Ah, laundry day. If I were at all skilled, I’d create a little cartoonish laundry basket to put at the top of the page on laundry day, and y’all could look and say "Oh christ, she’s babbling about the fucking laundry again. I’m outta here!" Aside from laundry, I’ve been spending the morning backing up my entire system to cd in case of a crash, getting packages ready to go to the post office (there are 3), and searching Napster for a Del Fuegos song. I didn’t know the name of the song or when it was recorded, or even how it went. All I could remember was that there was a Del Fuegos song I heard in the ’80s (mid to late) and it had a line mentioning something rusting in the rain. Well, smack my ass and call me grandma – I managed to find the freakin’ thing! "I Still Want You." I hope I can find the album on Amazon. Napster is the shit. I’ve also – slowly – begun cleaning up my desk. You know, the desk I promised Himself I’d clean this weekend. It’s a major undertaking, tossing out all the crap I thought I needed but didn’t, and god knows how long it’s going to take – more than one day, surely. Have I mentioned that I’m not a big fan of cleaning and organizing? Okay, it’s hours later, and I’ve managed to get all of the spud’s laundry done, went to the post office to mail those aforementioned packages (Deb, you should get a box of books and clothes by the end of the week), and swung by Publix to pick up a few things Fred forgot to get when he got groceries on Saturday. An hour later, I’m back doing laundry and cleaning off my desk. Can you feel the excitement? So Fred got an interesting and somewhat odd letter in the mail Saturday. The return address is "Member Service Center", and it basically says "According to our files, your Credit Card On Account American Express card needs to be updated to facilitate future purposes. Your credit card’s expiration date is 06/00". Actually, that’s exactly what it said – I’m quoting directly from the letter. This is odd because first of all, they never say what company they’re with. I recognize the address as being the address for Book Of the Month Club, and the Literary Guild and those, so it’s probably from his Audio Book Tape Club, but it doesn’t say that anywhere on the letter. Secondly, his American Express card doesn’t expire for anytime soon. He immediately decided that it was a trick, and someone was trying to get his credit card number. I’m not so sure of that, but whoever sent the letter is going to get a "nice try, I don’t think so" letter from him. Oh my god, this is so fucking funny. Y’all have to read it; it made me laugh my ass off. And I got around to writing that letter I mentioned earlier: Dear "Member Service Center", I am in receipt of your letter, dated May 19, 2000, in which you claim that the expiration date on my American Express card is June of 2000. Oh, okay, let me get my new credit card out of my wallet and write it down on your convenient form and send it back to you so that when I get my next American Express bill, I can be surprised by incredibly huge charges for alcohol and women of ill repute. First of all, my American Express card doesn’t expire for two more years, and when it does expire, it isn’t in June. Secondly, have I done something to make you think I may be on mind-altering drugs? I receive a letter from a "Member Service Center", no company name, and I’m supposed to blithely pull out my credit card and send the number off in the pre-paid envelope? Nice touch, the envelope, by the way. And nice try. Sincerely,

Fred Why, oh why, does writing snotty letters amuse me so? Am I just weird? (Don’t answer that!) I once bought a 12-pack of Coke, and when I got home, there were only 11 cans in the carton, so I wrote them a letter. In the letter, I claimed to be a single mother on a very small income, my one "splurge" being a 12-pack of Coke once a week. I wove a tale of heartbreak and horror, and I wish I’d kept a copy so I could remember what I said. Anyway, a few weeks later the main company sent me a letter of apology – blaming it on our local Coke plant – along with two coupons for a free 12-pack each, and three coupons for free 6-packs. I thought that was pretty damn cool. There’s a letter I did save somewhere, about a trip Deb and I took to the grocery store and our run-in with a bitchy customer service clerk. I’ll look and see if I can’t find it here in the next few days. —–]]>