knew it, the way I know the sky is blue and Winter follows Fall. So many years of our lives were intertwined, and it seems that in every memory I have, for so many years, you were there. Years ago at the beach in the middle of summer, laying on the blanket, watching the kids play in the surf. I laid my cheek against you; you were cool and you soothed me. You were always what I needed. I thought you always would be. When it became clear to us that it was ending, that it had to end because we had no choice, I thought my heart would break. No. My heart did break. It shattered. I wondered how I would go on without you there beside me. I couldn’t stand it, to know that you were in the world and I could never again be with you. To know that you might go on to make another as happy as you spent so many years making me; I thought I would go crazy. I would lay awake at night crying, wondering where you were and what you were doing and with whom. It’s been so long now since I’ve felt you against my lips. It feels like yesterday sometimes, and at other times it feels like forever. I don’t know how this happened, but somehow I moved on. One day I woke up and told myself that I was not going to pine away for you forever. That it was time to pick up my life and put the pieces back together. And I did. I met someone else, and at first all I thought was “This is not my Beloved.” I knew that it could never work out – how could a relationship be formed when I still spent so much time with my mind on you? One tentative try became two. Two became four. For a long, long time I doubted this relationship, because I thought that it was only a fling to get me over you. But the oddest thing began happening. I began to go for a time without thinking of you, without feeling that pang in my heart, without thinking of you, out there in this world without me. At first it was only a short time – minutes. Over time, minutes became hours and days and then months. And I am in love. I have a True Love. A True Love who is not you. My True Love and I fit together in ways that you and I somehow never could. You and I simply were not right for each other, despite the times we tried and tried and tried again. There was a time I thought we’d always be together, but I was wrong. For a long time, the thought of you made me cry because you were in this world and I could not have you. And then the thought of you made me sad. Now? Now the thought of you makes me smile. We had so many wonderful times together, and I hope your memories of those times make you smile too, those times before the games began, before I tried to change you. What I thought was true love with you, I now realize was only a pale imitation. I hope with all my heart that you now have someone who loves you as much as I love my True Love. And I hope that when you think of me, it’s with a smile. On this day of giving thanks, what I am thankful for is that you were in my life. I am thankful that we were able to finally let each other go, and that my heart, which I thought would never heal, now loves more strongly than ever before. I am thankful for you, for all the time we had together. And I am thankful for my True Love and the future we have together. With love, Robyn November 27, 2000.]]>