Survivor‘s going to be on in an hour and fifteen minutes, and I do believe I’ll go mad with the waiting.

My prediction for the million bucks is Colby, but it really all depends on who wins immunity. If Colby and Keith are the final two, Colby’ll win, no doubt. If it’s he and Tina though, I think he’ll have a tougher time of it. Keith vs. Tina? Tina, no doubt.

I almost hope Colby doesn’t win, just because he’s won every reward and immunity challenge in recent history. I could feel Elisabeth’s frustration last week. You’d think Colby would be smart enough to throw one or two of the reward challenges, just so everyone wouldn’t feel so frustrated.

I spent the morning (after exercising, o’ course) on the couch watching Felicity and Once and Again. We don’t have the channel Felicity comes on – what is it again? – but FOX shows Felicity at 3:30 am Thursday mornings, and since I go against that "females can’t program the vcr" stereotype, I tape it. Once and Again comes on Wednesday nights at 9, and since Himself’s face would melt off if he was in bed as late as 9:03, I have to tape that as well.

About Felicity, I have this to say: What the fuck is Ben’s problem? He friggin’ breaks Felicity’s heart once a month. She needs to kick his stupid ass to the curb and take up with Noel again. Ben ain’t nothin’ but heartbreak, baby.

And every Ben I’ve ever known has been a total asshole. What’s up with that?

About Once and Again, I have this to say: TWENTY-ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A FUCKING WEDDING??? God in heaven, what’s up with THAT? I have to admit, I just don’t get the whole thing where you hock your kidney to pay for a big wedding that lasts a few hours. What a waste! My first wedding – the expensive one – cost something like $300, and most of that was food. We had a sit-down dinner at a semi-nice restaurant for 20 of my family and friends. The second – and last – one cost about $100, was just Fred, the spud and I, and included the best damn cake I’ve had in my life. And I giggled half-hysterically through the entire ceremony.

The only way it could have been better is if we’d flown to Vegas and gotten married by John Wayne Bobbitt. Which we seriously considered. Well, him or Elvis.

Anyway, back to the subject. I’m thinking Lily and Rick need to work on their communication skills. The wedding they did have ended up being really nice, I’ll admit. I teared up more than once.

Oh, and in what universe is Lily the prettier sister? Puh-lease.

I have discovered a new way to deal with bugs. I tend to leave the back door open on nice days (and we’ve had a lot of nice days recently) so the cats can go out into the backyard if they’ve a yen to, and as a result we get the occasional uglynasty red wasp in the house. Since I’m not really the cruel type (at least not usually) what I’d prefer to do is shoo them back out the door, but they tend not to comply with that. I don’t like squishing them, because they leave a mess on the windows. And since I wash my windows every three years whether they need it or not, that’s not a good thing.

One day last week, another red wasp wandered in, buzzed around the ceiling, buzzed around the window, and gave me dirty "I’m going to sting you, bitch!" looks. I tried to shoo him out the door, but no go. So I hooked up the vacuum cleaner, attached the attachments to make the hose longer, and sucked that fucker right out of the air. One minute he was making threatening "Right in the eyeball, bitch!" faces, and the next, THWOOMP! he was gone into the vacuum cleaner to live out the rest of his life with a lot of cat hair and dust.

I’ve done it to one other red wasp since then, and Fred got a nasty long-legged mosquito the other night, but since then we’ve been relatively bug-free.

I think word is getting out in the bug world. "Psst! Avoid that house! Bob went in there last week and then Wanda a few days later, and they haven’t been seen since! I peeked through the window the other night and they were going after Antoine! It’s an abattoir in there!"

What? You don’t think bugs would use the word "abattoir?"