by @ 8:06 am on December 1, 2004. Filed under Life

logo by the wonderful Michelle at When Cats Attack. Very “me”, dontchathink? Thanks, Michelle. You rock!

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Someone whose ip address resolves to Lakewood, NJ left me a comment yesterday regarding my entry from Sunday, saying, in effect, “Quit your damn whining! God! All you do is sit on your ass in front of the computer, the TV, or sit and read! Maybe if you exercised once in a while, you might not be so fat! Your poor mother! She deserves a better daughter than you!” This person is clearly under the impression that I sit around all day crying into my Diet Coke and Ben and Jerry’s, sobbing “Whyyyyyyy am I so faaaaat? I don’t GET it! Britney eats Cheetos and Red Bull and she’s skinny! It’s not fair, DAMN MY MOTHER, it’s all her fault. I’m going to go sit on my ass in front of the computer and cry about it some more while I shove huge spoonfuls of crap directly into my big fat mouth!” Y’know, all I was doing was wondering who I’d be and what I’d look like now if a struggle with food and the urge to overeat was not part of my makeup. Come closer, now, because I’m going to tell you a secret. Are you listening? You might want to sit down for this. Okay, here it is: I eat too much of the wrong kind of food and am lazy. I know! I know, it’s shocking, isn’t it? It shocked ME, that’s for sure, but I saw the light when the weight loss guru from Lakewood, NJ informed me exactly why I’m fat. God. I mean, who the hell knew? I sure didn’t. All I could think as I sat here on my ass watching it grow bigger and bigger was “Whyyyy is this happening to me? It must be ALL my mother’s fault!” But the answer was right there in Lakewood, NJ the whole time. I eat too much and don’t exercise enough. Let us address this two-part solution in, well, two parts, shall we? 1. “You are lazy. Get a trainer and hit the treadmill.” To which I say “Well, person who clearly knows me more than I know myself, I exercise five times a week, 30 – 45 minutes each time. Some weeks I exercise less, such as this week, when I had a hair appointment and half the day was wasted, so I will only be working out four days this week. I won’t hire a trainer, because I know how to exercise, thanks. I won’t hit the treadmill, because treadmills are too loud and I can’t hear the TV over the sound of the treadmill. But here’s a solution – perhaps I should hit the elliptical trainer that lives in my garage? Is that a good idea? Maybe I should start doing that! OH, wait. I already do. The aforementioned five days a week, 30 – 45 minutes a day.” 2. “You eat too much.” No shit, really? Well, I didn’t know that. I’ll get right on that. Hey, Lakewood, NJ, who clearly hasn’t been reading me for all that long, guess what? From my highest weight, I lost 125 pounds. I’ve gained back an ungodly amount of that, but over the course of about 9 months, I dropped 125 pounds. So here’s a secret for you – I know how to lose the goddamn weight, you sanctimonious twit. But I didn’t deal with the underlying issues of why I had 125+++ pounds to lose in the first place and guess what? Some of it came back to roost. You might know that if you actually paid attention to what you were reading instead of reading a few paragraphs and deciding you know exactly who I am, what my issues are, and what I should do about them. For the record, my husband wrote an entire book about the amazing concept of eating right and moving more. I had to read the book many times during the writing and editing process. I’m sure you’re under the impression that you’re the only one who knows the Real True Way, Lakewood, NJ, but it’s actually come across my radar in the past, believe it or not. I have been overweight since I was 10. I dealt with “tough love” for more than twenty years from my parents, from my ex-husband, from co-workers, from kids at school, from strangers on the street . I’ve heard the comments, the suggestions and the snickers. I’ve seen the looks. If what my parents – the people who, y’know, actually KNOW me – said to me wasn’t enough to motivate me to lose all the weight I had to lose and keep it off, what on god’s green earth makes you think that a few lines from someone I don’t know is going to “motivate” me? But don’t worry – when you said I will put it bluntly, and I am not saying this to hurt you, but to motivate you. you completely missed the mark. You neither hurt me nor motivated me. You only annoyed the fucking shit out of me. You have, I think, an inflated sense of your own importance and perhaps also an inflated sense of just how stupid this poor whiny fat chick is. I’ve had this journal online for more than five years and I have had a weight-related journal for more than four. In that time, I’ve gotten an amazing amount of email, and every now and then I’ve gotten the “Um, duh. Your supposed 2 eat less and exercise more, stoopit. U R not doin that and that is Y your so fat!” email. Every brilliant “All you need to do is eat less and exercise more!” genius is under the impression that the thought has simply never once crossed my mind. If the diet exists, I’ve heard about it. If the book exists, I’ve read it. If the exercise tape isn’t too annoying, I’ve done it. I’ve exercised to so many Leslie Sansone tapes that I could probably pick out her ultra-perky voice in three syllables from two rooms away. If I could get college credit for my studies of all things diet – diet books, web pages, exercise tapes and Dr. Phil/ Oprah “Look at this fat woman!” specials, among others – I’d probably qualify for a doctorate. So Lakewood, NJ, the next time you’re tempted to offer up the obvious solution, don’t. You cannot possibly tell me one single thing about how to eat or how to exercise that I don’t already know. The condescending words of a stranger cannot motivate me. Kindly take your tough love and find a better place for it than the comment section of a stranger. Such as your ass. Thanks.
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I had actually planned to write my “What if?” entry about “What if I’d grown up a pretty, pretty princess and all the world adored me?”, but instead decided to write a more difficult entry. I suspect I would have gotten a “You did not grow up a pretty, pretty princess, so stop whining about it and accept the life you have!” comment.
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“O Lord, how much longer must I suffer the woman with the flashy light?”

71 Responses to “2004-12-01”

  1. Dana says:

    Oh man, this is AWESOME! You, my friend, rock my world.

  2. Janna says:

    Rock on Robyn! Amen and Halleluiah!!! Thanks for speaking for this fat chick!

  3. Kathy S. says:

    You go, girl.

  4. Cat says:

    some people are fuckin weak dude. you get a A+ for all the hard work you’ve done; you’ve got nothing to prove to anyone Robyn. yep! 🙂

  5. Linell says:

    I love your entries the most when you are at your feistyest. You go girl!

  6. Donna says:

    Can’t Fred track this one down? Anyone out there in Lakewood NJ who can personally smack this know-it-all?
    Actually, Robyn did a great job of that already!

  7. AM says:

    And you know that snot faced woman from Lakewood, NJ isn’t overweight, but you d-mn well know she probably has a nose the size of China, acne scars, buck teeth, and no ta tas. Sorry, rude and obnoxious of me, and just as tacky and rude as her comments, but I just loooovvvveeeee the way people feel free to openly comment on OVERWEIGHT people’s looks. Hey, NJ girl, get to the plastic surgeon and fix those physical flaws of yours, STOP BEING SO LAZY, JUST MAKE THE APPOINTMENT!

  8. Christy says:

    What an idiot! What an insight that person gave you..wow what a wake up call….I had no clue that was all it took! ha…good one Robyn!

  9. Cdn. Laura says:

    I feel a little off topic right now, but I looooooooooooooooooove the picture and caption of Meester Boogers! Too funny!

  10. B.J. says:

    Can I throw a neck twist and finger snap your way?! You go girl!

  11. Rebecca says:

    You are so great at being articulate…and so great at the smack down!

  12. Em says:

    Rock on Robyn. Fuck ’em.

  13. ~~Kath~~ says:

    Pure Snark! I Love it!

  14. Debby says:

    Ah, the sexual intelect strikes again. Who knew eating less and exercising more is the key to weight loss?
    Hmmmm……Seems to me I’ve been doing that and the fat hangs on, kinda like those grown children who refuse to leave home. Seems being hypothyroid and hypoglycemic have nothing to do with my weight, I’m just fat, lazy, mouth stuffing pig. Thanks for the heads up Jersey Girl.

  15. sandy says:

    I bet if Lakewood, NJ has any children, there are going to have SOME ISSUES to deal with when they are grown!!!!!!

  16. Laurie in NJ (NOT Lakewood!!) says:

    Kick ass, Robyn. You are THE most awesome! Many thanks…:)

  17. Diane says:

    Well done, Robyn!
    And not all NJ people are like that ignorant fool. I was born and raised in NJ, and if I still lived there, I’d find our Lakewood “genius” and smack ’em upside the head for you. 🙂

  18. Afenster says:

    Way to go Robyn. Being from PA, I can tell you that NJ girl probably has hair straight out of 1985 and loves dancing to Bon Jovi while wearing guess jeans and socks that match her shirt.

  19. Bonnie says:

    Aaaaaaand I’d be willing to bet that the idjit left no valid email address should you wish to further tap her tree of Know It All.
    I just love how some people get all sanctimonious then run back under their rock and hide.

  20. Erin says:

    Love you, Robyn, LOVE YOU.

  21. Sharon says:

    Robyn – nice smackdown. On yesterday’s note…next time you go to bb&b, first pick up a “budget living” mag. 9 times out of 10, they have a 20% coupon hiding in their pages.

  22. Melissa says:

    Amen, sister.

  23. Donna says:

    Way to go Robyn, fantastic response. You know you didn’t need to address her comment (we all know better), but I’m sure glad you did! 😉

  24. Lael says:

    Wooohooo Robyn,sock it to em!You’re the best,xoxoxoxoxoxo

  25. Kay says:

    I think that NJ person is actually the woman on Trading Spouses this past week! 😉
    I only have one thing to say to you Robyn and it is totally unrelated to today’s topic but I think you will get the jist of it.
    Ok, that is all…..:(

  26. Deborah says:

    Sorry that Lakewood gave us Jersey girls a bad name. Hazlet, NJ LOVES you Robyn.

  27. Louise says:

    you tell her Robyn….Youre an honest and kool chick in my book…:-)

  28. donna says:

    I have a comment about the caption under mister booger’s picture…I think it should have been more along the lines of how much did I have to drink or how much kitty pot did I just consume…he looks like he’s had too much of something, but a cat can never have too much of the woman with the flashy light. The whole smack down thing was great by the way. Keep up the good work Robyn.

  29. Clarise says:

    I love it when some random person feels the need to post some random comment about your life…like you TOTALLY need their input…
    Isn’t that what I’m doing right now? 😉
    Tee hee…Love ya Robyn!

  30. Robyn says:

    That was so wickedly PURRFECT!!! You have SUCH a way with words, and I hope Miss NJ slinks away from wherest she came! BITCH!
    You Rock Robyn!!!

  31. Applause applause!! You put the smackdown better than anyone, Robyn.

  32. Louann says:

    Sing it, Robyn!
    Someone wrote Miss NJ probably has “buck teeth.” Oh, how I hate that term. What in the wide, wide world of sports does weight, looks, money, anything have to do with the person inside? Why put labels on someone? We all have things about ourselves we’d like to change. Robyn, remember: the people who make fun of you for whatever reason probably have little or no self-esteem themselves. I once read a lady at a cosmetic counter told Cindy Crawford she’d look a little better with makeup on! Case closed……..

  33. Cetta says:

    Dumbasses. People can be such dumbasses.
    Robyn, your “What If” entry was so moving to me – I could have written it myself. I should have written to tell you so, but alas I am lazy (hmmph! And fat!).
    Have you read this week’s Kirstie Alley article in People? It will make you want to spew…

  34. Leslie says:

    You ROCK Robyn!!

  35. Heather says:

    You’re awesome, Robyn. Well said. I actually had the CEO of my company tell me that all I need to do is eat a little less and exercise more, and I wouldn’t be fat anymore (just about an exact quote). I guess the six days a week I spend at the gym don’t count, huh? The world is full of stupid people.

  36. Robyn says:

    Thanks, you guys – I’m glad you liked it! 🙂

  37. Margaret says:

    Hmph. Well, I think it’ll be a long while before Lil’ Miss LakewoodNJ can get up off the floor after that smackdown!
    I don’t think I’ve ever seen that pic of Spanky before (the one in your cool banner)! Oh my GOD!!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

  38. Chris says:

    if entries like the other day are “whiney” then bring on the whining…
    smooches from Vince.

  39. rundmc says:


  40. Aly in GA says:

    And this entry, along with many MANY other in the past 4+ years that I’ve been reading along with you, is why I respect you (and himself) so much as people worthy to share this planet with me. You are quite the woman, Robyn. Rock on, babe!
    Aly n’ the Bean
    (I’m preggers!! – at 38!!)

  41. Mo says:

    TELL IT, sister!!!!!

  42. Amy says:

    “…I can tell you that NJ girl probably has hair straight out of 1985 and loves dancing to Bon Jovi while wearing guess jeans and socks that match her shirt.” Hey afenster, this cracked my shit up. Picturing neon green socks that match her shirt, hee! 😀

  43. Ellen B in MA says:

    I love you Robyn! You are always a breath of fresh air!
    Lakewood is a dolt. You are not.

  44. Laurie(inOly) says:

    Hey Robyn:
    Two in the same week that should go in the “Best of” files. You’re on a roll, girl.
    Oh, and if you didn’t eat that roll, and hit the gym, you might lose some weight. Oh, wait, you knew that, didn’t you! 😛

  45. JoAnna says:

    Preach on, Robyn!

  46. leslie says:

    Great entry, Robyn!

  47. Kate says:

    People are sofa king stupid. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m close to Lakewood, you want I should kick her ass?

  48. Anonymous says:

    If it were really all that simple, we’d all be a size six, wouldn’t we?
    Yes I CHOOSE to be ridiculed for my weight, tired all the time and made to feel inferior to the human race.
    All I have to do is get off my butt!
    Wow – what a genius. If only I had known. (note the dripping sarcasm!). Wow – this person really educated me because I didn’t really know that it was all so *simple*.

  49. Tracey says:

    Lakewood, NJ sux the fun out of everything.
    I was going to comment the other day that I thought my mom did ok with the nutrition/activity thing. She fed us nutritious food (normal stuff, not tofu), we didn’t eat out much, we had snacks and desserts only occasionally, etc. She liked to stay active through gardening, swimming, housework, etc., not jogging or sports. She wasn’t psycho about it at all — it was sort of a non-issue with her.
    STILL,whenever she wasn’t watching, I was eating. Maybe YOU would have turned into a pretty, pretty princess, but it didn’t work for ME. :o(
    PS I’m also a crappy housekeeper, unlike my mom.

  50. Robyn says:

    Tracey – you’re a pretty, pretty princess, no matter what you weigh. 😉
    Kate – heh – I might take you up on that!

  51. Dani says:

    Wow! That was awesome! You told NJ off! Good going….

  52. Robbie says:

    If you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all. UNLESS YOU ARE ROBYN!!!!!!!!! CHEERS!!!! I LOVED IT!

  53. Reese says:

    Nice smackdown Robyn. I give it a 10!

  54. Ang says:

    Robyn, you’re my hero!
    I cannot believe the nerve of some people. Aargh.

  55. Anonymous says:

    I like your cats.

  56. joan says:

    I didn’t even think your “what if” entry sounded whiney at all, and blaming it all on your mother? what is that? I didn’t get that at all out of your entry.
    I thought your entry was very thought provoking. It made me think about “what if” on my own life. My mom sounds similar to your mom. She’s always making little comments about my weight, and how I can improve myself. She thinks she’s helping but she’s not. I just let it go in one ear and out the other. My mother has never had a weight problem, so she just can’t relate, and I just accept that and go on.
    Sure we all know that ‘eat less and move more’ is the key. But if you’ve been up and down on the scale all your life you know that that statement is easier said than done.
    I’m just rambling on here, but what I’m trying to get at is that YOU ROCK ROBYN, and you are a true inspiration to this fat bottomed girl.
    In the lyrics of Queen, “fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round”.

  57. Melissa says:

    Heh. Now there’s how to kick some flamer ass, right there.

  58. Old Woman says:

    (hugs) Keep the faith and stay strong!

  59. amy says:

    LOL! Must have felt good to link to Fred’s book 🙂 Heh. Obviously a new reader..

  60. Lori says:

    I heart you. Kisses.

  61. nanamama says:

    I loved your What if column Robyn. That crazy NJ bitch should keep her mouth shut and tend to her own bidness. I’ve seen pictures of you, and you are truly bee-you–ti–ful, and not too fat at all. BtW–I love your new logo at the top of the page. Rock on Robyn and PASS THE BISCUITS. Olve your Journal and the kitty pics. My kitty looks just like your Spanky. Did I tell you that before?? Keep Smilin!!! Nanamama 🙂

  62. Barb says:

    Bravo, Robyn! Can I be president of your fan club?

  63. Becky says:

    But wait– you DID grow up to be a pretty pretty princess!
    Way to wax that loozah!

  64. Christy says:

    This is exactly why I come here every single day! You’re great.

  65. Lisa says:

    Sing it sistah!! You’re the best!!

  66. Kelli says:

    Oh how I love it when you kick butt and take names or in this case IP addresses! Take that NJ!

  67. Carol Howard says:

    Wonderful response Robin! BTW if anyone hasn’t popped over and read Fred’s response to the moron in question, you really should!
    I found another source for reading on the web today, I thank Fred for showing me the way to Robin!

  68. cindie says:

    Lakewood is my hero. So wise… so informative..and motivating too! 🙂
    That’s it?? That’s all i have to do to lose weight? DAMMMM! Who da thunkit? I’ll get right on that first thing in the morning! Do ya’ll think it’ll really work???

  69. Robyn says:

    Cindie – I doubt that it really works. It’s just too radical! 😛

  70. Hazel says:

    More “woohoos” for Robyn coming from me. Your what ifs sounded a whole lot like mine. And this response to that fool named Sean? Awesome. Love ya!

  71. Hilarie says:

    Good job on breaking it down. You go, Robyn!

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