(Originally posted on November 5, 2008; edited only to take out the profanity so I can post it over at the family-friendly Love & Hisses!)
Several weeks ago, I decided that the leaves in the side yard needed to be raked up and carried (via the tractor) to the compost heap. Fred brought the tractor around, and I scooped the leaves up into the tractor… scoop… thingy.
It was a pain, using my hands and the rake to scoop up all those leaves.
Not long after, as if a sign directly from the Gods of Gardening, I happened to be leafing through a catalog – Gardener’s Supply Company, to be exact – and I came across an item that would surely make my life easier.
Big scoops that are made to fit over your hands, with which you can pick up leaves and debris! And they only cost $12.95 (note: they’re $14.95 now. STUPID ECONOMY). I KNEW I had to have them. I ordered them, and they arrived on my front porch lickety-split.
And then I ignored them. Because I’d already taken care of the pile of leaves and I felt no sudden urge to do any more raking. So they sat there on the dining room table. And sat there. And sat there. Then I moved them out to the garage, and they sat there. And sat there.
Then one day, after Fred moved the littlest chickens from the brooder to the small chicken coop, we went out at dusk to herd them into their chicken coop. Little chickens are not born knowing that they’re supposed to go back into the coop when it starts to get dark, so it takes a few weeks of teaching them to go back in. They eventually get the idea and start going in on their own, but the two weeks of teaching them to go in the coop at dark is a killer.
Herding chickens is not so much fun, especially little chickens, because they’re tiny and can slip through the space between your hands before you’ve realized it.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
One evening, after too much time spent chasing the little chickens around and putting them in their coop, a light bulb went on over my head, and I thought “Hey. Those leaf scoops are kind of big. I wonder if they’d be any help?”
Yes INDEED they were helpful. They were VERY helpful. They were, as they say, the best thing since sliced bread. With the help of the leaf scoops (or, as I started calling them, SCOOP HANDS) we got those baby chickens herded and put away in no time flat.
So I present to you, dear readers, a pictorial to answer the burning question:
WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH SCOOP HANDS?!
As mentioned, you can herd baby chickens with SCOOP HANDS!
You can ALSO herd ADULT chickens with SCOOP HANDS!
You really CAN scoop up leaves with SCOOP HANDS!
You can swat at wasps that dive-bomb you with SCOOP HANDS!
You can scratch pigs behind the ears with SCOOP HANDS!
You can deflect Het Rays from stumpy little gray cats with SCOOP HANDS! (Awww, Mister Boogers, RIP.)
The SCOOP HANDS, as you can see, are multi-functional. They are inexpensive, they are light, they are AWESOME. They are not, however, perfect. There are many things you cannot do with SCOOP HANDS!
So with this incomplete list, I answer the burning question:
WHAT CAN YOU NOT DO WITH SCOOP HANDS!?
You cannot pick carrots with SCOOP HANDS!
You cannot pull a wagon with SCOOP HANDS!
You cannot help build a chicken coop with SCOOP HANDS!
You cannot open a gate with SCOOP HANDS!
You cannot stop yourself from getting smutz on the front of your shirt with SCOOP HANDS! SCOOP HANDS are not MAGIC, and if you are a klutz, you’ll be a klutz with or without SCOOP HANDS!
You cannot stop your husband from taking a picture of your butt unexpectedly, with SCOOP HANDS! Well, you could if you knew he was going to do it, but SCOOP HANDS are not all-knowing. SCOOP HANDS have no intelligence of their own. If you want to protect your butt from unwanted pictures, you have to direct the SCOOP HANDS to cover your back end!
The list could go on (don’t groan and roll your eyes at me!), but the list of things you both can and cannot do with SCOOP HANDS is infinite. You could probably come up with a new thing to do and not do with SCOOP HANDS every day (Come back! I won’t. I promise!), but I think you should know this, without a doubt:
SCOOP HANDS rock!
(Though if you don’t rake leaves or herd chickens, they might not really be worth your time. They still rock, though!)