iet journal for more). By the time I was done exercising, it was 8:39. Since I didn’t have to wash and dry my hair, I figured that was plenty of time, especially since the hair salon is only about 3 minutes away. Well, because of Fred (have I mentioned that EVERYTHING is that man’s fault?) who had to call and read a hilarious email from Moira to me, I ended up being 7 minutes late. It was no biggie, though, ’cause I’ve surely waited longer than that for Bev to show up, more than once.
I thought Bev would fall on the floor in a dead faint when I told her I was going to grow my hair out. I’ve had the same hairstyle since she’s been cutting my hair, and god knows the poor woman is probably bored to death with me. She ended up cutting two inches off the back and sides of my hair (Fred’s going to come home and say "It looks shorter. I thought you were going to let it grow!" He’ll never believe me when I explain that to grow your hair out, you have to keep cutting it until all the layers have caught up). And then she blew it out straight, which I will just NEVER get the hang of. How is it that they can do magical things to your hair in the beauty salon that you can never duplicate at home? Maybe it has something to do with the 45 tons of hairstyling goop she put in my hair, ya think?
How cool is it that they’re running the first show of Survivor 2 tomorrow night? I just may have to check it out again. Maybe this time I’ll remember more of their names.
I wouldn’t count on it, though.
So, I’ve been reading a huge backlog of magazines for about two weeks now, and I ran across this picture in either US or People, or possibly even Entertainment Weekly:
Any idea who that blonde in the middle is? I, personally, thought it was one of the Dixie Chicks. Fred knew at first glance who it was, though: Alexis Arquette. I don’t know about that Arquette family.
And I’ll never understand how David Arquette got Courtney Cox to marry him. If he’s not the most annoying guy in Hollywood, I don’t know who is.
So Fred and I were talking about one of his employees last week – Paul – and told me that he (Paul) told Fred that Sela Ward is on his list of 5 famous women he’s allowed to boink, should the opportunity ever arise. C’mon, you KNOW you’ve thought about it, so don’t sit there and look all disapproving.
Naturally, I asked Fred who’d go on his list, and off the top of his head he came up with about 40 names (okay, slight exaggeration there). For the most part they were kinda freaky looking chicks – Debi Mazar, Fairuza Balk, and Heather Paige Kent. He also had Drew Barrymore (who is pretty cute, in my opinion) and Angelina Jolie on his list – though he only thought Angelina Jolie was "hot" in Hackers. The upside to hearing his list of boinkable women is that every time I see one of them on TV or in a magazine, I can point at them and say, in an exceedingly snotty voice, "Oh look, there’s your GIRL." The downside, of course, is that either I look freaky like the women on his list, or I look nothing like them at all – I’m not sure which I’d prefer.
Sadly, the only names I could come up with for my list were Jack Black and Matthew Perry. Sarcastic funny guys – yeah, they’ve got NOTHING in common with my husband, do they?
Oh, I just thought of someone else – Denis Leary. Hubba hubba!
As we were talking about our lists, all I could think of was the Friends episode when Ross came up with his list. He ended up bumping Isabella Rossellini for someone else at the suggestion of either Chandler or Joey, their reasoning being that he was less likely to ever run into her because she was an international star and from Italy (?). At the end of the show, he saw her in Central Perk, and Rachel encouraged him to approach her, saying that she (Rachel) would consider it a freebie. Ross walked up to her, showed her his card listing his five women, and explained the deal to her. She looked at the card and said "But my name isn’t on here." Ross said "Oh, it’s not a final list!" She looked at it, front and back, and said "But it’s lam-ee-nay-ted!" Every time I hear the word "laminated", I hear her saying "lam-ee-nay-ted!"
I have a sad, pathetic life, don’t I? Why must I carry that entire plot around in my brain?
Well, here’s another one. Whenever I hear the word "familiar", I think of the scene in Parenthood where Martha Plimpton has told Dianne Wiest, who just got home with her date, Paul Linke (who coincidentally played Officer Grossman on CHiPs, the finest series ever aired)(aside from The Brady Bunch, that is)(I was going to marry Jon, after Donny Osmond got married and broke my heart) that she (Martha Plimpton) is pregnant. Dianne Wiest pours a drink and says, more to herself than to her date, "I’m too young to be a grandmother! I was at Woodstock!" He says "You were at Woodstock? I was at Woodstock!", and she looks at him and says "I THOUGHT you looked fer-MILL-yer!" I hear "fer-MILL-yer!" every single time someone says "familiar."
"Jesus christ, she’s recounting plot points from TV shows and movies! What’s she going to do next, describe her dryer lint in excruciating detail?"
Thank you! Thankyaverramuch, ladies and germs! I’ll be here all week!
—–]]>
01/30/2001