MOTHERFUCKER, BECAUSE I WAS WHISPERING IT DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EAR not a one of them was looking at me, or indicating at all that they could hear what I’d said. Odd, since I WAS TOLD I WAS SCREAMING IT AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. So there. 1. What shampoo do you use? L’Oreal Kids extra gentle extra conditioning Burst of Cherry Almond. It smells SO good. 2. Do you use conditioner? What kind? Always. Most of the time I use L’Oreal Kids Burst of Grape conditioner, but occasionally I use Pantene Pro-V instant hair quencher. Which I only have because when I bought it, I thought it was leave-in conditioner, and only after I walked around with greasy-looking hair for most of a day did I realize otherwise. 3. When was the last time you got your hair cut? I think it’s been about 10 weeks. I’m still growing it out, and I’m just not up for sitting in the chair for two hours to have my hair colored, and having to spend $85 for the pleasure, so Fred colored my hair for me last weekend, and it’s all good. 4. What styling products do you use? On days when I don’t feel like spending half an hour blowing it out straight, I put Clairol Frizz Control serum and Thermasilk mousse in it, point the blow dryer at it long enough to convince my hair to part where I want it, and let it air-dry. On the rare days when I DO feel like messing with it, I put V05 Straight Hair and Clairol Frizz Control serum in it, blow it dry, and then finish with Paul Mitchell Foaming Pomade Smoothing Polish to smooth away the last of the frizzies. On the days I don’t wash my hair (maybe once a week), I spray Aussie Hair Insurance Leave-In Conditioner on it, to kill any cooking smells that are clinging to my hair. 5. What’s your worst hair-related experience? When I was about 13, I wanted a body perm. A BODY PERM. What I ended up with was a fucking poodle perm. And yet I continued letting the same woman do my hair for years. What was I thinking? ]]>