2003-09-01

* * * So how about that Ethan Hawke/ Uma Thurman split, eh? For the uninformed, apparently he was shtupping a 22 year-old Canadian model. Uma found out about it, talked to him, decided they could work past a one-night stand, AND THEN HE KEPT SEEING THE HO. Y’know, I’ve never really understood the great appeal of Uma Thurman, she’s always seemed kinda funny looking to me, but most of those model types usually do. Give me Janeane Garofalo any day. But I could see that she had far too much class for the likes of Ethan Hawke, because anyone who insists upon being introduced as “Actor and Novelist Ethan Hawke” every single time (and you KNOW he insisted on it, was all temper tantrumy, screaming and beating his fists on the floor, wailing “ACTOR AND NOVELIST! ACTOR AND NOVELIST!”) is so pretentious that when it hits him that his wife far outclasses him in every way, he’s not the big-ass star he thought he’d be, and no one’s buying his damn books (which I know, because they don’t introduce him as “Actor and BEST-SELLING novelist Ethan Hawke”), well that’s the sort of man who feels entitled to start fucking any random 22 year-old who can stand to have him. Nope, not an Ethan Hawke fan, not really. (In the interest of full disclosure: I have not read any of the books created from the genius brow of Ethan Hawke, because when I hear “Actor Ethan Hawke has written a novel!”, I think “Oh, shut the fuck up and go away.” It may be brilliant. I sincerely doubt it, but I’ll accept that the possibility – however far-fetched – exists. And also in the interest of full disclosure, I had a crush on him when I saw him in Dead Poets Society. Shut up, you did too. My crush lasted about ten seconds until I saw the fey Robert Sean Leonard. Hello, dahling.)

* * * We went to feed the ducks yesterday to get the hell out of the house for a little while, and so Fred would stop his GODDAMN gotta-go-somewhere-gotta-do-something dance, and I would like to report that yesterday, unlike our trip to the lake near UAH on Friday, was quite calm. On Friday I was pecked several times by evil Canada Geese who didn’t think I was handing out the food nearly quickly enough and wanted me to hop to it. Yesterday – probably because people like to go to the lake on the weekend and feed the ducks and geese – they weren’t nearly as frantic. Why, they were downright mannerly, waiting patiently to be fed. They still stood a little too close for comfort, but it beats being pecked. They crack me up, the way they start running toward us when they realize there’s food to be had. This white goose is an aggressive motherfucker, and if you don’t feed him quickly enough, he’ll coming running at you, hissing and honking. And if you’re not careful, you’ll lose a finger. * * * Today, we went to Montesano State Park, where we grilled hamburgers and had potato salad and coleslaw. We also went on a bit of a hike while we were waiting for the fire to die down. There were an awful lot of people who had the same idea, but the tables were far enough from each other that you didn’t feel crowded. It’s a nice, sunny day out if a bit muggy, and we had a pretty good time. And now I must nap. * * * Miz Poo hopes we NEVER sell all those books. How else would she get up on top of the bookcase? ]]>