Crack always makes me want to speed! Is that a gun in your holster, or are you just happy to see me? So I’m doing laundry on Wednesday this week, since we’ll be in Gatlinburg over the weekend. I’m starting to get kind of excited about our vacation, though nowhere near as excited as Fred. It’s supposed to be rainy the whole time we’re there – which figures – but I don’t think we had planned to do many outdoor activities. There will be plenty of sitting in the hottub, though, lemme tell you. Fred was on the phone last week, and the call waiting clicked. He put the call on hold and picked it up. Suspiciously – because this was the very day I’d placed an order with Peapod and accidentally given them my real number (something of which I do not make a habit) – it was a telemarketer. "Hi, I’m with blah-blah-blah and we’re doing a survey on grocery store buying habits," he said. Fred smirked at me and said "Oh, we don’t eat." and clicked back over to his other call. The only way that would have been funnier is if we had a video phone.

I bet telemarketers have people say "No, I’m busy right now, but if you’ll give me your home phone number, I’ll call you back." ALL THE TIME. I first heard Seinfeld use it in his act sometime in the 80’s and someone presents it as a fresh new way to deal with telemarketers every few months or so. Personally, my favorite method of dealing with is to press the button on my "Easy Hang-up" box, and hang up the phone. What that does is play a VERY LOUD beep three times, and then a voice comes on and says "This phone number does not accept these kinds of calls. Please put this phone number on your "do not call" list." Y’all don’t email me and tell me telemarketers are people who have to pay their bills, too. I have zip, zero, zilch sympathy for them.