Becky‘s, Saundra‘s, and Kristin‘s takes on the situation. But I’m sure y’all were already reading them, anyway. While I’m linking things, you must must MUST read A Girl Named Zippy. It’s got some hilarious fucking parts in it, and I found myself laughing out loud many, many times. Go buy it now! I’d lend you my copy, but in the rush of running around trying to de-crapify the house, I stuck it in a box of books to my sister, who will promise to save it for me if I ask, and then we’ll both forget about it for 43 years until she calls me at the nursing home and asks "What book was it you wanted me to save and give back to you after I read it?" And I’ll say "When?" And she’ll say "1999? 2000? Maybe 2001." And I’ll say "P is for Peril?" "No." "Dreamcatcher?" "No." And so on until it’s lunchtime and I’m so excited at the thought of Lime Jello for dessert (it being Tuesday and all) that I hang up on her and go hobbling out to the lunchroom with all the other old people. So go buy it. Yesterday, after spending 2 1/2 hours scrubbing out the litter box area next to the washer and dryer, and then pulling the washer and dryer apart to clean the floor between them (and finding $1.38 – SCORE!) – an experience I do not care to ever ever ever repeat, thanks so very much – and then after loading all the trash in the garage we needed to get rid of, and sweeping the floor of the garage – and what a difference it makes! – and showering, etc., I went shopping. That’s right, shopping. And not at Wal-Mart. No, I went shopping at the mall, for something like the 4th time in the almost 5 years I’ve lived here, because we’re going on vacation to Gatlinburg today, and I had no decent clothes to bring. Everything I already owned consisted of a few pairs of black pants, and a ton of t-shirts. And since we plan on going out to a nice restaurant one night while we’re there, I’m thinking that a pair of black cotton pants, a The Lotion and the Basket t-shirt, and my muddy sneakers isn’t exactly the fashion statement to make. So I hit the mall. After an hour and a half of shopping, I left with 6 shirts, 3 pairs of pants, new underwear, and a new pair of shoes. Oh, and a new purse. The clothes I bought at Lane Bryant, which has an unfortunate habit of putting all their ugly clothes in the windows and on display, but hiding the decent stuff in corners so that you really have to search for it. I hit the dressing room three different times, carrying in armloads of clothes with me each time. Once, while trying on a pair of shorts, I got sidetracked looking at the muscles in my calves. We don’t have a full-length mirror at home, so I’d never seen my legs from that angle before. I mean, I have HUGE calves, but there’s a lot of muscle there. Any body part that carries around a few hundred extra pounds for 10 years or more is going to develop a little muscle whether you like it or not. The pants I bought are NOT stretchy pants, and I was actually a size smaller than I thought I’d be, which is cool. The dressy shirts I bought (the same shirt, in two different colors) are actually kind of fitted. And they fit. And they make it look like I might actually have a waist. I’ve never been much of a shopper, but this particular shopping excursion was so relaxing and I ended up with such nice stuff that I can see myself becoming an occasional power shopper. Okay, I need to go make sure that the house is ship-shape before Fred gets home (he’s picking up the spud at school on his way home at 10:00; can you believe that even though it’s the last day of school, they’re having a full-length day?), and be sure that I’ve packed everything and the kitchen sink, make sure the cats have enough food, yadda yadda yadda. I’m still about a week behind in my email, and perhaps I’ll get caught up when I get back from Gatlinburg – especially with those 3,003 emails I owe YOU, Divine Mizz M – and perhaps I will not, but one thing is sure. There will be pictures. Lots and lots and lots of pictures. Pictures of mountains, pictures of the spud with mountains in the background, and perhaps I’ll get lucky this time and get that waterfall picture I want so desperately. See you then! —–]]>