3/30/07

You’ll die from a Heart Attack during Sex.
You’re a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go.
‘How will you die?’ at QuizGalaxy.com
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Last night I was sitting on the couch playing Snood (shut up! I can stop whenever I want!) and it was getting close to 11:00, so I was thinking about going to bed (after I win just one more game!), and then off in the distance I could swear I heard what sounded like Fred calling “Kittykittykitty!”, and as I turned my head to give Miz Poo a quizzical look, there started up some kitty shrieking and hissing on the front porch. My heart started pounding, and I looked at the cats, who all looked quite freaked out, and I went over to the front door where Mister Boogers was standing on his hind feet, front feet propped up on the glass on the door, peering out, and I peered out over his head and couldn’t see a damn thing. So I went over to the couch where Miz Poo was peering out the window and I peered some, but still couldn’t see anything. I flipped on the front porch light and looked some more, and still couldn’t see a thing. I went into the bedroom and got my gun (“Robyn’s got a guuuuuun!”) and went to the front door and unlocked it, then slowly opened it and peered out. Maxi and Newt were milling around on the porch looking freaked out, so I stepped out to make sure they were okay. From out of nowhere, a little white and orange cat with a stumpy little Mister Boogers tail went flying off the side of the porch and ran across the yard, throwing worried glances over his or her shoulder. I’d never seen that cat before and I don’t know if s/he belongs to someone nearby or is a stray or a dropoff or what, but it appears s/he’d gotten word that there was Free Eatin’ at the Crooked Acres front porch. I wonder if s/he’ll be back?
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The carpet guys didn’t finish installing the carpet on Wednesday as we’d expected they would; they did all the rooms except the master bedroom, which means that we had to put Fred’s bed and dresser in his old room, and I think we’re going to just leave it there. They finished in a couple of hours yesterday morning, and at 1:30 and again at 5:00, the house was shown. No offers yet, though. Maybe over the weekend!
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Comments: You are a Snood pusher! But try this for a change of pace. That game is evil and I am slow and stupid. And y’all can just stop blaming me for your Snood (just one more game! ONE MORE!) addictions, because as an addict, I have to spread the addiction. I cannot help it! I’m an addict!
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Robyn, I just thought you sounded so very gentle and sweet – not like a woman who can insert the word FUCK into a sentence sixty-three different ways. I think the contrast is awesome, btw! Like a little old lady who robs banks. Except not, er, old or criminal. Ah see, that’s cool – because people are lulled into thinking I’m just a sweet gal who wouldn’t hurt a fly and then – BAM! – the obscenities fly and they fall over in shock. I WILL rule the world, people. Count on it!
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But you grew up in Maine, didn’t you? How long have you lived down there? Strictly speaking, I didn’t actually grow up in Maine either – I grew up kind of all over the place, though I did spend about eight years in Maine, from age 12 to age 20. People tend to think I sound like I’m from the Midwest, usually. I’ve lived in Alabama for almost 11 years – it’ll be 11 years on August 13th, actually.
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Ahh, but when you close your eyes at night, do you see Snood games in your mind? I see those fucking blue Snood guys who look like Grover from Sesame Street at night when I close my eyes, personally, but at least I don’t have Snood dreams. Those would drive me nuts!
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Garbage pick up twice a week? I can’t imagine such a thing. How much did you pay for trash pick up? Were your bins very small? Do people really produce that much trash in residential areas that makes two pick ups a week make sense? WHAT IS GOING ON IN ALABAMA? I guess we’re just trashy people! I don’t know how much we pay for trash pickup, because I just pay my water bill (which includes the trash pickup) and don’t ask any questions. I know I’ve noticed the amount before and I can’t swear to this, but I think we pay around $10 a month. One of the up sides to living in a yuppie ‘burb, I guess.
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Ok, is it just me…. why on earth would anyone hypnotize a chicken? I think just because it can be done. Google on “hypnotizing chickens” and see the huge number of sites that come up. Don’t ask me – I’m sure I’ll watch Fred do it, but as for doing it myself, I have no desire.
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Oh, and I have to send you hate daggers because of Snood. After reading about it on your site several times, I had to go google it and download the free copy. Of course you only get so many games with the free download, so I have no more medium level games left, grr. I’m stuck playing easy because the hard is just too, well…hard! I assume you broke down and registered, or is there a way to get more than one free copy? DO tell, PLEASE!! I must have downloaded the Old Skool Snood, because I never ran into a problem with the number of games I’d played. However, I did finally suck it up and register last week, because I figure if I’m spending that much time playing the game, it’s worth the money.
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I was wondering if you have been watching Dirt? Don’t know why I asked that after this entry, but it hit me I think because of the ending last night on the season finale. If you haven’t been watching… you soooo gotta check it out. I’ve seen one episode of the show, but didn’t keep DVRing it because I just didn’t have time to add more shows to my regular viewing schedule. I may give it a try when the first season comes out on DVD, or catch it in reruns (I’m sure they’ll be showing it in reruns!). Did you hear me cursing you at 3 am last Saturday night? I hadn’t played Snood in quite a while, I see your post and think “self, why not go take a look”. Well, now they have Snood Slide!! I didn’t sleep all weekend! “Oh! DAMNIT! One more game!” should be tattooed on my forehead. I’m the queen of “one more game!”
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What’s up with the spud moving to rhode island? I thought she was going to community college and living with you and fred? I thought that as well, until a few weeks ago when she asked Fred if her SAT scores would be used in Rhode Island at all. Fred told her “yes”, and then she went back to her room, and Fred went back to brushing her teeth and I blinked and said “Has she said anything to you about going to college in Rhode Island?”, and he shrugged and said “Nope”, and my head exploded from the frustration I felt at the utter LACK of curiosity men feel when any other woman would have been all “What the hell? What’s going on? Why’d she ask that?” I went over to the spud’s bedroom and talked to her, and she informed me that she’d decided she was going to go to Rhode Island to live with her father and his wife, and go to college up there. I did not get all pushy and “You can’t do that! You have to stay here and go to college!”, but I kinda wanted to. A few days later she told Fred that she was going to stay in Alabama until the end of the year. Which was FINE with me – if I were the one making the choice, she’d be doing her first two years of college here, while living at home. But upon further questioning, she told Fred that she wasn’t planning on enrolling in college here, which is when I told her that if she was planning on staying here after August and living with us, she needed to be going to college. This, as you can imagine, went over like a lead balloon, and the spud said she’d be out by August. Then she probably logged on to MySpace and wrote about what an evil, unfeeling, horrid bitch her mother is, I’m sure. (That’s what I would have done when I was her age, had computers existed in any kind of user-friendly form.) I know many of you are champing at the bit to say “But Robyn, that’s ridiculous! Why can’t she – Why can’t you – Why don’t you – Why doesn’t she –“, and you’re certainly welcome to do so, but be aware that I’ll be ignoring your advice. Love you! Mean it! So over the past few weeks, we’ve started going out to dinner on Wednesday evenings, she and I, and in the course of said dinners we’ve discussed her plans and you know, she’s a smart kid and she seems to have some fairly solid plans going on. My mother’s concern is that (1) The spud will go to Rhode Island and never attend/ drop out of college and (2) go on a spending spree with the college money. I was a little worried she’d go to Rhode Island and decide not to go to college or drop out too, but I’ve asked her several times in very subtle ways (“You’re not going to go to Rhode Island and NOT GO TO COLLEGE, ARE YOU?!”) and she’s promised me (I made her promise, but didn’t insist on a pinkie swear) that she will, indeed, go to college. Plus, her father and stepmother obviously want to see the child get a good education, so I’m sure they’ll encourage her to go. As for the money – like I’d turn over thousands of dollars in college money to an 18 year-old so she could spend 83 hours doing nothing but playing Snood? (Shaddup. I’m not 18 anymore. I can quit whenever I want. I can! Just one more game!) No, the college money will be going directly to the college to pay for the courses the spud will be taking – that’s what it’s for, to pay for tuition, not to pay for party time (not that I’m all that concerned that she’d be wanting to fund a Keg! For! Everyone!, really) or a case of Ramen noodles. That’s what we told her when she first started asking about college, that we would pay for state-level tuition (if she wants to go to Harvard, she’s on her own) and she’d be responsible for her living costs and books. I think that’s fair, and you might not, but that’s okay, you don’t have to agree. You get to do what you like with your own kids, and I promise I won’t try to tell you a better way to do it.
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Settling in for the night. That’s Fricasee on the right, Flappy McGee on the left, and one of the Buff Orpingtons in the middle.
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Previously 2006: I am absolutely the last person on Earth you want in the vicinity if there’s an emergency. 2005: Questions answered. 2004: I am absolutely stunned that… I frankly couldn’t give less of a shit. 2003: No entry. 2002: No entry. 2001: I have to wonder, what the hell do all you skinny people do? 2000: Yes, this is a lame, short entry, but since y’all love me, you’ll be back. Right?]]>