is rather annoying. And next time they do a bit about the "Dumbing-down of America" on Dateline or 20/20, she could be point number one. Well, looky there, I guess I did have an opinion. Who else needs to be smacked? Oh, Joan Rivers and hellspawn Melissa "riding mommy’s coat-tails" Rivers. My blood pressure is rising at the very thought of them. They both need to be smacked, hard and repeatedly. Madonna needs to be smacked. She used to be so cute, way back in the ’80s. Now she’s become just scary-looking, and I don’t think I need to bring up the fakey British accent. I didn’t intend for this entry to become a rant about who needs to be smacked, believe it or not. Tell me who you think has a smack-me face. A woman who used to work for our main customer died Monday. She’d been battling leukemia for a long time, and I’d occasionally get forwarded emails from Fred, with instructions to send a card or flowers from the company. The funeral is later today, and Fred came into my office this morning to make sure I’d sent flowers. I had, and he said "Did you send a wreath with a banner that said Jesus called and she answered?" I grinned at him and said "That’s so mean!" He tilted his head to the side and smiled at me "Haven’t you ever seen those?" he asked. He went on to describe a funeral wreath he’d seen once, while wandering around a Florist shop (note to self: find out what Fred was doing in such a place). He said it was a big, circular wreath on a stand, and the banner had glittered letters spelling out Jesus called and he answered. In the bottom curve of the wreath (he swears this is true) there was a child’s toy telephone. I spent five minutes gasping about how awful it sounded, and another five insisting I want one at my own funeral. So, I’m peeved. Well, I’ve been peeved, but just thinking about it gets me peevish all over again. As is my way, I didn’t get into watching Once and Again until about halfway through the season – or rather, taping it Monday night and watching it during the weekend – and I like it a lot. Last Monday, I taped it as usual, but there was apparently some sort of power surge which made the cable go out, and so I only got the first 15 minutes of the show. The rest of the show is nothing but static. I really want to know what Lily decided to do about Jake and the restaurant. So, I got a card in the mail a few weeks ago telling me that my census form was on the way. A week later, I received the census, filled it out and sent it in the next day. A week after that, I got another card in the mail informing me that they’d sent my census form previously, and I really should fill it out. Now I’m being subjected left and right to fucking census commercials all over my TV. You know, if I’d realized how ANNOYING they were going to be, I’d have lined the litter box with it for a few months before filling it out. That’s what I get for being conscientious – harangued to do something I’ve already done. Where are my kudos, census people? The commercial that pisses me off the most is the one where the single mother has to take her kid to work with her at the restaurant, because she couldn’t get anyone to watch him – I haven’t memorized the story, either her babysitter crapped out on her, or the kid couldn’t go to daycare, something like that – and the implication is that things will IMPROVE for her once everyone fills out their census form and mails it back. Come closer, y’all, because I’m going to share a well-kept secret with you. Ready? Can ya stand the excitement? Here it is: your government doesn’t give a flying fuck about daycare for your kids. Not a single, solitary flying fuck. Things aren’t going to change for that single mother once her census form is filled out and mailed back, and she’ll probably be waitressing her fingers to the bone for the rest of her days, or until she finshes school in eight years – because surely she can only afford to attend school part-time, if that – and gets a halfway decent job in an office with a lecherous old asshole who subjects her to his ham-handed advances and talks about his "weenie" all the time. Of course, by then her kid will be old enough to be in school, so she’ll only have to put him in daycare for a few hours after school, and if she’s lucky his school will run an after-school program. Unfortunately, working with some asshole will horrify her so that surely she’ll have to turn to shots and then full glasses of bourbon to numb the horror, and she’ll die in a tragic car accident on her way home because she’s been nipping at the booze all day so she won’t have to think about the abhorrence that is her life. And her asshole boss at the restaurant who gave her such a hard time for bringing her kid in to work will shake his head and mutter something lame about how she was always such a hard worker. Just so you know. Did y’all see the new millionaire last night? I didn’t think for one minute that guy was going to go all the way. I thought he might, if he was lucky, get to $16,000, but all the way to a million? No way. It was kind of nice seeing a winner get that emotional about winning – I didn’t see the second winner, but the first one looked like he didn’t much care about winning. The guy last night was crying, though. It was cool. Almost made me glad Fred forced me to watch with him. Almost. So, my sister emailed me last night and made some corrections to my clothes-whitening formula. According to her, you can actually put your detergent in with the bleach and dishwasher soap. It doesn’t sound like she lets hers soak for an hour, either, since she said "Damn, it must take you hours to wash your whites!" A couple of people asked whether it has to be Cascade, or if another type of soap will do, and the answer is: I dunno. I emailed Deb and asked her, but she decided to be all selfish and GO TO WORK (where she has no internet access)(that bitch), so it’ll be this afternoon or tonight before I get an answer. Heather is going to try Electrasol and let me know how it goes, and I’ll pass it on to y’all. Anyone else got interesting cleaning/ housekeeping tips? Let me know! I’m all about the interesting tips. Okay, I’m done rambling. Y’all have a good weekend. I’ll see you Monday, if not before. —–]]>