here.
* * *
So yesterday when Fred got home from work, I tried on some clothes for him and asked his opinion on various things. For one, I found some cotton pants that were marked way down, and I needed his opinion on whether they were too tight on me in the thigh region. He said they looked fine to him, but pointed out that they were way too long, which I knew. I’m going to wash them and see if they shrink any, length-wise, and if they don’t, I’m going to take them to be hemmed. Surely they won’t charge much money to hem four pairs of pants, right?
Then I tried on the swim shorts and top I bought from Junonia to wear in Florida next week. The shorts looked okay, but the top – a rash guard with short sleeves – fit in a way that made me uncomfortable.
DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME, DAMNIT!
See, I have got ultra flabby upper arms. And while some women are comfortable showing their flabby upper arms to the world – and good for them! You go, girls! – I am just NOT comfortable doing that. And if it makes me uncomfortable, will I be comfortable on the beaches of Florida, feeling like everyone’s staring at my flabulous arms? NO I WILL NOT.
So I ended up deciding to send the top back, keep the shorts, and wear a CoolMax shirt with the shorts.
I SEE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES, AND SHADDUP.
Then I tried on a pair of pants I’d gotten at Target earlier in the week, a pair of what were labelled “Capris”, but I think of capris as ending right below the knee, and these looked more like highwater pants than what I thought of as capris, so I tried them on and asked Fred if they looked dorky.
He said they didn’t, but they also didn’t really look like my kind of style (ha! Like I HAVE a “style”!). However, since I only bought them to wear hiking (or maybe this fall when it starts cooling down, if they still fit – which I hope they don’t!), I guess I’ll keep them.
I’d provide pictures for y’all, but I’m afraid you’d start thinking I’m an attention whore who canNOT get enough compliments, and I SWEAR I’m not!
So then I put the clothes I’d been wearing back on, and Fred looked disapprovingly at the polo shirt I was wearing and said “That shirt is WAY too big for you.” Which it is, because it’s a 5X, and it came from a Big & Tall Men’s store, and according to their size charts I’m now in a size L, so yeah. Too big, too long.
He went into the closet, got one of his own polo shirts, and told me to try it on. When I did, he proclaimed that it fit perfectly, and I should start wearing his old polo shirts from now on. Except –
DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME, DAMNIT!
It felt too tight to me through the stomach. The middle stomach. Where a lovely roll of fat resides, and which – to me – appeared to be standing up and waving hello in this shirt that purportedly “fit” me.
So I told Fred maybe I’d be comfortable wearing it in ten or fifteen pounds, and told him not to get rid of it.
And that was pretty much the excitement for yesterday – finding out that I can ALMOST fit into one of Fred’s shirts. The day I weigh less than him AND can easily wear one of his shirts? There will be a par-TAY.
* * *
Meme, seen over
on MySpace.
ONE.
Spell your name without vowels:
rbyn ndrsn
TWO.
Are you single?
Nope.
THREE.
How many pair of jeans do you own?
One – shortly to be three, when the jeans I won off eBay get here.
FOUR.
What color do you wear most?
Yellow.
FIVE.
Least favorite color?
Uh… puke green, I guess.
SIX.
Last song you heard?
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe… just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
SEVEN.
Where do you wish you were?
On the beach in Florida!
EIGHT.
Are you happy with your life right now?
Very much so.
NINE.
Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?
Years ago someone told me I looked like Mama Cass (gee, thanks), and I’ve also been told Rosie O’Donnell. Neither of whom I particularly want to look like – I’d prefer to hear Ashley Judd.
TEN.
What is your favorite time in school?
I always really liked the part where it was over.
ELEVEN
Do you shop at stores like Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, and AE?
I… do not even know what those are. Sex toy stores? Ha! Kidding! Clothes stores, right? Uh… right?
TWELVE.
How do you make money?
I sponge off my sugar daddy.
THIRTEEN.
Best friend of same sex as you?
My sistah!
FOURTEEN.
When do/did you start Summer Break?
My life is a summer break!
FIFTEEN
Are you missing someone right now?
Actually, no.
SIXTEEN.
One word to describe you:
“Sassy” (says Fred)
SEVENTEEN.
Favorite pair of shoes:
These:
EIGHTEEN.
Do you own big sunglasses?
Yeah, they’re pretty big.
NINETEEN.
What would you rather be doing right now?
Sitting on the beach in Florida!
TWENTY.
What should you be doing right now?
Uh… actually, there’s nothing pressing. I need to do some laundry, but I got the most important stuff done this morning (cleaning out the bird bath, filling the bird feeders, and putting out peanuts for the squirrels).
TWENTY-ONE.
Do you have a crush on anyone?
I might have a tiny crush on
Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson.
* * *
Currently
reading:
Motion to Suppress, by Perri O’Shaughnessy.
Recently finished:
Breaking Clean, by Judy Blunt. It ended up being a lot better than I thought it was going to be at the beginning, and I enjoyed it. Reading about all the work ranch wives do is guaranteed to make you feel like a lazy-ass slug.
* * *
Anatomy of a Snooze
(Starring Tom Cullen M-O-O-N)
* * *
Previously
2005: This is the story of how my husband is a fucker.
2004: As you can imagine, I’m in a REALLY good mood.
2003: After much persuasion, he confessed that he’d seen the movie ratings poster on the wall and thought there was going to be a movie about the ratings system.
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: When I think about the incredibly stupid things I did as a teen, it makes me cringe.]]>