In a Sunburned Country, and loving it. It makes me want to pack up and move to Australia right this very minute, and I’m only halfway through the book! Hell, I’ve already been all over realestate.com.au (just for fun, you understand – I’m thinking I could never convince Fred to drop everything and move to the other side of the world, the unadventurous bastard). * * * 1. What are your favorite ways to relax and unwind? I’m pretty much in a constant state of relaxation and unwound-ness, but I would say that sitting in the chair in the corner of my bedroom ranks pretty high, as does sitting and watching TV with Fred. Any time I can wander around without a bra on, basically. 2. What do you do the moment you get home from work/school/errands? Kick off my shoes, and check my email. 3. What are your favorite aromatherapeutic smells? Yankee Candles Buttercream candles. Nothing in the world smells as good to me as those things – I used to love vanilla-scented candles until I found the Buttercream ones, and now nothing else compares. 4. Do you feel more relaxed with a group of friends or hanging out by yourself? By myself or just hanging out with Fred. Fred doesn’t care whether I EVER wear a bra, but I’d feel weird not wearing one around other people. 5. What is something that you feel is relaxing but most people don’t? Maybe cross-stitching? * * * For reader Lena, who specifically requested them, and ALL you Tubby lovers out there: I think this is one of the best pictures I’ve ever taken of Tubby. It looks grainy because I didn’t use a flash and had to use Paint Shop Pro to lighten it, but I still really like it. Tubby, snoozing on the bed. * * * And, of course, pictures of other cats, since I had the camera out: Miz Poo, caught in mid-turnaround. Spanky snoozing, and Spot keeping a wary eye on me. ]]>


Thank god Fred picked out the BIG freezer, huh? * * * Fred recently got a letter from a literary agent. Almost always when the mail comes, Fred’s still at work, and I call him and say “You got mail. Want me to open and read it to you?” And because he can’t stand to wait ’til he gets home, he always lets me. This particular letter was littered with misspellings and missing words. The funny thing, of course, is that this agent’s website has a bit on it about how important proofreading is. I’m so very tempted to correct the letter with a red pen and send it back to her, but I don’t guess that would be the best thing to do to an agent you’re hoping will represent your husband’s book. We have no guarantee that she has any kind of sense of humor, so doing that might just piss her off. But it’s still tempting. * * * Spot finally got fed up with all the rain keeping him in the house, and so he went out the cat door and sat on the outside window ledge, which is mostly protected from rain as long as it comes straight down. Miz Poo did not approve. * * * This would be an example of Spot spazzing when he’s out laying in the yard and we go out back to do something. He runs like hell for the cat door, like he’s not supposed to be out there. It’s ironic that it took Spot so long to start using the cat door, and now he’s outside more than any other cat, including Fancypants. Wait. Is that true irony, or just Alanis irony? It’s been too long since my college English courses… * * * Miz Poo sure does love her Momma…]]>


Firm tape, I feel like my brain is leaking out my ears. * * * So, you know the sound wet sneakers make on a hardwood floor, that annoying, high-pitched squeak? That’s the exact sound that Spot makes when he meows (I think I’ve mentioned the story behind his weird meow before, but here it is in a nutshell: he showed up as a kitten outside Fred’s door several years ago (before Fred and I met), and sat outside the door howling and howling and howling until he ruined his “voice”, and ever since it’s been a weird, squeaky non-meow). He just came in through the cat door, and is sitting behind me making that noise incessantly. Something about having someone see him come through the cat door really bothers him, like he thinks he’s not supposed to be out there. Anytime he’s out there when we wander out to do something in the back yard, he high-tails it for the cat door and skedaddles inside. Our cats. Such freaks. Oh. Actually, I guess he DIDN’T just come through the cat door. It’s raining like hell out there, and he isn’t wet. I guess he’s complaining about the fact that he can’t go out there due to the rain. I mean, he COULD go out there, but you know how it is with cats and the whole getting wet thing. * * * Speaking of cats, if you were a portly Poo and you wanted to lay comfortably somewhere, and you had the run of the entire house, including a cozy loveseat and a pillow in the corner of your Momma’s desk, put there especially for you, where would you choose to curl up and snooze? That’s right. Directly in front of the keyboard so that your Momma couldn’t do that annoying “typing” on the “keyboard” and annoy you. All she could do is maybe reach around you to use the mouse. Because she’s far too nice to dump your portly ass on the floor, where you belong. * * * I was reading Jennifer Weiner’s blog yesterday, and followed a link to an article, wherein I was struck by the picture of Anna Quindlen set to the side. Anna Quindlen has got herself some crazy, twirling eyes. Those are some serial killer eyes, y’all. You don’t want to mess with Anna Quindlen, ’cause with eyes like that, you know she’ll fuck you up without batting an eyelash.]]>


A lemon hat! So cute. I only ordered it last week or so, and told her I was in no hurry, since it was humid as hell (except in hell it’s a dry heat, I think), and hot, but still she whipped it out and no time flat and sent it off to me. I can’t wait ’til it gets cold enough that I need to wear it all the time – I will be so stylin’! * * * If you belong to the notify list run by NotifyList.com, you may want to unsubscribe from that list, and subscribe to this one instead. NotifyList.com has been a pain in my ass (and that’s a big pain!) for the last few weeks. I sent out two notify emails yesterday and neither one of them ever went out, apparently. Bastards. Will I ever find a notify list I like? Hopefully the one I linked to above will work out, but with me, you just never know. (Edited 9/17/07 to add: Notify lists can be joined here.) ]]>


Newfoundland Naturals. I like the stuff from Lush, but I don’t like all the crap the Lush stuff leaves around the edges of the tub, so when Tracey emailed and told me she’d like to send me some bath salts from the best place ever, I accepted. Hey, I’m flexible, I’m willng to experiment. Last night I took a bath and used blueberries and cream bath salts, and I think I’m in love. Not only did it smell great, but it was soothing, made my skin feel softer, AND didn’t leave a ring around the tub. I’m hooked! * * * I finished reading In Her Shoes late Saturday night (actually, Sunday morning – it was after midnight), and almost burst into tears because I didn’t want it to be over. I leafed back through the book, rereading my favorite parts, and I’m thinking that next weekend I may read Good in Bed and In Her Shoes back-to-back. I highly recommend In Her Shoes, if you hadn’t guessed. * * * In honor of the fact that today’s the first official day of Fall, it’s absolutely gorgeous outside – sunny and in the low 70s. I guess Mother Nature heard me bitching about the heat and humidity and decided to make things right! Though it’s a little cooler than I would like… * * * The cats have been acting nuts over the past several days – I’m sure due to the full moon – and Miz Poo has been especially weird. Every time she sits down to eat, she catches sight of her reflection in the side of the tub (it’s not mirrored, but it’s shiny enough so you can see a vague reflection). She eats one bite of food, and then starts doing the thing where she stretches her neck out really long and tries to figure out what she’s looking at. It’s funny to watch, because she’s always so surprised and mesmerized that she stops eating and goes over to the tub and stares into her reflection. She can do it for hours, y’all. That cat just ain’t right. ]]>


Say – hope it’s a happy one! And here‘s a little special something for you. * * * Jennifer Weiner’s publication day haiku absolutely cracked me up. Hee! * * * Speaking of Jennifer Weiner, I went to the mall today specifically to buy her new book (In Her Shoes), which I got for $12, due to my $5-off coupon. Beat that, Amazon! Not only could I not use my Waldenbooks coupon at Amazon, but I would have had to pay for shipping, AND I would have had to wait for it to get here. So not only did I get it cheaper, but I got it NOW, and I can’t wait to dive into it. On my way back out of the mall, I walked through Dillard’s and checked out their perfume. I saw the new Jennifer Lopez perfume (never gonna call her J.Lo, nopenopenope), which I had smelled in a magazine last week and thought I might like. I sprayed some on my wrists and kept on going. Oh GOD, does it smell awful on me. I don’t get it, ’cause it smelled really good in the magazine, but on me? Gag city. Ah well, I have plenty of perfume already. * * * I bought a packet of almond M&Ms today (actually, I bought two – hush up, I’m allowed to have junk food on Fridays), and after I ate lunch, I opened the M&Ms and found this: Where are the yellow and red ones?! Don’t they know how much I love yellow? Bastards! It was like a sign, like the M&Ms were trying to tell me I shouldn’t eat them. But I did. And DAMN were they good. It’s just WRONG that 12 M&Ms are 200 calories. At least almonds are good for you, even if they’re wrapped in a scrumptious candy coating. * * * Thanks so much to everyone who gave me framing/ matting advice on the cross-stitch picture. Of course, your opinions were so diverse that I still don’t know what I’m going to do! I ended up not taking it to the framers today because when I was looking at it in daylight, I realized that there’s a big-ass stain across the top of it – as if I’d spilled half a damn can of Coke on it, blotted it, and thought it would disappear. So I have to deal with that before I take it to be framed. I probably should have mentioned that once I have it framed, I’m not keeping it – I’m auctioning it off on eBay, because the Southwestern theme isn’t really in our decorating scheme (if we had one, that is). I bought the kit because it looked like it would be fun to do – and it was, even though it took more than 6 years to finish! Now I’m thinking that I should just sell it unframed, so whoever ends up with it can frame it to fit in with their decor. Time for another poll! (Poll has been removed) * * * 1. Would you say that you’re good at keeping in touch with people? I go through stages – sometimes I do really well, and sometimes I just kind of let it slide. 2. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why? Email, because it lets me control when I communicate – I mean, I can sit down and email when I’m ready to, and get as in-depth as I need to. 3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it? I used to have yahoo messenger and AIM installed, but I uninstalled them when I was reformatting my hard drive, and never got back to reinstalling them. I hardly ever used them, anyway. 4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away? Far away – I don’t really have any friends in the area. 5. Are you an “out of sight, out of mind” person, or do you believe that “distance makes the heart grow fonder”? It really depends on the person and the situation – when Fred and I were falling in luhrve, the distance probably added a certain romantic attraction to the situation (until we met in person, and the distance only became painful), but there have been people in my life who just kind of drifted away because of the distance. The physical distance between the ex and I – he was in the Navy – surely only contributed to the emotional distance between us, even though I’m pretty sure that the only reason we were able to stay married for so long – 8 years – is because he was gone so often and for so long.]]>


someone else lives, I am reminded anew of how uncool and bland our decor is. It’s Fred’s fault. He says the big smiley-face poster I want to slap up in the living room doesn’t “go.” Like the big-ass TV and the antique side table go together? He’s holding me back, man! He won’t let me express my inner coolness! Repression! I’m tired of living under The Man’s thumb! Oh, wait – no I’m not. In fact, I kinda like it. Rwowr. * * * Damn that UPS man, damn him! I was sitting in front of the computer (what a shock, eh?) yesterday afternoon, and glanced out the window to see the UPS truck sitting in front of our house. I watched and waited, and then the truck left. The UPS guy always rings the doorbell when he leaves a package – they never wait to get a signature – and the doorbell hadn’t rung, so I assumed he’d been delivering a package to one of the neighbors. I went about my self-assigned tasks for the day – vacuuming, cleaning, good little housewife that I am (ha!). After I’d showered and was ready for lunch, I was coming back downstairs when I saw that there was, in fact, a package sitting on the front steps. I got really excited – as excited as I get about mail, I get way more excited when it comes to getting a UPS package – and opened the door. I picked it up, noting that it was really heavy, and carried it inside. Once inside, I put it down and looked at the label. It was from Tarrah Cosmetics, a company I’ve never heard of, and so I looked at the addressee and realized that it had been delivered to the wrong address. We’re at 318 (or let’s just say we are – you think I’m going to give you the right number to our house?), and it was addressed to the people at 308. I’d gotten all excited for nothing. I put the package in the car – it was too heavy to carry 5 houses up the street – and drove to 308. Pulling into the driveway, I noticed that the garage door was open, which I assumed meant that someone was home. I carried the package to their front door and rang the doorbell. After a minute or so, when no one came to the door, I knocked. Still no one. I left the package by their front door and took off for a drive around the neighborhood. I haven’t walked outside in a month or so – I’m doing my cardio on the butt-numbing stationary bike – so I wanted to see if anything of interest had changed since the last time I walked through. Nothing had. On my way back home, I passed 308, and noticed that – in the five minutes since I’d left it there – the package had been taken inside, and the garage door was closed. Obviously whoever lives at 308 belongs to the Bitchypoo “If I don’t know you, I ain’t answerin’ the door” school of thought. * * * The spud was out with her friend for a few hours last night, so Fred and I took the chance to have sex on the kitchen floor. Ha – kidding! The floor was far too dirty to do dirty things on it. Plus, it’s cold. What we actually took the chance to do was watch Frailty. It was far better than I’d expected, given that it stars the man with the smack-me face, Bill Paxton, who also directed. It was creepy and intense, and I wouldn’t mind seeing it again. Two thumbs up! * * * Mere hours until Survivor Thailand starts… whyyyyy is this day going by so damn slowly?! * * * Okay, I need advice – I finally FINALLY finished the cross-stitch picture from hell, and I’m going to take it tomorrow to be framed. The problem is that I can’t decide what type of frame I want to get – I’m going back and forth between a light wood frame or a cherry frame. Also, should I get it matted? So check out the picture of the picture I took – it’s taken from a weird angle, but you get the idea of what it looks like – you can click on the picture for the full-sized version, and then answer the polls below. There’s a commenting feature on the polls, so if you vote “yes” on whether I should have it matted, give me a comment about what color mat (I’m guessing white, but I don’t know). And vote fast, because I’m off to have it framed first thing tomorrow! (Poll has been removed)]]>


this design. Fred hasn’t seen them yet, but I’m sure he’ll have a few choice comments. * * * The tornado alarm is going off, and it’s all loud and shrill and getting all over my nerves. Bastards. * * * Are Dingos and Australian Cattle Dogs the same breed? They look an awful lot alike… * * * There was a Lifetime movie with Jenna Elfman on Monday night – Obsessed, it was called. I wanted to see it because the commercials made it look really good, and I kinda like Jenna Elfman ’cause she’s got those crazy, twirly eyes going on. I mean, look at those eyes: Those are the eyes of a potential psycho, and I love me some good screaming psycho movies. It wasn’t a bad movie, though it was really more of a 1-hour show stretched into 2 hours, but Jenna Elfman does crazy well. Anyway, the movie came on from 8 – 10 and 10 – 12. I watched the 10 – 12 showing, watching it while I cross-stitched (I swear to god, I’m NEVER going to be done outlining this damn cross-stitch picture), and I enjoyed it. I stayed up for another hour watching the back-to-back episodes of Mad About You that came on from midnight to 1, and then I made myself turn out the light. I’m turning into a total night owl. What do you suppose I dreamed about? That’s right, that Fred had a crazy stalker who wouldn’t leave us alone. All night long I dreamed about this psycho doing her psycho stalking things, and I woke up all stressed out until I realized it had been a dream. (That is, I hope it was a dream – if Fred’s got a stalker, she’s staying pretty well-hidden so far. That, or she’s scared that if she breaks into the house, Tubby will eat her.) * * * I rented and watched 40 Days and 40 Nights last night. I thought it would be a cute and amusing movie, with the adorable Josh Hartnett and the equally adorable Shannyn Sossamon. Instead of finding it cute and amusing, I am, instead, bitter that I’ll never get that 94 minutes of my life back. If you’re tempted to rent it, I suggest you poke your eyes out with a sharp pencil instead – you’d probably have more fun. It occurred to me as I watched the movie that if everyone in the movies and on TV actually communicated (gasp!) with each other, life would go a lot more smoothly. But then, there’d be dilemma around which the entire movie or show revolved, and thus there’d be no need for crap like 40 Days and 40 Nights. What a loss that would be.]]>


Good in Bed (heh – I accidentally typed that as “Food in Bed” at first). Jennifer Weiner’s second book, In Her Shoes, just came out today. I meant to hit Waldenbooks in the mall while I was out running errands, just to check the price – plus, I have a $5-off coupon – but by the time I dragged my lazy ass out of the house and rented movies, got groceries, and went to the post office, it was lunch time. As you can imagine, lunch time is very important to me, and when I thought about whether I wanted to spend 45 minutes going to the mall, or just going home, it was really no contest. I’ll probably hit the mall on Friday – I’m in the middle of reading If Looks Could Kill, so In Her Shoes would have had to wait until I was done, anyway. * * * It’s Tuesday, so you know what that means, right? That’s right, the season premiere of That 70s Show! But that’s not what I was referring to. Tuesdays are – attention stalkers! – the day I go to the post office to see if I have any mail, and also to mail out anything I need to, since I don’t mail bills out from home anymore. I don’t mail bills out from home anymore because way too many checks – two or three a month – weren’t reaching their destination, and I’m certain that it’s the fault of that bastard of a mailman. So I take them directly to the post office now, and will for the forseeable future. Anyway, at the post office I found two postcards: From reader Tania in Australia From Kim, who just got back from Disney World And from reader Christy in Massachusetts, I got my new favorite bumper sticker: Now all I need is a little yellow Beetle to stick it to. Thanks, Tania, Kim, and Christy – I know I don’t have to tell y’all how much I love to get mail! * * * The reason this entry is going up so late today is because after I got done running my errands, it was time to eat. By the time I got done eating, it was time to log my food for yesterday on my Diaryland site, and by the time I was done with THAT, it was time to watch Dr. Phil. Yes, I’ve starting watching the Dr. Phil show. And I’m not embarrassed about it, damn it! It’s odd to watch Dr. Phil as the host of a show rather than as part of Oprah’s show, and while he seems a little stiff to me, that’s probably just because he needs to get used to it himself. I don’t know that I’ll continue watching it every day – I’ll probably start checking to see what each show is about, and decide from that, the way I do with Oprah – but I can say that the first two shows were pretty good. And tomorrow’s show is about obesity in kids, so you KNOW I’ll be there. As I pointed out to Fred this afternoon, it makes me uncomfortable when Dr. Phil is nice. Hee!]]>