June 27, 2002

“Tell me ’bout them rabbits, George…” I still plan to have my hair cut like Ashley Judd’s ‘do in Someone Like You on my 35th birthday – only a little more than 6 months away! Start your celebration planning now! – so I think I’ll just keep my hair one length for now, so that when I have it cut on my birthday, there’ll be a drastic difference. The one and only upside to having long hair that I can think of is that when it gets in my face, I can pull the top and sides back into a clip and not have to worry about it. This, by the way, is me with a tan. Once the hair was done, I had to visit Wal-Mart for a couple of foam noodles to take to Florida with us, because we like to float around in the water on our foam noodles. Well, we liked to last time we went to Florida, that is. Actually, now that I think about it, last time we went to Florida, there was this dark strip of seawood and stuff about five feet off shore, and I would get on my foam noodle and make Fred pull me past it, because we just KNEW there were sharks and other deadly creatures hanging out in the dark spots. Imagine a fat chick on a foam noodle yelling “Faster! Quick! Is that a shark?!” Heh. So, I’m reading Asking for Trouble and enjoying it, but I realized about two chapters in that it had the exact – EXACT – plot of a story I created about five years ago. Which is, zany girl lies to her mother about having a boyfriend, hires an escort to play the part, and falls for him. Of course, in my imaginings it would be a Harlequin book, and I’m very much NOT a Harlequin-type writer, if only because I’d have a hard time stemming the flow of “Oh, GO FUCK YOURSELF,” she snarled, stomping across the room that would come to mind, because those Harlequin men are just some pushy, condescending bastards. The other Harlequin-type story idea was one where girl meets boy while she’s going into labor, but GET THIS – she’s still a virgin, because it’s not HER baby she’s carrying, she is, in fact, the surrogate mother for her sister and brother-in-law. You can imagine the zany situations. It’s always very important that the woman in a Harlequin romance be either a virgin or VERY close to one – at least, that’s how it used to be. I can’t say whether they’ve loosened up since I was a teen, because I haven’t read an actual Harlequin since then. So, I’m really liking Asking for Trouble, because it’s zany chick acts like a dumbass and yet still meets the love of her life and they live happily ever after, which could REALLY be my life story. Zany chick acting like a dumbass? I INVENTED zany chick, people. I AM zany chick. Is it just me, or did the zany chick books just kind of explode out of nowhere after Bridget Jones? Or were they there all along and I just didn’t notice? I’ve got so many zany chick books on my bookcase that I’m thinking it’s about time they made a Zany Chick section in the bookstores and libraries. “I’m looking for the new Evanovich?” “Zany chicks. Go past religion and take a left.” Does it sound like I’m making fun of that kind of book? Because I’m not, not at all. I LOVE the zany chicks. If I were to write a book, a zany chick would be the center. I’m thinking we need a “Zany Chicks” ‘burb, is what I’m thinking. Yes? No? Oh! And speaking of my book, I need help, y’all. What on god’s green earth is “wine gum”? I thought it was, y’know, chewing gum that tastes like wine, but as I read, it appeared that it wasn’t so, because the character was eating them rather than chewing them. (Note: Thanks for the emails, y’all. For anyone out there who doesn’t know, apparently wine gum is very similar to gummy bears, but firmer, and they’re fruit flavored. Which, of course, begs the question, why are they called WINE gum?) And finally, big BIG thanks to reader Cindy, who bought me another zany chick book off my wish list, which took me completely by surprise. Thanks, Cindy! Y’all have a good day. Or night. Or whatever it is where you are. ]]>