2003-05-02

today. I LOVE the look on Tom Brokaw’s face right after he says it, like all the blood has drained from his body.

So, there’s this Taco Bell commercial on the radio that has me confused. It’s a commercial for the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, and as it starts, someone who I assume is supposed to be a teacher, is taking attendance. “This can’t be right,” she says to herself. “Crunchy Collins?” “Here, ma’am!” says a child’s voice. “Your parents named you Crunchy?” she asks, clearly taken aback. The child says “You should meet my brothers Cheesey and Chewy!” “Over here, ma’am!” say the voices of two other children. It appears that the mother of Crunchy, Chewy, and Cheesy had a hard-core craving for the Crunchy Gordita during her pregnancies, and thus (possibly when she wasn’t smoking crack with one hand and downing the hard liquor with the other, one assumes) named her children after it. Naturally, the children have brought a Crunchy Gordita to class with them so that the teacher can try it for herself. “Mmmm….” she says in the throes of an orgasm. “It IS crunchy, chewy and cheesy! But it’s also melty!” And in the distance, we hear the voice of yet another child. “Over here, ma’am!” It is established that this is Melty Collins, and the final line of the commercial is little Melty saying – and this is clearly supposed to be a punchline – “And I’m really good at math!” Huh? Why is the child good at math? What does math have to do with the Cheesy Gordita, and why that line supposed to be humorous? I don’t get it, and every time I hear the commercial, a little cartoon question mark pops up over my head. I will be so glad when this Sunday comes and goes. I’m tired of seeing the commercial for the movie about Lucy – the movie that stars the woman who looks NOTHING like Lucy, and worse yet SOUNDS nothing like Lucy, and it’s really REALLY bugging me. I mean, I know they can slap red hair and bright lipstick on a woman and we’re supposed to believe she’s Lucy, but the woman doesn’t even ATTEMPT to sound like Lucy in the clips I’ve seen, and I suspect that the movie will be awful. Of course, let’s be honest – even if they got a dead ringer for Lucy to star in the movie, I wouldn’t be bothered to check it out. Not that I dislike Lucille Ball, in fact I think she was awesome, but I’ve got better things to do on a Sunday night than watch a movie about someone’s life, like fall asleep on the couch with Miz Poo purring in my ear. Oh my! Momma wants one of these! (Better start saving, I guess…) I guess it’s a sign that I’m no longer 19 years old when I start drooling over things like vacuum cleaners, isn’t it? 1. Name one song you hate to admit you like. Honestly, I’m not embarrassed by any of the songs I like – y’all know I love the cheesy stuff. Oh, I guess I’m a little chagrined that I love the song “Could’ve Been Me” by Billy Ray Cyrus. (Shaddup) 2. Name two songs that always make you cry. “Sand and Water” by Beth Neilsen Chapman, “Changes”, by Olivia Newton-John “Beloved Wife” by Natalie Merchant, and “Black” by Pearl Jam. Yes, that’s more than two. I could probably come up with 50 songs that always make me cry. 3. Name three songs that turn you on. Uh. You know, I don’t really think that songs do turn me on. 4. Name four songs that always make you feel good. “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips (shaddup), “Kiss and Say Goodbye” by The Manhattans (damn do I love to sing along with that song!), “Hey Cinderella” by Suzy Bogguss, and “Jolene” by Sherrie Austin (and of course the original version by Dolly Parton kicks ass as well). 5. Name five songs you couldn’t ever do without. “Black” by Pearl Jam, “Good” by Better Than Ezra, “I Will Not Take These Things for Granted” by Toad the Wet Sprocket, “Chances” by Bob Seger and Martina McBride, and “I’m Not Supposed to Love You Anymore” by Bryan White. Y’all have a good weekend. I may do a quick entry tomorrow, because there will be some pictures to share that I think you’ll enjoy.]]>