* * * Currently reading: The Last Time I Saw Paris, by Elizabeth Adler. Finished last night: The Usual Rules, by Joyce Maynard. Very, very good book. It’s written from the perspective of a 13 year-old girl who loses her mother on 9/11, and what her life is like afterward. I teared up so many times while reading this book I’m surprised I didn’t get dehydrated. Which reminds me – I once wrote that for the longest time, I thought Jacquelyn Michard and Joyce Maynard were the same person. So when I read the afterword at the end of Joyce Maynard’s book, imagine my surprise when I found that Jacquelyn Mitchard helped Joyce Maynard come up with the name for the protagonist of The Usual Rules. I guess they’re buddies, or at least acquaintances. It’s a small, small literary world.

Thanks to reader Clarise’s comment about Tuesday’s entry, I now have a brand-spanking-new tagline for this site. How’s this: Bitchypoo: An acidic and hostile place. I think one of you talented types should work me up a logo that includes that tagline! Please?
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Okay, I have something very odd and disturbing to show you. I’ve thought about just NOT showing this to y’all, but honestly, it’s something that needs to be seen, if we are to someday understand it. First, a little backstory. When I was in Maine, we decided to run over to Village Candles in Topsham to see what they had on sale. I walked around for quite a while, checking out the sales, sniffing candles, and repeatedly telling myself that I didn’t need to buy ANYTHING, that I have a ton of candles at home I haven’t used up yet, and I for sure didn’t need any more Christmas decorations. And then I went over to the 50% off table, and I saw something that just left me speechless. Did I get pictures? But of course.
A shell… on a stick. A SHELL ON A STICK. The mind absolutely boggles. I couldn’t look away. I just don’t get it – what the hell is the point of a shell on a stick? What does one DO with a shell on stick? Do people stand in their houses and look around and say “I like what the decorator did… but it needs something more. No, not a sculpture. No, not a painting. Something just right… Something different… Something that will impress all the neighbors… Something oceanic… Something shell-y. Something stick-y. Eureka! A shell on a stick! You think they might have shells on sticks around here somewhere?” A shell on a stick. If you’re looking for one, your prayers have been answered. They were originally $24 each, but were marked down to $12 – being on the 50% off table and all – so you’d better hurry! Wouldn’t a shell on a stick be a lovely conversation piece? You could put it on your mantel and when your mother came over to visit, she could say “What the hell is up with the shell on a stick? I raised you better than that!” I honestly came thisclose to buy two shells on sticks and sending one each to Jane and Nance, along with notes that said “This made me think of you!” just because I knew that I’d get “What the fuck?” emails from them. A shell on a stick. Now I’ve seen everything.
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“Yeah, I was minding my own damn business, and Mister Boogers shoved his fat ass right into the bed with me. Does this bed LOOK like it’s made to hold two adult cats? I DON’T THINK SO. Also, he’s hogging all the sunshine.” “How YOU doin’?”
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Previously 2005: Every movie and every show we watch, he’s in there deconstructing it. 2004: Memes. 2003: A day in the life of Spot J. And3rson. 2002: No entry. 2001: Blech. 2000: I now officially have too damn many books to read. ]]>