfully cheesy.
What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Lobstah, of course. A couple of them. Accompanied by an ice-cold Diet Coke and followed by a whoopie pie.
Beatles or Stones?
Beatles. Not a fan of the Stones. Not a HUGE fan of the Beatles, but I like a song or three.
If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be?
I don’t know that I could ever make that decision.
The person whose problems you would never want to hear again?
No one comes to mind, really. I don’t guess I care to hear any more about AJ from the Backstreet B0ys, who cheated on his fiancee and broke her heart. Yeah, whatever, grovel and beg and get her back, or move on, AJ, you cheating motherfucker.
What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex?
Smile. I love Fred’s smile. (Shaddup)
If you could have any super power what would it be?
To fly. Or to be invisible. Both! I want both!
Favorite hangover cure?
I don’t have one – I’ve had maybe two hangovers in my life.
How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
Depends on the drink, but I’d guess two or three would do it.
Favorite Outkast lyric? From the weave to the fake eyes/ to the fake nails, down to the toes/ Ha ha ha ha! We luv deez hoez/ Ha ha ha ha! We luv deez hoez
(Heh – I’m kidding. I googled Outkast song lyrics and chose a song at random. I bet it’s got a fun-kay beat. But can you dance to it?)
Hair color you most like someone you’re dating to have?
I’ve always liked blonds, but never dated one.
If you had to be blind or deaf?
Deaf, I think. But my preferance is really “Neither, please.”
Do you have any psychiatric problems?
Is bitchiness a psychiatric problem?
Least favorite month?
February is always kind of cold and gray.
First movie you can remember seeing as a kid? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Favorite person in the whole world?
Is it goofy to pick Fred?
When’s the last time you went on a date?
Uh. When I was 19? I keep trying to convince Fred that we should have one date-night a week, but he won’t go for it. Bastard.
Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
How about a combination of the two?
Fall or spring?
I’m picking Spring, but only because Summer follows Spring, and I prefer hot weather over cold. I do love Fall an awful lot, though.
Person you most wish you hadn’t made out with?
Brad Pitt. Really, we couldn’t even look at each other the next day.
If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
I’ve always said Sharon Stone, because she seems like she’s got a sense of humor, but she’s getting awfully long in the tooth (Haha! Jesus, I’m kidding. Take a deep breath, freaks.). I don’t know – Frances McDormand has been looking pretty hot lately, in Laurel Canyon
and Something’s Gotta Give
. Seriously, I can’t imagine ever wanting to have sex with a woman; that just doesn’t do it for me. It don’t mean a thing if it don’t have that schwing
, as Sharon Stone once said.
Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?
Coast of Maine in the summer, coast of Florida in the winter sounds good.
Who is the person you can count on most?
Fred, of course.
If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors? Michael Chiklis
. Yeah, baybee.
What books have you pretended you’ve read?
When I was in high school, I carried The Gulag Archipelago
around with me in an attempt to impress my history teacher. I think it worked. but I never actually got more than a few pages in. These days, I don’t much give a shit what people think about what I read, and I tend toward chick-lit (the name really doesn’t do the genre justice, by the way, and if you’re looking for some decent Chick Lit, I’d look in the direction of books published by Red Dress Ink
. Yes, it’s owned by Harlequin, but the books are consistently well-written and interesting. Downtown Press is a label devoted to Chick Lit, but (with obvious exceptions
) I find their books second-rate when compared to the Red Dress Ink books. THIS IS OF COURSE MY OPINION AND MINE ALONE
What’s a word you would use to describe your life?
Contented, with the occasional dash of stress to keep me on my toes.
What did you dream last night?
About being the only non-All-Star on All-Star Survivor
. Because Mark Burnett liked me THAT much. It is probably both sad and pathetic that I have at least one dream a month that I’m on Survivor
I could never narrow it down to one or twenty. Depends on my mood. At the moment, I could go for some Pearl Jam, with a bit of Candlebox, Gin Blossoms, a soupcon of Matchbox 20, and a healthy dash of Del Amitri. Also, Edwin McCain and Jude Cole.
* * *
A good angle for Tubby. He looks positively svelte!