6/6/05 – Bitchypoo

logo. Well, not so much “new”, because I’ve used it before – in January – but it’s such a summery-looking banner that I wanted to use it again. Thanks again to talented reader Beth for creating it!

* * * Apparently today is going to be a day of dumbassery for me. Dumbass things I have done today: * At 7:15 AM, in my car (which was located directly outside the bedroom window of the next door neighbor), I decided to wipe down my dusty dashboard, and when I reached for the farthest part of the dashboard, my boobs took it upon themselves to honk the horn. Really loudly. You better believe I threw that damn car into reverse and got the hell out of there. * Stepped on the tail of a most adorable kitten at the pet store. Talk about feeling like an asshole. * Smacked my head really, really hard on the corner of a cage at the pet store. That’s gonna leave a bruise. * Put Mister Boogers’ collar on him and opened the back door so the cats could go outside. Then opened the cat door. When I left the house to go to the pet store, I closed the back door, because I don’t like leaving the house with the door open. When I got home, I realized that although I’d opened the cat door, I hadn’t opened the window behind the cat door, which means that none of the cats who were outside could come inside. And further, the boy Fred called to mow and edge the lawn (for $23, and SO worth it) had arrived while I was gone, and while he was working on the lawn, left the gates open. Miz Poo was sitting frantically at the back door, eyes dark, and when she saw me she howled her fool head off. I ran to the cat door to open the window, and when I got back to the back door, Miz Poo had given up on me and was running wildly toward the shed. When I opened the door, she turned around and ran at me, howling all the while. A second later, Spanky came out from under the shed and hauled ass for the front door. I called for Mister Boogers, worried that he’d been so scared by the kid mowing the lawn that he’d jumped the fence, zap or no zap. Mister Boogers did not appear, and I put my shoes on to go check the other side of the shed, when he popped out from under the shed and ran as fast as his little legs could carry him. Poor terrorized kitties. Perhaps I need to just go the hell back to bed and call it a day before I trip over my own feet and crack my skull open on the floor and slowly bleed to death while the cats slurp up my blood, purring all the while. * * * Currently reading: Sushi for Beginners. Finished while Liz was here: The rest of the Margaret Maron Sigrid Harald books (I liked them – some of them more than others – but I have to say that I much prefer the Deborah Knott series), and Persepolis (good book, quick read – but I was surprised to find that it was a graphic autobiography. When I opened the book and found narrated drawings instead of text I rolled my eyes and thought “Oh, THIS is gonna suck…” but it was really well done). * * * So yes, Liz has come and gone. We had a good time while she was here, though she didn’t feel well a few nights. One night she went to bed at 8:00 and I didn’t see her again until noon the next day. I was just starting to wonder if she’d died in her sleep when she rolled out of bed. Tuesday, we drove to Nashville, attended the Grand Ole Opry, and spent the night. Quit rolling your eyes, goddamnit. It was a DAMN good show, and I hope to go back again. We also chose a pretty good hotel – the Radisson Opryland – and I highly recommend it. First, I’ll show you the pictures from the Grand Ole Opry, and then I’ll tell you a story that illustrates just what idiots Liz and I can be when we get together.

Porter Wagoner. As Liz kept saying, “He’s old-school country!”

Connie Smith. I had no idea who she was, and still don’t. She was a hoot and sang a bunch of songs I didn’t know.

Shelly Fairchild wasn’t even listed in the program, so we weren’t expecting her. She totally kicked ass, though, and I’m thinking about buying her CD.

When I saw Mel McDaniels’ name on the program, I said “Who the hell is that?”, but when he came out and started singing, I knew every single song he sang. Louisiana Saturday Night, Help Me Make it Through the Night, and – of course! – Baby’s Got Her Bluejeans On. He absolutely kicked ass. He rocked the house!

Sherrie Austin is australian, did you know that? I had no idea. She’s also tiny, tiny, tiny. I had hoped she’d sing Jolene – which she recorded a few years back, and which I have on my very own computer – but she didn’t. She opted to sing Son of a Preacher Man instead, and I can’t complain. She kicked ASS.

This cameraman spent the whole show wandering around the stage, and he was very distracting.

Ignore the blurriness of this picture and note the fact that Darryl Worley is very clearly looking DIRECTLY AT ME, and he’s giving me A Look, the meaning of which escapes me. Perhaps the message he’s sending is “Are you going to stop taking blurry pictures and just enjoy the show, or what? Bitch?” Anyway, Darryl Worley – wait for it – ROCKED THE HOUSE. He sang the two songs he’s got out right now, Awful, Beautiful Life (love that song!), If Something Should Happen, and also Whistle Dixie, which is on his current album. If you ever happen to be in the Nashville area, I suggest you give the Grand Ole Opry a try. Sure, the average age of the attendees was about 73, but it was a truly awesome show. There are more Grand Ole Opry pictures here. * * * So, Liz and I got to our hotel around 4, checked in, and settled in to watch TV for a little while. The hotel provides a shuttle to the Grand Ole Opry show, which would pick us up around 6, so we had plenty of time to relax before we had to get ready to go. We headed down to the lobby a few minutes before 6, but before we went I noticed that we were extremely low on toilet paper, and had no replacement roll. “We need to call Housekeeping when we get back, and ask for more toilet paper,” I said to Liz. After the show, we had dinner at Applebee’s (I had my very first – and last – Cosmo ever. It tasted like cough syrup to me. I think perhaps I need to just accept the fact that I’m not a drinker, I don’t like the taste of any alcohol at ALL, and move on with my life.) and then walked back to our room. Naturally, as soon as we got back to the room, I had to pee, and used up the last of the toilet paper. “Hey, call down to Housekeeping and ask them for more toilet paper, will you?” I yelled to Liz. She did, and they said they’d send someone right up. We spent the next ten minutes giggling about how she should have said “We just had a big meal. We need that toilet paper STAT!” Housekeeping finally delivered our toilet paper, and I went into the bathroom and put it on the – what the fuck is that thing called? The roller thingy that you put the toilet paper roll on? Anyway, as I was setting up the toilet paper, I glanced into the toilet and saw a tissue sitting there. Since I can’t stand to have anything in the toilet, I hit the lever to flush. Only instead of flushing, the toilet water rose and rose and rose to the top of the toilet bowl, and then just kind of sat there, little pieces of tissue swirling around in the water. “Oh, Liz,” I said. “What did you DO?” “What?” she said immediately. “I didn’t do anything!” “The toilet’s plugged up! It was fine when I was in here earlier, and you’re the only one who’s used it since!” So I made her call housekeeping again and tell them that the toilet was clogged up. They sent someone up to fix it – I guess he snaked out the toilet, I was hiding in the corner with my face in a book so I wouldn’t have to see what was going on – and while he was in there fixing it, Liz hissed to me “At least there’s no poop in there!” Amen to that. * * * The section with the kittens. I forgot to mention this in my entry last week, but if you click on the “movie of the week” link over there in the sidebar under the “other” heading, there’s a short movie of the kittens playing. In addition, I’m going to put a movie up each day this week, but it’s only going to be up until I put the next movie up; once I put up a new movie, I’m taking the one from the day before down. Got it? Good. Go see today’s movie: Don’t Mess With Momma. It’s a longish one, so right-click and save it to your hard drive, mm’kay? In it, first Peanut and then Flossie take on Mia. The kittens are continuing to grow, as kittens do. We weighed them on Thursday, and to our surprise Snoopy’s now 1 pound, 9 ounces (he’s the heaviest, still), but Edgar’s the one who gained the most weight – he went from 15 1/4 ounces to 1 pound, 8 1/2 ounces. Oy’s still the smallest at 1 pound, 3 ounces, but he makes up for his lack of size by being a feisty little shit. They’re all feisty little shits, actually. If I want a few minutes of snuggling, I have to go in there when they’re all just waking up. Then Snoopy will let me hold him for a few minutes, and the other kittens snuggle up to my legs. Invariably, though, they start fighting and chasing each other around after a few minutes. If I could just bottle that energy…