Cold Medicine
Raisin Nut Bran
Hanging file folders
Microwave popcorn
SugarFree gum
Wintergreen TicTacs Pretty simple, right? Well, here’s what I walked out with: Microwave popcorn
Raisin Bran Crunch
Tylenol Flu
Italian Salad No pierogies. No gloves. No bulbs (for the garden). No hanging file folders (okay, there were hanging file folders, but they were 1/5 cut, and I wanted 1/3 cut. Anal much?). No Extra sugarfree gum. And every kind of TicTac you could ever hope for, but not Wintergreen. I was peeved. I was ticked. And I’m sure I’ll be going back in a few weeks, ’cause DAMN that was a good price for the salad. I’m really peeved about the lack of pierogies. I’ve been to four stores (besides Sam’s) looking for pierogies, and they’re nowhere to be found. What the hell is up with that? Actually, I’ve never had pierogies in my life, but I got a low-cal recipe for chicken smothered pierogies, and wanted to try it out. I guess I can try Kroger, but if they don’t have ’em, I’m shit out of luck. Deb suggested I try Schwan’s, but I’m a little scared of them, because you have to enter the witness protection program to get away from them once you buy something from them, and we can’t be buying the high-fat high-calorie REALLY YUMMY LOOKING food they sell. I flipped through the catalog they left on the porch this morning, and it was all I could do to not eat the page with the picture of the chocolate chip cookie dough on it. To add insult to injury at Sam’s, I decided that almost two years was long enough to be wandering around with my old before-I-married-Fred name on it, so I got a new one with the right name, and even had my picture taken. God almighty, all I could do when I saw the picture was laugh. They take those freakin’ pictures at the least flattering angle possible, and I look like I’ve gained 54 pounds instead of losing them, since it appears that I have 45 chins instead of the actual 6 (slight exaggeration). I also apparently have a pig nose, since you can’t see much of my face due to the huge nostrils taking up so much space. I’d scan the picture, but I don’t want y’all to lose all respect for me.

That is if you had any respect for me to begin with.