Lynchburg Lemonade. That, along with Mike’s Hard Lemonade had been catching my eye for several months, and I’d always think “Hey, that sounds kind of good! Maybe I’ll try some one of these days.” So Tuesday, I thought to myself, What better way to celebrate Christmas than to get plowed?, I picked up a 4-pack and put it in my cart. The spud said “Is that ALCOHOL?!”, and I cheerfully nodded. When I got home and was putting groceries away, Fred said “Oh I SEE, you alcoholic!” Wednesday night at Fred’s parents’ house, while we were eating dinner, everyone got to discussing wine – which everyone but Fred and I were drinking – and Fred informed his family, with the appropriate face of horror, that I had bought and was planning on drinking an alcoholic drink which had Jack Daniel’s in it. Whereupon everyone made an ew face and proclaimed how much they hated Jack Daniel’s. So after a hard day yesterday, during which I realized that the turkey we’d put in a sink of cold water was still frozen in the middle, and I couldn’t remove the giblets (and later I discovered I’d been looking in the wrong place for the giblets anyway) and I couldn’t reach Fred, who was out hiking with his father, and so I simply coated the turkey with olive oil and spices, tossed it in the roasting oven and hoped for the best, and then went with the spud to see the movie she’s apparently been dying to see, Gothika (highlight to see spoiler text: Halle Berry sees dead people), which wasn’t bad, and then I got home to find that Fred hadn’t even gotten the message I’d left on his voicemail bitching about the turkey, and then we found that the turkey was overdone and dry (it was a cheap store brand) and I decided to be bitchy and cranky, I thought to myself What better way to end this day than by getting drunk off my ass? and I opened a bottle of the Lynchburg Lemonade to drink with my dinner, which consisted of a very small amount of dry turkey, Stovetop stuffing (save your pity, that stuff is DAMN GOOD), green beans and almonds, and corn. And the Lynchburg Lemonade, despite the comments from Fred about how I was a raging alcoholic, was mighty damn fine. So I finished off that bottle, and not ten seconds later, my face was bright red. Alcohol has long had that effect on me, I guess – I know that about 10 years ago when I was doing shots of Cinnamon Schnapps with my sister and her boyfriend, my sister actually watched my face get red from the bottom up. We decided to watch some episodes of season 4 of The Sopranos, and over the course of two hours I finished the last three Lynchburg Lemonades, and although I am the lightest of the lightweights when it comes to that sort of thing, I only ever became mildly toasted, and my bitchy crankiness went away. And I slept like a baby. Woot!

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I went to the mall this morning to buy myself a buttload (boobload?) of bras, since Lane Bryant had them on sale for (I believe I mentioned) buy 2, get 2 free. The panti3s were also on sale, buy 3, get 3 free, so I picked up some of those. When I was done at Lane Bryant I walked over to Dillard’s, because I bought a Jelly Belly gift box for Brian last year to give to him this year (what? They keep!) and it was apparently a big hit with him, so I decided to do it again. A new Christmas tradition! Brian will be 40 years old and saying “God, I wish she’d STOP sending me the freakin’ Jelly Bellies!” The Christmas section of Dillard’s was just nuts, with women running everywhere grabbing everything in sight, since it was all 50% off. The line to check out was probably 30 people long. I grabbed a Jelly Belly gift box, and then also grabbed a box of Godiva to share with Fred. 50% off, people! You can’t beat that with a stick! I would have bought a buttload of boxes to give as gifts next year and through the year, but the very idea of having Godiva in the house and not eating it makes me laugh, because THAT won’t happen in this lifetime. So after I grabbed the Godiva and the Jelly Bellies, instead of standing in the line in the Christmas section, I walked twenty feet to the baby section, where there stood a cashier and no line, and I said “Can I pay for these here?”, and the cashier said “Sure!”, and I did. Always remember, people – you DON’T have to pay for the stuff you’re buying in the section where you found it. After I left the mall, I ran to Target, which was a total madhouse. Since I didn’t have a cart, I was able to dart in and out amongst those who did have carts, grabbed three big rolls of wrapping paper for next year, and was out of there in about ten minutes flat. You better believe I won’t be leaving the house again today, though, except to take Fred to pick up his Jeep. He got a bit of a Christmas bonus at work, and he’s using some of the money to buy a new stereo for his Jeep. Also, we’re buying a Dyson vacuum, too! Is it a sign of old age that I’m this excited about getting a new vacuum cleaner?
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ZzzzzZzzzzZzzzz Such a pretty boy, that Spot.