::whimper:: Mommy, I had another dream about the scary lady. Her eyeballs fell out of the sockets and rolled down her cheeks, and then Anthony came over and stomped on them, and she was flailing around screaming "I can’t see! I can’t see!" and Anthony was laughing, and then he grew horns o’ evil and laughed and laughed. Can I sleep with you and Daddy tonight?

(See the horns of evil? Anthony kinda reminds me of a young Kurt Russell in this picture)

So yes, not that it should surprise you, but I’ve been watching Love Cruise, each and every show, and waiting with bated breath for Toni to do the bug eyes. I kinda liked Toni at first, but her hysterical weeping every time someone got voted off started to get old. Christ, it’s not like they were going off to DIE, they were just going off to a crappy resort. IN ARUBA. Poor darlings.

::whimper:: And THEN Toni turned into satan and ate Jeanette’s face off, Mommy!

Personally, I think the whole bunch of ’em need a good smackin’, and I’m volunteering to do it. Everyone except for Darin, who HAS to be a mass murderer, with those innocent little puppydog eyes. He reminds me of Greg Brady, with those pretty eyes and the thick eyelashes.

So who does he have the hots for? Why, Melissa, o’ course. Melissa, who has the pouty bitch look down cold. Melissa, whom I’d like to slap every time I see her do the little pouty pursed-lip face.

There she is, in an amateurish attempt at the bug eyes. And note she’s got the pouty lips going. I think Jeanette should jettison Michael, and Darin should kick Melissa’s bitchy face to the curb, and they should team up. That’d fix Melissa’s little red wagon, wouldn’t it?

::whimper:: And then the scary lady was looking at ME, and yelling "You can’t malign my character like that!" ::sob::

Ah me, trash tv at it’s finest. The one chick I liked at the beginning – Lisa – because she was all self-conscious about being the only small-chested non-blonde on the ship (well, practically), turned out to be the biggest freakin’ drama queen of ’em all. Gah.

Did y’all watch Survivor last night? Man, how shallow am I – Fred said "The president’s supposed to address the nation at 7, Bessie! He’s going to be on when Survivor‘s going to be on!" And my bitchy little response was "DAMNIT! Tell him to go run his fucking war and stay out of the way during Survivor!" Lord. Let the stampede to unsubcribe to my notify list begin!

Anyway, Survivor. The only ones I could identify by the end of the show were Clarence, Diane, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE TOM, and Ethan. Except that I got him mixed up with Silas, so I just started calling Ethan "moptop." I think he’s adorable, but perhaps needs to unclench a little. THEY AREN’T GOING TO LET YOU DIE FROM STARVATION, MOPTOP. IT WOULDN’T BE GOOD FOR RATINGS.

Actually, it’d be excellent for ratings, but those damn human rights activists would be all up in arms. Those people just ruin all the fun…

I don’t think I’ve hated any Survivor castmembers so early in the series as much as I LOATHE the FUCK out of that ASSHOLE Tom. GodDAMN, if I’d been on his tribe, I’d have just lost it and started bellowing at him to shut the fuck up when he was doing his mentally deficient "Apologize to HER, ’cause that was HER food you stole too! And apologize to HER, ’cause it was HER food too!" and so on. And Clarence just DID. I would have said "FUCK YOU OLD MAN, WHAT THE FUCK MADE YOU THINK YOU’RE THE BOSS OF ME?!"

I’m going to be the first one voted off Survivor 45: Antarctica, aren’t I?

Hmph. I could be at JournalCon right now. Actually, I was pricing tickets last night, but last-minute tickets from here to Chicago are prohibitively expensive, it appears. Who’d’ve thought?