* * * When I was in Maine, I had a chance to visit my friend Liz and see her apartment. She moved into an apartment in downtown Portland several months ago, and I hadn’t had a chance to see it. It’s an absolutely adorable apartment within walking distance of Congress Street, and it’s located in one of those big old buildings. Her apartment is tiny, but it’s got enough space for her and it’s cute as hell. A few miles from her building, a woman was raped and beaten for several hours by a homeless man on September first. As soon as I heard that, I went into worried mother mode. “You’d better be careful if you get home or leave after dark!” I warned Liz. “I am, I’m always careful, and I have my keys in my hand.” “And don’t talk to strangers, especially male transients!” “I won’t, MOTHER!” I fretted some more. “Maybe you should buy some red pepper spray.” Which is when she and Debbie laughed at me. But you know, you can never be too careful. (Of course, if I were to buy red pepper spray to carry in MY purse, it’d only be a matter of MAYBE a week before I’d sprayed myself in the face with it.)
“Would anyone notice if I ripped this bag of cat food open?”