cat because they are nice and fat. 5. If I were a cat, I would be fancy because I like to be fancy. I bet her teacher was wondering about that "fancy" part. (We refer to Mr. Fancypants as "being fancy" when he prances across the room with his long hairs blowing in the breeze. He’s also "fancy" when he rolls onto his back and curls his front paws under his chin, asking for a belly rub.) God. Remind me to never go to Wal-Mart after 8 am ever EVER again. I had a list of stuff to pick up for the spud’s trip to DC, and I figured since it was 10 in the morning there wouldn’t be many people there, ’cause HEY it’s a WORK day, right? Wrooooooong. The place was packed, and I couldn’t go two feet without having to stop and wait for someone to get the hell out of my way. While I was looking at the shampoo, a lady and her four year old son were nearby. The kid was asking questions incessantly, and she diligently answered every one of his questions. Finally, she snapped. "BECAUSE YOU’RE HOLDING THE COUPONS UNTIL I NEED THEM!" she snarled in his surprised little face. Then she realized there were people nearby, and she added a hasty, honey-covered "Sweet pea!" to the end of her sentence. I wanted to smirk and say nice try, lady, but I remember those days only too well. Last week, I think they were… I was just getting out of the shower when the cleaning lady showed up this morning – it wasn’t even 8:00, so she startled the hell out of me. No, she didn’t walk in on me or anything. I could hear her calling "Helloooooo" from upstairs when I was drying myself off, so I peeked out the door and yelled "Hi!" I put my nightgown on (I usually go back upstairs to get dressed, since that’s where my clothes are) and settled in at the computer while she cleaned. The kitten was all over me, meowing and purring and rubbing her head on me, so I think she noticed it’s unusual for me to be here while the cleaning lady is here. I guess I can call her "Carolyn" instead of "the cleaning lady", since that’s her name. Every time Carolyn would come down the stairs, the kitten, who was napping on the pillow on my desk, would flatten herself down as far as she could, and peer over the edge of her pillow, her pupils getting all big and dark, as if she were about to attack. She never actually did attack, but she sure put on a show – it was adorable. We were flipping channels last night – I guess I should say FRED was flipping channels – and came across a news show about Mary Kay Letourneau. As usual when it comes to this sort of thing, I knew far more about the case than Fred (can you believe he has no recollection whatsoever of the Pam Smart case?) and so I was hitting the highlights of it for him. The spud was sitting right there listening to my entire explanation, and when Fred went to answer the door a few minutes later, she started asking questions. I think her main problem was in understanding that women can be sexual predators, a concept she had to really wrestle with. It wasn’t until I said "I think she’s messed up in the head" that something clicked for her. Later in bed, Fred asked me if I thought it impossible that Mary Kay could have really fallen in love with Vili Fualaau; they said on TV that she still wants to marry him someday. I’m sure in her own way, she really does love him, but does that negate the fact that it’s wrong? She’s a woman in her thirties, and he was a 12 year-old boy. How fucked up do you have to be, to be in your thirties and be sexually attracted to a child? You really have to have something wired wrong for that to happen, I think. Fred went on to point out that there was a time when it wouldn’t have been uncommon for a man his age to marry a 12 or 13 year old. "Not that I’m saying it’s right," he went on to say. I think people have an unfortunate tendency to think that old ways were simpler, and therefore right. But we’re evolving, at least I hope we are, not devolving, and just because that’s the way things used to be doesn’t mean that that’s the way they should be. While I was looking for a Mary Kay Letourneau link, I came across someone who said, in essence, "People fall in love. It’s beyond the mind." No, I’m sorry, that’s bullshit. It’s not "beyond the mind", and along those lines it’s not a defense to say "The heart wants what it wants" (where did I read that, anyone know? I can’t seem to pin it down). Sleeping with a child is wrong, and if your heart leads you to do so, your heart is wrong. It’s wrong. Can I say it plainer than that?