me, I got to go to the gynecologists’ today! I know you’re jealous. Boy, if I could, I’d go every week, oh yes. Between the paper top that hardly covers me, and the flimsy sheet that goes across my lap and doesn’t cover my ass, I’m just in hog heaven, I’m tellin’ ya. If I were in charge of running a gynecologist’s office, I would suggest large cloth tops and lap cloths. I’d also hire nurses who wouldn’t look at the fat patients as if they’re a blight on the face of humanity and should be dragged out back and shot. But, you know, that’s just me. I sure could do without that rectal exam, though – I had forgotten how extremely uncomfortable that can be. So here in Alabama (state motto: We shut down the state for a week when we see two snowflakes in a row), we’re expecting a winter storm. In the Huntsville area (where I am), we’re expecting one to two inches, and the snow should start sometime after midnight. They’ve already cancelled school for tomorrow. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, because if the spud doesn’t have school, it means I don’t have work. I can’t be out there negotiating the scary, dangerous, two-snowflake-covered roads with the spud in my truck! I stopped by Wal-Mart on the way home this afternoon, and my god was it busy. People were wandering around with their carts piled high with chips and loaves of bread, periodically just coming a dead stop in the middle of aisles, directly in front of me, and staring at the canned soup like they had no idea what it was. Just standing there, staring, and not getting the fuck out of my way. Grrrrr. On the upside, they’d stocked the Little Debbie section, so my beloved Devil Cremes were in stock. So I ended up standing in the cigarette aisle to check out – I don’t know if it’s the same in all Wal-Marts across the country, but around here if you want to buy cigarettes, you have to check out at the register by the cigarettes – and ended up standing next to a latter-day Forrest Gump. Now, Forrest is all cute and amusing in the movie, but let me tell you, when he’s standing next to you yammering about snow, Indiana, and work, it’s more annoying, really. You know, I just for the most part can’t stand people. I know you’re surprised, but more often than not these days, I just want to smack people upside the head and tell them to go away. There were two people standing in line in front of me, each purchasing less than 10 items each, and I stood in line for ten minutes – and for once I’m not exaggerating. It was 3:20 when I got in line, and 3:30 when the cashier handed me my receipt. With Forrest babbling in one ear, I was sorely tempted to bellow "Jesus christ, lady, it’s not brain surgery!" Okay, I’m outta here. Everyone try to stay warm, and despite the horror of that whole inch of snow we’re supposed to get tonight, I shall persevere!