Okay, people, am I going to have to be the one to say it? I watched the State of the Union address last night, and I immediately noticed it, so is it a conspiracy, or a cover-up, or what?

When did Dick Gephardt die? Obviously they stuffed him, propped him up in his seat, and someone was sitting under his seat with sticks attached to the back of Dick’s hands, moving them back and forth to make them clap.

And they stole Howdy Doody’s wig to top it off. A sad state of affairs when our nation’s leaders think we won’t notice something so blatant.

While I’m insulting the leaders of THIS GREAT NATION OF OURS (oh, sorry, I guess some of the speech rubbed off on me), can I mention that it looks like Teddy Kennedy has finally given up the booze?

Since I still have a ton of bills to pay and have to go through my picture albums for tomorrow’s WordGoddess collab entry (putting it off ’til the last possible moment? Moi? Surely you jest), I’m going to share a story or two about the spud and call it an entry.

Last night, I was brushing my teeth before bed when Fred came in the bathroom, laughing. He’d just come from saying goodnight to the spud. I demanded to know what he was laughing about, and he finally told me.

The spud got a fart machine from a certain someone (I’m lookin’ at you, Moira, you troublemaker!) for Christmas. The idea is that you stick the part that makes the noise under someone’s chair, and then use the little remote control to set it off. Only, instead of sticking it under someone’s chair, the spud stuck it to the front of her bedroom door. She did that a few weeks ago, and from time to time I’ll be sitting in front of the computer, or in my room reading, and hear it go off, and it always makes me laugh a little.

Well, last night as Fred approached the spud’s bedroom, she heard him coming, and set it off. When he got to the door of her room, he saw that she had taken a piece of yarn and tied the remote to the head of her bed. And she casually reached up and used the remote to set off the fart machine again.

I have no idea why, but something about that had me laughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe. It’s like some weird confirmation that she does, in fact, share my genes, and the thought of her so proudly reaching up to set off the fart machine makes me laugh my ass off. Like, it’s not enough that there’s a REMOTE for a fart machine, but that she felt such a strong urge to have it close at hand that she TIED the remote to the head of her bed.

Pardon me while I go wipe my eyes. God that just cracks me up like nothing else.

And THEN, Fred told me another fart-machine story. It appears that Monday night, while I was watching the last hour of Castaway (since Ally McBeal wasn’t on), he was in the bathtub, and the spud knocked at the door wanting to talk to him about something. He told her he was taking a bath and would be out soon, so she went back to her room. When he was done with his bath, he walked out the bedroom door, with the intent of heading for her room. He took a single step toward her room, and the fart machine, which she’d set in the corner by our bedroom door, went off, scaring the hell out of him. It appears that the thing has a MOTION DETECTOR built in, so the spud set it by our bedroom door as an alarm, so she’d know when Fred was coming out the door! A fart-machine alarm!

Now if we could just get her to use her powers for good instead of evil.