How to celebrate Robyn’s birthday
(which is tomorrow, so get crackin’)

(This idea totally stolen from Mopie)

1. Rename your journal “Bitchypoo” (just for the day).

2. Call your child – or husband, if you don’t have a child – “Spud” all day long. Or call your favorite pet (doesn’t have to be a cat) Miz Poo for the day. Follow your pet around and croon "Mizzzz Poooooo" until it gets annoyed and runs away with it’s ears laid back.

3. During a semi-important meeting or phone call say “I don’t know. What does Robyn think of that?”

4. Wear something yellow (that being my favorite color).

5. When your husband/ significant other/ cat farts for the 53rd time in 10 minutes, narrow your eyes at him/ her/ it and say “You’repissin’meoff.”

6. Change your computer wallpaper to a picture of me, unless it would frighten other family members.

7. Call your significant other "Ya fuckin’ idiot" out of the blue, for no particular reason.

8. Postpone cleaning the house for another week.

9. Eat a whoopie pie.

10. Take a bath using Lush bath melts or bath fizzies, and spend the rest of the day making people smell you.

And don’t forget to email me and tell me what you did!

* * *

Here we see all the cats except Miz Poo snoozing on the bed. Those cats just love the hell out of the bed in our bedroom, I’m not sure why. They spent all day long Sunday just snoozing and rolling around. Thank god the cat fur doesn’t show up on this bedspread – I don’t even want to think about how much there is.

Tubby and Spanky hanging out in the study. Doesn’t it look like we interrupted a drug deal?

Man. Dave Thomas (of Wendy’s, not Dave Thomas the actor) died. That really kinda sucks.

I’m headed off to Target here in a few minutes – I have a long list of stuff I need to pick up, from kitty litter to a new cordless phone for the upstairs (how did people walk around while talking on the phone before cordless phones were invented? Longer cords, I guess).

* * *

I just got back from Target. The bastards were out of the phone I wanted, so that was no good. I want one like the one I have on my desk, because it has caller id built into the phone itself. You know what freaks me out? When the phone rings, Fred will just PICK UP THE PHONE AND ANSWER IT. Isn’t that freaky? I could never imagine just answering it like that, instead of checking out the caller id first. And if it’s anyone other than my parents, my sister, or my friend Liz (or Fred from work, during the week), I don’t answer it. Why would I answer it if it’s not for me?

Speaking of phones, I was sitting in the Wendy’s driveup this afternoon in the middle of giving my lunch order when the cellphone rang. It was Fred – no one else calls me on the cellphone – using his deductive powers for evil once again. The man somehow just KNOWS the least convenient time to call me – when I’m in the bathroom, when I’m in the checkout line at Wal-Mart, when I’m in the driveup at Wendy’s – and calls then. I don’t know how he does it. Some kind of husbandly intuition, I s’pose.

Speaking of phones, my friend Liz keeps calling and emailing to ask if I’ve gotten "anything" from her today. I suspect she’s sending me flowers for my birthday, because I sent her flowers for hers. She’s 10 days older than I am, and she wanted a certain baseball cap – something about some Arizona baseball team; I don’t retain anything regarding sports, thank you – and they let me know that the order was backordered, and I wanted her to get something on her birthday from me, so I sent flowers. I love sending flowers. I’m a flower-sending fool.

At Target, I purchased a 31-pound container of Tidy Cat (or was it Fresh Step?) – we have 5 cats, you know, so we go through the litter like you wouldn’t believe, even though a certain little bastard makes it a point to poo BY the litter box instead of IN it. The tiny, skinny little cashier tried to lift the container over the scanner and almost fell over, so I had to help.

Me strong. ::grunt::

Someone out there sent me a copy of The Man who Cast Two Shadows, which was on my wish list. Thank you, and if you’d email me, I’d like to thank you properly.

Okay, that’s it for today. Tomorrow? My birthday! Can you stand the excitement, can you?!