I swear to god that if (when!) I win the lottery, I’m going to hire someone to drive me around wherever I want to go (“Sonic, Jeeves!”) so that I never have to get behind the wheel again. I had to drive to South Huntsville yesterday, and there’s this piece of road where you get off I-565 onto south Memorial Parkway, and it’s a total nightmare. Once the onramp and south Memorial Parkway merge, you have to immediately get, like, three lanes over or you’ll be forced to exit. I hate that particular section of road more than anything in the world.
(And, yes. I know that all y’all who live in New York City, LA, Chicago, Atlanta, etc. are feeling realllly sorry for me right now.)
So if (when!) I win the lottery I’ll buy a limo – a big, gaudy one! – and hire a driver to take me to Target and the mall and Sonic when I’m having a hankering for a Route 44 Diet Coke made with their delightfully crunchy ice. Then I’ll hire a housekeeper – no, two housekeepers! One to do the regular housecleaning, and one to come scrub down the bathrooms once a day! And I’ll hire someone to come clear the crap off my desk when the piles get too high, and someone to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner (“Cook, I’ll have the M&M omelet for breakfast. Please use only yellow M&Ms or I’ll have to fire you.”) and the occasional snack (“Cook, do we have any of those delightful spicy chickpeas left?”), and then someone to mow the lawn when the weeds get half an inch taller than I’d like.
Oh! And I’d hire a landscaper to plant an acre-size bulb garden and then I’d have to hire someone else to follow the cats around and shoo them out of the bulb garden. Also, there’d be a gladiolus garden, and someone to pick japanese beetles off the glads.
I’d need a secretary, too. Someone to answer all the emails in my inbox and maybe occasionally write me up a journal entry when my life of not doing anything but laying on my dead ass in bed and eating bon bons while reading or watching TV has gotten just too hectic for me.
Above all I’d need to buy a house out in the country on about 40 acres because I will need my privacy and no small children tromping across my lawn and hitting balls into the front flower bed.
I suppose I need to actually start buying lottery tickets to make these dreams come true.
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From my comments yesterday:
Okay, I tried to make the chick-peas. Not sure I am baking them to the correct level of “cooked-ness.” The garlic powder turned totally black! Is this a stupid question (don’t answer that), but could you maybe put in a photo of the cooked chick-peas?
Your request is my demand, so here you go:
I actually think that Fred would have liked it if they were just a tiny bit darker, but I’ve found that I have to be really careful, because if I cook them just a little too long, they’ll burn. I’ve found that the best time for cooking is 15 minutes, stir, then cook for another 17 minutes and then take them out to cool. I know that the recipe says “30 – 45 minutes”, but if I go even as long as 35 minutes, it’s too long.
I hope that helps – and if anyone else has helpful suggestions about the chickpeas recipe, leave ’em in the comments, please.
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Y’all, I am aware of the danger of antifreeze. Not only have I heard about the danger on Animal Planet, but the vet’s office I drive by several times a week changes their sign once the weather gets cold to remind pet owners that antifreeze can kill animals. There’s no puddle of antifreeze and/or coolant on the driveway – I check every time I pull out, and so far there hasn’t been a thing. I don’t know when the coolant is leaking out, but it’s not while the car is parked, I can guarantee you that.
I appreciate your concern, though.
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Have I ever shown you my favorite salt and pepper shakers? They crack me up.
I kind of have a collection of salt and pepper shakers going – if four sets can be a collection – and when the spud and I were in Myrtle Beach with my parents I mentioned it to my father. At some point when we were out checking out one of the bargain t-shirt stores my father jokingly held up some ugly salt and pepper shakers and said “You could add these to your collection.” My mother, who apparently hadn’t heard I was collecting them, shrieked “SHE DOESN’T COLLECT SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS,
I COLLECT SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS, JESUS CHRIST, (HIS NAME)!”
And I was left standing there
muttering like Milton “I could collect salt and pepper shakers, just because you collect the salt and pepper shakers doesn’t mean I can’t collect them too…”
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Yesterday it was in the low 70s and I was freezing. Today it’s in the 50s and I’m burning up. Tell me what the hell that’s about.
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I finally made a decision about the 3-foot pre-lit tree at McRae’s. Since I was out running errands yesterday, I stopped by the mall and bought the tree. $29.97 – that’s a bargain, right there.
This morning I brought it inside and put it together, and then got out all the Christmas stuff and scattered it around the living room. Add to that the fact that my parents sent us a wreath from Maine that is hanging on the front door, and it’s starting to look (and smell!) an awful lot like Christmas around here these days.
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