Readers, I need your help! I have two bananas and they need to be used. I’d like to bake them into something, but my two favorite banana-based recipes (banana bread and banana muffins) require three bananas. I only gots two! Got a good, easy recipe that uses two bananas? Lay it on me! (If it … Continue reading “9/18/08”

Readers, I need your help!

I have two bananas and they need to be used. I’d like to bake them into something, but my two favorite banana-based recipes (banana bread and banana muffins) require three bananas. I only gots two!

Got a good, easy recipe that uses two bananas? Lay it on me!

(If it can be frozen for a while before consuming, so much the better.)

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I got a spam email yesterday asking Do you have unnecessary money? If no, learn how to save it!

As I do not, in fact, have unnecessary money (I don’t know that there’s enough money in the world for me to feel like any of it in my possession is unnecessary, really), I was almost tempted to click on the link.

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I found this article very interesting (thank you to reader/ Dora & Nate‘s new Momma Katherine, who sent me the article). I know someone who swears that the reason her cats never get sick is because they don’t get shots, and I think she might have a point.

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Cathy Cahlin Ryan (Corinne on The Shield) is the most wooden actress in all of Hollywood, eclipsed only by the horrific acting of Autumn Chiklis (Cassidy), who clearly does not come by her Dad’s talent in any way, shape or form. Nepotism in Hollywood is alive and well and stinking up the joint.

I can’t tell you how pleased I was (NOT) that Rumer Willis is going to be bringing her special brand of “acting” to Army Wives and CSI: New York (not that I watch CSI: New York, but the more you give the girl acting gigs, the more she’s going to think she’s an “actress.” Prediction: Rumer Willis acting book out within three years.)

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Know what pisses me off?

(Yes, besides EVERYTHING.)

I know people who’ve had their credit fucked up in a big way by people they trust, and by complete strangers. As a result, over the past several years, I have become very careful with our personal and financial information. Anything that comes in the mail printed with any kind of information about us at ALL – account numbers, social security numbers, our address – goes into the cross-cut shredder.

Before I recycle any magazines or catalogs, I rip out our names and address off the back, and (in the case of catalogs) the pre-printed order form from the middle.

When the credit card statement comes in the mail, I look it over carefully, then shred it (if I ever need to prove I paid for something, it’s not that hard to get a copy of whichever statement I need.). And let me take a moment to say GODDAMN those credit card companies want you to use those fucking cash advance checks, don’t they? I must get a set of blank checks every other week, and I’m considering canceling my Capitol One account if they don’t KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF.

Once a year I get my credit report and look it over very carefully and I make sure that Fred does the same.

I don’t even put boxes or envelopes with our names and address in the trash – I shred them. Maybe it’s paranoid, but people can do some messed-up shit with the smallest amount of information and it’s better to be safe than sorry, right?

So what the fuck is the point of being careful when it’s entirely possible that your goddamn mortgage company is going to discover that they’ve had a “rogue employee” selling goddamn social security numbers and loan information to a third party?*

It’s infuriating that, no matter how careful you are, all it takes is one criminal-minded assface to decide it’s worth the risk to sell your information to someone who might or might not decide to use said information to completely fuck up your life. Or try to convince you to refinance your home. Same diff, right?

(Note: We haven’t gotten a letter from Countrywide letting us know that our information was compromised, so hopefully it wasn’t. I’m still pissed off about it.)

*My favorite part of the article letter Countrywide sent out: an ex-employee a Countrywide employee (now former) may have sold unauthorized information about you (blah blah blah). No, really? Selling your customers’ social security numbers to a potentially malevolent third party is a fireable offense? Seriously? I’m only surprised they didn’t give him a goddamn employee of the month award! Fired for selling social security numbers and loan information. Who ever would have thought?! Or maybe it’s meant like Look how on top of things we are! We fired his ass, yes we did! Don’t you feel all safe and secure now?!

Actually, it was probably meant to fend off all the well-meaning dumbasses who would otherwise have immediately called the company and said “Ah hope yer thinkin’ ’bout firin’ that boy who sold mah information! That ain’t right!”

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Joe Bob chased after my favorite little chick yesterday. I assume he was mostly just playing, because he chases them from time to time when they’re wandering around the back yard and he never actually catches them, although he’s certainly fast enough and they’re getting big enough that they can’t just scoot back through the fence at any spot, they have to go under the gate, where there’s more room. Anyway, I saw the chick running across the yard with Joe Bob close behind, and even though I was sure he was mostly playing, there’s always a first time for a game to get serious, so I stood up and banged on the window with my fist, which usually startles the cats from whatever they’re doing that they’re not SUPPOSED to be doing. Joe Bob didn’t stop, though, just kept chasing, so I banged harder and harder until I caught his attention and he stopped.

And this morning, my hand hurts.


(Stupid chicks.)

Remember those guns that used to shoot hard plastic discs? I need one of those by my desk and when Joe Bob’s chasing a chick or Sugarbutt’s trying to climb the tree or someone’s kicking Joe Bob’s ass, I could just open the window and hit them in the ass with one of those discs. It wouldn’t hurt, but it would sting a little, and it would surely stop them in their tracks!

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2007: Okay, birds – time to start paying a LITTLE better attention to your surroundings, please.
2006: *Of course I want my daughter to be in a relationship with someone who treats her well, isn’t a criminal, and is carrying no communicable diseases. But I flat-out do not care whether that person has a penis or a vagina.
2005: No entry.
2004: No entry.
2003: Dirk is a happy, happy man. Dirk is very close to orange.
2002: Instead of finding it cute and amusing, I am, instead, bitter that I’ll never get that 94 minutes of my life back.
2001: (he’s a dumbass, she’s a dumbass, they’re dumbasses, wouldn’t you like to BE a dumbass too?!)
2000: No entry.