* * *
I forgot to mention that Friday morning, as I was making the bed and waiting for the shower water to warm up, I glanced behind the chair, which sits next to the side table, which in turn sits next to the bed.
“Well, damn,” I said calmly, and then called to Fred, “Could you come here?”
Fred came, peered at the spot where I was pointing and said “Yep. It’s a frog.”
“Well, DO something about it!” I said.
“Let me finish brushing my teeth first!” he said irritably, and wandered back into the bathroom.
I stood and stared down at the frog – which was nothing near as ugly and meaty-looking as the one from last summer – and wondered if it was dead. I reached down and scratched the carpet near him to see if he’d move or blink or something.
Nothing. His eyes glittered deadly.
(Hee! “Glittered deadly.” Oh, I crack me up, I really do.)
So I reached out and poked at his dry-looking side.
::Sproing!:: he went, leaping at least a foot in the air, and I watched, impressed that he’d contained that much energy in his dry and dead-looking little body.
And then he hit the wall and landed on one of those arm-protector things that belongs on the chair but is always knocked onto the floor by the cats, and lay there again without moving.
When Fred was done brushing his teeth, he carried the frog into the back yard and placed him amongst the tomato plants.
Hopefully the cats didn’t bring his dead carcass back into the house to stink up the joint with death and decay.
* * *
I dreamed last night that I was standing in the bank with my mother, and the bank teller said something – I don’t remember what – that tipped me off to the fact that we were being
Punk’d.
“We’re being Punk’d!” I hissed at my mother. “We’re being Punk’d!” Finally, she turned to me and said “We are NOT being ‘punked’!” the way old people do when they don’t know how to pronounce something right and suspect they’re not cool enough to understand what it is.
(Which reminds me of the time I said something about Nick Lachey from 98 Degrees, only I pronounced it “Lackey”, and the spud looked at me as if I were the stupidest thing alive and said “La Shay.”)
But we were, and when Ashton Kutcher showed up at the end of the punk’ng, I did a little dance and said “I knew I was being Punk’d! I knew I was being Punk’d!”, and he was impressed by my intuitive skills.
* * *
Speaking of the spud, when we were in Mississippi, we were watching TV, and a Cheez-Its commercial came on. It was a woman (I don’t know her name, but I know she was on
The State, which also brought us Michael Ian Black) sitting in front of a television set watching a (football?) game and eating Cheez-Its. When her husband’s car pulled into the driveway, she hid her Cheez-Its under a pillow and switched the channel to some sad, sappy movie, pulled out a tissue, and pretended to sob along with the movie.
The husband, seeing how into the movie the woman was, said he’d go watch the game in the bedroom. When he was out of the sight, the woman smiled, grabbed her Cheez-Its, and turned back to the game.
“Well, isn’t that NICE,” Fred said disapprovingly when the commercial was over. “I guess she doesn’t want to spend time with her husband. Good role model for the little girls!”
“Yeah,” I said, only half paying attention. “It’s a horrible, horrible thing.”
The spud looked at us as if we were the stupidest things alive. “No!” she said, “She didn’t want to share her Cheez-Its!”
Ohhhhhhh. Well, that makes a whole lot more sense!
* * *
1. How much time do you spend online each day? Oh, I’d say that 6 hours is a conservative estimate. More since the book became available, and I’m about 3 weeks behind in most of my journal reading.
2. What is your browser homepage set to? Google, because I visit it at least 10 times a day.
3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)? I used to have – what’s it called? The one from AOL? – but I uninstalled it at some point and never reinstalled.
4. Where was your first webpage located? http://bitchypoo.com/bitchypoo.html. If you go there now, you just get the 404 page.
5. How long have you had your current website? It’ll be 4 years on October 10th. Woot!
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