What Makes me Crazy 1. Da kitties. Specifically – and let me take a second to thank god she’s okay – Miz Poo, at the moment. I love that she follows me from room to room, and I love that she likes to lay on me, but for the last three nights, she’s been waking me up every hour to climb on top of me, digging the talons in her back feet into the most sensitive skin, settling down with her nose an inch from my ear, and then snoring. If she’s not doing that, she’s smacking my arm to get me to roll over from my stomach (my favorite sleeping position) to my side, so that she can dig at my arm pit (I have no idea why), and then curl up next to my hand and rub her wet, slimy nose all over my hand until I obey and scratch her on top of the head, between her eyes, and behind her ears. And woe betide the Momma who falls asleep while doing so! To reiterate – INCREDIBLY glad that she’s going to be okay, but Momma needs her sleep. Also, Fancypants, who was furious at Fred, who had the nerve to shut the cat door against the driving rain Saturday morning, and responded by peeing in a corner of the computer room. I’m all for tossing Fancypants’s ass outside and leaving him out there all night, I really am sometimes. Bastard. 2. Some readers. I DO NOT HAVE A SOUTHERN ACCENT! Ya nutballs. 3. Books and magazines. There are so many of them! How can I possibly choose one single book to read at a time, and how can I sit with a book when my beloved magazines are calling my name? I’m only one woman! 4. The online journals and diet journals I read. Because they don’t update often enough. Even though I’m a few days behind in my journal reading, y’all STILL don’t update often enough, hear me? 5. Fred. The doors? And drawers? Which you love to open? They shut as well, did you know that? And your dirty dishes? Which you are dumping into the clean, empty sink? Can just as easily go into the dishwasher with the OTHER dirty dishes, yes they can. Really they can! And all that talk about getting me a new car? I know you’re just trying to get me all excited! I won’t be suckered in, I won’t be suckered in… Ooh! That Echo really is adorable… 6. The spud. No! It’s my computer, and I won’t be off soon, and even when I am off, please stop forwarding the same thing to each and every one of my email addresses! Momma loves you, but don’t make me hide my email address from you! And the dishes? Which you’re dumping into the clean sink I emptied not ten minutes ago? I should think you’d know how to load the dishwasher by now, since you do it every night! 7. Candles Like the books, too many choices! Too many choices! How can I decide between Buttercream and Oatmeal Raisin Cookie? How could I possibly make a decision like that?! Thank god for eenie meenie minie moe, that’s all I have to say. 8. My car. And Fred’s, too. They’re running rough, they’re running loud. They’re both 1997 Jeeps, and altogether have less than 100,000 miles on them. 100,000 COMBINED, people. And we’ve dished out a fucking fortune in recent months to fix them. Doesn’t seem to be working. Gah! 9. My computer. Still locking up, still claiming I’m using too much memory when I only have Eudora and Internet Explorer open. I’ve probably said “Don’t start with me, you fucking thing!” 32,000 times in the last week. Damn thing! I’ve backed everything up, and Fred’s going to floople the doop (technical term) tomorrow, so if I’m missing for a day or two, it’s probably because Fred made my computer blow up.]]>