Written July 16th I got a good, solid five hours of sleep last night – the spud and I had the light off by 10, I slept hard until 3, and then intermittently until 6:15 or so. The spud was still sleeping, so I went out onto the balcony and talked to Fred for a while (on the cell), then read until about 7. Debbie and Brian had been up since 4:30 and had been out and about for a few hours. They came to our hotel and we all headed out for breakfast (buffet for $5.99! Sweet!). There was lo mein on the buffet, which was surprisingly good as part of breakfast. By the time we were done with breakfast, my mother was up, so we walked through a few stores and went to her hotel. From there we walked along the Ala Wai Canal (pretty, but the water looked nas-tay) and then down a side street to the Honolulu Zoo. Zoos are cool and depressing, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if you’ve seen one, you’ve pretty much seen ’em all. I got some cool pictures, anyway. We were at the zoo for about two and a half hours (I was absolutely dripping with sweat the entire time) and had talked about going to the Waikiki Aquarium next, but we decided none of us were terribly interested in that, so instead we ate lunch at Wolfgang Puck Express (the spud and I split a turkey sandwich and a side of fries – the sandwich was huge) and then we hopped on the trolley (free!) to go to Hilo Hattie. Oh, here’s a story for you: While we were waiting for the trolley to show up, Debbie and I were standing in the shade of the hotel across from Waikiki Beach. A woman with an indefinable accent walked up to. “Have you been to the Polynesian Cultural Center?” she asked, addressing the question to Debbie. “Because the bus didn’t pick my husband and I up this morning when it was supposed to, and I’m wondering if we’re going to have time to blah blah blah.” Debbie, who is the most helpful person on EARTH, smiled. “Oh,” she said. “I just got here yesterday, so I haven’t been there. My mother went, though.” And she peered past me in the direction of my mother, who was standing about ten feet away chatting it up with a stranger. The woman turned and looked at me. “I’m afraid there won’t be time to see everything,” she repeated worriedly. “Will we have enough time?” I stared blankly at her, and then Debbie and I exchanged a confused look. Then I realized that this woman was UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT I WAS DEBBIE’S MOTHER. Pardon the fuck out of me, do I REALLY look like I could be the mother of a 34 year-old? I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO. I managed not to throw something at Dumbass McClueless, and called my mother over to answer the woman’s questions. Anyway. Hilo Hattie is pretty cool – you can hop on the trolley for free, take a nice ride (long, too), and the trolley runs about every 20 minutes. You get to Hilo Hattie and an employee meets you at the door with a free shell necklace. There’s free juice, and then you can take your time strolling through the store. After some power-shopping, we got back on the trolley, told the trolley-driver where we were headed (my parents’ hotel), and he dropped us off very close to where we wanted to be. We had planned that my mother and Debbie would walk to The Cheesecake Factory, put our names on the waiting list, and call my cell to let us know how long the wait would be. But when my mother called my dad on his cell (have I mentioned that we’re some cell phone-having motherfuckers?) she found that he was already there and they’d told him it would be about a ten-minute wait. So we hoofed it to the Factory and were immediately seated, then spent ten minutes dithering over what we wanted. My parents and the waitress repeatedly warned us that the portions were very big, so I ordered a Chinese Chicken Salad. Then Brian asked the waitress if he could get just a plain cheeseburger, and she suggested the Roadside Sliders – an appetizer with 4 mini hamburgers. That suddently sounded really good to me, so I said, “Can I change my order? I hate to be a pain in the ass…” “You’re not a pain in the ass,” she said, smiling. Bing! Thirty percent tip, right there. I changed my order to a side salad and the Roadside Sliders. Best salad EVER. Best burgers EVER. For dessert? Cheesecake, of course. The spud and I had Toblerone Cheesecake, and by the time we were done eating, I was stuffed. Two thumbs up not only to The Cheesecake Factory, but also to our server. I think her name was Kaz. She had dreadlocks and was funny and warm and friendly and I liked her a great deal. If you have a chance to visit The Cheesecake Factory in Waikiki, request her section, and tell her a bunch of crazy Mainers sent ya. When we were done eating, my father took the kids back to his hotel so they could go swimming in the pool. My mom, Debbie, and I did about an hour of shopping. My mother got a very nice gay man VERY excited when she tried on a ($2200!) blue pearl necklace. But she dashed his hopes and left without buying anything. We finally pooped out and headed back to my parents’ hotel. Once there, I whined about how much my feet hurt ’til my father offered to drive the spud and I back to our hotel. I’m such a lazy bitch. I managed to get slightly sunburned today, despite putting on sublock. Tomorrow we’re spending the day at the beach, and I can’t WAIT! ‘Night.

10:03 pm, Hawaii.