* * *
Last night Fred and I were watching TV, as we usually do at night. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but I glanced down at his foot and said something about a big, nasty callous he had on his big toe. As he stood up to go into the kitchen and get a drink, he grabbed his crotch and leered “I’ve got something big and nasty for you!” A second later, he looked into the kitchen – which is fully visible from the living room – and his mouth dropped open. From the kitchen, I heard the sound of the spud dropping a cup into the sink. I began laughing immediately, sure that she’d heard him.
But then I discovered that what he’d been looking at was just Spot, standing on the stovetop. Which is a weak ending to the story. Maybe I oughta just claim it was the spud and she heard and was disgusted?
* * *
And speaking of Fred, we were watching TV over the weekend (yes, I know. Eat your heart out at the glamorous life we lead!) and I’d been chattering about something or another. But I’d finished talking, and was flipping through a magazine, when something on TV – something about the war – caught my attention. I glanced at the TV, and then looked at Fred. Fred responded by raising his left hand and pointing his index finger skyward in the universal “Shut the fuck up, I want to hear this” gesture.
I WASN’T EVEN TALKING, AND THE FUCKER SHUSHED ME!
I’ll tell you what, he’s lucky I didn’t go get the cleaver and chop that fucking finger right the fuck off.
* * *
Miz Poo was taken to the vet yesterday by her horrible, evil, awful father. Her father who had to leave the room when they pulled her drain out because he couldn’t stand to watch it. In fact, he left the building so he wouldn’t have to hear her squeal, or do whatever it is that she did when they yanked the drain out, because he really is a big softy when it comes to any of the cats.
From a high of 11 pounds, Miz Poo now weighs 8.5 pounds. I don’t think that’s terribly underweight, because she’s a small-boned cat under it all, but Fred said that we needed to buy some weight gain powder for her. Heh.
She’s not terribly interested in the crunchy food that we feed the other cats, but she’s been very interested in the runoff from Fred cans of tuna, and in the cat food I discovered in the cupboard. She doesn’t actually eat much of the soft cat food, but rather mostly licks the gravy off. Last night, she climbed up on the table and jumped onto the kitchen counter, and proceeded to meow sadly until Fred gave her a little bowl of cat food. This is probably a bad habit to get into, but for now we’re going to spoil her a little.
Of course, the other cats make out like bandits, too, because she licks the gravy off the food, and then leaves the food, and whoever gets to the bowl first finishes off the food.
Yes, we let our cats roam around on the counters. Nasty, I know, but I get to make the rules. They don’t actually walk around on the counters all that much.]]>