by @ 10:14 pm on January 12, 2014. Tags:
Filed under Life

Yep, yep. Still alive, despite the lack of blogging here (though I imagine you know where to find me to determine that I’m still alive, so that shouldn’t come as a shock to you.)

Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone, and the older I get, the more I just want the damn holidays to get done and over with and life to return to normal. I didn’t decorate the house for Christmas at all this year, which is either the second or third year in a row that that’s happened. I’m determined to put up a Christmas tree next year, though. I’ve got a tiny one that I can hang on the wall. I just like seeing the Christmas lights, you know? I did drag Fred out for a drive through a nearby neighborhood so I could see the lights.

ANYway. So, what else?

Oh, right. When I last posted, Fred had been working from home for about two weeks. It’s been, uh… another three-ish months, and it’s going pretty well. My favorite part of him working from home is that he’s home to deal with shit. We had internet issues (I swear to you, it feels like we are fucking FOREVER HAVING INTERNET ISSUES, though in reality it’s probably more like every couple of months) and the guy had to come and look at whatever the hell he had to look at, and since Fred was home, he got to deal with it.

I may never have to deal with another workman again. If Fred dies before me, I’m going to throw myself on the funeral pyre to ensure that I never have to smile like I have any idea what the cable guy/internet guy/delivery guy/dishwasher repairman/whoEVER is telling me.

Since Fred isn’t driving back and forth to work every day (and let me tell you, the down side to having him work from home is that I am 95% sure that I will NEVER EVER EVER have this house to myself again. Most of the time that doesn’t bother me, but every now and then I’d like to be able to swear at my computer at the top of my lungs without hearing his far-off irritated “What?!” because he thinks I’m yelling for him. I fucking swear to god, I’m going to put a shock collar on him and zap him every time I’m minding my OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS talking to a cat and he’s all “Whaaaaat?!” GET SOME FUCKING HEARING, MOTHERFUCKER.), I suggested to him that we trade in his old, piece of shit truck and one of the cars for a decent truck.

That old truck worked both our nerves every time we had to use it hauling pigs to the processor. We were 83% sure that it was going to break down on the side of the highway with two unruly pigs moving around in the trailer, and we’d be stuck there for hours waiting for help. It never did break down, mind you, but it certainly would have eventually. Plus, it smelled like a mixture of wet, moldy attic and ASS. I hated that goddamn truck. So we traded in that piece of shit truck and my car, because my car was starting to have transmission issues that no one seemed to be able to fix – when I’d come to a stop at a red light or stop sign or parking lot or you get the idea, the car would stop, and then LURCH forward about half a foot. We took it to a transmission place and they did something (fuck if I know) to it, and it was fixed briefly and then started doing it again. So I thought it made sense to trade in my car – the red Suzuki – and keep Fred’s car, which is a Hyundai something. The IDEA was that if we needed the truck to haul something, we’d have it. Otherwise, we’d use the car.


Every time we go somewhere together, we take the truck. And let me tell you, it is a Chevy Silverado, with only the most basic shit, but to us it’s like SHEER LUXURY. It’s big, it’s roomy, it has XM Radio, it’s like A BED ON WHEELS, I love the shit out of it. I should say, I love riding in it. One day I had an errand to run and since the radio in the truck has Bluetooth capabilities, I thought I’d use it to catch up on podcasts. I got approximately 1/8 mile down the road, and turned around and came home. It is like driving a fucking HOUSE down the road. I was terrified. I was sure I was going to drive someone’s ass right off the road, and it didn’t help that the few cars I passed in that amount of time appeared to be giving me wide-eyed looks of terror and hugging the right side of the road.

I ain’t driving that thing. (On the up side, although it’s a gas guzzler, we only have to fill the tank up MAYBE once a month, because we really don’t go far when we DO go somewhere. Which means that the “It might be the last truck you ever need to buy!” I said to Fred could very well turn out to be true.)

Of course, now I’m wishing that I’d just learned to live with the shitty lurching Suzuki, because I hate the fucking shit out of this goddamn Hyundai. It’s a fucking MANUAL, and yes I can drive a manual just fine, but I HATE IT. Have you ever tried to drive through stop-and-go traffic in a manual transmission car whilst eating (attempting to eat) an Egg McMuffin? It can be done, but IT AIN’T EASY, and I dropped my goddamn Egg McMuffin on the floor and just about had a coronary, I was so pissed.

Me and my bright fucking ideas. (On the up side, it costs $25 to fill up the gas tank, which I have to do MAYBE every three weeks, depending on how many errands I’ve been running.)

Every time I drive the goddamn thing, I’m like “I just have to make it to next December,” because I’ve determined that I am getting a new car next year come Hell or high water. AND IT’S GOING TO BE YELLOW, GODDAMNIT. I have made one bad car decision after another, let me tell you – first I gave my wonderful yellow Suzuki Aerio to the spud, who drove it off to Rhode Island, and then I gave up my (less wonderful, but better than this goddamn Hyundai) Suzuki to drive this fucking Hyundai, and I’d say that next I’ll probably end up on a scooter EXCEPT THAT A SCOOTER WOULD PROBABLY SUCK LESS.

The Hyundai (I think it’s an Accent, but I don’t really CARE, because I hate the fucking thing so much) is a two-door hatchback. So imagine if I try to make a run to Sam’s before picking up two carriers of kittens to take home. CAN’T BE DONE.

I’ve spent a lot of time looking at cars online, and WHY is it so fucking hard to find a yellow car that doesn’t cost a million dollars? JESUS.

Okay. I’m going to just go ahead and post this, because it’s after 10pm and I want to crawl in bed and read for an hour before I turn off the light BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I PARTY.

If I ever get my shit together, I’ll tell y’all how we have just given the fuck up and pretty much accepted that the house belongs to the cats (not sure why it took so long to figure that out.)

I’m not even proofreading this. Let me know if I’ve made any egregious errors.


2013: He uses their love (of food) against them.
2012: No entry.
2011: “Well, because I have abnormally small hands.”
2010: So, random pictures. For you. Try not to be too excited.
2009: George and Gracie are home from the spaying and the neutering.
2008: Negative. Good news or sad news, I wonder?
2007: No entry.
2006: No entry.
2005: Y’all rock.
2004: So many books, so little time.
2003: Ah, good times.
2002: So, you know what I hate?
2001: No entry.
2000: I was a tad peeved.

22 Responses to “1/13/14”

  1. Amy says:

    I haven’t even read the post yet but I’m so excited to see an entry on Bitchy Poo! I read Love & Hisses every day, but I do miss the original blog.

  2. Christine says:

    Yay! I’ve missed the bitchypoo so much! Seeing this makes my Monday a little better!

  3. Kinzie says:

    haha! Good to see you, ma’am. 🙂

    I recall being surprised when I finally saw a picture of the cat track or cat shelves or whatever that’s called – although I’m not sure why I was. It did seem inevitable.

    It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

  4. JanetS says:

    I love this blog.

    I also drive a manual transmission and hate it.

  5. Donna says:

    Nice to see an entry on Bitchypoo! The first time I read it I saw an “ever” that should be an “every” but now I can’t find it. Hmph. So I guess there’s nothing egregious! 🙂

  6. Patty says:

    I read the whole entry from last year and didn’t even notice it WAS from last year until I saw your “oops” e-mail and read that. Might be I missed it last year since I wasn’t on the net for a long while after heart surgery. I had a good laugh about the black pig though, glad you made the mistake. And then I had the new entry to read!! Two in one day! Made my day! Glad to see you back again. I just couldn’t get into the other blog like this one. Glad you and Fred are still kicking!

  7. Kathy W. says:

    My old silver Toyota Corolla–my first car!–had a manual transmission. I loved that car, and some creep stole it off the street in front of our apt. in Brooklyn. I was heartbroken; I used to talk that car into starting when it didn’t want to, and she (yeah) always started for me. (but I didn’t miss the fact that it ALWAYS overheated in bumper-to-bumper freeway traffic. It was always like, are we going to make it to the next exit, or what?)

    What you need is a yellow Mini Cooper, lady. Then I can live vicariously through you (although mine would be blue).

  8. Traci D. Haley says:

    Just think, if you got a yellow car, you could forever be playing Yellow Car! (And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you reeeeally need to track down Cabin Pressure: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00lmcxj … people tell me it can be downloaded places on the internet, but I wouldn’t know. *shifty eyes* But it IS hilarious!)

  9. Erin says:

    How I love reading bitchypoo. I just took great delight in adding bitchypoo to my kindle dictionary. My daughters grew up listening to me chuckling and rambling on about Robyn… you know… bitchypoo. They still get a delighted look on their faces when their mama says bitchypoo. BITCHYPOO!
    Just find the perfect car and have it painted yellow. You deserve it.

  10. Amanda says:

    I’m one of the people that loves driving a manual transmission… Even in traffic, it doesn’t bother me & I can manage to eat, put on makeup, etc. My first car was an automatic & the rest of my 6 cars (including my current car) have been manual.

    I do feel your pain about shopping with a car with no space though… My mustang has laughable trunk space, so I also have to use the backseat when buying more than $50 worth of groceries.

    As for yellow cars, in the past you could get a VW Golf/Rabbit or Bug, Audi A4, Honda Civic, Mini Cooper, Ford Focus, & Subaru Car (not sure of model). There are also the sportscars: Ford Mustang, Chevrolet Comaro (sp?), Porsche, etc.

    I also support the “paint it yellow” idea… If you can get it @ a good price, see what it would cost for a full paint job. As long as the bodywork is in good shape, it hopefully shouldn’t be more than about $2500,

  11. Connie says:

    I actually hurt myself laughing when I got to the line about the Egg McMuffin..

  12. Lisa says:

    I love driving our big truck… ditch the Hyundai and try driving the truck again.

  13. Becky in ND says:

    I miss reading all of your outside activities, garden news and just about

  14. devil says:

    Well, dammit, it’s great to read here again, Robyn. 🙂

    I don’t like driving automatics but, since they’re the standard nowadays, I’m stuck unless I want to get a fixed up Model T or some such. My husband always responds to my laments with “That’s a nice story, Grandma!!” Fucker.

    Sorry (but not sorry) that I howled at the Egg McMuffin part of the entry.

    You guys only recently realized that the house belongs to the kitties? LOLZ4DAYZ!!!

  15. maxie says:

    I so get you on the Fred’s always there thing. My husband used to travel a lot for business so I always had a few days to a week or more to myself. Now he’s retired and he NEVER! goes anywhere for more than an hour. I so need my time alone again!

  16. Lesley says:

    Thanks for the update! Check out the Mazda5, I love mine. Might not come in yellow, though.

  17. Molly says:

    Oh man, classic bitchypoo! The egg mcmuffin scene cracked me up. I too wish you would write more often.

  18. LeighC says:

    Hi Robyn, I have read your blogs for many years. I recently had LapBand surgery and every now and then I wonder how you’ve been doing since your WLS. It’s been a few years since you’ve updated on the other blog. I guess after a while, it just becomes a non-issue. But I was wondering if after all of these years, do you still have to make a mental effort to “watch” what you eat? And Fred, has he kept of his weight? Feel free to tell me to MYOB.

  19. Donna says:

    I am so excited that you posted to this site again! I miss hearing the misc stuff going on. Hope u get that new car soon!

  20. Susan C. says:

    Great to see a bitchypoo post.

[Bitchypoo is peeing-her-pants excited to be powered by WordPress.]