And not only would Fred not run from the paparazzi, I’m amazed that he wasn’t jumping in the pictures of random tourists. Could you imagine getting your vacation pictures back and seeing Fred’s big grinning face standing there? “Honey, who the hell is THIS?!” I stole this survey from Noreen, but I’ve seen it all over the place recently, and god knows how much I love to be one of the cool kids! WALLET: A $5 piece o’ crap that I bought at Wal-Mart, of course. I have more wallets than you can shake a stick at, ’cause I get sick of the wallet I’m using, and instead of going through the ones I already have, I go look for a new one at Wal-Mart or Target, and then don’t want to throw the old one away… HAIRBRUSH: I have several brushes – a round one, a flat one, a regular one. I use them all indiscriminately, which probably explains the usual state of my hair. TOOTHBRUSH: Oral-B Crossaction. Purple and white. JEWELRY WORN DAILY: Honestly, I don’t wear jewelry. I used to wear my engagement and wedding rings, but since I’ve lost weight, they don’t fit anymore. I was wearing cat-paw earrings (errr, earrings that look like cat paws, not made out of ACTUAL cat paws, ’cause that would be weird and creepy) every day for a while, because if I go for too long without earrings, my left ear (the pierced part) tends to grow together. SOCKS: White cotton anklets. They have to fit just right, ’cause I can’t stand it when socks are too big and they bunch at the front of my shoe. Drives me nuts. The only time I really wear socks, aside from exercising, is if I know I’ll be doing a lot of walking – ie, a trip to Wal-Mart. PILLOW COVER: You know, I have no idea what they look like. I think they’re gold, tan and white, but I couldn’t swear to it. BLANKET: A dark red and gold comforter, which I absolutely loathe, because it’s made out of material that grabs the cat hair and won’t let it go unless I walk near it wearing black pants, in which case the blanket throws the hair at me. I plan to hit Bed, Bath and Beyond one of these days and pick out something better, something with a lot of blue, but I haven’t yet because I know I’ll end up spending a lot of money, and we’re still trying to recover from the back-to-back move and vacation. One of these days, though, I’ll take a look at that damn comforter, and I’ll just snap, and end up buying something all flowery and girly. And Fred will be maaaaaaaad… SUNGLASSES: LL Bean sunglasses, which I got from Fred for Christmas last year. Very comfortable sunglasses, which given the price, they damn well should be. Much better than the $10 Wal-Mart glasses I used to wear. UNDERWEAR: (I had to stop and look, actually) Right now, I’m wearing dark purple venezia underwear. I go back and forth between Venezia underwear and my old saggy-ass underwear that’s too big for me. As for bras, around the house I don’t usually wear one. When I have to go out or we’re expecting company, I wear one of the bras I ordered from JustMySize.com. SHOES: When I’m going out, I usually slip on the pair of dark-blue criss-cross sandals I got from Land’s End. When I’m exercising, I wear New Balance 1121s, which are the replacement for my old New Balance 572s, which weren’t giving me nearly enough support. Just so you know.

NAIL POLISH: I don’t think I’ve worn nail polish once in the last 10 years. The key to all that is Robyn can be found in the words "low maintenance." HANDBAG: I don’t know. Some crappy faux-leather dark-brown Wal-Mart purchase. It works for me, because it has two side pockets, and I use one to hold a paperback and one to hold my cellphone. KEYCHAIN: A yellow VW bug with a clock inside (which I got from Target), a yellow VW bug which I bought in G’burg, a yellow heart-shaped keychain with a smiley face on the front and some saying about god or jesus on the back, and a small silver smiley-face keychain. If it’s yellow or smiley-faced, it’s on my keyring, by god! COMPUTER: I don’t know. Some Hewlett-Packard slow-moving piece of buymeanewcomputerFred shit. FAVORITE TOP: I don’t have one particular favorite, but if it’s an oversized t-shirt, it’s good enough for me. FAVORITE PANTS: Black cotton. Or the one gray pair of leggings that are too big for me. I dress mighty sexy, don’t I? SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER: Right now, I’m using Basic So Straight shampoo and conditioner. When that’s gone, I’ll probably go back to Thermasilk. But nothing can help the horror that is my hair, believe you me. SOAP: Dove for sensitive skin. PERFUME: I have a bunch of perfume at the moment. Sand and Sable and Dark Vanilla are my current favorites, but I also have Manifesto, Love’s Baby Soft, and some Honeysuckle body spray. Oh, and True Love and Ici, too. CD IN THE STEREO RIGHT NOW: The WordGoddess cd. CAR: ’97 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, white, and ’97 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, amethyst (also known as purple. Fred drives a purple Jeep!) IN THE FRIDGE: A gallon pitcher of iced tea (Fred), diet Coke (me), diet Mountain Dew (spud), water (me), lots of salad fixin’s, carrots, celery, cabbage, milk, organic eggs, leftover taco soup (for Fred’s lunches later this week), and yellow squash. Plus the usual condiments. TELEVISION, STEREO, CELLPHONE: The main TV is a Mitsubishi 60-inch rear projection system (I would personally be happier with a tv half the size, but I don’t get to make that choice), we have a Samsung 19-inch TV/VCR combo in the computer room, and a 27" TV in the bedroom. We hardly ever use any of them aside from the big one, since it’s in the living room. We don’t really have a stereo, and usually listen to cds on our computers, though we have a Bose radio in the computer room so I can listen to the radio during the day. The cellphone is a Nokia something-or-other with a yellow faceplate. I’m sure the yellow shocks you.

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Previously 2000: Look! It’s nay-chuh!