Miz Poo is starting to PISS ME OFF. You see, she’s under the impression that she’s a gymnast lately. And so, I’ll be dead to the world, snoring away all content-like, and she’ll run from the other side of the bed and BOUNCE off of me while doing a double twirl with a half-twist, causing great pain and agony to me. Because, here’s the thing. SHE IS A PORTLY CAT WITH A PORTLY ASS. She THINKS she’s still the cute little 6-ounce baby she used to be, but hear me now, folks: SHE’S NOT. She’s portly. A portly Poo. And one of these days she’s going to crack one of my ribs.

And it won’t be pretty.

Plus, she’s getting mighty bossy. Fred and I were laying down talking yesterday, and she jumped up to see what was going on. And Spot was laying on the end of the bed, minding his own business. So what’d she do? Sniffed at his back, and then smacked him with her Paw O’ Evil. This morning, Fred and I had a quick discussion about the state of his back, and then he went off to take his shower and get ready for work, and I settled in to go back to sleep. Except that Miz Poo had heard us talking and decided that I was awake enough to do her bidding. She settled down next to me on her back and grabbed my hand with her front paws and viciously licked me and rubbed her nose on my hand until I rubbed her belly.

Okay, so that last example sounds pretty cute. Except, trust me – when it’s 6 am and you want to go back to sleep, it’s really just annoying.

The camera o’ my dreams is HERE, y’all. I can’t tell you how excited I am! It’s a little weird having to hook it up to the USB port to look at pictures, but it’s so LITTLE and cute and light and will fit PERFECTLY into my purse, so I can torture y’all with EVEN MORE pictures. Aren’t you thrilled? I know I am!

Dennis Miller once said something along the lines of "If you have more than two cats, your house smells like boiled ass, even if you can’t smell it." What with the Mad Shitter NEVER bothering to poo in the litter box these days, our house is, in fact, starting to smell like boiled ass, and I hate it. I guess it could be worse – he could be pooing on the bed or couch; what he actually does is use the carpet directly outside the laundry room. You can imagine how much this thrills me. It’s not a matter of the litter box being dirty, either – even if I’ve just cleaned it out, he does it. I think he does it on the days he can’t go outside – I know I’ve mentioned that our dumbass cats won’t let me just let them outside and shut the door. No indeedy – they must have the door OPEN at all times, just IN CASE they want to come back inside, and with the temperature outside hovering around 35 these days, that ain’t gonna happen.

Anyone want a fancy black cat?