2003-07-09

Lee Child book. ::sigh:: I love Jack Reacher.

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Fred reminded me last night that I forgot to tell a Gatlinburg story. First, some backstory. Since I’ve lost weight, I have started to sweat easily. I mean, I sweated a lot when I was at my highest weight, but I sweat far more now. I think it’s got something to do with sweat being your body’s way of cooling off, and as I’ve gotten in better shape, my body’s become more adept at cooling me off faster. That, or I’m a freak. On Monday mornings when I go to feed the cats at the pet store with Fred, while he’s doing the heavy work – the cleaning of the litter boxes and the scrubbing out of the cages. My job on those days is to refill the food and water dishes, and cuddle with the kitties. By the time we’re done, Fred is still perfectly dry, while I am soaked with sweat from head to toe. So not ten seconds after we stepped out into the warm, sticky, humid day around 10 Friday morning, I began sweating. Profusely. I was Albert Brooks in Broadcast News, battling a river of sweat. But at this point, I’ve gotten used to it, and tend to not even realize I’m sweating unless I reach up to scratch my forehead or push my hair behind my ears, at which point I realize a lake of sweat has taken up residence on my forehead and sent streams down my cheeks and neck. Usually I end up with a sea of sweat in my bra. Luckily, I wear cotton bras which are very absorbent. Anyway, I noticed fairly quickly on Friday morning that I was sweating, but since I had no napkins or tissues with me, I simply swiped my face with my hands and thought no more of it. Fred stopped in front of the Ripley’s Moving Theater and asked if I’d be interested in taking a ride. I said I would, and we stood in line. The woman in front of us, accompanied by a kid, bought two tickets. The ticket lady, with no comment, handed over the tickets and the 3-D glasses. Fred stepped up to the counter, and I stepped up beside him. “Two tickets, please,” he said. The ticket lady smiled up at him, and then she glanced at me. She pointed at the sign behind her, which had a list of restrictions – the usual “You shouldn’t ride this ride if you’re pregnant, have a heart condition, have a blood pressure condition, blahblahblah.” “You need to read the sign behind me and be sure no one in your party,” and here she gave me a significant look, “has any of the listed health concerns.” Fred blinked at her, read the sign, and glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “No one does,” he finally said. We were handed our tickets and 3-D glasses, and Fred led the way inside. “What the hell was THAT about?!” I fumed once we were away from the ticket booth. “What, just because I’m fat she thinks I have a heart condition? She should be talking! She didn’t look all that healthy to me, either!” “Bessie,” Fred said patiently. “You’re covered in sweat, and you’re all pasty and pale. You look like you’re about to have a heart attack.” He grabbed my shoulders and pointed me toward a wall covered with mirrors. He wasn’t kidding. I looked like I was about to drop dead. But I felt fine, and I guess that’s what’s important. Although, my father used to say to me ‘Nando, don’t be a shnook. It’s not how you feel, it’s how you look! And roo look mahvelous!
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My glads are continuing to bloom slowly. About 1/3 of the bulbs I planted put up a shoot about 6 inches high, and then turned brown. I’m guessing that they’re probably too crowded, and would have been happier in the ground. Maybe I’ll actually dig a bed next Spring for them. But then again, maybe not. I’d probably die from dehydration after about 5 minutes of digging.
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We’ve started working our way through season 1 of The Sopranos . I’ve seen a few shows here and there, but Fred really hasn’t (although he can identify Big Pussy and “That Van Zandt guy”), and since there’s not a lot on TV during the summer, we decided to give it a try. So far we’re definitely enjoying it – though we were surprised to find that Tony Soprano seems to cry, or at least tear up, in almost every episode. Anyway, last night we were sitting in the living room watching an episode, when something out the window on the back patio caught my eye. I turned my head and looked. “We have a bunny on the patio!” I told Fred. We went outside to check it out, and he hauled ass across the yard, then sat under the tree and eyed us. Fred walked toward him and he hauled ass behind the shed and disappeared. We thought he might have gone under the shed, so Fred looked but he wasn’t there. We finally decided he must have gone through a small gap in the fence. Damn he was cute. I’d show you pictures, but I didn’t think to grab the camera. He was small, too – I don’t think he was fully grown yet. Cute as he was, I hope he takes the cue to stay out of our yard. I’d really rather not wake up one morning and find a half-dead rabbit trying to hop around the bedroom. I’ll point out that Fancypants has been gone for about a month, and in that time, there have been no animals brought into the house. Coincidence? I think not. I still miss his fancy ass, though.
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“Meh. MEH. Meh!” Is it just me, or does Spanky look all miserable back there, all curled up into a tight ball?]]>

18 thoughts on “2003-07-09”

  1. You know; I’ve lost close to 90lbs(I was 260lbs, now am 171) in the past year or so, and I sweat worse now than I ever did before. I like to wear makeup; which sucks, because it ends up running down my face… so ladylike!

  2. THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE THIS WITH YOU IN CASE YOU HADN’T SEEN IT YET 😉
    A newlywed couple
    A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back…”
    “Where are you going, coochy cooh?” asked the wife.
    “I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a beer.”
    The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
    The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, lolly pop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses…”
    He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, puppy face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
    The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
    “You want hors d’oeuvres, poochi pooh?” She opened the oven and took out
    15 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
    “But my sweet honey… at the bar… you know… there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”
    “You want dirty words, cutie pie?… “LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?” ..and, they lived happily ever after.

  3. I love Jack Reacher also and just finished the Persuader. Coincidentally, I am currently reading the Michael Connely Lost Light book that Amazon is featuring on the link. I love Bosch also.

  4. Oh goodenss, that story is hilarious. You poor thing. I think I would have rather had someone croak on my ride than to ever (insult them) tell them to “look at the sign” like that. Sheesh.
    And please, don’t tell me that you sweat MORE now? Damn. After losing weight? Wow. There’s got to be something to that. Interesting.

  5. Kit – I love Bosch, too. And Lucas Davenport. Clearly I love the badasses. 🙂
    Say – Oh, it sucks! Like Allison, anytime I wear makeup, it ends up running down my face. So I don’t wear makeup hardly ever – not that I ever wore it much!

  6. Two things…DAMN GOOD LAUGH AMBER!!!!!!
    Second…I LOVE me some Tubby Belly!!!!!

  7. Spanky does look so sad while Tubby looks like he’s laughing his ass off. Evil Tubby, taking all the camera attention:-)

  8. Dang that picture of Spanky and Tubby is hilarious. Tubby looks like he takes steroids or something, he’s so freaking huge!

  9. Durn! i was hoping when you said that you saw something out of the corner of your eye you were going to say FancyPants strolling through the backyard

  10. I don’t know if Spanky is sad or just thinking: “Damn you fat bastard! Not only do you hog all the food, but you snag all the paparazzi too! Bitch.”
    But really, can anyone resist a big, chubby kitty belly? I think not

  11. That pic of the 2 kitties is hilarious, Tubby looks like the stay puft marshmallow man.
    I also laugh every day when I come here and see Dakota up on the right hand side saying “Sponsor Me!” then underneath him “Go Fuck Yourself” lol.

  12. I noticed I sweat more now that I take synthroid for my thyroid, which really sucks!!!

  13. God–I wonder if the bitch at Ripley’s was implying that maybe you looked pregnant? I’ve gotten that once or twice due to my 200 pound self, and know a few other fellow fatties who’ve been asked that oh-so-embarrassing question. 🙁

  14. Ha! Every since someone in the comments (sorry–forgot who it was) pointed out Tubby’s uncanny resemblance to South Park’s Cartman, I can’t help but hear “Respect my authoritah!” whenever I see pics of Tubby (particularly pics like the last one on today’s post).

  15. Sweating is a good thing, and almost always means that you’re healthy. Like a lot of yukky things we do, like poopin’ or peein’ or excreting vats of sebum onto your skin, the more you do it, the better your physical condition. Of course, extremes exist: too much peein’ without drinkin’ a lot of water may indicate diabetes; diarrhea is definitely not a good thing; but rarely does sweating too much indicate a problem. There are people who have over-active epicrene or apocrine glands, but that’s more a genetic predisposition than an indication of good or bad health.
    If you’ve lost weight by doing it the right way, sweating more sez you’re doing it right, baby!
    Though I know it’s a pain in the ass replacing white T-shirts cuz the pits have gone all yellow.

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