Or possibly he’ll flop himself down like a ragdoll on the couch, where he’ll snooze all day long: With that one, you just never know. (I’ve probably used that top picture before, but pretend you’ve never seen it) * * * I was on the phone with Fred yesterday, having quickly gotten out of the shower to answer the phone. I think he has a camera hidden somewhere in the bathroom, and when I’m in the shower, an alarm goes off and tells him to call me immediately. As we talked, I ran a comb through my hair. “Blah de blah blah,” Fred said. “Blah de?” I replied. “Blah.” “Oh. Hang on, I’m switching ears,” I said, and transferred the phone from my right ear to my left, so that I could comb the right side of my hair. Follow? “Okay,” I said. There were a few moments of silence. “Are you there?” Fred asked. “Yeah, why?” I said. “Because it got all quiet. I had been hearing music in the background, but suddenly didn’t hear anything.” “Well, that’s because I switched ears,” I pointed out reasonably. “Oh, right,” he said. There were a few more moments of silence before he spoke again. I finished combing my hair and headed into the bedroom. “Plus,” he said with great seriousness, “I’m really hungry.” Confused, I stopped my movement across the room. I thought back over the past few sentences and wondered if something had gone over my head. “What does that have to do with anything?” I asked curiously. A pause, and then he started giggling. “I don’t know why I put it like that…” We laughed about that for quite a little while, like the goofballs we are. I’m usually the one who does dorky, doofy things like that, so when someone else does, it’s a refreshing change. * * * Last night after Fred went to bed (which is when things really get lively around here, yessir), I decided to take a bath. Oh, don’t give me that shocked look. So after starting the water running, I poked through the dresser drawer where I keep my bath stuff, and came across a Lush massage bar. But I didn’t actually realize that it was a massage bar, and even though I know that now, I’m not certain what you’re supposed to do with a massage bar – just rub it into your skin, or what? Anyway, once the water was to the level and temperature of my liking, I got in – DAMN I love the feeling of getting into a warm bath when I’m cold – and tossed the massage bar into the water. The massage bar, in case you didn’t bother to go look at it on the Lush page, is half dark chocolate and half peppermint-scented cocoa butter (or something like that), and not two minutes after I dropped it into the warm bath water, chocolate started covering the surface of the water. And attaching itself to the side of the tub, and to myself. Within five minutes, it looked like I was bathing in a tub of You know what? I don’t think I need to type that nasty, nasty word. You know what melted chocolate looks like, and you know what it could be mistaken for. And you’re probably eating while you’re reading this, so I’m not going to spell it out for you, mm’kay? You’re welcome. * * * Something on the floor?…

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Previously 2001: Time to go cold turkey, Deb… 2000: WHEN WILL THE SUFFERING END???]]>