the poll, Fred’s ego swelled to such a size that his big skull couldn’t contain it, and exploded all over the place. We scooped up most of the brain matter and spackled it all back in place, but I think Tubby must have eaten the part of the brain responsible for motor functions, because Fred’s been shuffling around like Ozzy for most of the weekend. I should have suspected something when I noticed Tubby was licking his lips (yes, cats have lips), but Tubby does that a lot – especially when he’s just eaten a bug or a dust bunny – so I didn’t really think about it. That damn Tubby. You have to keep your eye on him all the time. * * * A snippet of a conversation Fred and I had while laying on the bed yesterday after dinner: Fred (as if narrating a book): “She was a bitter-butted woman….” Robyn: “No, even better! A bitter butted bitch!” Pause. “That would be a good url. BitterButtedBitch.com.” * * * Another snippet: Fred: “I haven’t written a funny entry in a while. Nothing funny has happened to me.” He turned and looked at me expectantly. I felt pressured to perform a tap dance or say something funny. Under the pressure, I buckled and responded the only way I could. I farted. * * * You know what sucks? Even if you’ve washed every single piece of clothing in the house, just by the fact that you’re wearing clothes while you’re doing the laundry means that there’s ALREADY more laundry to be done. Those nudists have the right idea. No doubt the whole idea of nudism was thought up by a woman who was sick of getting the laundry done only to find out that the dirty-clothes basket was half-full again. * * * I had way too much fun with the camera’s self-timer function this morning. After taking a bunch of pictures of Fred last week and having them come out really well, it occurred to me that I didn’t really have any decent ones of myself. So after I showered, I blew my hair out straight (straight-ish, anyway), put on some makeup, and starting taking pictures. After many inquisitive squawks from Miz Poo, I snatched her up for a picture. Naturally, she wasn’t looking anywhere in the direction of the camera. I took an incredible amount of pictures of myself in the green shirt before switching over to the yellow, flashing the camera along the way… Due to the fact that that’s a very sheer bra I’m wearing, I had to do a bit of cropping. I don’t think I want my nipples all over the internet, thankyouverymuch. These two were, in my opinion, the best of the lot. It doesn’t surprise me that I look better in yellow, even though it was a cheap $10 shirt from Target that was not, despite appearances, bursting at the seams because of my boobs. Those gaps are there whether the shirt’s being worn or not. Ah, fun with the camera. What did you do with YOUR morning?]]>