Okay, as regards Friday’s entry, wherein I said that the five celebrities I’d have a fling with were David Morse, Don@l Logue, Matthew Perry, Viggo Mortensen and Tim Roth, I need to edit that list.
The official list is now as follows: Don@l Logue, Matthew Perry, Tim Roth, Zach Ward, and Alan Tudyk (but only if he retains the red hair he had in A Knight’s Tale; as an alternate, I choose Paul Bettany from that same movie). God. Could you imagine being all famous and google-ing yourself to find that some fat chick in Alabama has you on her List?
(Fred: "Happens to me all the time…")
Starr, your emails are bouncing back to me. I don’t think ls.net likes me…
Thanks to reader Anne, who bought Nickel and Dimed for me off my wish list. Anne rocks!
The cats’ food and water dishes, I don’t think I’ve mentioned, are kept in the master bathroom. We originally kept them in the laundry room with the litter box, but since our cats are some litter-flingin’ fools, they were always getting litter in the water, and while it didn’t seem to bother them, it grossed me out. So we moved the dishes to the bathroom, where they sit against the wall next to the bathtub, and near the toilet (note to self: start working on that house tour sometime soon…), on a blue plastic mat with a lip designed to catch the food pieces that fall out of the cats’ mouths.
Unfortunately, they are also some food-slinging fools, and if it’s been more than two days since I vacuumed in the bathroom, you’re apt to find a fragment or two of cat food stuck to the bottom of your foot upon leaving the shower.
Anyway, once we moved the food dishes into the bathroom, Miz Poo developed the habit – nay, compulsion – to go running to the food bowls and chow down whenever I’m in there taking care of business.
I think she doesn’t want me to be lonely.
But when you have one food and one water dish and five cats, there are times when one cat wants to eat, and another (most probably the forever-eating Tubby) is already there.
So we head into the bathroom, Miz Poo and I, and I go about sitting down and taking care of business (too much information? You do it too, don’t deny it), and Tubby sees Miz Poo coming, and he moves out of her way, because he’s learned that to get between Miz Poo and her food is to invite a smackdown of the highest order.
The fun part comes when it’s one of the other cats, especially Spot. Miz Poo comes up to the food bowl and sees to her horror that another cat is in her place, eating out of HER food bowl, and she cannot believe the utter gall and nerve of this cat.
Meanwhile, Spot continues contentedly munching.
Miz Poo leans forward and aggressively sniffs Spot’s tail. Spot, being the don’t-touch-me! sort turns to see who’s sniffing at him. He sees that it’s Miz Poo and stares at her. She stares back. The scary music begins in the background. And quicker than the nekkid eye can see, Miz Poo reaches out with one paw and SMACKS Spot in the head, so hard that you can (if you’re paying attention) hear the thump. Spot rears back, ears laid back along his head, blinking furiously and trying to figure out what just happened.
And then Miz Poo SMACKS him again.
Whereupon Spot runs out of the bathroom as fast as his legs can carry him, and then hides under the bed with his tail sticking out ("If I can’t see them, they can’t see ME!" goes his reasoning), and there he pouts for quite some time.
Rarely, Miz Poo has decided to be patient – perhaps she’s just not that hungry – and she’ll sit and watch Spot eat. This is when I encourage her evil ways. "Miz Poo! What the hell does he think he’s doing?! He’s eating your food! Smack him, Poo! Smack him!"
And she almost always does, unless my tone has frightened Spot.
Makes me laugh my ass off, every time.
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