* * * My sister called just before 8 this morning from Newark airport. She and Brian have a five hour layover in Newark, and then a NINE hour flight from Newark to Hawaii. I think a nine hour flight would drive me insane. Also, my ass would go numb and fall off. I’m glad as hell that we’re flying from Huntsville to Dallas, Dallas to LA, and LA to Hawaii. I’d rather have a couple of layovers and shorter flights than a NINE HOUR flight. Three times since she’s gotten home, the spud has informed me that her grandparents (her father’s parents, who live near LA) “Only took five hours to get to Hawaii!”, and three times I’ve responded with “Yes, and they didn’t have to fly across the country before they flew to Hawaii, either.” I expect to have the conversation at least once more before we actually get to Hawaii.
You can make your own, here.
it said I was a combination of Demi Moore, Elizabeth Hurley, and Chi Hsu.
When I submitted this one:
it said I was a combination of Sophie Marceau, Catherine Bell, and Elena Obraztsova.
When I said I was male, and re-submitted the second picture, I came back as a mix of Jason Biggs, Christopher Walken, and Hugh Grant.
Sounds good but… I NEED MORE COWBELL!
US Magazine, I love you, but WHAT THE FUCK? Why the fucking hell shouldn’t men cheat on beautiful women? Are you trying to imply that beautiful women shouldn’t be cheated on BECAUSE they’re beautiful? What, the bitches don’t get enough of a charge from stealing all the attention, now it’s supposed to be a rule that they can’t be cheated on? What?
Okay, here’s a shocker: men who cheat on beautiful women cheat for the EXACT same reasons they cheat on ugly women. Because they can. Because they’re assholes. Because their wife doesn’t understand them. Because they have wandering eyes and think that if they look, they must touch. Because their life is stressful and they just need to blow off steam.
The question, you stupid fucking US Magazine, is not “Why do men cheat on beautiful women?”, but why do they cheat at all? Why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Why do cheaters cheat?
Beautiful women are supposed to get a special dispensation from any kind of pain or horror because they’re beautiful? What fucking planet do you live on, US Magazine? Because I’m starting to think the answer is “not Earth.”
Here’s a horrible fact of life, beautiful people: the impact of a beautiful woman or man lasts only a little while. Once you get to know that beautiful person, they become not “That beautiful woman, Mary Jo”, but “My friend Mary Jo. Yeah, I guess she’s beautiful, that’s how men react when we walk down the street. I hate her. No, wait. I don’t, because she’s funny as hell and a great person.” Conversely, Beautiful Person, if your head has been turned by your own beauty and you think the world owes you whatever your little heart desires, people will figure that out pretty quickly and they won’t see your outer beauty but your inner ugliness, and they won’t have any desire to spend any more time with you than they absolutely have to.
I hate you, US Magazine. You really piss me off.
(Yet I am helpless in the face of your “Stars: They’re just like us!” page. Ugh.)
