too good, as a matter of fact – and after we ate until we were ready to barf, Fred, the spud and I took a short stroll down the street to settle our stomachs. Well, Fred claimed it was so we could settle our stomachs – the truth is that he just wanted to get the hell out of there for a while. Then we went back and opened presents (9 books from his parents! woohoo!), partook of Fred’s banana cream pie (or whatever the heck it’s called. It has a crust with toasted almonds, and it’s incredible), hung around for a while longer, and made our escape around 8:30 or so. Once home, we sent the spud off to her room and I sat in the living room and ate some of the spinach dip Fred’s stepsister forced us to bring home with us, while Fred wrapped my presents (talk about your last minute, eh?). Then we opened our presents to each other, which is our Christmas Eve tradition, piled the spud’s gifts around the tree, put her filled stocking on the counter, and toddled off to bed. See all those lovely, lovely bath fizzies? Between my sister and Fred, I’m set for life! Or at least a few weeks… xmas gifts The books I got from Fred and his parents. I also got two tapes of "Friends" episodes (including extra footage!), an Illuminations gift certificate, an LL Bean gift certificate (from my sister), and a pair of sunglasses from LL Bean. Oh, and six chocolate covered marshmallow santas! I made short work of those, believe you me. I also stole Fred’s Snickers, the one I bought for his stocking, but that’s neither here nor there. Though to be truthful, I was the Monster Who Ate Alabama for a period of about 24 hours… Since we got to bed so late Christmas Eve, I forwent exercise on Christmas Day, and was awakened at 7-fucking-30 by the phone. It was the ex who, when I groggily mumbled "Hello?" only said "Hi, Robyn!" and did not identify himself. Wondering why my brother was calling at such an early hour, I said "Uh, hi…", to which he replied "Hi" and nothing else. Finally, my mind cleared enough that I realized who it was, and I said "Oh, let me see if the spud is AWAKE YET." "Okay!" he said cheerfully. I pulled on a t-shirt and wandered through the house yelling for the spud, wondering how long it would take me to travel to Rhode Island, kill him, and drive back home. Specifically, would I be home in time for dinner? The spud wasn’t in her room, so I wandered to the top of the stairs and yelled "Spud!" Fred yelled "She’s on the phone!" and I muttered to myself that it was REALLY NICE THAT NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME THAT. So I showered and settled down for a long winter’s nap – ie, I settled in to watch the spud open her presents, which is always an ordeal consisting of hours and hours of sitting and writing down what she got and from whom so she’ll know to whom to address the thank you cards. the pile And this pile doesn’t include the big-ass printer from Fred and I which was hiding under a bag of discarded giftwrap. I won’t give y’all the whole list of exactly what she got, except to point out that she got THREE gift certificates to Bath and Body Works. Oh, and plenty of clothes. My parents, as usual, lost their minds and bought everything they thought the spud might conceivably like. puffkin This was a gift from my sister, who knows that my heart lies in Puffkinland. miz poo Miz Poo wanted to know just what in the freakin’ hell we thought we were doing. the mad shitting fancyman Fancypants howled and howled and chirruped and rubbed against us until we opened the back door to let him outside, and then we shut the door because DAMN it was cold out there, and of course he immediately wanted back in. We made him stay his fancy ass out there for ten or fifteen minutes before taking pity on him. The spud hauled her presents off to her room, and Fred and I settled back and got out the bag of catnip. From all over the house, cats came to lick, sniff, and roll in the kitty marijuana. I took a short movie wherein I sound like a total hick and which shows the kitties laying around in their drug daze, so go download it here. We filled a sock with catnip and tied a knot in it, and they all took turns licking it and rubbing all over it. The rest of the day was spent sitting around, reading, and talking. It was very relaxing, but I forgot to call my parents to wish them a Merry Christmas (oops!). I did, however, read all of Roses are Red in one day, so I did accomplish something. I haven’t updated ’til now ’cause I’m just not in a computer mood. I’m in a sit on my ass and read some of the books I got for Christmas mood, so I’m taking off until next Tuesday. Then, my regular updating schedule should resume. Of course, you could always join the notify list, couldn’t you? In any case, I hope the last week of 2000 is awesome for y’all, and if you’re going out partying on New Year’s Eve, I hope the drinks are plentiful (don’t drive, though!), and the men and women are hot. See you "next year"!]]>


The Cell last night, and I was pretty damn sure that I was going to have nightmares about that boogie-man at the beginning of the movie. And then I saw Vincent D’Onofrio and thought surely I’d have nightmares about him, especially when I saw the whole suspending-himself thing. Then I thought surely I will have nightmares about that monstrous thing he turned into in his mind. But do you know what I had nightmares about? I had a nightmare that, first of all, Elizabeth lived in New York City and wanted to meet, and I got lost in the midst of a very scary Central Park. And then I had a nightmare that Fred and I met Beth (or Xeney, as we refer to her around here) and they sat there and bonded as they made fun of me the entire time. And THEN I dreamed that I was working at a really crappy Target. I practically woke up screaming, I tell you. So anyway, the spud had no school today, which she was rather thrilled about, and I had nothing pressing left to do, so I didn’t leave the house at all today. It was pretty nice to just sit and read for a couple of hours, then leisurely wrap a few presents whilst watching my soap opera, and then have lunch. I know it’s not like I lead a particularly hectic life, but recently I’ve been doing a lot of running around, getting ready for Christmas, and I’m glad to have it done. I’ll be even gladder the day after Christmas when we rip that damn Christmas tree down. The lower branches are hanging almost to the ground because certain evil (but very cute) kitties like to try to LAY on the lowest branches, and even the strongest branch can only take so much from the likes of a slightly portly Miz Poo. It will also be nice to not have that huge pile of presents for the spud laying in a corner of my room, and have them instead be strewn all over her room.]]>


diet journal) and purchased only a smiley-face pencil and some scissors. The word is that we’re going to get some serious accumulation of snow tonight. Well, I guess the exact word was "serious accumulation possible", but that’s coming from Dan Satterfield, so it’s good as gold. Like it’s not bad enough that the kids get 2 1/2 weeks off from school, they need a snow day thrown in there too? I sure whine about the weather a lot, don’t I? Let me warn y’all now, there are only 20 shopping days ’til my 33rd birthday! You have been warned… Oh! Speaking of my birthday, we’ll be going to see (the musical) Jeckyll and Hyde in Huntsville the Friday after my birthday. We saw the ad for it on TV last night, and I thought Fred was going to wet his pants, he got so excited. Rather than sit down and eat dinner with us, he ran downstairs and got tickets for us and the spud. The best part is that it’s in the front row, so that’ll be cool. Don’t forget now, 20 days!]]>


Later Well, we’re back from the concert. Around the time the second band was on their second or third song (the chorus sang in between the spud’s band and the second band), I leaned over to Fred and said "Let’s find the stage door, get her case, and get the hell out of here." Fred freaked out because I said "hell" in a crowded auditorium and he was afraid they’d lynch us for my blasphemy. Then he smirked and made a gesture like "You first", so I got up and headed for the door. We were in the car by 7:30, and I have to say that the hour of concert felt more like 3 hours. Thank god it’s over until the spring.]]>


Roses are Red (score! ’cause I want to read it too!) and me Dr. Death (score! I love me some Jonathan Kellerman, and Faye Kellerman too while I’m at it). We got to Fred’s mom’s house at 11:00 and were on the way home, yawning all the way, by 1:30. We didn’t watch The Practice last night, but we taped it and started watching it this afternoon. Fred spent the ENTIRE time making fun of Bobby and the way he says "CRRRAZY!" when he’s arguing with Richard Bay in court. Here, go check out the clip I made for y’all so you’ll know what I’m talking about. Fred’s impression is pretty damn funny. ]]>


Scary Movie this evening, figuring that it would be okay for the spud to watch with us. About three minutes in – when one character tells another he’d hoped to have his balls licked – we realized the error of our ways and turned it off. The spud is disappointed a tad, I think. A mid-week movie is rare, and since she’s only allowed to watch Animal Planet or the Discovery channel during the week, I’m sure she was looking forward to some excitement. Okay, Friends is going to be on soon, so I’m outta here. Catch y’all on the flip side.]]>


::gag::coughcoughcough::spit:: Sorry, but just as I began typing, I popped an Altoid in my mouth and it tasted like kitty litter. How do you know what kitty litter tastes like, you freakin’ sicko? Oh, hush up. When I dump clean litter in the box the resulting dust storm makes it’s way into my mouth and nose. By the way, that Altoid had a strong, burning aftertaste. If I wake up dead tomorrow, y’all know who to sue. I had to haul the spud to school this morning because she had a project due, and so by the time I was done exercising (though not outside, f’r the love o’ god, it was like 20 degrees out there, and about zero with the windchill) and cleaning the downstairs, it was after 11:00. I sat down on the bed with wrapping paper, boxes, tape, bows, tags, and gifts. Except for a 10-minute break at 1:00, I wrapped my little heart constantly until 4:30 when I was finally, finally done. I swear upon all that is bitchy I will wrap the presents AS I BUY THEM next year and not wait until I have huge piles all over the place. Wrapping a lot of presents just isn’t my idea of a good time, though that’s changed since I was a kid. Wrapping presents used to be my favorite part of the entire holidays. I guess that was before I got a job at a place where I had to wrap gazillions of presents during Christmas. Okay, I’m going to share one cute spud anecdote with y’all, and then I’m outta here. Last week, after I had cleaned the downstairs (including mopping with lemon-scented pine-sol), the spud got home from school. She walked through the door, looked around, sniffed once or twice, and said "Why does it smell lemony fresh down here?"]]>


A Map of the World, which I rented last Tuesday (Tuesdays being Movie Rental Day, as you know). Could Sigourney Weaver have been any more wooden? I think not. I haven’t read the book, but I get the definite feeling that the book must have been head and shoulders above the movie. At least, I hope so!