4/20/10 – Tuesday

Holy cow! Look at all those comments from yesterday! I’m honestly surprised to find out how many of you came to my site via Fred’s OneFatMan site. Between Fred, Nance, and Jane, that seems to be where about 60% of you came from. Who knew? (For the record, this is how Nance and I came … Continue reading “4/20/10 – Tuesday”

Holy cow! Look at all those comments from yesterday!

I’m honestly surprised to find out how many of you came to my site via Fred’s OneFatMan site. Between Fred, Nance, and Jane, that seems to be where about 60% of you came from. Who knew?

(For the record, this is how Nance and I came to know each other: I emailed her at some point when she was (I think) going passworded, and begged for the password. She gave it to me, and apparently checked out my site, decided I was funny for WHITE TRASH, and kept reading. We started emailing back and forth at some point, and have been friends ever since. And this is how I came to know Jane: she emailed me to tell me that she’d gone to college with Jay Karnes (who played Dutch on The Shield), and with her signature included her url. I started reading, read all her archives, and have been reading her ever since! I know that the email from Jane must have come in early 2003, because I’ve only mentioned Jay Karnes once in all the years I’ve been writing. I have no idea when Nance and I started emailing, but it had to have been before 2003. So I’ve known Jane for 7 years, which is like 130 years in internet time, and Nance for longer than that. Holy crap, I’m thinking this whole “internet” thing is here to stay, ya think?)

This journal has been here since October 1999, and a large number of you have been around since then, or shortly after. Some of you remember when I had to beg and beg and beg to get Fred to allow me to adopt Miz Poo, and then I waffled about it – and then I brought her home! A lot of you remember when we only had five cats. Five! How the hell did we even know we HAD cats with such a small number of them??

OneFatBitchypoo started up on September 11, 2000, and I don’t remember exactly when the now-defunct OneFatMan started up, but it was before OneFatBitchypoo, I’m thinking OneFatMan was around for maybe 6 months before I jumped on the weight loss bandwagon.

(Here’s an anecdote that makes me laugh at what a dork I am: years ago someone linked to Fred’s OneFatMan site and then mentioned me in passing, saying basically “And his wife decided to copy him and start her own site as well!” and I was INCENSED and all “I HAVE HAD A JOURNAL SINCE OCTOBER 1999, IF ANYONE IS THE COPYCAT, IT IS HE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.”)

So anyway, thank you, all of you, for reading, for continuing to read (whether you read religiously every day, or go away and come back and catch up on the goings-on), and for leaving such sweet comments. I LOVED your comments yesterday (I always love your comments!), and you guys are absolutely the best.

I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, so you can depend on me for your morning dose of dorkitude and cat pictures for as long as these fingers can type!


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Several months ago, I bought a new phone system at Target. It’s one base unit that plugs into the phone line, and then there are… uh… (had to do some mental addition there) five more units that don’t have to be plugged into a phone line, they just have to be synced with the main phone.

Which really isn’t very important to this story, I just like to go on and on and fill up your minds with useless bits of information. In ten years when I say “Okay, NOW! How long have you been reading me?”, someone will say “I don’t know how long it’s been, but you had just gotten your new phone system!”

Anyway, the new phone system is working pretty well, but what I didn’t know when I bought the phones is that each phone has a voice announcement thingy (I’m sorry to be so technical) and after the first ring, it will say “Call from -” and then read out the number, or the name of the person calling, or whatever. So if Nance were to call me (better not, Nance!), the voice announcement thingy would say “Call from Nebshit Nance!”, assuming that that’s how her number is listed in the phone book.

Over the weekend, Fred’s sister called, and I glanced at the caller ID and put the phone down, because Fred was out in the back forty, and I knew she wasn’t calling for me. (Don’t “tsk” at me, if someone’s calling for me, he doesn’t answer the phone either.)

Now, her name is listed with just her first initial and her last name, like such: “R Anderson.” (That’s her real first initial, but not her real last name, stalkers.)

The voice announcement thingy is only so smart, so when it saw that “R Anderson” was calling, it announced that there was a call from “Rrrrr Anderson.”

It was about the funniest fucking thing. It sounded like it was growling at me. And it repeated it as long as the phone rang! “Call from… Rrrrrr Anderson! Call from… Rrrrr Anderson!”

Now, we have an egg customer named Martha. She doesn’t identify herself as Martha, she identifies herself as “The lady in the van”, but she did leave a message once and mentioned that her name was Martha.

I think she calls from her cell phone when she calls, because just the number shows up, and the voice announcement thingy was announcing “Call from 256-555-1212”, and I’d think “That number sounds familiar, but I don’t know who it is, so I ain’t answerin’ it”, and then would ultimately find out that it was Martha. Finally, I went into the phone book section of the phone and added her number along with her name, so I’d know who the hell was calling.

Last night, she called, and the voice announcer kicked in before we could locate the phone. “Call from… Martha Eggs.”

I am far too amused by myself. But, come on. Martha Eggs! Ha!


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I shall be leaving in a little while to drop Maura off at the vet so that they can get a fecal sample and either declare her all cured and ready to be released (slowly) into the general population, which is what I hope will happen – or that she’ll need another round of medication.

“They’re gonna take a sample of what from my where, now?”

The last few nights, when Fred and I have gone in to hang out with Maura before we go to bed, Fred has let Jake into the room. Oh, how Jake wants to be best friends with Maura in the WORST way. He tries to rub up against her, he tries to play with her. She’s a little put off by his friendly fervor, but she’ll sit and watch him play. She had to put him in his place a few times by raising a threatening paw. She was like “You’re in MY home, boy. Don’t make me mess you up!”

Fingers crossed that she can be released into the house to play with the other cats! I’ll let you know, of course.


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I’m not quite sure what Corbett was doing here – looking at Jake or Elwood and trying to decide if he wanted to climb into the cat bed with him, I think.

Oh, do they love the cords hanging from the blinds over my desk.

They’ll bat at them for HOURS.

They bite on the ends of the cords.

Yet somehow, the cords always escape. Stupid cords.


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Miz Poo, 10 years old. Still not a fan of kittens, but she hasn’t smacked one in the last ten minutes. I consider that progress!


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2009: Two long rows of tomatoes for two people. That’s not too much, is it?
2008: No entry.
2007: “Baby, I think someone in my comments just called me a complete idiot.”
2006: No entry.
2005: No entry.
2004: So, to sum up: for almost a year, they’ve spent time staring up their property line, ostentatiously walked up and down it, yet it’s never occurred to them to come knock on the door and say “Hi, blah blah our side of the property line, blah blah, stop? Thanks!”
2003: No entry.
2002: No entry.
2001: No entry.
2000: “If we manufactured bon-bons, I would have sent you a package of those. Instead, this package should assuage the pain and horror of not working while you lay on the couch and watch Oprah and the soaps.”